spanking - punishment v play.

spanking - punishment v play. (Full Version)

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lally2 -> spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 3:53:23 AM)
there is a huge difference between punishment and play - building up sensations and headspace in S&m play is a skill i think, that as a sub, having been on the receiving end i can describe from my side, but i cant capably describe how to get a sub to that place myself its all about reading the subs reactions, judging their breathing, knowing when to slow up, when to start building the sensations up again. ive been asked to describe this, but i think that it would come better from a Dominant who knows what theyre doing. maybe describe how they get their sub into that settled, satiated, happy place. bearing in mind that this advice would be going to people who are new to all of this and the sub is trying to reach a pain threshold where she is reaching catharsis. thanks.

DesFIP -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 5:41:37 AM)
The major difference is the headspace. If you're told he's angry with you, disappointed in you, etc then you aren't going to be in a good place. Even if he did the same things as when you're excited about play, you still aren't going to enjoy it. You'll be tense and not aroused. Beyond that, are you saying the only way to reach catharsis is when being punished? Because that's not true. I've never been spanked till I cried in punishment but I imagine those tears could be from the sheer physical pain and not an outpouring of emotion. The only times I have hit a catharsis was during play, when I felt safe and loved enough to relax and open up. I personally couldn't do that if I knew he was angry with me.

DarkSteven -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 7:08:11 AM)
Punishment spanking - no warmup, scolding and putting her in the proper headspace, frequently corner time, short (1 - 5 minutes), and very hard. Followed by a hug and forgiveness. Play - warmup, no scolding, no corner time, gradual buildup, long (5-20 minutes). Followed by whoopee. [:)]

sirsholly -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 7:19:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Punishment spanking - no warmup, scolding and putting her in the proper headspace, frequently corner time, short (1 - 5 minutes), and very hard. Followed by a hug and forgiveness. Play - warmup, no scolding, no corner time, gradual buildup, long (5-20 minutes). Followed by whoopee. [:)] Wa? No whoopee after the punishment? I WANT MAKE-UP SEX, DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LeatherBentOne -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 7:42:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 there is a huge difference between punishment and play - building up sensations and headspace in S&m play is a skill i think, that as a sub, having been on the receiving end i can describe from my side, but i cant capably describe how to get a sub to that place myself its all about reading the subs reactions, judging their breathing, knowing when to slow up, when to start building the sensations up again. ive been asked to describe this, but i think that it would come better from a Dominant who knows what theyre doing. maybe describe how they get their sub into that settled, satiated, happy place. bearing in mind that this advice would be going to people who are new to all of this and the sub is trying to reach a pain threshold where she is reaching catharsis. thanks. Verbally and physically give a new sub the shadow of what may come. This way he/she will anticipate what you may do to them, how it may feel. Start with sensual play, slowly tantillizing all 5 senses. I helps if you ask the sub to close their eyes, so they wont be distracted. I recommend a silent roomfor this. Move slowly. Give the sub a taste of things to come, but only if you see him/her worthy, and tell them this stipulation. I always like to leave a sub with a preview of what's to come. Just a preview, though. Not the whole ball of wax. Slow and calculating always works for me. Sometimes, it can take days for me to put together a scene because there are messages I want to leave the sub with that words, only, cannot describe. Good Luck, LBO

chellekitty -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 7:44:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LeatherBentOne Start with sensual play, slowly tantillizing all 5 senses. I helps if you ask the sub to close their eyes, so they wont be distracted. wouldn't that make it 4 out of 5 senses?

Mercnbeth -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 8:39:21 AM)
~ Fast Swat ~ Punishment v. Play? What about 'maintenance, or even a relaxing, sleep inducing spanking? Happened just the other night. We were lying down late Friday night relaxing and beth's wonderful, perfect, begging for a spanking, ass, was right there naked next to me, just in the right place for my hand to spank and rub. Nothing intended, no agenda, no toys, just a nice hand rubbing, spanking, and squeezing going on generating intermittent soft moans, a bit of anticipatory wiggling, punctuating the evening with sounds of hand against flesh - squeaks completing the sound equivalent of the relaxing image of sitting on a rocking chair while watching TV. It had to be at least 1/2 hour into whatever I was watching when TIVO caught up and I was faced with the choice of watching a commercial (a crime in our house) or getting up, I got up, figuring I'd go get a drink - and ask beth if she wanted anything. (Yes - Having the authority and ability to have a 'slave' get it for you does not mean you abdicate standard common courtesy on occasion.) Well - guess what? beth was out - asleep! her upturned ass tinged pink and warm lying beside me. I had effectively spanked her to sleep. What a talent huh? I thought it was cute. Considered for a sadistic moment to reach over into the night stand and bring out 'Wyld's - 'Master I think I shit myself paddle!' and use it as a wake up call; but instead went and got my drink - turned off the TV, put my arms around her, in a horizontal version of our avatar picture, and joined her in dreamland, spooning against her still warm ass. Both of us in our 'happy place'. Anyway, spanking or any touch, can be used to accomplish generating any emotion. Waking up the next morning we enjoyed and laughed at how 'comforting' it was for her. I think after all these years the need for punishment in our relationship would be more traumatic to me than any potential punishment. There is no pre cognitive plan when we play. We do so whenever the opportunity presents itself; often. I don't plan beth's 'head-space' and she has no influence over mine. Sometimes spanking is full of intense toy generated sensation, raw passion and sex, sometimes it's a lullaby. What's more 'fun'? Let's see - bacon wrapped filet mignon, porterhouse, or NY strip, white or dark chocolate mousse? Faced with decisions like that - we usually choose both and share.

Andalusite -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 8:40:00 AM)
Celeste, I did get aroused during punishment once, in spite of feeling bad emotionally that he was disappointed in me. It messed with my being able to enjoy regular non-punishment scenes for a week or two afterward, because I felt so strongly that I wasn't supposed to respond that way, and felt guilty and upset about it.

takemeforyourown -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 8:44:04 AM)
It's just play for me. I don't get punished in my vanilla marriage. (Maybe that's why I'm so recalcitrant).

ReginaMirus -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 8:50:03 AM)
Yeah. I don't use "funishment" at all to actually punish anyone. I don't really care WTH "headspace" they're in. If they're to be actually PUNISHED, they'll get ignored. Perhaps permanently.

lally2 -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 9:44:08 AM)
guys, thanks alot. i know i mentioned punishment but its not what im hoping we can talk about here. seems to me alot of newbie couples use punishment as the gateway into spanking and not surprisingly find it less than satsifying. im hoping this thread can help a couple move away from the punishment crappola and into some genuine fulfilling recreational spanking. thanks again.

lally2 -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 9:52:27 AM)
being relaxed is the thing. moving away from the punishment mindframe will make it totally different and it may even feel a bit awkward (kinky even [:)]) because theres no 'reason' for it, except just to enjoy each other and to bring her to a point of feeling settled and sorted. maybe he should make a plan and maybe there should be a setting of the mood too - i suggested that she kneel at his feet and ask to be spanked, it would put her straight into the submissive feel of it. anyhoo, looking forward to some more shared ideas/moments. thanks merc and beth for sharing that cute little moment there. x

Smutmonger -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 10:03:37 AM)
I use a lot of energy methods in sensation play. I expect anyone doing it with me to at least attempt to can her inbred inibition programming-since my only real reward for doing it is reactions. If you piss me off-I don't call you.

LadyPact -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 11:00:41 AM)
I'd try to help you, lally, but I'm not sure if I can. So much of this varies from person to person. Add to that how much it can change depending on a person's mental/emotional state. Things like how much stress they are dealing with, so on and so forth. You can do the very same activity to two different people and get a different result. Heck, you can do the very same activity to the same person at different times and get a different result. Not very helpful there, I know. Since clip is a masochist, it's very easy to take him to his happy place through various methods of pain. He does respond better with warm ups. Also, he does better with other activities combined into scenes if he's a bit floaty from corporal pain first. (Needles are a very good example for him with this. It works out so much better for him if I've beat him for a while first before sticking him.) Things like wax or cupping soothe him and put him immediately in a peaceful state.

lally2 -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 12:01:45 PM)
thanks LP, i know it is difficult, we have to assume that she's feeling sub and he's feeling in control, then we have to get them in the right frame of mind from afar. ok. i dont know what techniques you use to get that thuddy spank as apposed to the stingy spank, im facing the other way obviously, i just get the sensation. so what do you do with youre hand to get the thud and the sting, stroking after each stroke to smooth it away before the next one as you warm the bum up for harder strikes. im just thinking if she gets the thuddy type so that it goes through her more physically, not much pain, but a deeper vibration, the heat from thuds is less likely to get her to a pain limit before they even start. ive suggested he play with her cunt, get her really horny too, without an O, because being horny means you can take more and shell have her mind on that too. i dont know, i guess they just have to explore together -

TreasureKY -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 12:36:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 maybe he should make a plan and maybe there should be a setting of the mood too - i suggested that she kneel at his feet and ask to be spanked, it would put her straight into the submissive feel of it. I think it really depends on the people involved. First, Firm and I don't have a punishment dynamic and I don't get spanked... for fun or any other reason. That being said, if I wanted one, I still wouldn't ask. To do so would completely ruin any enjoyment for me. Begging or asking doesn't make me submissive or make me feel submissive. It makes me an annoyance... the same as if I'd asked him to go get me a drink or bring me my book. I see it as a "do me" thing. For me, a spanking would serve to make me feel submissive in a good way only if he just up and decided to give me one. Not because I asked... not because I deserve it... but just because he really wants to, he would enjoy it, and he has that right in our relationship. A sort of demonstration of dominance thing. lol... Of course, while I enjoy "stronger" sensations, because I'm not a masochist, it'd help my enjoyment if it wasn't too hard. [;)] Edited to add: Oh, I agree... and not the stingy kind, either. Yikes!

DesFIP -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 2:38:58 PM)
Cupping his hand makes it more stingy. Keeping it flat is more thuddy. Hairbrushes are heavy and flat, thuddy. Thin things like paint stirrers tend to bounce up and are more stingy. Thud is good, stingy is bad. And wax is just heavenly.

PrimalConsonance -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 4:29:57 PM)
We don't have punishment, so spanking in our relationship is always for some other reason. Play, asserting his Dominance, or just 'cause he wants to. He is extremely attentive to my reactions, breathing, the sounds I make, body temperature, as well as checking in with me verbally from time to time. It's action and reaction, a dance with him leading me somewhere he wants me to go. He's extremely controlled. Recently after what I considered to be a pretty hard flogging, I asked him on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being barely tapping me and 10 being whaling on me with all he's got, where that flogging rated? He shrugged and said, "About a 4." My eyes got really wide and he laughed. I did make a mental note never to utter the words "Is that all ya got, pussy?" in his presence.

SirRussellP -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 4:33:18 PM)
First, I rarely use punishment I have found that corrections work much better and keep the physical for fun. I did develop what I call Pleasure Spankings and most seem to love them. Here is a rough draft of an article that was published on it. First a pleasure spanking can be done in many positions and I suppose with many variations of pleasure being applied. I love this form of pain / pleasure mixture as a way to ease a new submissive into understanding how the endorphin rush converts what normally is sensed as pain into intense pleasure. I personally insist on the submissive/slave wearing cuffs, this allows you to choose different levels of bondage for the submissive/slave to fit the Dominant’s mood and style. Now you come to selecting what the Dominant will sit on, remember the best spankings are done over the knee and with the pleasure spanking I believe that you need that kind of physical contact with your submissive/slave. In my opinion the best spankings are done on a high stool so that the submissive/slave’s legs either dangle of just touch the floor. The truth though is that any way the submissive is over your knee will work from chair to bed. My way of doing this is simple I place myself in a seated position with my left arm lying across my lap. I then place the submissive/slave over my knee so that my left hand is touching her clit and pussy my elbow is touching her breast. The Dominate may choose to have her tied or chained into position or left free. Funny thing is that I prefer her to be free because going over my knee willingly is one of the best signs of submission. The newer the submissive/slave is to the life the more warm up time I spend with right hand massaging the checks as the left hand teases the clit and pussy. When the submissive/slave is beginning to get into it I start the first spank. Once again the more experienced submissive/slave is the less time is needed to get her aroused. I have had submissive/slaves that got excited over the spanks so that we started with them and then added the clit, pussy teasing. No matter where you are in this progression the arousal factor will add to this experience for you both. Some variations on this are with plugs and/or vibrators inserted and running. Another is my favorite taking breaks while spanking to use the right hand to tease her anus this can be done with or without actual entry of a finger. I have to tell you that once her ass is glowing red I love to insert a finger lubed with her own juices. No matter how you play this out when she is cumming I smack harder to cement the relationship of the intense pleasure with the spank. If she begins to climax with your finger in her remove it so that she gets the benefit of the spank as she climaxes. Also remember that during the spanking and anal play the right hand should be massaging her checks. This varying of sensations does much to blur the distinction of pain and pleasure. Also it extends the time the spanking takes. Last thing on this subject is that there is no limit to the number of climaxes she can have this way. I use this as a form of reward and not for punishment. Don’t be surprised when she asks for that type of spanking. Also I insist on her only cumming with my permission allowing and teaching her the fine art of begging.

DesFIP -> RE: spanking - punishment v play. (4/13/2010 6:43:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrimalConsonance We don't have punishment, so spanking in our relationship is always for some other reason. Play, asserting his Dominance, or just 'cause he wants to. He is extremely attentive to my reactions, breathing, the sounds I make, body temperature, as well as checking in with me verbally from time to time. It's action and reaction, a dance with him leading me somewhere he wants me to go. He's extremely controlled. Recently after what I considered to be a pretty hard flogging, I asked him on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being barely tapping me and 10 being whaling on me with all he's got, where that flogging rated? He shrugged and said, "About a 4." My eyes got really wide and he laughed. I did make a mental note never to utter the words "Is that all ya got, pussy?" in his presence. Reminds me of when I asked him to demonstrate how hard he could spank. He gave me one, just one, that made me leap into the air. And then said that was about half strength. I have never asked him to demonstrate again.

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