RE: My sub doesn't like BDSM anymore

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RE: My sub doesn't like BDSM anymore - 4/9/2010 5:17:01 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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You don't trust her. She may be as innocent as the driven snow but she can sense that you distrust her. How can you expect her to be willing to let you hurt her when she knows you think she's doing something wrong and she feels afraid that you'll take out your anger on her during play? She can't

End it before you do hurt her. And don't get into any other relationship until you've learned how to communicate. Without any reason to think so you have become convinced that she's cheating. Doesn't matter what she says because you still won't believe her.

Let her go find someone who knows how to talk problems out and doesn't become irrationally convinced of things with zero factual basis. Or is there any reason, because you imply there isn't.

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RE: My sub doesn't like BDSM anymore - 4/9/2010 6:25:07 AM

bondmaid123

Posts: 143
Joined: 6/6/2009
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OP, if you're still following this thread...

When you say she "doesn't want to do it anymore" what do you mean by that? Does she not want to participate in the play styles? Not want to be submissive to you? These are two very distinct things.

I know that for myself, I struggle with communication (I was married for 18 years to a man who would simply NOT SPEAK for months at a time, sometimes... especially if there was something serious we needed to talk about, re: parenting or household or whatever.... it was maddening and has fucked up my communication skills in the extreme). So now, with the man I'm with now, I sometimes have a really hard time expressing things that are bothering me (or even things that are ~important to me~), and then I feel resentful, and frankly, it can be easier to just back away rather than muster up the energy to barrel through the mountain of panic/frustration/anger/etc that's built up (yes... I'm working on this.. lol).

I'm not saying she can't talk to you, but there are a LOT of reasons BESIDES infidelity that could be leading to this.... and it could be as simple as she's bored out of her skull with the play stuff and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. (sometimes we s-types have trouble with that.. lol)

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RE: My sub doesn't like BDSM anymore - 4/9/2010 8:51:07 AM

RuffneckandHis

Posts: 15
Joined: 3/15/2010
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It happened to me for a while. I was still Master's slave but I just wasn't feeling it, didn't enjoy serving anymore and really felt a bit resentful about it at times. I don't know why it happened and I don't know how I snapped out of it but at some point I did get my desire to serve back and my passion for the lifestyle is more intense now than ever. I came back stronger in my submission and servitude so maybe I just needed that time and space to let it all sink in ..in a way.

Judging solely by your op, I would think that maybe it just isn't for her since I believe you stated she was new to it and was sort of exploring it, no?

I wish you the best.

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