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Jewish funeral - 3/21/2010 1:20:39 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		A dear friend lost her 20 month daughter Saturday.  It was after a valiant fight that the baby fought to live, in spite of many problems since birth.

She is Jewish, and I am not.  I have googled and have a basic idea of what will happen, but anyone here that could offer tips would be appreciated.

They attend a reformed jewish temple, and I know my friend will care more that I am there than about my knowledge of customs, but I would like to be able to somewhat know what to expect.

Thanks, and hug ya loved ones....life is truly short.

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/21/2010 1:58:50 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I'm not sure about "reformed", but my general understanding is that the Jewish faith views death as a natural process and there are a few customs that are typically observed...

Burial usually takes place before sundown the day following death.

Someone will sit vigil with the body until burial.

No measures are taken to preserve the body in its existing state... in other words, no embalming, no water-proof casket, no concrete vault.  Nothing done to prevent or delay the natural "dust to dust" process.

Aside from that, I'm not sure what else you might need to know.  A friend has lost her baby and is grieving.  

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/21/2010 3:37:44 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		yeah, I found all that out googling.  and I know just being there will be enough.  I guess I feel so helpless to comfort her, I hope the fact that I tried to learn when to say amen and such will let her know a small bit more how much I love her...

if that makes sense at all.....this day has been a fog for me, and I can not even begin to try to imagine what it has been for her....

thanks for the reply.

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/21/2010 5:00:27 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		I'm not sure about reform, but Middle Eastern jews do not wear suits for funerals and they do not wear all black-it's seen as a mark of disrespect for the dead if you concentrate on your own appearance. Wear muted colours.

In my experience they explain what's happening as they go along-there will be prayers in a prayer-house and then a procession to the grave, and then more prayers at the graveside.

There might be a fountain to wash your hands at the end-again I'm not sure as I've never been to a reform funeral.


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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/21/2010 5:33:50 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		http://www.google.com/search?q=no%20embalming  interesting - that I presumed that was a legal must.  But my mistake.

My condolences to the loved ones.  :-(

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/21/2010 6:33:14 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Burial as close to within 24 hours as they can. They will sit shiva, in mourning, at home some time during the following week. It is a kind thing to ask when, and go to visit then. 

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/21/2010 6:40:50 PM   
intenze


Posts: 2176
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		my understanding, from my Jewish in-laws, is that flowers are not usually sent. Instead, bring fruit or something when they sit shiva.

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/21/2010 6:55:47 PM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Having just made a shivah call (condolence call) to a Conservative Jewish family, I can tell you that it's nice to bring something to eat that is easy to portion out.  If the family is sitting shiva for a week, it's providing them with something convenient to help serve visitors.  If they keep kosher, you can bring fruit; pre-made baked goods that are kosher will be marked on the box.  Some families will designate a time to visit, others may receive visitors all day.  When I visited, the family had the most visitors after dinner, and the Rabbi lead a short service in the living room.  All you'd have to do is stand when everyone else does; there's nothing you're going to do wrong.

Just visiting with your friends will be a comfort. It's considered a great mitzvah (good deed) to make a shivah call to the mourning.

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/21/2010 8:57:59 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		my condolences to your friend... 

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/22/2010 5:59:21 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		thanks yall.....i went to work and got bfast done, now were meeting to head that way....

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/22/2010 6:02:57 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		pretty much bring a scarf for your head, put it around your neck though (don't know much about reformed jews, dont know what they been reformed from....you never know, but the folks there will be extremely tolerant of a goy and will guide you thru it if necessary, think of it like any funeral, and a pebble or a quarter is good, like schindlers list, or a stone for danny fischer it is a mark that you were there and remembered.

Ron

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/22/2010 10:28:14 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		home and drained, but it was one of the sweetest services I have ever attended.  Even not understanding what the cantor? was chanting, it was soothing.  It was cloudy and then sunny and then it snowed, this cycle happened throughout the morning, and the rabbi used it to remind us that we are in the darkness of sorrow now, but tomorrow will bring the sun again.

i was especially honored to be asked to help shovel the dirt....i really think us baptists should do that, cause in my family we always piss the gravediggers off cause we wont leave til the jobs done.

life can  be short, and i am glad to have known this lil angel.....i am now going to nap and hopefully get some rest that has evaded me since saturday so that i can go visit the family this evening and hopefully bring a bit of comfort to them...

and yes, the rabbi did explain everything to us "goys"...he was quite a character in fact and made us smile a time or 2 in site of our pain...

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/22/2010 11:50:36 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I had to google the word "goy".

I was not sure if that is supposed to be an insult or not.  Probably not.   My thinking is that not knowing a custom is not the same as purposely being boarish -going against it.   Protesting a funeral comes to mind- like that stupid phelps does.

Time spent is the most precious thing you can give someone.

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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/22/2010 11:59:24 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		boorish is what you are looking for, you probably don't want to do boarish where Jews sit Shivah.

Goy is not (usually) meant as a perjorative, although it can be.

It just meant orignally 'a people', and now is used to mean 'a people that are not jews'.



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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Jewish funeral - 3/22/2010 12:45:24 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Thanks.   :-)

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