RE: Neediness & Withdrawl

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RE: Neediness & Withdrawl - 3/21/2010 6:46:10 AM

SecretSin

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/7/2010
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Hawkwindblues -

When I first began reading these forums posts, I was amazed at how many posters were able to see different perspectives within an OP's own words.

I had noticed that some people complained the responses had a tilted view because of personal experiences. But, to me, it is an incredible thing to be able to absorb viewpoints through different eyes from different experiences.

Not all things will resonate but each and every contributor has something to offer...from the profound to the light-hearted joke to the slap upside of the head (ala Moonstruck) saying "Snap out of it".

Each response has shed light on aspects of me that either I suppressed, denied or refused to acknowledge...and their perspective was all reached through my own words and how they read it. I'm more amazed now then I was before as they touched on issues so personal to me. I agree that these forums are a good tool!

I made the call to him last night asking if we could met for dinner tonight. There was no hesitation but an enthusiastic yes to my request! To be honest, I still don't know exactly what I will say.

As SimplyMichael stated, this neediness is a symptom. I am going tonight to open myself up to him and allow that vulnerability to present itself. No predetermined little box, like lizi and jujubeeMB wrote, but just out there on the table.

For me the hardest part is starting the conversation. So without a clue on how to say these things I'm feeling, I plan to print out this forum thread and show him. I think it can help me break the ice to start the discussion.

I have some work to do on my own also as so many on this thread gave me the advice of mediation, Yoga, subdrop self help suggestions. I'm nervous but I feel positive towards the possibilities.

Thank you for the kind words and positive feedback. You have all been so helpful to me, maybe more than any of you realized. You all have my sincerest gratitude.

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RE: Neediness & Withdrawl - 3/21/2010 6:51:16 AM

SecretSin

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/7/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

I'd like to put you in front of a mirror and ask you if you believe you, because I don't.

AQuietSimpleMan -

There is nothing to forgive as everything you wrote touched a very valid point.

But what I quoted from you above, sums it all up.

When I posted here, I knew that there would be a mirror held up to my own words for me to see. It is why I came here because the mirror I held in my own hands was so damn foggy, I could no longer see things.

I spent my day yesterday getting real with myself after posting this here and trying very hard to clean my own mirror.

My dominant and I started this relationship with certain expectations and anticipation of exciting new discoveries. It's been 5 years and on the face of it, everything worked beautifully. But it goes back to that saying "Why fix something that isn't broken".

The reality is that it isn't broken, just changing as so many wrote on this thread, but it's also about acknowledgment of what I was feeling (again what many wrote here).

I want to put my all in this relationship with him. I hope this step will take us through many more years of the happiness we shared in these first 5 years. No roles, no superheros but just two people enjoying life and sharing it with each other.

Thank you for your honesty and holding up a mirror for me. (I love that analogy, by the way!)

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Post #: 22

RE: Neediness & Withdrawl - 3/21/2010 8:09:51 AM

wisdomtogive

Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
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Hello SecretSin

I want to take a moment out to tell you how awwwww I am with your postings in your thread. Words typed can easily be thrown out the door, and our reactions unexplored. You though are exploring all your reactions..wow!!

I use to hold myself proud for being a tough girl. Vulnerability would not be expressed in ways of my needs, let alone my wants. Though submissive at heart, it would not be something I would begin to willingly explore until my mid 50's. Now turning 59 in two weeks, all i can state is that this has been a mind-openning journey for me. Falsehoods that my pride demanded on me had to be released for me to let the true me out. It still is a growing process, and that is good.

Pride to me was what i served for a long time. My pride never had my best interests at heart.

blessings
wisdom

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Happily owned by MstrDark1

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RE: Neediness & Withdrawl - 3/21/2010 8:10:42 AM

Hawkwindblues

Posts: 183
Joined: 6/26/2009
From: Berlin, Germany
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I am sure that the text was not a reply to my post.

_____________________________

After 10 years with the handle ZenDragoness it is time for a change.

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RE: Neediness & Withdrawl - 3/21/2010 8:49:49 AM

bighappygoth39

Posts: 633
Joined: 10/7/2009
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I'd just like to add to what I put before that it's not always possible to just call your partner up and ask for a meeting and a coffee or just a hug, sometimes theres a distance or they work, etc so it's just not possible to see them everyday. Of course the ideal would be to be with them everyday but with my relationship I just look forward to the day when we can be together in a live-in situation, but for us it's just not really possible at the moment, and not because either of us are married, but because we have responsibilites to uphold. If you believe in the relationship fully then you will both hold on to the fact that it won't always be like that and stay positive that eventually you will have more time together. :)

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Post #: 25