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RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 12:54:10 PM   
HisSub1213


Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline 		Its perfectly acceptable to tell that Dom/Master you just met online "No, I will not (Fill in the blank)". Untill you enter into some kind of a relationship with them, you owe them Nothing and you don't have to submit to anyone you're not comfortable with.

Just because someone has Master, Mistress, Sir, Madame, etc. in front of his/her name it doesn't mean they ARE one.

_____________________________

HisSub1213

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)

Fear is the mother of morality. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 1:04:33 PM   
mystickoolaid


Posts: 519
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

People who are into BDSM are not more honest, happier, more loving, more caring, deeper, have stronger relationships, more trustworthy, faster, stronger, or more of anything than any other group of people.  There are BDSM people who will give you the shirt off their backs as well as those who would steal that  shirt off you back.  


We ARE however (generally speaking, and from my experience, at least) kinkier and more into pain (giving, receiving, or both!)

And that's what makes us more fun! (Joking here... although most of the BDSM type people I have met have been a lot more open-minded and laid-back than the "vanilla world" overall... but that is only my experience so I imagine there are lots of different views on that one!)

< Message edited by mystickoolaid -- 3/19/2010 1:05:18 PM >

(in reply to peppermint)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 1:07:47 PM   
mystickoolaid


Posts: 519
Joined: 11/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSub1213

Its perfectly acceptable to tell that Dom/Master you just met online "No, I will not (Fill in the blank)". Untill you enter into some kind of a relationship with them, you owe them Nothing and you don't have to submit to anyone you're not comfortable with.

Just because someone has Master, Mistress, Sir, Madame, etc. in front of his/her name it doesn't mean they ARE one.


This. Just because someone demands respect and trust does not mean that it should be given automatically and without question. This goes for ANYONE... in the BDSM scene or otherwise.

< Message edited by mystickoolaid -- 3/19/2010 1:33:48 PM >

(in reply to HisSub1213)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 1:33:20 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		As an s type you belong to no one until you decide that you do. Don't let anyone rush you into a decision because they want to put you aside before someone else gets to you- it's on your timetable if you choose to submit to someone or not.
I let people know from the first communication or so that I was also in contact with several others and would be until I had made my decision of where I wanted to be.

(in reply to FelineFae)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 2:52:53 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		If it stinks like BS, it probably is.
And
How the hell do you know if this one or that is special until you have gotten passed that time of rose colored glasses?

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 3:05:09 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		If you haven't blown me you are a loser.

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 3:24:07 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

What advice could you give someone with an interest of BDSM that others might not think to include ?



You're not a freak.


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to FelineFae)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 5:15:54 PM   
sweetboundesire


Posts: 285
Joined: 10/29/2009
Status: offline 		people can only take advantage of you if you allow them to.

when you cannot make up your mind, trust your gut

_____________________________

and every broken line seems to have a particular design~
and the universe can only expand.
gotta pocket full of dreams and cash in my hand.
and i know, money ain't real...

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 6:12:29 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

Another thread got me thinking...

What advice could you give someone with an interest of BDSM that others might not think to include ?

Maybe you are holding a great pearl of wisdom that you just haven't the right oppertunity to share ?


Knowing where you are makes it alot easier to go where you want to go!

So I suggest know thy self first!

Not much of a pearl.. but best pop wisdom that I could find in my junk drawer!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to FelineFae)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 7:10:34 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		Both polarities of control and surrender exist within each person. The extent to which either manifests is a matter of degree. It is important to understand that the feeling arises within yourself, and is not given to you by another person.

Control is of one's self, which earns the respect of another.

Surrender is of the obstacles which impede sharing one's heart and soul.

(in reply to FelineFae)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 8:20:22 PM   
Voodali


Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		If horrific gas is NOT one of your kinks, avoid super tight corsets and beer.

(in reply to FelineFae)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 8:22:02 PM   
janigrey


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		my advice?
Despite all your feelings telling you otherwise - Your Master or Mistress. Dom or Domme is human - and will eventually make mistakes.

As you would want to be forgiven for yours - forgive them for theirs....


jani

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 10:27:31 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae

Another thread got me thinking...

What advice could you give someone with an interest of BDSM that others might not think to include ?

Maybe you are holding a great pearl of wisdom that you just haven't the right oppertunity to share ?


1. Use the spellcheck feature.  

(Yes, there is one, here. If you don't see it, you may be using firefox.)


2. Insist on a reciprocal relationship. One in which you get as much as you give. Mutual fulfillment,   mutual pleasure, and mutual self-actualization, or self-realization, are the goals.

3. Love is not magic, love will not overcome, and love will not find a way, etc. Sometimes love means letting go.

4. You are the author of your own life. You are the controller of your own thoughts, feelings, and deeds. If you don't like how something in your life is going, or if your thoughts, feelings or actions are troubling you: change it up. Don't wait. Change it now. Make plans, set goals, and work toward them. Take action to control your thoughts and feelings, and deeds, instead of letting them control you.

5. Being submissive doesn't mean your brain fell out your ear. Use it. If you're acting like you have low self-esteem, then you probably do. See #4.

6. You never really know someone until you've spent a sigificant amount of time, over time, actually in their presence. Not just a few days, or weeks. And not just on one or two separate occassions. A significant amount of time, over a significant period of time.

7. For a long-term relationship, seek someone with whom you are compatible in and out of the bedroom.

8. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

9. Don't take yourself too seriously, and don't expect perfection from yourself or your partner. Forgive them their honest mistakes, and be forgiving of (and expect forgiveness for) yours. Don't worry about the things you can't change. Focus on what you can do, and don't spend too much time worrying over that, either. Relax! You only live once. Keep your sense of humor. Explore, and have FUN!


All of the above applies to vanilla as well. That's all for now, thanks OP!



_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to FelineFae)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 10:51:55 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		you can never know what another person thinks about sex, kinky or otherwise, unless you ask them and/or do it with them.
Don't judge a lover just by his cover: the shyest of men can be the most fabulous, thoughtful lovers, and the most conservative can become the kinkiest.
You never know until you ask and try.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Free Advice - 3/19/2010 11:51:53 PM   
darquemind


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/12/2009
Status: offline 		Do not lose track of a woman's innermost need.  She does not want to be forced, she wants to be taken, and their is a world of difference.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Free Advice - 3/20/2010 5:05:14 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger
Never look at someone through rose colored glasses-it's an act of stupid masochism.


I agree.  But I will add, never look at someone through mud-encrusted glasses either.  By that I mean, don't let your past disapointments cloud your view of the future.  Let each person succeed or fail on their own merits.

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to Smutmonger)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Free Advice - 3/20/2010 7:01:44 AM   
DickSteel


Posts: 148
Joined: 3/20/2010
From: Man of Mystery & Intrigue
Status: offline 		Advice for noobs?

At the local dungeon, always remember the difference between a bedroom only submissive and a no limits slave is about 3-5 drinks.

When simulating necro-play, never take a laxative and the sleeping pills at the same time.

Know that those seeking “online play” are married in real life.

If your Dom/me is older and asks for the cane, don't reply “which one?”

Never fall in love with someone that is married, they cheat on their spouse.

No matter how nice a poly family is or how much positive propaganda you hear, there will always be the unavoidable impact of having more than one set of in-laws.

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Free Advice - 3/20/2010 9:44:16 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelineFae
Maybe you are holding a great pearl of wisdom that you just haven't the right oppertunity to share ?


This is about pleasure.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to FelineFae)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Free Advice - 3/20/2010 8:02:37 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DickSteel

No matter how nice a poly family is or how much positive propaganda you hear, there will always be the unavoidable impact of having more than one set of in-laws.


Mine are Nose in the Air Stick in the Ass
Hers are Hippie "I just don't Get it"

If anyone has one that is part of a Circus we are VERY interested in getting to know you.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to DickSteel)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Free Advice - 3/20/2010 9:42:00 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming
2. Insist on a reciprocal relationship. One in which you get as much as you give. Mutual fulfillment,   mutual pleasure, and mutual self-actualization, or self-realization, are the goals.

3. Love is not magic, love will not overcome, and love will not find a way, etc. Sometimes love means letting go.

4. You are the author of your own life. You are the controller of your own thoughts, feelings, and deeds. If you don't like how something in your life is going, or if your thoughts, feelings or actions are troubling you: change it up. Don't wait. Change it now. Make plans, set goals, and work toward them. Take action to control your thoughts and feelings, and deeds, instead of letting them control you.

5. Being submissive doesn't mean your brain fell out your ear. Use it. If you're acting like you have low self-esteem, then you probably do. See #4.

6. You never really know someone until you've spent a sigificant amount of time, over time, actually in their presence. Not just a few days, or weeks. And not just on one or two separate occassions. A significant amount of time, over a significant period of time.

7. For a long-term relationship, seek someone with whom you are compatible in and out of the bedroom.

8. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

9. Don't take yourself too seriously, and don't expect perfection from yourself or your partner. Forgive them their honest mistakes, and be forgiving of (and expect forgiveness for) yours. Don't worry about the things you can't change. Focus on what you can do, and don't spend too much time worrying over that, either. Relax! You only live once. Keep your sense of humor. Explore, and have FUN!


This is some brilliant stuff. I think you should email it to every new sub on CM

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)
Profile   Post #: 40
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