RE: Free Advice

RE: Free Advice (Full Version)

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HisSub1213 -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 12:54:10 PM)
Its perfectly acceptable to tell that Dom/Master you just met online "No, I will not (Fill in the blank)". Untill you enter into some kind of a relationship with them, you owe them Nothing and you don't have to submit to anyone you're not comfortable with. Just because someone has Master, Mistress, Sir, Madame, etc. in front of his/her name it doesn't mean they ARE one.

mystickoolaid -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 1:04:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: peppermint People who are into BDSM are not more honest, happier, more loving, more caring, deeper, have stronger relationships, more trustworthy, faster, stronger, or more of anything than any other group of people. There are BDSM people who will give you the shirt off their backs as well as those who would steal that shirt off you back. We ARE however (generally speaking, and from my experience, at least) kinkier and more into pain (giving, receiving, or both!) And that's what makes us more fun! (Joking here... although most of the BDSM type people I have met have been a lot more open-minded and laid-back than the "vanilla world" overall... but that is only my experience so I imagine there are lots of different views on that one!)

mystickoolaid -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 1:07:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisSub1213 Its perfectly acceptable to tell that Dom/Master you just met online "No, I will not (Fill in the blank)". Untill you enter into some kind of a relationship with them, you owe them Nothing and you don't have to submit to anyone you're not comfortable with. Just because someone has Master, Mistress, Sir, Madame, etc. in front of his/her name it doesn't mean they ARE one. This. Just because someone demands respect and trust does not mean that it should be given automatically and without question. This goes for ANYONE... in the BDSM scene or otherwise.

lizi -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 1:33:20 PM)
As an s type you belong to no one until you decide that you do. Don't let anyone rush you into a decision because they want to put you aside before someone else gets to you- it's on your timetable if you choose to submit to someone or not. I let people know from the first communication or so that I was also in contact with several others and would be until I had made my decision of where I wanted to be.

Missokyst -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 2:52:53 PM)
If it stinks like BS, it probably is. And How the hell do you know if this one or that is special until you have gotten passed that time of rose colored glasses?

domiguy -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 3:05:09 PM)
If you haven't blown me you are a loser.

Fitznicely -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 3:24:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelineFae What advice could you give someone with an interest of BDSM that others might not think to include ? You're not a freak.

sweetboundesire -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 5:15:54 PM)
people can only take advantage of you if you allow them to. when you cannot make up your mind, trust your gut

KnightofMists -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 6:12:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelineFae Another thread got me thinking... What advice could you give someone with an interest of BDSM that others might not think to include ? Maybe you are holding a great pearl of wisdom that you just haven't the right oppertunity to share ? Knowing where you are makes it alot easier to go where you want to go! So I suggest know thy self first! Not much of a pearl.. but best pop wisdom that I could find in my junk drawer!

aldompdx -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 7:10:34 PM)
Both polarities of control and surrender exist within each person. The extent to which either manifests is a matter of degree. It is important to understand that the feeling arises within yourself, and is not given to you by another person. Control is of one's self, which earns the respect of another. Surrender is of the obstacles which impede sharing one's heart and soul.

Voodali -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 8:20:22 PM)
If horrific gas is NOT one of your kinks, avoid super tight corsets and beer.

janigrey -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 8:22:02 PM)
my advice? Despite all your feelings telling you otherwise - Your Master or Mistress. Dom or Domme is human - and will eventually make mistakes. As you would want to be forgiven for yours - forgive them for theirs.... jani

dreamerdreaming -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 10:27:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelineFae Another thread got me thinking... What advice could you give someone with an interest of BDSM that others might not think to include ? Maybe you are holding a great pearl of wisdom that you just haven't the right oppertunity to share ? 1. Use the spellcheck feature. [:D] (Yes, there is one, here. If you don't see it, you may be using firefox.) 2. Insist on a reciprocal relationship. One in which you get as much as you give. Mutual fulfillment, mutual pleasure, and mutual self-actualization, or self-realization, are the goals. 3. Love is not magic, love will not overcome, and love will not find a way, etc. Sometimes love means letting go. 4. You are the author of your own life. You are the controller of your own thoughts, feelings, and deeds. If you don't like how something in your life is going, or if your thoughts, feelings or actions are troubling you: change it up. Don't wait. Change it now. Make plans, set goals, and work toward them. Take action to control your thoughts and feelings, and deeds, instead of letting them control you. 5. Being submissive doesn't mean your brain fell out your ear. Use it. If you're acting like you have low self-esteem, then you probably do. See #4. 6. You never really know someone until you've spent a sigificant amount of time, over time, actually in their presence. Not just a few days, or weeks. And not just on one or two separate occassions. A significant amount of time, over a significant period of time. 7. For a long-term relationship, seek someone with whom you are compatible in and out of the bedroom. 8. Communicate, communicate, communicate. 9. Don't take yourself too seriously, and don't expect perfection from yourself or your partner. Forgive them their honest mistakes, and be forgiving of (and expect forgiveness for) yours. Don't worry about the things you can't change. Focus on what you can do, and don't spend too much time worrying over that, either. Relax! You only live once. Keep your sense of humor. Explore, and have FUN! All of the above applies to vanilla as well. That's all for now, thanks OP!

Tantriqu -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 10:51:55 PM)
you can never know what another person thinks about sex, kinky or otherwise, unless you ask them and/or do it with them. Don't judge a lover just by his cover: the shyest of men can be the most fabulous, thoughtful lovers, and the most conservative can become the kinkiest. You never know until you ask and try.

darquemind -> RE: Free Advice (3/19/2010 11:51:53 PM)
Do not lose track of a woman's innermost need. She does not want to be forced, she wants to be taken, and their is a world of difference.

eyesopened -> RE: Free Advice (3/20/2010 5:05:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Smutmonger Never look at someone through rose colored glasses-it's an act of stupid masochism. I agree. But I will add, never look at someone through mud-encrusted glasses either. By that I mean, don't let your past disapointments cloud your view of the future. Let each person succeed or fail on their own merits.

DickSteel -> RE: Free Advice (3/20/2010 7:01:44 AM)
Advice for noobs? At the local dungeon, always remember the difference between a bedroom only submissive and a no limits slave is about 3-5 drinks. When simulating necro-play, never take a laxative and the sleeping pills at the same time. Know that those seeking “online play” are married in real life. If your Dom/me is older and asks for the cane, don't reply “which one?” Never fall in love with someone that is married, they cheat on their spouse. No matter how nice a poly family is or how much positive propaganda you hear, there will always be the unavoidable impact of having more than one set of in-laws.

LadyAngelika -> RE: Free Advice (3/20/2010 9:44:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelineFae Maybe you are holding a great pearl of wisdom that you just haven't the right oppertunity to share ? This is about pleasure. - LA

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Free Advice (3/20/2010 8:02:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DickSteel No matter how nice a poly family is or how much positive propaganda you hear, there will always be the unavoidable impact of having more than one set of in-laws. Mine are Nose in the Air Stick in the Ass Hers are Hippie "I just don't Get it" If anyone has one that is part of a Circus we are VERY interested in getting to know you. QSM

jujubeeMB -> RE: Free Advice (3/20/2010 9:42:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming 2. Insist on a reciprocal relationship. One in which you get as much as you give. Mutual fulfillment, mutual pleasure, and mutual self-actualization, or self-realization, are the goals. 3. Love is not magic, love will not overcome, and love will not find a way, etc. Sometimes love means letting go. 4. You are the author of your own life. You are the controller of your own thoughts, feelings, and deeds. If you don't like how something in your life is going, or if your thoughts, feelings or actions are troubling you: change it up. Don't wait. Change it now. Make plans, set goals, and work toward them. Take action to control your thoughts and feelings, and deeds, instead of letting them control you. 5. Being submissive doesn't mean your brain fell out your ear. Use it. If you're acting like you have low self-esteem, then you probably do. See #4. 6. You never really know someone until you've spent a sigificant amount of time, over time, actually in their presence. Not just a few days, or weeks. And not just on one or two separate occassions. A significant amount of time, over a significant period of time. 7. For a long-term relationship, seek someone with whom you are compatible in and out of the bedroom. 8. Communicate, communicate, communicate. 9. Don't take yourself too seriously, and don't expect perfection from yourself or your partner. Forgive them their honest mistakes, and be forgiving of (and expect forgiveness for) yours. Don't worry about the things you can't change. Focus on what you can do, and don't spend too much time worrying over that, either. Relax! You only live once. Keep your sense of humor. Explore, and have FUN! This is some brilliant stuff. I think you should email it to every new sub on CM [:)]

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