RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub?

RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (Full Version)

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stella41b -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 12:43:55 PM)
I personally think you need to sit down and work out whether you actually want a D/s relationship or you're just happy playing games, which appears to be what you're doing. There's nothing wrong with that if you're happy to just faff about playing the sub for a bit of amusement, but don't start crying if doms don't take you seriously or play the same game. This isn't exactly rocket science. This BDSM thing is just like real life, it starts with your attitude. If you want to be taken seriously by a dom, then you're going to have to start treating them seriously too. But before this you need to start treating yourself seriously as well. It's also no different from real life, where you have to get to know someone and communicate with them to find a satisfactory relationship. There is no 'should', only 'need', 'desire' and 'want' and nobody else is responsible for communicating those things to someone else than you. You can also generally improve things by adding 'offer' to things you seek to communicate with potential doms.

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 3:07:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 How much "time" should a Master/Dom put into his sub? At least 6-inches... though 10-inches would be ideal... "time" and "time" and "time" again. [;)][:D] OR quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? Depends on the size of the CLOCK and how "loose" she is, I suppose? QUICK TIP... date the ones who are best-fitted for a wrist watch instead of a Grandfather Clock!!! [;)][:D]

mnottertail -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 3:09:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 How much "time" should a Master/Dom put into his sub? At least 6-inches... though 10-inches would be ideal... "time" and "time" and "time" again. [;)][:D] I would say that when shes gobbling his knob he should be present enough that he wouldnt be talking to his other girlfriend for at least that period of time. Ron

MasterSlaveLA -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 3:12:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail quote: ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 How much "time" should a Master/Dom put into his sub? At least 6-inches... though 10-inches would be ideal... "time" and "time" and "time" again. [;)][:D] I would say that when shes gobbling his knob he should be present enough that he wouldnt be talking to his other girlfriend for at least that period of time. Ron Ahhh... but what if she's "into" that?!! [8D]

SimplyMichael -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 5:04:49 PM)
I am a practicioner of ROG which is GOR spelled backwards. In our world, the submissives live on moons and the masters live with their wives and or girlfriends. We implant a chip so that our submissives become like Stepford Wives while we are abusent. When we ride our Nrat spaceships to visit them they magically awake from their stupor and we really dominate the hell out of them, until we get texted by our wives/girlfriends to get our asses home. If this sounds stupid to you, then why would you think that being in a relationship with someone who isn't living with you is going to make you feel like you are living with someone? However, if you want to obey someone who you don't see and who is too busy to talk to you but wants to control your sexual release, enjoy it but it sounds like hell to me.

DesFIP -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 5:46:48 PM)
He's not a mind reader, if you need something then you have to tell him. Beyond that, different people require different levels of contact. So if you need more than you're getting, and there's no way it will change, then be honest that it isn't working for you. And next time find someone who wants to have the same amount of contact that you do.

alhamdullilah -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 7:19:16 PM)
First, I just want to tell you that I hear you, I understand where you're coming from. I've since learned a few things and I've learned them, frankly, the hard way. I don't know all of the "why" you only see your Master once a week. It doesn't entirely matter. It's the life he has and the life you've attached yourself to. You came here and posted the question. Moreover, you describe yourself as reluctant to obey when not feeling your sense of place. So, I'm inclined to think you do let him know - in various ways - that you're not thrilled with the amount of attention you're getting. If everyone here replied, "MORE!" supporting your feeling that it isn't enough, it wouldn't change the circumstances to quote them all, would it? You want him to take your submission, yes? You want him to make you feel the impetus to obey and the way that he does when you are together makes you feel all the more that he should. Sweetie, it doesn't last, even if you have it 24/7 with him taking it all the time. You have to either submit, even when you don't feel his presence, his dominance over your existence, or you can decide that you're going to find someone who can dominate you, make you feel driven to obey, on a consistent basis - and it won't be all that easy to find. In the end, the good ones are compelled to do what's necessary to attend to life's responsibilities and they have needs, just as we do. What is your responsibility to him? To obey? Is that all? What does he need, what will make his life easier, more pleasant, more complete? Either be that entity in his existence or continue to put your needs before his and find that, ultimately, you will cease to be even the priority that you are now. You are responsible for your obedience, not him. You are responsible for your life, however sub or slave you may be. Nothing will ever change that fact. Maybe, it will be a loss, maybe it won't, but you are going to lose him if you continue on the path you're on. If you are committed to your submission, then you have to be a benefit to his existence. Stop asking yourself whether you're getting enough from him and start asking yourself if you're giving enough. If you know, what we don't, that you're tolerating more than you should because he's married, etc. etc., that might be a different story. But only you know all that need be known about the situation... just as surely as you know you aren't living up to your own standard. Good luck! I sincerely do hope it works out for you. -llilah

DWCskitten -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 7:37:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 Hello, I was just wondering if anyone could give me their opinion on how much time do you think a Master/Dom should put into the training and upkeep of his sub? I am not a live in, more of a pet but a owned and collared sub none the less. I only see my Dom once a week if that and he travels for work. We talk maybe once a day but lately its been more spread out. But I feel like im not getting enough to keep me in line. I find when he is gone for more then a week I start to slip into un sub like behavior. (cumming with out asking, and just feelings of why should I bother hes not around anyways) the sessions we have when we have them are great and rewarding and when its over I am def put back in my place for another week or so. But i feel like I need more time with my Dom and More training but im just a sub so im not going to ask him for it. Shouldnt he want to put in the extra time to make sure Im being good? First of all, i want to say i am not meaning to sound mean or unfeeling, but this is my two cents: How much time? There is no uniform answer. It all depends on the people involved and their needs. In my last relationship, we saw each other every weekend & IMed daily. In my present relationship we live over 3000 miles apart & will become realtime later this year, but we do talk on the phone every night. As for the needing more time to keep you in line, where is the self-control? This may not sound "nice," but "why should I bother hes not around anyways" sounds like you aren't very serious about your submission. Your profile makes it sound like you intend for this to last, but if you aren't going to care enough to "be good" and He can't trust you to do your best instead of not caring, how good a relationship is this? Maybe you are just lonely, but how will He ever know you need/want more time if you're, "not going to ask him for it?" Being a Dom doesn't mean He can automatically read minds. Communication is all important. This sounds like a relationship issue rather than D/s specifically. You aren't "just a sub," you are a person and you need to communicate your needs to Him. Is it possible that you might be able to help Him with some of the boring, real life stuff that takes up His time, so He could spend some more time with you? He may want to spend more time with you but He could be overloaded with things to do and just doesn't know where to find that time. ~kitten~

Kana -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 8:22:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 Hello, I was just wondering if anyone could give me their opinion on how much time do you think a Master/Dom should put into the training and upkeep of his sub? I am not a live in, more of a pet but a owened and collared sub none the less. I only see my Dom once a week if that and he travels for work. We talk maybe once a day but lately its been more spread out. But I feel like im not getting enough to keep me in line. I find when he is gone for more then a week I start to slip into un sub like behavior. (cumming with out asking, and just feelings of why should I bother hes not around anyways) the sessions we have when we have them are great and rewarding and when its over I am def put back in my place for another week or so. But i feel like I need more time with my Dom and More training but im just a sub so im not going to ask him for it. Shouldnt he want to put in the extra time to make sure Im being good? Personally I prefer women I can trust to be good and obedient. That said, when in a situation where I cannot see her frequently, I try to be in contact at least daily. It's amazing how much can be accomplished through constant communication.

thishereboi -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 8:41:21 PM)
Your 27 years old, you should be able to behave without someone constantly reminding you. Now if your just looking for more attention from him, that is understandable. Talk to him about it and see what he says.

PrimalConsonance -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 9:47:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 Hello, I was just wondering if anyone could give me their opinion on how much time do you think a Master/Dom should put into the training and upkeep of his sub? I am not a live in, more of a pet but a owened and collared sub none the less. I only see my Dom once a week if that and he travels for work. We talk maybe once a day but lately its been more spread out. But I feel like im not getting enough to keep me in line. I find when he is gone for more then a week I start to slip into un sub like behavior. (cumming with out asking, and just feelings of why should I bother hes not around anyways) the sessions we have when we have them are great and rewarding and when its over I am def put back in my place for another week or so. But i feel like I need more time with my Dom and More training but im just a sub so im not going to ask him for it. Shouldnt he want to put in the extra time to make sure Im being good? It sounds on one hand that he can only spare some time once a week with you due to work constraints and that is all. Later on, it seems that you feel perhaps that he has more spare time on his hands than he uses being with you. If the former is true, then there is little that can be done since he has no time than what he can with you due to his other responsibilities. This would mean that given the time alloted, this is all he can do until things change, but there are ways to remain submissive and under his influence. One (or two) have to become creative in some respects on a day-to-day basis. If the later is more accurate, then we are talking about something different. You may be feeling that he could spend more time with you, but he doesn't for whatever reason. He could be putting more time in this and you are feeling the 2nd banana effect. This is handled differently, and may require some realities that could be taxing for whatever those reasons are. But in any case, the common denominator is communication. Have a talk with him about how you are feeling and what your worries and concerns are. You want to serve and show that obedience more (and not feel so the way you do now), you want more sessions and good exciting moments with him...you crave him and his attention. This approach towards communication is important to bring it up respectfully so that things don't get taken out of control. One of the things that makes a dominant's influence more substantial overall, is when you are doing something or about to; consider this: "What would Master think of this?" and act accordingly. Your actions and words can have bearing on your submission and training where you can look at things as representing towards your Master's influence on and over you. Would Master approve of your behavior? Rituals: you can also institute rituals into your daily lifestyle. Not mindless ones, but meaningful ones that are gentle reminders of who you belong to. These you can think up on your own, or go over with you Master. The weak-link on this concept is when dominants assign daily tasks which the submissive eagerly does and yet has no bearing or weight to the relationship when the dominant doesn't follow-up or give those tasks any weight to them. This will jade a submissive and damage a relationship deeply and quickly. So if there are to be any daily/weekly/periodical tasks to be done, then there should be a purpose and meaning behind them. But it will give you some of what you want until he can come back again. Learn something or brush up on something that you know you may need to work on to be a better submissive. Boredom sounds like it could be creeping in... Are you lacking in something that you know he likes but need practice? What are YOU putting into this relationship and bringing to the table as a submissive? As you know, it isn't all "Take me, I'm yours..." or "Spank me and do me....uh, please....uh, Sir..". So there things that you can do, learn, and grow concerning your part in this by contributing more than just presenting an ass to be spanked. What does your Master like? What is it that you feel could be improved on physically and mentally that would benefit not only you, but your relationship with your Master? Just a different approach to a problem to think about. In any case, good luck and hope things work out...

Kana -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/16/2010 10:23:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrimalConsonance quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 Hello, I was just wondering if anyone could give me their opinion on how much time do you think a Master/Dom should put into the training and upkeep of his sub? I am not a live in, more of a pet but a owened and collared sub none the less. I only see my Dom once a week if that and he travels for work. We talk maybe once a day but lately its been more spread out. But I feel like im not getting enough to keep me in line. I find when he is gone for more then a week I start to slip into un sub like behavior. (cumming with out asking, and just feelings of why should I bother hes not around anyways) the sessions we have when we have them are great and rewarding and when its over I am def put back in my place for another week or so. But i feel like I need more time with my Dom and More training but im just a sub so im not going to ask him for it. Shouldnt he want to put in the extra time to make sure Im being good? Rituals: you can also institute rituals into your daily lifestyle. Not mindless ones, but meaningful ones that are gentle reminders of who you belong to. These you can think up on your own, or go over with you Master. The weak-link on this concept is when dominants assign daily tasks which the submissive eagerly does and yet has no bearing or weight to the relationship when the dominant doesn't follow-up or give those tasks any weight to them. This will jade a submissive and damage a relationship deeply and quickly. So if there are to be any daily/weekly/periodical tasks to be done, then there should be a purpose and meaning behind them. But it will give you some of what you want until he can come back again. Yes. A thousand times yes. From a dominants perspective, I am all about rituals. They serve many functions, but one primary use is to enhance the state of submission throughout the day. Have set morning and evening email times, set times to contact during the day. I do schedule building stuff, and such so that even when she is not with me she is walking around in a state of ongoing submission. I also like using methods of indirect submission, diet control for instance. As she goes throughout the day, whenever she denies herself a snack, or eats a healthy lunch as opposed to the opposite, or is putting in time at the gym, she is acting in submission. I see it akin to tuning an engine or oiling a gun. That's her part. But it's on me to check on her progress, praise when goals are met and apply consequences when they are not. If I fail to do that then, IMHO, I am shirking my responsibility as a dominant.

Elisabella -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/17/2010 1:02:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 But i feel like I need more time with my Dom and More training but im just a sub so im not going to ask him for it. If you tell him what you need out of this relationship and he refuses to do it, it's his fault. If you refuse to tell him what you need out of this relationship, the fact that you're not getting it is your own fault. quote: Shouldnt he want to put in the extra time to make sure Im being good? Yes. No. Maybe. Depends on the guy. Are you two play/sex partners or are you two in a committed long term relationship? If your relationship is based on play then he might not be that interested in what you do when he's not around, so long as the time you spend together is enjoyable. If you're in a committed relationship then yes I'd imagine he'd want to put more effort in, not just to make sure you're being good, but to build the foundation of the relationship on something other than BDSM. Anyway, just talk to him. Tell him what you need and what you want - there's nothing unsubmissive about asking to have your needs met - the decision of what to do with your request is still up to him.

graceadieu -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/18/2010 8:52:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Dominasola You are clearly conscious of the fact that you are not being good. If this is the case, why on earth would you act against his wishes...even IF he isn't there to reward you for being good, or punish you for being bad? Can't you take some responsibility for your actions, and endeavour to act the way your Dom wants you to for the fulfillment it gives you KNOWING that you are acting according to his expectations? If you can't feel any pride with yourself for acting the way he wants you to and not doing what he wants you to refrain from doing, it doesn't seem like this is a very good relationship for either of you. Exactly. In real life, our Doms can't be around every second to police us - and shouldn't need to be, if we really want to submit to them 24/7 and are responsible adults who take responsibility for our actions and honor our commitments. For this sort of relationship to work, our dominants have to be able to trust us to be responsible and obey them (or at least be honest and own it if we slip up) just as much as we have to trust them to be responsible.

graceadieu -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/18/2010 9:14:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 But i feel like I need more time with my Dom and More training but im just a sub so im not going to ask him for it. Shouldnt he want to put in the extra time to make sure Im being good? I'm going to guess that the real underlying reason you're rebelling is because you're unhappy with the way things are, and you resent him for not spending enough time with/on you. It's tough to obey if your heart's not in it. But just because he's a Dom doesn't mean he's psychic. There's no way he can know that you need more time with him to be happy and obedient in the relationship, unless you tell him. Everybody has different relationship needs, and he may have no idea that you need to see him/talk to him more often. For some people, that level of contact/facetime would be fine, and since you're not speaking up he may assume that you're one of them. There's nothing un-submissive about respectfully talking about these sort of things together. In fact, if talking about and working on your relationship together helps you be more obedient, it's the most submissive thing you could do in this situation.

ResidentSadist -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/19/2010 3:35:58 AM)
The amount of time to invest should be calculated at a 1/3 ratio directly reflecting the amount of time the sub has spent sucking the the Master/Doms cock. Deep throat, frothy drool and cum squirting out the subs nose count as bonus time. Also, if said sub can perform a combination of all the above, while practicing timed breathing between strokes so as not to break the rhythm, and this breathing results in frothy cum and spit bubbles forming on her nose during the exhale . . . a 1 to 1 ratio for time credit should be applied. *Note: If said sub can perform all the above while crying “daddy, why are you making me do this” and produce tears that cause cheap mascara stains on her cheeks, call this number immediately: 555-TEARS-4-U just ask for me. I'll give you lots of my time baby!

VaguelyCurious -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/19/2010 7:04:53 AM)
FR Maybe it's the same as the answer to the question 'How long should this essay be?' Stupidly unhelpful answer: As long as a piece of string. Stupidly unhelpful but faintly humorous answer: Think of it like a bikini-long enough to cover everything but short enough to keep it interesting.

mystickoolaid -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/19/2010 12:04:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 Shouldnt he want to put in the extra time to make sure Im being good? I haven't read past about the first 8-10 posts on this (which were good, solid advice) so I am not sure if this has been suggested or not yet... but maybe if you kept a journal and wrote your thoughts/feelings/"goofs" in there and he could read it when he had the time... (it sounds like he has a crazy schedule but it's something he could do a bit at a time here and there) This would help you both express and address your concerns in a healthy way, give him the opportunity to know how you feel and be able to "hear" those issues when it was a good time for him, and he can also "hear" about and/or address the issues of you acting out/rebelling/acting un-sublike while he is away... Just a thought you might want to entertain... I know this has worked for several friends of mine in various different types of relationships... both D/s and otherwise.

windchymes -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/19/2010 12:16:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Goodgrl701 Shouldnt he want to put in the extra time to make sure Im being good? That just sounds like good old-fashioned manipulation to me.

came4U -> RE: How much time should a Master/Dom put into his sub? (3/19/2010 12:20:42 PM)
quote: We talk maybe once a day but lately its been more spread out. But I feel like im not getting enough to keep me in line. I find when he is gone for more then a week I start to slip into un sub like behavior. that is the risk of starting up a LDR to begin with, it is too risky IMO. to try to answer though, it depends on how much patience he has and how much you have. Sometimes impatience could over-ride any criteria in being called a Dominant or a submissive. If it isn't enough, be sure to let him know that you are 'straying' from the initial concept of the beginning of your relationship. It is only fair...to both of you.

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