RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (Full Version)

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Eigenaar -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 1:35:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I am positive that it is one of the questions I would like answered. Why does a king and a conquerer seek out a doormat?
Because they define their women as such.



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 1:36:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4
Snobby is acceptable practice, there are women that will not give either feedback nor engage in confrontation. Hey, I myself have tossed some wet sponges down the drain in my life. Sad thing about it, my opinion of them was that they were not really all that intelligent to begin with.



But in a relationship should we not welcome feedback as well as confrontation?

If we are masters of our universe...Which I am confident that we all truly are. Wherein lies the harm? After all, I do have the final word on the subject. Should I not welcome her views no matter how spot on or repugnant? What difference does it really make?


I embrace feedback and even confrontation in heathy dosages. It tends to keep me in check with reality and on my own toes. This is not to be confused with mindless toxic confrontations and nit picking feedback in a manner to demean somebody. Even that is can be tolerated at times within acceptable limits. Then again, I know to put my foot down, or simply disengage in it. I'm not perfect, and I'm not overly flawed either.



heartcream -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 2:12:50 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

I am positive that it is one of the questions I would like answered. Why does a king and a conquerer seek out a doormat?


I am not a king but they do because they can. Like kids who have parents who mess with them, abuse them, neglect them and all that sort of thing so the kid tortures the pets. They are smaller, cant fight back and they get to express/divest themselves of their feelings of powerlessness, rage etc.

quote:

But in a relationship should we not welcome feedback as well as confrontation?

If we are masters of our universe...Which I am confident that we all truly are. Wherein lies the harm? After all, I do have the final word on the subject. Should I not welcome her views no matter how spot on or repugnant? What difference does it really make?


Are you sure you always have the final say? You may think you do but the final say will be the truth and I dont have the sense that you or any man has arrived at the total truth yet. One day, but not today. Paying lip service is not really welcoming her views or her feedback.

If there is a woman out there who really does trust her man and wants to give up any contribution well that is their business but the ones in that position where the man is worth his salt and would not be abusive with her surrender to him in this is not what I am referring to here.



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 2:24:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

But in a relationship should we not welcome feedback as well as confrontation?

If we are masters of our universe...Which I am confident that we all truly are. Wherein lies the harm? After all, I do have the final word on the subject. Should I not welcome her views no matter how spot on or repugnant? What difference does it really make?



I always welcome feedback.  I don't welcome confrontation - at least not in the sense of an argumentative approach. 

If an s-type disagrees or has differing opinions of something I've said, they are encouraged to express themselves.  However, I do expect them to express themselves as an adult, not like a petulant child stomping their foot, or in an angry manner.

I will gladly hear their opinions most times and take their feedback into consideration.  Whether or not that alters my decision is another matter entirely.

I say above that I will hear their opinions most times because there are times when things just need to be done and questions asked later.  So, I also expect that they know when it is appropriate to have a discussion and when it isn't.

I'm not seeking a doormat.  I can buy a doormat at Target for about $15.  I am seeking deference, submission, compassion, intelligence, humor, and a bunch of other stuff that I'm too tired to list.



Level -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 2:55:24 AM)

FR

I don't think it's incompatible to want a woman that always does what you want, but also gives feedback, advice, and opinions.



Jeffff -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:01:36 AM)

 Isn't the conquest sweeter when the conquered is stronger?



VaguelyCurious -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:01:42 AM)

FR

Why has this been moved to P&RS?!?

It seems like a perfectly valid and serious question to me, and it hasn't dissolved into banter or anything...



Jeffff -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:03:39 AM)

In all all fairness. the history of the OP may have influenced that decision...:)



VaguelyCurious -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:08:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

In all all fairness. the history of the OP may have influenced that decision...:)


So, what, we've got an interesting thread about what drives dominants to look for particular traits in prospective slaves, and it gets schlepped all the way over here because the OP has a previous predisposition towards talking about gash?

I don't have much to contribute because slavery kinda scares me (all that responsibility, I think) but I've really enjoyed reading the thread. I think it's a shame the mods have moved it.



Jeffff -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:14:21 AM)

I agree. He is capable of quite deep thinking. DG is much more than just eye candy


Jeff



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:19:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
What type of a man seeks this type of a woman?

Is there anything that can be gleaned into the psyche or mental make up of this type of man?


It says that we don't like him very much.


Interesting idea, Ialdabaoth. Does it say the same thing about a WOMAN who prefers this type of individual in authority-exchange relationships?... because I do.

To the OP -- I think it very much depends on the nature of the individuals involved. It depends on why the person has a preference for individuals who yield to that level -- is it out of a sense of capacity to balance and direct, or is it out of a desire to do harm and get away with it? Because without those details, your question is unanswerable.



juliaoceania -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:27:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I agree. He is capable of quite deep thinking. DG is much more than just eye candy


Jeff


Spoken like a true hob bonded partner... you love him for his mind even though you love his body too... how sweet your love is



windchymes -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:38:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I agree. He is capable of quite deep thinking. DG is much more than just eye candy


Jeff


In all seriousness, this speaks volumes. I have found that some of the most scorned and heavily-moderated people on this forum are good, intelligent, "deep" people.



youngsubgeoff -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:38:37 AM)

to me, any person, male or female, looking for a doormat is a big red flag to me. It says to me that this person may be an abuser, and wants someone who is easy to take advantage of.

In my younger days, I was a doormat. The so-called "mistress" I ended up with caused more damage than I previously beleived possible. I was beaten on a near daily basis, had my life threatened often, and raped repeatedly by the people she pimped me out to, just so she didnt have to work. Some of you are probably wondering why I didnt leave. There were many reasons, mostly fear. Fear of being alone, fear for my life, fear for my families lives. Then, she came up pregnant with my child. We moved from NY to OH, and the abuse became less physical and more verbal and emotional. The breaking point came when she threatened to kill herself and my daughter, who she was still pregnant with. As soon as my daughter was born (perfectly healthy, thank god), that woman was out of my house. I ended up having to get the legal system involved, both in the adoption of my daughter and the no contact order for her after she left.

To this day, I still have nightmares about my experience. I have been in and out of therapy for almost 3 years now. I doubt the scars will ever truely be healed. I know I still over compensate by being a downright asshole to people, simply out of fear.

My fellow subbies, listen to me. Dont allow yourself to be treated as I was. You are worth more than that, and you deserve better than that.



juliaoceania -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 6:42:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I agree. He is capable of quite deep thinking. DG is much more than just eye candy


Jeff




In all seriousness, this speaks volumes. I have found that some of the most scorned and heavily-moderated people on this forum are good, intelligent, "deep" people.
I would agree with that



domiguy -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 7:07:58 AM)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3088595/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3088595


Let's right the ship here and get this fucker back on track.



Mercnbeth -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 7:32:35 AM)

quote:

But in a relationship should we not welcome feedback as well as confrontation?
I demand feedback, but will not tolerate confrontation; however I am only considering the literal definitions and refuse a confrontation based on semantic interpretation. Too many confrontations in business, in the world, with family that require focus and generate negative energy. I will debate, discuss, consider opposing views, but do not want confrontation with my partner. I decide and she needs to trust me to have made the right decision for us, and/or be confident if I made the wrong one to be able to handle the consequences. However, she is allowed to say; "I told you so!" or in beth's case; "This slave told you so!"
quote:

If men can praise the doormat....Then can someone tell me what type of a man seeks out the doormat and how does this type of man perceive his relationship as well as himself?
Sure....

TYPE: A confident, self aware, capable man who knows what he wants, won't compromise for anything less, and doesn't give a damn about what anyone else thinks about him, how he lives, or what he wants. Extremely comfortable and enjoying himself, and life, without a partner, he won't compromise his integrity or ambition for a relationship just to not be alone. He'll have FUN enjoying the casual encounters in the meantime.

I think that also covers the self perception question.

PERCEPTION (Relationship): The only one that matters is mine, and perceive it to be perfect.

EDITED TO ADD:
PS - I believe it speaks of image prejudice to see this thread moved to 'Stupidity'. The relocation is representative of my position on Affirmative Action.

PPS - I was wrong - Can we go back to definitively deciding the slave v. submissive debate?



NihilusZero -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 8:02:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Isn't the conquest sweeter when the conquered is stronger?

If we feel like objectifying our potential partners before they've consented to it.



Wolf2Bear -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 8:06:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

A clarification. Anyone might go for someone that will allow them to have their 100% way for the short run or for a few hours....But what does it say about a guy that never wants or will tolerate any confrontation or disobedience over the long haul?

Depends on the guy, really. I've seen guys that fit the above description that are complete assholes, and others that make me wish that I was their partner.



I'll be your doormat wyld  *grinz*



ResidentSadist -> RE: What does it say about a man that seeks a doormat? (2/26/2010 8:25:03 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
What type of a man seeks this type of a woman?

Is there anything that can be gleaned into the psyche or mental make up of this type of man? …

Perhaps he is a serviceman or ex serviceman that expects rank and order? Or an old fashioned BDSM type that is used to seeing military style order in the lifestyle?

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

A clarification. Anyone might go for someone that will allow them to have their 100% way for the short run or for a few hours....But what does it say about a guy that never wants or will tolerate any confrontation or disobedience over the long haul?

Maybe it means he is sincere about his relationship and relationship role and expects his partner to be the same way? Sorta’ like a cop, fireman or soldier that is expect to carry our their duties from their first day of service to their last day of service.

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

… I have been with women that offered the feed back and resistance of a sponge. They always seemed to manage to go down the drain. Relationship died from a serious lack of interest on my part.
You appear to seek the same chaos and confrontation in your personal life that you seek on these forums. You are as consistent as you are endearing and entertaining.

What kind of non-doormat do you seek? Is there a “domi-sub” stereotype? There are a lot of defiant and challenging women in this world. Conquering them can provide hours of entertainment.

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
... I can understand the initial attraction of the doormat....After awhile I would think you might get bored.

I do not seek chaos at home. I have enough resistance and chaos in my business life and seek peace and harmony in my home and personal life. I pursue the boredom of long term peace and compliance.

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
... But in a relationship should we not welcome feedback as well as confrontation?

If we are masters of our universe...Which I am confident that we all truly are. Wherein lies the harm? After all, I do have the final word on the subject. Should I not welcome her views no matter how spot on or repugnant? What difference does it really make?

Resistance or confrontation may come in the form of feedback but, feedback doesn’t equal resistance. In general, feedback is a good thing. I am pretty sure doormats are allowed feedback in many cases.

I agree. We are Masters of the Universe and just like the rules for a producers chair in the entertainment industry, “all feedback welcome, no arguments accepted”. In the end, it doesn’t make a difference if your doormat is quite or noisy… it is a matter of taste as to whether or not you enjoy the quite or prefer the din.



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