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CreativeDominant -> RE: What defines 'authentic power exchange' as opposed to just 'roleplay' (2/17/2010 2:05:07 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: specialk2611
I have been thinking about my perceptions of what constitutes D/s as opposed to just D/s roleplay. What are people's opinions?
- Does it depend on the dynamic (play session compared to a lifestyle relationship for example)?
- Does it depend on a person's character, and whether Dominant or submissive traits exist even when not in 'D/s time'?
- Is there any such thing as authentic, and does it really matter, as long as our minds believe it?
Thanks.
You've gotten some good answers and for once...I am going to have to mark this in my log of unusual events...I find myself agreeing with something that Resident Sadist said. (is anyone else feeling the earth shake under their feet?)
I'm another of those who, the great majority of the time, does not go along with constantly-changing definitions of what is or is not "whatever term you choose". We already set legalities aside to engage in much of what we do...do we or should we start setting aside definitions and when someone calls themselves a slave, yet exhibits absolutely no (or minimal) characteristics, are we expected to accept that once they make the heartfelt declaration that they have a "slave heart" which just has NOT found the right Master to "make it beat but it IS in there"?
I've engaged in casual scenes since I got into D/s and BDSM 10 years ago. I've negotiated each and every one of those so that what was going to happen, what was allowed and not allowed, was well-known---accepted---and planned for. Some say "go with the flow" and I do, to a certain extent, with those that I have come to trust. But the one time I did more of a "go with the flow" thing, went somewhere to visit a submissive I'd been speaking to for 4 weeks, went with all that she asked for...I got my bag dropped by my head the next day and threatened with the cops.
What does all the above have to do with your questions? Like Resident Sadist, and others, have said in various ways...and to which I now contribute...know yourself. Know what you are heading into, whether it is for a scene, a weekend, a month, a year or forever. Know what type of relationship...be it an evening of BDSM play, an evening of BDSM play with sex included, a weekend of BDSM play with some D/s in the bedroom or a weekend of play and sex with D/s inside and outside the bedroom with limits set, semi-involved, fully involved, dominant/submissive with say-so in the other's life even if not their dominant/submissive yet or ever-to-be, etc.,etc...before you embark on it. If the role you've agreed to "enter into" still does not feel authentic, then perhaps it is the defined boundaries of the relationship that are not fitting you and your authenticity. If the role does not feel authentic, perhaps you are investing more in "acting" as you THINK you should rather than being you. If the role does not feel authentic, perhaps it is a reflection of your partner and what they may be feeling from you or it may be a reflection of careless negotiation, depending on the situation. Or careless or less-than-honest negotiation.
Only you can answer the myriad of questions that surround these types of relationships but stop and think...how many questions revolve around everyday, vanilla-type relationships? At least here in D/s, you start out with a fairly defined idea of who you are in any dynamic you enter into...dominant/submissive/switch.
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