Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (Full Version)

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sensorama -> Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (2/15/2010 10:00:35 AM)

I have questions about emotional states after bondage activities. I saw a professional dominant woman this weekend for the first time. In the past I've played around with rope bondage and restraints but almost always as the top. My experience is rather limited. I've never enjoyed the pleasure/pain aspect before and am actually kind of a wimp when it comes to pain. That is, until this weekend.

The short version of my experience is this. I was restrained with my arms outstretched over my head while she bit my nipples and torso and alternately caressed and kissed me. The bites were unlike any I've felt before, almost like electric shocks. It hurt like hell and scared me, but I absolutely loved it. My whole body was buzzing so hard that at one point I thought I might pass out. There have been few times in my life that I've felt this good. I had no idea how much time had passed (turned out to be about an hour). This was followed by vaginal sex, which was also nice.

I had such a good time that I saw the same person the next day. It was basically the same scenario, but with much harder biting, some ball pulling, slapping, and biting, and buttock spanking. I enjoyed this even more and the sex afterward was even better.

The thing is, it's been two days since this experience and now I feel short tempered, irritated, and sometimes sad. These sound like classic signs of depression to me. I live a different country than this person so I need to find a play partner that is closer to where I live if I want to repeat this experience. Which I want to do. Desperately.

So what's going on with me? Are these feelings "normal" or common after such an experience? I have a slight problem trusting people, especially sexually, so this was really pushing myself, which is a good thing I think. I was able to put my trust in her and not only was I not hurt emotionally, but I enjoyed the experience. That was one of my hopes for the experience.

Anybody with similar experiences? What's going on? I'm rather confused...



batshalom -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (2/15/2010 12:49:57 PM)

Yes, your feelings are normal. You had a good time, experienced something you didn't expect to experience, and now you're putting all kinds of emphasis on this one experience. My advice is to step away from the memory - enjoy it but don't focus on it so much - and have fun living your regular life. You won't get past it, or the irritation that it's over, if you don't let it go and let it be a part of the pleasant past.

Focus on finding partners closer to where you live - if you can go to another country and trust someone sexually then you know that it is statistically impossible to not find someone like that closer to where you live. Use your good sense. Since you seem to have an issue don't just hope for the best out of people (trust issues are an "I" thing not a "them" thing - we must first give trust for the other party to break and so we learn what is trustworthy, what is worth determining whether it is trustworthy or not by taking SMALL steps, and what is not at all trustworthy no matter how seemingly great it might be).

There is nothing to be confused about. Use your head. You'll be fine. This isn't an instant gratification sort of thing. There is nothing wrong with taking it slowly so that you can make good decisions regarding trust.



DesFIP -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (2/15/2010 5:11:44 PM)

The good time when you couldn't tell how much time was passing? That was a state known as subspace, a temporary high. And like most temporary highs, it frequently is followed by a temporary low, in this case known as sub drop. Search both those terms and you'll get a wealth of information.

Unfortunately this is normal. I find it is easier to deal with if I've eaten well beforehand and am fully hydrated. And if I immediately follow the play with water or tea, pull a heavy blanket over me and then can sleep for a while.

Last time we played, my nap afterwards was interrupted by my daughter calling from college, all upset. I was teary and short tempered afterwards until I unearthed a small amount of chocolate chips and ate them.

Play involves a host of body and brain chemicals. Serotonin, endorphins, blood sugar levels etc. Exhausting normal levels of them means you suffer until you get them back to normal. Eating afterwards helps as does talking to your partner, sleeping, taking it easy and so on.

Some people find exercise to be helpful, others don't. Try it and see.



OriginallyFromLA -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (2/15/2010 6:24:17 PM)

It's called withdrawl. Endorphin withdrawl. And it sucks. And you don't need to be a sub to experience it. The best medicine is to be aware of it. Beyond that maybe a heavy bag, some Anthrax in the background and an hour to get some other endorphins flowing to offset the effects.



elleX -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (2/15/2010 6:51:28 PM)

... i agree that the best thing to do is to find the way to regenarate yourself,, been it a nap , food , talk ....one sure thing is that you're reaction is normal,,,
and yes move on and concentrate to the daily  life ,,,,
there is no magic thing to do,,, unfortunatly,,,,,



Whiplashsmile4 -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (2/15/2010 7:32:34 PM)

Completely normal, and the worse case is that you've been thrown into a state of Sexual Heat. :-)



paisleypower -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (2/15/2010 7:44:16 PM)

I recommend writing about your experience to help you recall and, to some degree, re-experience it.  I also recommend that you keep that writing private--the point isn't to express yourself to anybody else, it's simply to help you sort out your own feelings and memories.  In my case, anyway, in the case of the letdowns that follow momentous experiences, this has been pretty helpful.

As a side benefit, when you find someone with whom to play again (whether they're a pro or not) they may be interested in reading your impressions of an experience that made such a vivid impression on you in order to get a better insight into how you tick.

For what it is worth, even though I can't personally relate to combining play with intercourse (kink is kink, romance is romance, sex is romance, that's how I'm wired), I think it's probably pretty likely that by combining the two you made the letdown even more severe.  There's no faster way to develop a dependence (or to hasten the inevitable diminishing of returns) than reinforcing a particular activity with an orgasm.



sensorama -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (2/17/2010 2:01:13 AM)

Thanks for the replies, everyone. Yes desFIP, the loss of time was during the most pleasurable part. So I suffered from endorphin withdrawal... I'm surprised that it affected me two days after the event, but I guess that has to do with the intensity of the experiences.

I'm going to seek out others in the bdsm scene here. The pro was nice and she sure knew what she was doing. What I really wanted was to spend more time with her afterward, which was just not possible. I think I need kinkier friends in my life.






DesFIP -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (2/17/2010 6:25:19 AM)

It usually hits me right afterwards or the next day but some people don't get hit till a day or two later. But I do recommend chocolate.



SlaveSubtoserve -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (4/23/2010 6:20:57 AM)

.....steak dinner, lots of capucino and a couple of good movies always did the post recovery for me.....once you do this a few more times you will become acclimated psychologically and physically.....i was also this way and it bespeaks a potentially fullfilling sub life ahead of you= enjoy!



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (4/23/2010 8:46:22 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: sensorama
So what's going on with me? Are these feelings "normal" or common after such an experience?

It sounds like you experienced subspace, which is a temporary, very delicious "high." But it can also be followed by a temporary low called sub drop. i find that being very nice to myself afterward helps....a nap, some self-pampering, anything to make yourself feel warm & cozy. Oh, and yes, chocolate does help. [:D]



MaamJay -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (4/25/2010 9:17:47 PM)

Just remember what you were taught in school ... to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction! Subspace is a high ... likely to be followed by a low. Not always as obvious as yours and not always delayed. Aftercare can help in some instances but that's not likely from a proDomme (though yours wasn't acting in a typical pro manner as she had sex with you, most don't). Chocolate helps the release of endorphins so it helps the drop, so does some exercise. And usually being a Top doesn't prevent you from suffering from drop when you bottom or sub (speaking from experience here).

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



Apocalypso -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (4/25/2010 9:24:17 PM)

Eat something with red chilli peppers in it.



pompeii -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (4/25/2010 10:45:14 PM)

All I know is that this happens, right after orgasm, every time ... (dunno 'xactly why) ... 



sensorama -> RE: Qs On Emotional States After Bondage (4/27/2010 3:12:27 AM)

Looks like chocolate is a favorite cure. I'll have to keep some one hand for next time. Thanks everyone!



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