HisSweetElysium
Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lorenzo19
It is not really a concious behavior, I dont think. Unconcious. OR maybe a group mind like a beehive. a self defense mechanism to protect their ideology, friendship networks, women, or whatever.
It's not like I'm a complete newb to going to social events, gatherings, etc. I used to travel for work going to conferences and trade shows and more often than not, would have people asking me to go to dinner with them by half way through the first day. I started grad school taking a class with a lot of people who already knew each other, and by the end of the second day, had new friends. Of course inwardly I'm shaking like a lil' leaf hoping ppl will like to me, but I think my completely reflexive action to smile at people when I make eye contact goes a long way as an ice breaker. I guess I just assumed it would be similar if not more so at the flea, so I was disappointed.
Without being nasty, I would say there were a lot of people who were not always the "coolest of the cool" in high school or whatnot there. Maybe it's an unconscious revenge thing, like "now I'M in the inner circle of coolness, and YOU are not welcome" some weird thing that should be worked out in therapy, not socially. *shrugs* I was never one of the cool people either though.
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ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
quote:
ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium
I dunno people tend to enjoy chatting me up too, in fact, almost to a fault, something about me projects "come hang out and chat with me!" or something. Me and Aqua probably shouldn't hang out, LOL.
We totally should.
quote:
I need to learn this skill. Someone shoots me down and I look like my ice cream cone just fell on the ground.
I do the same damn thing! We need to meet up so that you can see Valyraen's response to that. I'll come sniffling to him and he goes "What happened? Ok what do we do when someone is mean to us? That's right we go kick them in the nuts. Go kick them in the nuts honey. That's my good little Kitten..."
I wuvs him.
Anyway, on the top of your OP, I haven't really experienced that. Sometimes people haven't talked to me as much as I would have liked but when you are new person people just don't have already built-up friendships with you. There have been specific people in the community that were cooler with me than I would have liked but they have always been polite when I approached them for a specific question. Maybe the situation had some sort of hidden drama that you don't know about that was making people testy?
Come down here. We'll give you sweet tea after we are done beating you.
Aww I just dare people to be mean to BOTH of us!!! Plus we can wear our boots and those are perfect for kicking in the nuts!  Maybe you're right about the drama, I do fear that Master's been sort of blackballed by these ppl b/c of the high drama girl He was seeing before me. She actually sent Him a highly inappropriate message the day before the event asking if He was going and reminiscing about their BDSM experiences. This after months ago she flipped out and told Him she was going to tell all her friends what a jerk He was. Nice.
And this may be sacrilege, but is there a sugar free version of sweet tea? Inquiring low carb girl wants to know! Visiting Aqua and Valyrean would be much fun!!!
quote:
ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain
What I’ve noticed is that people tend to loose their social angst as time goes on and become friendlier. Of course it is coming from me as much as it is from them. Or is it ALL simply coming from me as I relax?
Something does change and it’s not from drinking. The bdsm event in Atlanta with a couple of hundred people did not have alcohol either, so that was not the cause for the change in mood.
Some of us knew each other from an online thing, but this was our first RT. As time passed we fell into our online comfort zone. We ended up playing in our small group within the larger setting. We all left better friends than before.
My advice is to realize a bdsm gathering is no different than any other and wait out the getting to know you phase. It will come about the time you relax. You can’t expect others to want to play with you when that old sympathetic nervous system, fight or flight mechanism, is still geared up due to the strangers.
I understand completely, I guess the next step is to go to a munch maybe a more intimate gathering would be okay. I sort of thought the bondage lounge would be like that, but if even the people putting on the workshop are standoffish and weird, I don't know, seems hard to overcome. We have a local play party group too, but I'm worried it's going to be populated with people who have something against my Master as a result of that woman saying stuff about Him, and that would be awkward for me especially, since that is a completely new thing to me, I'd rather not give it a try with a room full of people glaring at me. 
quote:
ORIGINAL: KMsAngel
having been twice to a local munch, i found he first time incredibly uncomfortable. i went by myself and being a bit of a shy person anyways, didn't stay very long. the people were nice, but for a newb, i had no idea what to expect or what to say.
the 2nd time i went i took my daughter (of age). she's younger and cuter. we got a very friendly response! i wonder whether it was because i wasn't a singleton (though i soon made it clear she WASN'T my lesbian younger lover, but my daughter whom i'm close to and affectionate with). the 2nd time was much better, but i still don't think i'd go alone again.
I've avoided the munches myself for that exact reason, I wanted to meet people in the scene, but didn't know what to expect and didn't want to go alone and feel like an outsider. I'm glad you had a positive experience and kept at it, I should take that as a good sign and keep at it myself. 
quote:
ORIGINAL: afkarr
Perhaps people might be a little guarded with their persoanl information at such an event, but why would they even be in a public venue if they didn't want to socialize with others??
My sentiment exactly, maybe it's just a thing about being OUT publicly that is a turn on, and actually interacting with other human beings is too much to ask..
_____________________________
“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi
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RE: The Scene? My first community experience - 
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