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It's just a game - 2/9/2010 9:05:24 PM   
Johmey


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline 		I am constantly told that I take this lifestyle like a game. I want to learn what it's really about. I want this to be my lifestyle, it's what I am born to pursue. If anyone has any insight about that I am 100% open to it.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: It's just a game - 2/9/2010 9:23:43 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		OP,

You admit in your profile you have no experience and are new to "this"....and then you go on to say you're a slave who has a deep need "to be humiliated, owned, punished, collared, tied down, used, abused, shared... "  To be honest, I would have a hard time taking you serious.

The things you mention sound like they're right out of a porn movie, heavy on the fantasy/light on reality.

quote:


I want to learn what it's really about. I want this to be my lifestyle, it's what I am born to pursue.


Why?  What do you mean by "lifestyle" and it being something you were "born to pursue"? 

Advice....slow down.  Drop the "beat me, beat me, be my Mistress" from your profile...do some searching here on starting out/being new/how to approach dominant women/BDSM booklists, maybe even check out the new FAQ thread on the Ask a Mistress forum and, most importantly....be real.

Try getting out into your local kink community and attend a munch...
http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/orgscalif.html

Oh, and welcome.





_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: It's just a game - 2/9/2010 9:29:52 PM   
CNJDom


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline 		Very good advice CarrieO.  Be true to yourself and try to show that in your profile.  You may even want to take a look at other like-minded profiles just to see what to and what NOT to do.  But be real and real is what you'll get.  Good luck, and welcome to the message boards as well.

_____________________________

“For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”
 ~Ivan Panin

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: It's just a game - 2/9/2010 9:30:55 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		It isn't a game at all, but we definitely have our silly and playful moments.

(in reply to CNJDom)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: It's just a game - 2/9/2010 10:22:49 PM   
Johmey


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline 		thank you! I have a long way to go. :(

(in reply to Andalusite)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: It's just a game - 2/9/2010 10:29:23 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah, but just think of what a wonderful journey it can be if you start it as a real person and not a fantasy.

Worry less about the destination and learn instead to enjoy the road leading to it.

~Carrie-O-Yoda~




< Message edited by CarrieO -- 2/9/2010 10:30:29 PM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: It's just a game - 2/9/2010 11:53:33 PM   
Johmey


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline 		see THATS where the line is. right now this is just a fantasy. a dream. but oh my gosh i want to wake up and it become real life. I can't even begin to imagine what an awesome journey it will be!

I just find it funny, I have been looking and reading about bdsm as much as I could get my hands on since I was 13 or so, thats about 10 years, and I come a community for the first time to be completely blown away with the difference of what I thought this life style was, and what it really is. words cannot describe the frustration I am feeling about this.

But this is the lifestyle I want. I have no choice but to relearn. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change...

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 2:53:11 AM   
sinandhoney


Posts: 61
Joined: 7/23/2009
From: Lincoln, NE
Status: offline 		I agree with what the ladies here have said. Slow down, get to know people as people first and not a tool for your kink. Try and find a local group some hold demo's and wish nights where you can learn and try things out with out the commitment of a scene. Not all groups are equal but I found my home in one and have learned quite a lot.

(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 3:48:35 AM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline 		Ask yourself some basic questions.

Why do you know/feel you were born to pursue it?
What specifically are you pursuing?
What have you learned about yourself?
What will or will not work for you personally in what your pursuing?
What can you humanly tolerate and accept from somebody else?
What are your personaly strengths and weakness?

There is nothing set in stone regarding "the lifestyle" itself.

It's a collection of generalized concepts, idealisms, options and activities.

Where do these things fit into in regards to who and what you are as a human being?
What things are you willing to fit into?

What are you or are you not willing to explore and do?

What are your greatest fears?
What are your greatest fantasies?

Are your own fears standing in the way of what you are trying to pursue?
Are your own fantasies even standing in the way of it?

What fears do you want to over come?
What fears do you need to over come?
The above are Life in General questions, just not to kinky stuff.

(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 4:04:36 AM   
Domin8tingUrDrmz


Posts: 1269
Joined: 4/8/2006
From: Portland Metro, Oregon
Status: offline 		I have not read your profile, so my post is based of experiences I've had with those I've perceived as viewing this as a game.

When someone is so wrapped up in the fantasy of bowing before their owner, being locked in a cage, or whatever it is they fantasize about - they forget about reality.

In reality, I want a submissive partner, one whose company I enjoy, one who makes my life easier, one who is fun to be around, yet knows *ultimately* I'm the (as GWB said it) decider.

Now, think for a moment. How useful to ME is someone who is locked up in a cage all day? How are they making MY life easier? They aren't. I'm now required to change their bedding, give them whatever scraps of food they need, change out the pissy odor and the list goes on. They are in no way doing a thing that is helping ME. Why aren't they fetching MY latte? Why aren't they bringing in an income to help finance the kink?

Once you put a realistic perspective on things, and treat the person you wish to explore your journey with as a PERSON then you may find things clicking in place.

I don't know if you have that cage fantasy. I don't know how you treat people. So remember, this is coming from someone who has turned away numerous requests from *others* who did not have a firm grasp of reality.

Good luck on your personal journey of self-discovery, I hope you find it more fulfilling than your fantasy.

EFT

< Message edited by Domin8tingUrDrmz -- 2/10/2010 4:07:50 AM >

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(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 4:19:36 AM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		Johmey is not unlike many men here. As some may have noticed I often refer to men who spend way to much time looking at internet porn then come here and expect us Dominants to be just like the porn sites they frequent. I don't know if Johmeny is facinated by internet porn but he is deff fasinated by somthing he knows nothing about.

Johmey, you have gotten good advise from people here and I really can't add anymore to their good advise. This lifestyle can be very rewarding if you have realistic expectations. I know if more men had realistic expectations it would be much easier on us Domme's.

(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 4:20:25 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Johmey, don't give up hope. You know now that fantasy won't live up to reality, but be honest, if you've ever watched a movie, you know this anyway.

The reality for me at least is indistinguishable from vanilla life. The only difference (and it's a philosophical and cerebral difference more than it is physical) is that I have someone who lives to please me - not just sexually, but with the little things they do, the way they look at me and the reasons behind the things they do.

Take a look, not just at people's profiles, but go through their journals, look up D/s blogs and read up about the real lives these people lead rather than drowning further into the fantasies. You'll see a lot of boring day-to-day stuff, but you'll also see what I've been saying about their reasons for serving, the reasons their Owner/Dom is so worthy of their submission. A collar isn't just a thing around your neck, it's a bond in your heart, and that feels a damn sight better than any bit of leather or steel.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to Domin8tingUrDrmz)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 4:51:49 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		Based on one response, you're in Californica ... if you're anywhere near the SF bay area, hit up the gates (thegatessm.com) or backdrop (backdrop.net).

Simply show up with 150 bucks in your pocket; tell 'em your realistic-or-unrealistic fantasies; and they'll act 'em out for ya!

The advantage of these women over the ones you meet at a munch is that they're 'professionals'.

That means they actually indulge you in your fantasy w/o you having to go through a long drawn out learning experience.

Personally, I enjoy the drawn-out learning experiences ... but I'm responding to your needs, not mine here.

If you're not in the SF bay area, then you still might find a professional house to keep you in the game.

Good luck,
Pompeii

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 5:08:26 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Just like many things in life, the reality of *living this way* isn't going to be like the things you read or watch. It doesn't have to be *worse*, but it WILL be different.

You may have an idea of what you want at the moment, as you haven't tried it (whatever it is)......I can almost guarentee that you'll change and adjust that as you experience things and you'll end up going toward real life things that you actually can live with.

Fitznicely gave some super advice.

agirl





(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 5:15:07 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		YOu've got some great advice -- and in addition too finding your local community, if you truely think you want to be a slave.. and in truth, I don't think, despite what you say, that your profile reflects that... but if so, then find a Mast chapter in your area and attend some Master/slave type events.  At the last MasT event in my area I met the folks starting a chapter in SoCal.. and I realize you are in a different location, but I'm sure there's one around you...

good luck

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 6:01:27 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Simple. First thing take control of your own mind and go with your own inner voice and what you feel rather than what other people tell you. They're not you, they don't live your life.

Then when you've got control of your mind you decide what you want to learn, with who, and how.

I mean which sounds better?

1. I want to learn what it's really about. It's what I'm born to pursue.

2. I have decided to learn what 'x' is about. It's what I've decided to do and I'm going to pursue it.

Get out there, make friends, enjoy yourself, create your own lifestyle. It's that simple.


_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 7:01:05 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I have to agree with a lot that has been said in the above.  I haven't read your profile either, but what is coming across here is more fantasy, rather than reality based.

Seriously, if you are 23, and you know this is the life that you want to pursue, exactly why haven't you done that yet?  Quite a few folks above have suggested that you go to a munch or get yourself out there in the real world.  If this is all you've ever thought you wanted to do, have you made any actual steps in doing that? 

If you've been reading about all of this for ten years, I have to ask you exactly what kind of material that you are reading?  Is it all erotica which drives your fantasies, or are you reading the non fiction books that are more reality based?

In many cases, this life isn't going to ring your doorbell and present itself to you while you are sitting at your keyboard.  It's just like anything else.  You can read about kayaking on the net all day or you can go out of your house and get in the water.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: It's just a game - 2/10/2010 2:02:53 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Johmey

I am constantly told that I take this lifestyle like a game. I want to learn what it's really about. I want this to be my lifestyle, it's what I am born to pursue. If anyone has any insight about that I am 100% open to it.


The thing is, you approach this lifestyle in a manner which seems right for you. Many of us don't think of this lifestyle as a game but as a  way of life and that is is valid also. We all take from the kink lifestyle what we feel and believe we want and need and for some it just flavors every aspect of our lives so much that we are unable to delineate the two.

If you honestly feel that you need to learn all that you can then indulge, take what you want and need that is appropriate for you. In turn, you will know more about you as a person in ways that will be surprising. The only think I can say is learn all that you can and never stop learning. Keep an open mind in areas which you may fear and understand that it doesn't necessary mean you have to try-only accept that you know what works for you and what doesn't.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: It's just a game - 2/11/2010 10:07:13 AM   
Johmey


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/9/2010
Status: offline 		Yes thank you all for the advice. I feel like I am learning a new kind of dance or something. Someone asked why I haven't pursued this until now... Good question, I have been focusing on many things to keep myself alive. Now I am in a much better position to finally actually pursue it :D

A lot of people are telling me I am way too deep into the fantasy. Well ok, thank you I will take in that advice, it certainly makes sense. It's not like I haven't tried any of this stuff. I have tried most of it, and I love it! I love pain. And I seek 24/7 slavery. I know my profile doesn't really look like that yet, but give it time, it will be ever so much more detailed with a complete description of myself. I just started this yesterday, I'm working on it ;)

I do not see people as a "tool" to satisfy my needs. I am a genuine, big hearted, romantic and friendly human being. I am definitely looking for a real and solid relationship, not a tool. I don't use, I just like to be used (that includes all of the small things too!) In any case, wouldn't I be the "tool" of the relationship? xD correct me if I am wrong :)

Again all of your advice has been read and taken to serious thought. I love it! I will be making many changes in the future and hopefully I will be able to convey to everyone what I am truly looking for correctly.

I definitely get that I need to get more real with myself, what a journey this will be!

Peace and Hugs :)

-johmey

< Message edited by Johmey -- 2/11/2010 10:26:11 AM >

_____________________________

I love the pain and the pain loves me.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: It's just a game - 2/11/2010 11:38:24 AM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Johmey

It's not like I haven't tried any of this stuff. I have tried most of it, and I love it! I love pain. And I seek 24/7 slavery. I know my profile doesn't really look like that yet, but give it time, it will be ever so much more detailed with a complete description of myself. I just started this yesterday, I'm working on it ;)



quote:


right now this is just a fantasy. a dream. but oh my gosh i want to wake up and it become real life. I can't even begin to imagine what an awesome journey it will be!

I just find it funny, I have been looking and reading about bdsm as much as I could get my hands on since I was 13 or so, thats about 10 years, and I come a community for the first time to be completely blown away with the difference of what I thought this life style was, and what it really is.


quote:


I want to learn what it's really about. I want this to be my lifestyle, it's what I am born to pursue.


Johmey,

Please understand, I'm in no way try to pick on you in any way.  This goes back to what I originally said about being real and letting go of the fantasy.

The three quoted statements above just don't jive for me...the bolded ones in particular.  You've made some changes to your profile to reflect your new status but I get the feeling you're still trying to not appear as quite so new and fresh-out-of-the-package.  I'm curious why. 

Please ask yourself the questions Whiplashsmile4 posed in the beginning of this thread and take the time to make contact and connect with local groups (note the link in my first post).  This really is more than just what you'll find in books and online...limiting yourself to CM or online is just that, limiting.

I do wish you the best....patience, grasshopper.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to Johmey)
Profile   Post #: 20
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