RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept?

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RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/7/2010 7:27:00 PM

DarkSteven

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OP, your post title indicates that your perceived issue is that you are not poly. Your post is almost incomprehensible, and your profile self description is hard to understand.

My impression is that most female led relationships are monogamous. I suspect that your issues may lie more with your communication skills than your refusal to do poly.

Get out from behind the computer and meet people face to face.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 21

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/7/2010 7:37:18 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SublimeAvatar

Two years on this site, and I've only come across Two Dommes online that I hope to meet at a future time, but I've been left wondering if my self description is too idealistically demanding or am I just a minority mainly detected by those miles, and miles away? The only bleak, bright side is that I have stood firm on qualities I seek in, but lacking motivation doesn't increase any success of developing faint capabilities I have. A Catch--22 has been my reality for a longer while than I like, but BLAH! BLAH! is the daily response to start anew.

I actually understood exactly what you were saying.

I know many Dommes who are into polygamy and many who are into monogamy. Regardless of what we are looking for, we are looking for compatibility.

You say only 2 women in 2 years... I'd say those odds aren't bad if you are picky. In all honesty, do you think we meet someone suited for us every day? I see a few interesting men here but they are much to far away for me to consider anything with. In 6 years (active for about 3 of them), I've engage in 1... yes 1 relationship here with someone local to me and 1... yes 1, with someone from far away. The others that I dated I met off this site. I've had about a dozen dates over that span of time but they don't click, not because they weren't awesome guys. Most of them were actually, just no spark.

The only advice I can give you is, don't lower your standards (regardless of what others tell you that you should want) and it will happen when it will happen. Just work on being the best man you can be for when she comes along.

From your profile: "It was odd to admit that I have a chilvarous nature and with a desire to practice courtly love. Ironically, it's a realization discovered through watching films and not reading Mideval literature. What complicates the matter is having an urge for servitude."

Don't loose that. I'll point you to a post I made on another thread where I explained a little bit how I see this:

I really think it is that I romanticize the knight, the strong protective man who slays dragons for his Queen. He is in her service, he will never abandon her or leave her side. In return, she will give him a purpose, will love him, will admire him, will cherish him, will train him to be an even better knight, an ever better man for her. She will work on being a better Queen for him. Sounds all silly and fairytale-like huh? Well in that sense, maybe I'm like every other girl, expect that my fairytale is twisted!

Yes, we can be the minority, but that doesn't mean we have to hold out for what we want. I know many Domme women and submissive men who feel this way. Hang in there :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Post #: 22

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/7/2010 7:49:00 PM

hopelessfool

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I know more FAILED Poly relationships then failed monogamous ones.

It stands to reason that having a relationship with 2 or more people might be more complicated than a relationship with one. I would expect that statistic and do not see what is bad about it.

True the adding of another person does make it more complicated, however the post in which i was refering to was about failed monogamous relationships and how he could never see someone as happy in a monogamous relationship, not about the complexity of a monogamous relationships, where my experience with the high rate of failure of poly relationships because of its complex nature, it would stand to speculate. since thats what dear mikey does....that there would be more unhappy people in actual poly relationships (not looking for a third, with an actual third in the mix) then for monogamous couples.

and for the record mikey... you DONT speak for everyone... you speak for you... to you monogamy is a choice... to some being gay is a choice, to some being blond is a choice.

to others monogamy is their nature, or being gay is their nature or being blond is their nature. its all about whats being perceived. and peoples opinion...

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(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 23

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/7/2010 7:59:13 PM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

Your post is almost incomprehensible, and your profile self description is hard to understand.

It's not the easiest read, I'll agree. But I got it right away. Mind you, I drank a few Hoegaarden during the game ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 24

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/7/2010 10:48:52 PM

SublimeAvatar

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Joined: 5/22/2007
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Sorry for those that I confused, but I like to blend many thoughts as a write,

I'm just admitting that I've only met 2 Dommes on this site. Also, I hope there's a mutual interest to meet or serve either one of two Dommes in the future. Not interested in serving 2 Dommes simualtanously (even if my profile hints that as an interest). Ultimately, I'm wondering if my self description, type of relationship I seek, my flaws as a person, and being a newbie is really that much of a turn off? The rest was a failed attempt of pointing out an oddity. It's one thing for a Domme to have expectations, but if a sub is willing to serve a Domme, he must have a desire, motivation, and focus to begin with--all 3 traits I don't have.

< Message edited by SublimeAvatar -- 2/7/2010 10:52:29 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 25

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/8/2010 2:20:28 AM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SublimeAvatar
Sorry for those that I confused, but I like to blend many thoughts as a write,

The thing is, when asking for help from people, it is best to be direct.

quote:

I'm just admitting that I've only met 2 Dommes on this site. Also, I hope there's a mutual interest to meet or serve either one of two Dommes in the future. Not interested in serving 2 Dommes simualtanously (even if my profile hints that as an interest).

Have you met them or not. One minute you say you want to meet them (in the OP), then next that you've met them, then that you want to meet them.

quote:

Ultimately, I'm wondering if my self description, type of relationship I seek, my flaws as a person, and being a newbie is really that much of a turn off?

I already answered this for you 4 posts above this one..

quote:

The rest was a failed attempt of pointing out an oddity. It's one thing for a Domme to have expectations, but if a sub is willing to serve a Domme, he must have a desire, motivation, and focus to begin with--all 3 traits I don't have.

No desire, motivation, and focus. Well that's going to be a problem. Here is going to be your Achille's heel. Work on this. Otherwise, you'll find that no self-respecting Domme (or women for that matter) will want to engage in a dynamic with you.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Post #: 26

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/8/2010 2:44:31 AM

Hawkwindblues

Posts: 183
Joined: 6/26/2009
From: Berlin, Germany
Status: offline

From the very start i was polygam. My first relationship ever was a triad. Both were also polygam.

Later on i developed a taste for monogamous man. My being polygam did not change.

We have found ways and i always will, because the concept of loving and desiring only one person at a time is completely foreign to me.

_____________________________

After 10 years with the handle ZenDragoness it is time for a change.

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Post #: 27

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/11/2010 9:15:25 PM

SublimeAvatar

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Joined: 5/22/2007
Status: offline

Thanks to all, who gave their imput regarding this question. Since more was mentioned, about the lack of clarity about my profile--I have to create another in the near future. Regardless of relationship preference--Congratulations to those currently satisfied, and good luck to all still searching.

(in reply to Hawkwindblues)

Post #: 28

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/12/2010 6:59:01 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SublimeAvatar
It's one thing for a Domme to have expectations, but if a sub is willing to serve a Domme, he must have a desire, motivation, and focus to begin with--all 3 traits I don't have.

It would be My opinion that the above would be more of a hindrance than whether you are monogamous or poly by nature. I would also say that it may work against you more than the inexperienced part. Some Dominant women are willing to become involved with those who don't particularly have experience, but only when that is made up for by an eagerness to learn, a willingness to serve, and a sincere effort to be dedicated to a different type of life.

For the record, as a poly person, I happen to think that we poly folks are the minority. I don't happen to think that either is something ingrained in us by outside influences. I'm of the opinion that it has more to do with the way we are wired. Very much the same as whether a person is kinky or not. I'm very much on the nature, rather than the nurture side of the debate.

With that said, I'm not especially sure that more poly relationships fail than monogamous ones. Most folks will quickly point to the success rates (50% divorce rate) of marriages for their reason for their theory on this. (I realize that didn't happen here, but I'm using it as what I've often heard over the years.) However, you have to take into account that relationships that fail don't always make it to that level. You also have to look at engagements that were broken off or folks who lived together who decided that they weren't right for each other. In fact, almost every adult has participated in a monogamous relationship that failed, unless you married your high school sweetheart.

What I would say to you, OP, is that, if you see some of your traits as flaws, work on them. If it's the way you're wired, be true to yourself, as it's really you that you bring to the table in any type of relationship.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 29

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/12/2010 7:53:27 AM

antipode

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Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

but BLAH! BLAH! is the daily response to start anew.

This is not going to get you the fan club you crave.

(in reply to SublimeAvatar)

Post #: 30

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/19/2010 10:51:05 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
I am monogamous by nature. I do not register other men as sexually attractive when in a fulfilling relationship.

Wow Des... that was the most succinct way to put it I've ever read. That would exactly describe my experience.

_____________________________

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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Post #: 31

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/19/2010 10:52:27 PM

Smutmonger

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I'm too lazy. I can barely manage one at a time-much less two.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 32

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/20/2010 5:25:04 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SublimeAvatar
I've been left wondering if my self description is too idealistically demanding or am I just a minority mainly detected by those miles, and miles away?

I understood his question. I think the answer is he is a minority only detected by those who live miles and miles away.

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I give good thread.

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Post #: 33

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/20/2010 6:02:45 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SublimeAvatar

It's one thing for a Domme to have expectations, but if a sub is willing to serve a Domme, he must have a desire, motivation, and focus to begin with--all 3 traits I don't have.

If you don't have a desire to serve, no motivation and no focus, why do you want to be in a bdsm type relationship to begin with? If you just want kinky sex, just say so- you would probably find more people willing to oblige you in a monogomous relationship.

Do you think the domme will provide these three things for you? And why would any domme want a sub that needs to be focused and motivated every day? Sounds like too much work to me - and i'm a sub!

(in reply to SublimeAvatar)

Post #: 34

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/20/2010 6:23:35 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SublimeAvatar

....but if a sub is willing to serve a Domme, he must have a desire, motivation, and focus to begin with--all 3 traits I don't have.

Wow, you may have just answered your own question.

You do realize that you just made a very negative statement about yourself that isn't going to attract many Dommes, don't you? Try being a little more positive when you communicate. Accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.

Also, it is a lot easier to meet people in real life than it is on-line. Most of the people that you meet on-line are not going to be local. But people you meet in real life are likely to be, since you will probably meet them locally. Go to a munch (and trim those eyebrows). Your success rate should improve exponentially.

(in reply to SublimeAvatar)

Post #: 35

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/20/2010 8:03:34 AM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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Rochsub2009 sweetie, ever consider starting a GQ Magazine for sub men? ;-)

- LA

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Post #: 36

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/20/2010 9:35:29 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

Rochsub2009 sweetie, ever consider starting a GQ Magazine for sub men? ;-)

i hope my comment didn't sound mean, but the Wolfman look is not flattering on him. Plucking that unibrow will help 1,000%. Proper grooming is for men as well as women.

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 37

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/20/2010 9:37:01 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

Oops!! i see that the OP's photo is now gone. i guess he didn't appreciate the comment.

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 38

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/20/2010 9:51:11 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

Oops!! i see that the OP's photo is now gone. i guess he didn't appreciate the comment.

Or maybe he's gone to do something about it!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

Post #: 39

RE: Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept? - 2/20/2010 9:59:11 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mikeyOfGeorgia

quote:

Flaws I have, but is Monogamy a minority concept?

Monogamy is a trained, learned and was basically created my religion and the government as a form of control (in my opinion). by nature, humans are not monogamous. we're just told it's wrong and that we'd all burn in Hell if we do it.

In YOUR world mongamy was a trained and learned behaviour.
In YOUR world monogamy was religon based.
The government has no say in your relationship, unless some of the parties doesnt pay taxes.... remember your religion taught you to pay to the government what is due them.

Nature doesnt control YOU, you do.
You burn in hell for rejection od Jesus as the Son of God and his redemptive work on the cross. PERIOD.

(in reply to mikeyOfGeorgia)

Post #: 40

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