agirl
Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lally2
quote:
ORIGINAL: agirl
quote:
ORIGINAL: lally2
i can take a certain amount, in fact quite a lot on my bottom - but when it comes to my back or my breasts i get panicky and i hate it.
not a problem, some might think, except that it has been for me in the past. D's that i have been with in the past have all wanted to flog my breasts and back and i have submitted to it, but ive hated it. some sort of anger and resentment builds up, i try not to let it spill out, but i curl up and cry and im truely pathetic.  and yet, as ive said, having my bottom spanked, paddled, flogged and i can and want to take a certain amount, even more than i think i can. its the one part of my anatomy where i feel 'go for it baby - do youre thang!
i know that its all about going into something slowly and carefully and building it up slowly - but it does absolutely nothing for me, not the point necessarily, i know. but even at my most submissive, anything along the lines of my back or breasts and im out of subspace and cringing, hating it and getting angry.
even though i know that not all of submission is about submittng to the things we enjoy, sometimes it is about gritting our teeth and getting through it for our Dominants. in there is satisfaction that we got there and pleased them' -
but for this activity its not necessarily about sadism, its provocative and horny for them, well, thats been my experience. so of course im failing on that by not getting hot over it.
the question is, how do you get around or through or past something that makes you angry for no apparent reason, feels completely negative. ive tried doing it in the spirit of full submission, but each time the crop or flogger has fallen im back to being pathetic and angry. ill submit to it, but its not had the desired effect in the past and i need to get this sorted out.
thanks. x
I don't really. If whacking my boobs is just horrible and hurts, then it just does.
If something makes him horny , it's never been expected that I *ought* to be too. I don't expect him to get turned on by the same things I do, either. That'd be daft.
I also don't *get through it* for HIM or to please HIM. It's just something he's decided to do and I try to make the best of it. Sometimes I can derive something out of it and sometimes I can't. Unless he's deliberately intent on putting me into a nice headspace, then it's coincidental if I get one or not.
I wouldn't say that *getting angry or feeling negative* about something you're enduring that you hate is *no apparent reason*. I think the reason is VERY apparent!
It doesn't matter HOW submissive I FEEL........I'm still going to have to stand there. I'm stood there because I AM submitting , not because I FEEL submissive. I couldn't rely on *feeling* submissive, as I rarely do.
I don't *feel* it, I do it.
agirl
i completely respect youre dynamic, but i do find it a bit confusing, ill be honest.
youre not submitting, and youre not 'getting through it' youre just standing there but not to please him. ok. so how, for instance do you stay standing there, lets say for those 200 strokes of the cane as punishment, hard and cold when youre not there to submit and youre not there to please him and youre not 'getting through it'.
the hardest thing i ever went through was 120 hard strokes with a crop as a punishment. the only thing that kept me there was my submission and the knowledge that if i did it would please him.
excuse me for asking, im just genuinely wondering what keeps you from saying 'enough' when it gets really hard to take. im probably missing something here - i seem to be doing that alot lately -
What keeps me there is what I agreed to. It doesn't matter if I am *feeling submissive* and it doesn't matter if I'm *pleasing* him. It matters that I actually DO what *being with him* means. I asked for it, it'd be very bad form to complain about something I actively asked for.
I think what you might have missed or misunderstood, is that I didn't choose this relationship because I want to be *submissive*.
I KNOW I have to, I KNOW that to have the part I want, I'm going to have to submit.....but that wasn't my prime aim. I asked for his control.........along with the control that I wished for, goes quite a lot of things that I have to accept that I don't like very much .......like being told what to do. I can't have ONE without the other.
When it comes to the caning ...I was tied very tightly over a chair. What kept me there, apart from the ropes and what caused me to *submit* to being tied there FOR it , was the fact that he was right, I was wrong and whatever way he chose to punish that fact, wasn't up to me. Unless of course, I wanted to *not be his* any longer. It wasn't about pleasing him , or feeling submissive , it was about accepting what being HIS meant.
There isn't any struggle with *getting through* something like that. You're tied down, it begins and at some point it ends. That's it, really.
When it comes to other types of activities where it's NOT a punishment ........ in a way, the same thing applies.
It'd be nice if EVERYTHING he did flipped my switches in the way I'd like. It'd be nice if nothing ever really hurt me apart from in a nice way, if nothing made me bite my pllow, or cry and wail, or shriek and declare that I hate him , or yell that I'm *sorry* out of desperation, even though I've nothing to be sorry for...........but .... then it wouldn't be HIM. And I wouldn't get the part I asked for originally ..... which was to be HIS. I'd have missed out on all sorts of amazing experiences if he'd stopped because I was scared , or in some kind of yukky pain.
I DO say *enough* sometimes...... that's usually a guarentee that it'll go on longer. I don't get to choose when *enough* is. I asked for him to have control........ that means I don't get control. If he gave it back to me, or I asked for it back...... then the M/s relationship for us is over. I just can't have it both ways.
It works both ways....... he couldn't *have* me , if he wasn't prepared to do what that takes either. Neither of us *have* to do it ....... we both have a way out. There's good and bad to owning me too.
agirl
< Message edited by agirl -- 2/3/2010 8:53:35 AM >
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RE: spanking bottoms versus flogging backs and breasts - 
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