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LadyNTrainer -> RE: Is love compatible with certain elements of BDSM? (1/25/2010 1:37:01 PM)
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ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
i am curious about how some of you balance your kink with your emotions for your play partner. Specifically, i'm asking those of you who are into some of the "edgier" aspects of BDSM (e.g. aggressive CBT, scat, water sports, human toilet, very heavy whipping/flogging, etc.). Do you find that you can engage in your particular kink with a partner that you "love", or is your play restricted to play partners that you don't have an emotional bond with?
Yes. It just took finding the right partner for whom some of those things were genuinely an expression of love. Since he's wired to see it that way, and I observed him long enough to know that his wiring was for real, I'm okay doing those things with him. Would be a totally different answer with someone else.
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For example, if you consider yourself to be sadistic, can you do the same things to a person that you love as you do to a mere play partner, or does your love make you ease up on them?
I can take someone I know, love and trust a LOT farther than I can take a mere play partner.
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Can you perform heavy duty CBT on your husband, or do you feel "protective" of his penis (since it may be necessary for creating a family).
Er, if you are doing heavy enough CBT on *anyone* to risk permanent damage, good luck to you, and to your lawyers. You'll need it.
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If you have a "toilet slave", would you ever consider marrying that person? And if you did marry them, would you still use them as your toilet?
Depends on how you define "toilet slave". If our interaction was that one-dimensional, then no. If pee and scat activity was part of a more holistic and loving relationship, then potentially yes.
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If you train your slave to be your dog and take them out for public walks on a leash, could you continue to do so after you married them? Or would the fact that they are your submissive dog prevent you from ever viewing them as a viable life partner?
As I have respect for the rights of others to decide what they and their children should and should not view, I would never engage in "human dog" play in public unless it was at a BDSM event. Once again, if our relationship was limited to doggy play interaction, then we wouldn't be viable life partners. If doggy play was only a part (albeit a large part perhaps) of a relationship that included kink, sex, intense play, friendship and emotional compatibility, then yes.
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This is not just limited to the edgier aspects of BDSM. For example, if you are a Domme and you enjoy feminizing males, would the very thing that you enjoy doing with this sub prevent you from ever viewing him as a viable husband?
You keep asking these questions, and the answer keeps being basically "different people have different kinks". Yes, I want my life partner(s) to be thoroughly kinky, and I would like our kink preferences to at least overlap significantly. If they were *not* willing to share kinks with me, that would be the deal breaker, not kink compatibility.
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If you are a male Dom and enjoy watching other men use your female slave sexually, would you continue to allow them to do that if you married her? Or is this kink incompatible with love?
No. Polyamory comes in many different flavors. This particular one isn't my personal kink, but I am poly in a different configuration, and it does work.
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We're all kinky people or we wouldn't be here, so i hope this thread won't turn judgmental. But are there BDSM activities that you participate in that you would NOT participate in with your spouse or someone that you truly loved?
No, absolutely not. But the heavier and more intimate stuff I won't do with a partner I don't at least like, care about and respect deeply.
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