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Relocation - 1/19/2010 6:12:21 AM   
Lanpanic


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline 		This is my first topic outside of the introduction thread. Couldn't find a thread for this, or mabey I wasn't searching right any ways:

How do the individuals here feel about relocation for a BDSM relationship, either moving to some one or them moving to you? How about paying for the relocation if its some one else that's moving?

To answer my own question, it would be persoanly hard for me to move any where or ask some one to move in with me who wasnt already in the same town. The job I'm at now is almost impossible to find and obtain any where else(I make over 21 bucks an hour, with out any kind of collage to sit around and do bupkiss). I have a descent place off in the quite edges of town right off a farm. For the saem reason I couldn't ask for some one a distance away to move in with me, unless they were 100% willing to give it all up. As for funding the move, if it was as simple as a one way ticket, yeah, I could do that.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 6:16:20 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		You seriously couldn't find anything?  Are you quite sure you spelled it right?

In the search criteria, I typed up "relocating sub" and got 300 hits (the max) in the general section alone.  There are easily at least that number if you specify the same search criteria for the "Ask A Master" board.


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RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 6:17:19 AM   
Lanpanic


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline 		I guess I may have misspelled it. Meh, I guess I'll just  have the thread deleted then.

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RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 6:29:01 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		Here is a thread on relocation that was started 4 days ago.  \http://www.collarchat.com/m_3009907/tm.htm

If you can not relocate then you can not do it.  The reasons do not matter.  I'm sure there might be someone who would be willing to move to a smaller rural type community.  However, you will never find that person if you have already decided that looking is futile. 

To answer your questions, I think relocaton is great.  I did it, but I had spent time with Gary before doing so.  We had both met each other's families and I had been along for one of his twice yearly visits to his doctor so I would understand what was happening.  I had spend weeks living in his motor home to make sure I could handle living in a small area.  I was able to pay my own expenses but that is not always the case.  If the person you find can not afford the move then I see nothing wrong with you offering to help pay for it, IF you have spent a lot of time together real time and not just internet time.  Offering to move someone to you whom you have never met in life is really rather silly. 

(in reply to Lanpanic)
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RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 6:30:24 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		There is no reason to have the thread deleted.  The forums gets similar questions asked all the time.  We were just pointing out that your search might have been flawed.  

(in reply to Lanpanic)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 6:33:36 AM   
Lanpanic


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you for both kindly redirecting me as well as the informative response. Its true that if you cant you cant, but its not unreasonable to have an explanation as to why. I agree with your last statement and would add that it can also be dangerous.

quote:

ORIGINAL: peppermint

There is no reason to have the thread deleted.  The forums gets similar questions asked all the time.  We were just pointing out that your search might have been flawed.  


I wasn't sure what the forum policy on repeat threads are. I know in many forums people get annoyed when some one posts a repeat thread.


< Message edited by Lanpanic -- 1/19/2010 6:36:14 AM >

(in reply to peppermint)
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RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 6:39:35 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		OP, you plain and simple can't relocate.  That's not uncommon.

Do you require that the woman work and supplement the household income while with you?  That could be problematic in such a small place.

Forget about a one way ticket.  Asking someone to move into your place without getting to know them first face to face, is a recipe for disaster.  Your relationship with your wife would be at risk.

Speaking of your wife... to be blunt, your search will be very difficult if not impossible.  You live in remote Alaska, making travel expenses high. You're asking someone to be a third, coming into an existing relationship.

A suggestion: clarify what the relationship will be.  You're not clear whether you'll be a Dom or switch to the woman, or what relationship she will have with your wife.


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RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 6:47:50 AM   
Lanpanic


Posts: 18
Joined: 2/11/2009
Status: offline 		This really wasn't a suggestion thread for me, a "Help, how do I..." thread. It was more of a thread to express your own opinions on the matter. But, in regard to your post, it does help me understand and give me ideas for a more thought out profile.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 7:14:02 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I will not relocate. At one time I considered it but now, at this point in my life, anyone that is interested in me is going to have to travel to me, and relocate if indeed, we connect.

If I am not worth the effort to them........they are not for me.


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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 7:47:52 AM   
Hawkwindblues


Posts: 183
Joined: 6/26/2009
From: Berlin, Germany
Status: offline 		I feel spledid about relocation.

First i relocated for him and after three years he relocated with/for me back to Berlin.

It was the first time in my life that i relocated for a man, normally i had reasons not related to emotional issues.



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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 7:49:32 AM   
peppermint


Posts: 5175
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteve

Forget about a one way ticket.  Asking someone to move into your place without getting to know them first face to face, is a recipe for disaster.  Your relationship with your wife would be at risk.

Speaking of your wife... to be blunt, your search will be very difficult if not impossible.  You live in remote Alaska, making travel expenses high. You're asking someone to be a third, coming into an existing relationship.



Sheeesh, I should have read the profile.  Here I was thinking he was a poor lonely guy in the middle of nowhere with no female companionship.  Now my bubble is burst by finding out he's married already.  Not fair!!!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 8:17:05 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

unless they were 100% willing to give it all up


Umm, even if you were a hot chick, I am not moving to Alaska.

But: I would in general consider buying property where the sub in question is, for as long as it is in the sun, and then some. That does not necessarily mean full relocation.

(in reply to Lanpanic)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 8:27:35 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		I will be in the process of relocating in a week. At this time in my life, there is 0 reasons keeping me where I live. My work is done from home, so I still will be working.  I accomplished what I sat out for myself here, and was successful. Now a new chapter in my life needs to be lived, and with someone very special to me. We will give it a go for a few months or so, and then come back to get the rest of my belongs.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 4:35:34 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've moved lots of times in my life so it's not that big a deal for me. I've relocated twice for two different men so far in my life and I'll be doing it a third time soon. The only thing that has held me back the past few years is waiting for the kiddo to graduate high school. If it wasn't for her I would have moved probably one or twice already.

I have never had anyone except me pay for my relocations since it was always my choice to do so and I've never needed anyone else to help me out in that department.

(in reply to wisdomtogive)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 4:40:36 PM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lanpanic

This is my first topic outside of the introduction thread. Couldn't find a thread for this, or mabey I wasn't searching right any ways:

How do the individuals here feel about relocation for a BDSM relationship, either moving to some one or them moving to you? How about paying for the relocation if its some one else that's moving?


As a general statement, I don't believe in it.  I have no interest in someone moving to me for a BDSM relationship.  That's why I have on my profile that I don't do long-distance/online and they need to be in Dallas or *already* moving here to talk with me.   I can think of only one exception that I've come across to this and that person isn't going to be doing any relocating as they've a set life and family far away; neither of us are in a positiont to up and move to the other.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 9:16:02 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		I'd relocate but a lot of things would have to be considered and planned for if I did.  My company has offices in his location so it would be a matter of whether or not there was a suitable opening.  The difficulty would be in making sure I was still able to take care of my Mom's needs, as I help her a great deal, and in being able to still spend quality time with my family (siblings and their kids) and friends who are currently local to me.  The Man lives about an hour & a half from here so it wouldn't be a huge move should the time come.  While we see a relocation as a definite possibility for the future, it's not something we're planning for, currently.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 10:20:50 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		My opinion here is summed up in three words - never say never.

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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Relocation - 1/19/2010 11:05:47 PM   
Hawkwindblues


Posts: 183
Joined: 6/26/2009
From: Berlin, Germany
Status: offline 		But it would be considerably warmer for a hot chick than a cold one, or not Antipode?

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Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Relocation - 1/20/2010 3:44:44 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		OP, your profile says you're looking for a short term fling. You really think anyone would relocate for a short term?

Anyway, you can't relocate. It's not uncommon. My youngest isn't out of school yet so I'm not free to move. If The Man gets a job out of town permanently, we'll be back to weekends only for a couple of more years.

Since you're in the middle of nowhere, why not look for someone you can visit once a month? Someone who also wants a part time relationship as she also has a primary partner.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Relocation - 1/20/2010 3:49:40 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		my guess is the op's wife has no freakin' idea she is poly 

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