RE: Im gearing up for fight w family

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RE: Im gearing up for fight w family - 1/13/2010 12:21:13 PM

rockspider

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Somebody once said to me. Family is something you have pictures of on the wall. When you are pissed of at them you turn the picture around so you don't see them. I don't 100 % agree, but neither do I totally disagree. They can be such a pain in the arse sometimes. At least the nearest live over a 100 km away so I don't get in to a fight with them and it makes it pretty pleasant seeing them on occasion.

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RE: Im gearing up for fight w family - 1/13/2010 5:16:47 PM

DesFIP

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He doesn't have to talk to his brother in law to talk to his sister. He can call when the BIL is working. If your sister is working in an office, he can call her there. He can email.

Just tell him to have a relationship with his sister and not try to have one with the BIL.

We don't talk to my sister in law. We call my brother's cell during times we know he isn't home. We call his office, we email him at an office email. My sister in law is a bitch who has a horrible family background and hates that he has a supportive family. This is a woman who didn't tell him when our grandmother died and had I not found the office number and reached him at the last minute, he would not have been to her funeral. We simply try very hard not to be in the same place with her and to see him separately.

Your brother can do the same. But I wouldn't tell him to grow up. I would tell him that his 2 year old nephew misses him, and can't he arrange to visit at a time when the BIL isn't there. The kids can be the bridge needed to get the siblings together.

And kudos to you for getting everyone to call your grandmother weekly.

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RE: Im gearing up for fight w family - 3/21/2010 12:14:09 PM

pahunkboy

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hello - this was my thread- so I choose to bring it up to date.

I went to bat today for my sister and brother.   To no immediate avail. I said the my sister has a right to know WHY he is mad at her. i understand his frustration = but this is now 6 months. I said- when grampa did not talk to me for years-I knew why. But in this case neither sibling knows why. And that telling me is not the thing- I can understand 200% but the others "need to know why".

The conversation was then tense where he told me to "I do not want to have this conversation" "drop it'. So I did.

In general he is VERY frustrated with life- and y'all think I am bad when I rant- my brother is 10 fold the BOLD that I am.

As with ALL my family I told him- (As I tell the others) that my home is open to them any time- that they may come for 2 weeks- open invitation.    I am sure that has eased abit of the stress on him.

If you noticed- I did leave some time here for this to blow over- for tempers to cool.

Anyhow- I inquired and now I must step back.    It sure is a delicate balance. :-)

I would like to thank everyone here for your suggestions. I appreciate it. :-)

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RE: Im gearing up for fight w family - 3/21/2010 2:19:07 PM

kiwisub12

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Well handled - especially the delivering the message and then leaving it alone.

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RE: Im gearing up for fight w family - 3/21/2010 2:43:34 PM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

Well handled - especially the delivering the message and then leaving it alone.

Thanks. My sister does not want me to bring it up with that brother for quite a while- if at all. she says he will cut me off.

So for now- I think I hit the right balance.

My sister has helped all of us out in various ways in the past- so - I wanted to try abit.

Maybe it will blow over. Being that I am out of state- I have that dynamic to the thing too.

She says he seems to prefer they text message- that- it is his preferred way to communicate. So - I have done what I could.

Will step back. I must step back- because now- it morphs into becoming more of an ordeal if I feed the fire.

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RE: Im gearing up for fight w family - 3/21/2010 2:53:38 PM

Arpig

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~FR~
B-i-L is a jerk. Babies are designed to survive in a lot dirtier conditions than any we live in, hell look how many of them they have in India and China where their ideas of sanitary is way different than here. I am amazed my kids survived, hell I encouraged my kids to play in the mud, then hosed them off afterwards...like my mother says...scrape off the dirt and weigh it to see how much fun the kids had.

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RE: Im gearing up for fight w family - 3/21/2010 3:40:27 PM

JstAnotherSub

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sometimes, the pain of just cutting ties with family that bring you down is a small price to pay for the years of peace in your life after that...

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