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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: lifestyle house (1/7/2010 12:57:58 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: vincentML
When and where have communes worked? Sooner or later people renaige(sp?) on assigned chores. Sooner or later people in close proximity do not get along. I would not participate. I would rather be alone I think.
To answer your question, I have over 2 decades of experience with communal and intentional-community situations, and I've found that -most- of them work, if not "forever" (a concept that I find fallacious to begin with, because who can promise what they have no control over, like time), then at least for long enough to be a positive experience in the lives of the members at the time -- especially when the members have a vested interest in the community as a whole.
You know, there are so many negative comments being thrown out on this thread -- fears and biases based more on lack of knowledge than on any experience, and that's problematic. I think that it's fine to say "Hey, I can't see myself doing that.", but there is, in my mind, a fine line between acknowledging that something isn't one's cup of tea, and trying to negate the entire concept because one doesn't "believe in it".
My offspring grew up being exposed to communal family, and now I am coming full-circle, and moving across country to join the intentional community started by my oldest offspring and his mate, who are in a communal household that has been growing for the past 5 years, and is now large enough, with members who have developed their own means of co-funding the community, so that they are ready to expand, get some land, and create a trust and land-trust for the commune. My youngest and his mate have decided to join the community as well, which is great, since he has a background in architecture and a strong desire to create communal living spaces that respect individuality while encouraging wise use of shared resources.
I'm sorry that the people you've been with have been so disappointing. Maybe you need to spend more time with people who are genuinely interested in building community -- they're an entirely different kettle of fish. For people genuinely interested in community, few renege on chores. They realize that the work they do supports not only the community as a whole, but themselves as individuals. They get a sense of satisfaction from it, and a sense of community well-being as well. Communities that thrive tend to rotate chores according to need and skill, so that people don't get bored or stuck with only onerous jobs over and over again, and make concessions to help out members who are burned out, tired, or sick. Healthy communities also have processes in place to deal with individuals who incite drama and cause problems beyond the capacity of the community to manage. Sometimes, that includes asking those members to please -leave-... but in over 20 years, I've seen that happen less than a dozen times.
You mention that, sooner or later, people living in close proximity won't get along, and I think that it is true that, in any group of people, there are going to be situations where people will get on each others last nerve -- which is why healthy communities also have a grievance process in place, so that these issues don't fester and do irreparable damage to the community. For example, my son's community, developed out of shared metaphysical interests (though multiple spiritual paths from Mystical Judaism to Atheism and back), has a Council of Arbiters, with 2 trained arbitrators in a community of less than a dozen people, and a plan to support the training of a new arbitrator for every 5 members, plus they have arrangements made for one of the mentors of their active arbitrators to be available as a neutral party. They feel that this will allow the community to always have someone who can arbitrate disagreements from a neutral viewpoint, and find a wise road to allow the community to thrive.
Healthy communities plan -- they plan to help to evoke the best in people, but also plan for options when things go belly-up. Healthy communities nourish the differences in their members, while reinforcing the communal bonds that they share. Even for a certified introvert like myself, a well-planned commune or intentional community can be a positive and affirming way to live... and as a side benefit, while living communally, I have more time for 'alone' activities that I cherish, like writing.
Calla
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