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RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 3:46:47 AM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuirkyAnne

So I've been stood up a couple of times when it came to meeting someone from the internet in real life. I'm supposed to be meeting a Dom tomorrow and until a little bit ago, there were some red flags that indicated that I might have been once again. While that's been resolved (at least I hope so) I got to thinking about posts I've read where others have mentioned it. I found a couple of threads dealing with this topic but they were rather old and since there are new users on the boards I was hoping that some who've have to go through this awkward and disappointing experience would be willing to share some of their stories?

Anne

logistics aside, if you have ejoyed taking to someone for a couple of weeks, there is no reason to turn down a request for a face to face meet of a breakfast , lunch or dinner. One of three things is going to happen. 1 You meet and you find no chemestry, fine, you enjoy the meal and move on. 2 You meet and the person might in time be considered a friend but still no chemestry. again enjoy the meal and move on or 3, this person really knocks you socks off and you really enjoy the meal. It is not that one is being rejected it is just that they don't feel you may be right for them. I am sure there is a little disappointment but the world is not comming to an end, but the sooner people know, the better. this waiting three months just to meet is ludicious in my opinion.

There is not reason to stand people up, Last time I checked, everyone is supposed to be an adult, maybe it is time they start acting like one instead of playing these childish and insensitive games. I have only been stood up onece and well, quite frankly, that is their loss because I happen to think I am a pretty nice person.

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to QuirkyAnne)

Post #: 21

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 4:47:15 AM

Roselaure

Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

On the flip side, I once found myself with two hours to kill before a meet and greet at a coffee shop...so I showed up early and started drinking. By the time she arrived I'd downed four large espressos. To make matters worse, I was taking a philosophy course at the time and was deep into Nietzsche's Beyond Good And Evil. So I spent that two hours reading Nietzsche. I believe our onversation went something like this: "Hi!" "Um, hi." "Say, do you believe in God? Because [twenty minutes of excited rambling later] I don't." "I have to leave now." "Oh." C'est la vie.

Nietzsche and four espressos? Now there's a winning combination. Although I have never subscribed to the notion that one should avoid discussing politics or religion. Those are two of the most interesting subjects, and for me give the most insight into what makes the person tick. Since similar values are high up on my list of what makes a couple compatible, finding out their political and religious views is something I generally do early rather than later.

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to Psychonaut23)

Post #: 22

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 5:30:55 AM

Prinsexx

Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: QuirkyAnne

So I've been stood up a couple of times when it came to meeting someone from the internet in real life. I'm supposed to be meeting a Dom tomorrow and until a little bit ago, there were some red flags that indicated that I might have been once again. While that's been resolved (at least I hope so) I got to thinking about posts I've read where others have mentioned it. I found a couple of threads dealing with this topic but they were rather old and since there are new users on the boards I was hoping that some who've have to go through this awkward and disappointing experience would be willing to share some of their stories?

Anne

I've never been stood up. However I have been toyed with on-line...with broken promises of phone calls, broken arrangements. Even courted on at least two occassions by men posing as women. (I guess if you have lied about your gender then meeting up is difficult eh? )
However up until this point in time I have always had a sinking and disappointing feeling when I have met doms. Usually settled for less than I originally expected and regretted it later.
Except for one guy. Whom I knew for ar least four years on line before we met. He exceeded ALL my expectations and we have an open arrangement even though our roles are Master/slave.
My conclusions? (Not so tongue in cheek)...most of them are wankers who get off on manipulation and control. Once they have you eating humble pie out of their hands they no longer want yoyu.
They never wanted reality in the first place.

_____________________________

Owner of asterion

Metawhore.... the sound of a metaphore when gagged
Free woman
Resident thread finisher
To my stalker:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LN2lP_7J7GI&feature=fvwrel

(in reply to QuirkyAnne)

Post #: 23

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 6:00:23 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

Getting stood up does suck. But it's possible to mitigate the potential suck factor. Don't pick a location to meet someone for the first time if you'd say to yourself "I can't believe I dragged myself here for this person who didn't show up." Pick places you like, have some independent interest or pleasure in. I can't imagine flying off to meet someone, but if I did, I'd check out the city first, see if there were any interesting art exhibits or things I'd like to check out.

Locally, if the meet is at a restaurant or a coffee shop, I'll bring a book or a magazine. If it's at a bar, hell, I'm perfectly happy drinking a couple of beers, watching Sportscenter and chatting with the regulars. I don't get dressed up especially for a first meet. If I want the guy to see me looking fancy, I'll arrange the meet for a day when I'm dressed in my nice work clothes. If we're meeting on a saturday afternoon, odds are exceptionally good that I'm showing up in men's cords and a hoodie or a sweater. Because that's who I am. The key to not getting jerked around or overly disappointed on a first meet (whether or not the individual shows up) is not to alter who you are. Be yourself. Do things you would normally do.

I write this as a person who has some exciting opportunities to get stood up in the immediate future. :)

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 24

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 6:38:40 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

~fr~

It can be difficult not to get caught up in high emotions and excitement when you are getting ready to meet someone whom you feel may be a good match. I urge people not to get too caught up over font until they meet in real time and spend time together. That being said, I like the plan of having something secondary to do (shopping, movie, museum), in the area of the planned meet, that way if there is a no show, you can still have plenty of fun on your own.

good luck

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 25

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 7:24:35 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

I got stood up once... well more than once... but here's the positive story.

Me: Hey I'm gonna be in Portland. Wanna meet up?
Him: Sure. I'm gonna be in Portland same time!!! What a coincidence!

*Phone call in Portland...

Me: Ok... I'm in Portland. Since it's raining so hard, let's meet for dinner instead of lunch.
Him: RAIN? What are you talking about ? It's beautiful. You don't wanna meet, that's cool, but come on!!!

I was in Portland Oregon.
He was in Portland Maine.

le sigh.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 26

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 7:29:19 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterVlad1969

that makes no sense to me.you spend time getting to know someone,agree on likes and dislikes.relationships are hard enough without involving the lifestyle,if you didn't want to meet then say so up i'm sure there was enough time to explain any issues.they are probably just online players and are married or something.please don't waste everyone's time with that.if your not going to be serious don't set up a meeting .

You have never been stood up??

(in reply to MasterVlad1969)

Post #: 27

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 7:31:08 AM

hardbodysub

Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

logistics aside, if you have ejoyed taking to someone for a couple of weeks, there is no reason to turn down a request for a face to face meet of a breakfast , lunch or dinner. One of three things is going to happen. 1 You meet and you find no chemestry, fine, you enjoy the meal and move on. 2 You meet and the person might in time be considered a friend but still no chemestry. again enjoy the meal and move on or 3, this person really knocks you socks off and you really enjoy the meal.

One thing is wrong with the above analysis: in all possible scenarios mentioned, you actually "enjoy the meal". There is at least one scenario in which you won't enjoy it: 4 You meet, and not only is there no good chemistry, you find that they misrepresented themselves, and you are so turned off by them that you find yourself looking for any excuse at all to get the hell out of there ASAP. You cannot "enjoy the meal" in the presence of this person.

Before you decide to meet, insist on knowing the things that are most important to you, and don't let them avoid the issue by saying that they're the dominant and don't have to. They do if they want to meet you. For example, if physical appearance matters to you, insist on seeing a recent photo. There's nothing like discovering that someone who describes themselves as "petite" is 5'0" tall and 180 lbs (one of my experiences), or has such unkempt hair and beard that you're afraid you'll get fleas from them. I've heard horror stories from women who encountered men with no apparent concept of personal hygiene. Of course, all the online chats and photos in the world can't guarantee that someone is being honest with you. They photos could be 25 years old, or of someone else, or they could be lying about other things. But doing that requires active dishonesty, and I think fewer people are going to sink that low, compared to how many are comfortable simply withholding potentially negative information until the meeting.

I suggest that to avoid a complete waste of time in case you're stood up or disappointed by a dishonest person, set up the meeting for a time and place where you'd enjoy going even if you weren't meeting someone, and have a plan for ending the meeting quickly if you want. That way, there's nothing lost if they don't show, and you can extricate yourself from an unpleasant situation if it comest to that.

(in reply to Acer49)

Post #: 28

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 7:36:03 AM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

I've learned that being stood up isn't a personal attack. I've been stood up a few times, and with the exception of one of them, each of the men have aways come back begging for a second chance (to which I've said no). I realize a submissive may not feel she can/should do this, but what I do is demand we meet in a town near my home so I don't have to travel too far and I also prefer Panera as a good spot for several reasons....

I like to people watch and there are always people at Panera
I like the food (it's not MCD's or the King)
I can always just have a drink and leave
There is WiFi
In the event he shows and we really enjoy each other we can sit there for as long as we want and staff doesn't care because they don't turn tables as a sit down resturant does. (Having been a waitress in a former life, I'm acutely aware of table turnover)

Because I don't invest miles, boredom and a feeling of being personally attacked, I'm rarely upset when stood up.

_____________________________

D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 29

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 7:55:48 AM

wykkidesire2plsU

Posts: 90
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline

i have not been stood up, but i recently had someone online make a date to meet on Saturday. Friday he comes up with plausible reason he cant go.

He pursues another meeting with me, i agree for the following Wednesday, dont hear from him, oh he got caught in the storm internet was down, how about next sunday? Still plausable, terrible storm up his way.

Next sunday, storm snowed him in, how about next Wednesday.....uhh ok, less excited but at this point i want to see if he is real.
oh because of snowstorm, now behind at work--- how bout......when i finally said i will come up there or meet halfway, but that we needed to meet before i would continue talking with him, ive not heard from him :).

It is like kind of like being stood up, you hold the day open for him,get your nails done, abstain from dessert all week so your tummy is flat...lol. Only good thing was i lost 3 lbs during that little skit.

i am very lucky because usually i want to meet earlier than later and so far, all have showed to the actual meet. i have met some boring ones, but the only really wierd one that i wish had stood me up was the guy who yanked my hair back and kissed me and bit my lip HARD,after sitting down at the table for not 10 minutes. After i told him i didnt like that, he advised me if i wanted to be sub i needed to learn to take what was given, i told him maybe--- but i get to choose who gives it to me, TOODLES!

< Message edited by wykkidesire2plsU -- 1/2/2010 7:57:02 AM >

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 30

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 8:05:25 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If you call showing up two hours late as being stood up, then I've done it. However it wasn't our first meeting and luckily he was aware of my propensity for getting lost by then. I did call both times though, multiple times to update him on where I thought I was.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 31

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 10:54:22 AM

amaidiamond

Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline

I've not been stood up - yet. I normally meet at a much or a fet market/event - that way its both a safe place around people i feel safe with/around and if i get stood up then I can still socialise, drink coffee and chat.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 32

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 11:16:53 AM

honeygirl

Posts: 111
Joined: 11/12/2004
Status: offline

I'm one of the lucky/unlucky who've never been stood up (boy, do I wish some of those dudes had never shown up, lol!)

When I meet someone for the first time, I almost always make certain I have several other planned activities that I have to attend after the date. I would never (again!) end up with time being wasted because someone cancels the day before or something like that.

As Lucienne (I believe) mentioned, I definitely don't go out of my way to look fabulous; I'll put in effort, just not so much that I kick myself for looking extra good while I'm with someone who might not have bathed in a while!

And I learned the hard way to never meet up in any of my favorite spots. The regular staff at one of my local restaurants looked at my with such pity and confusion after I foolishly met someone there when I was much, much more naive.

Hardbodysub touched on the downside of ending up with someone you might find is a very bad match; after one date like that, I decided against ever breaking my rules and having a date that lasts hours <shudders shudders shudders>.

Good luck to you, QuirkyAnne! Hope you have/had fun!

quote:

ORIGINAL: wykkidesire2plsU

i have not been stood up, but i recently had someone online make a date to meet on Saturday. Friday he comes up with plausible reason he cant go.

He pursues another meeting with me, i agree for the following Wednesday, dont hear from him, oh he got caught in the storm internet was down, how about next sunday? Still plausable, terrible storm up his way.

Next sunday, storm snowed him in, how about next Wednesday.....uhh ok, less excited but at this point i want to see if he is real.
oh because of snowstorm, now behind at work--- how bout......when i finally said i will come up there or meet halfway, but that we needed to meet before i would continue talking with him, ive not heard from him :).

It is like kind of like being stood up, you hold the day open for him,get your nails done, abstain from dessert all week so your tummy is flat...lol. Only good thing was i lost 3 lbs during that little skit.

i am very lucky because usually i want to meet earlier than later and so far, all have showed to the actual meet. i have met some boring ones, but the only really wierd one that i wish had stood me up was the guy who yanked my hair back and kissed me and bit my lip HARD,after sitting down at the table for not 10 minutes. After i told him i didnt like that, he advised me if i wanted to be sub i needed to learn to take what was given, i told him maybe--- but i get to choose who gives it to me, TOODLES!

(in reply to wykkidesire2plsU)

Post #: 33

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 11:22:16 AM

Wisenlilminx

Posts: 56
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline

We've been stood up multiple times and it seems to be a common occurrence for many. Now, our first meetings are only at our social or another munch. That or the idea of having something else to do if they don't show also sounds like great advice.

Some people may be players, but I do think a lot get cold feet. Sometimes, a person who was a no-show, ends up eventually coming to a munch. You can tell they are shy so cold feet is sometimes the reason. It's still a poor excuse for not calling.

(in reply to honeygirl)

Post #: 34

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 11:51:37 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

There was a time when I had wished I had been stood up.We met in a local eatery/bar, he came in, looks were fine,however after talking for about 15 minutes, I noticed a great lack of maturity,a kind of vacuous personality.I realized neither of us was interested, which was fine, but I feel it only polite to finish the date with some class. But this male person went to the bathroom and was gone for quite some time. I too went off to the bathroom and discovered him in the hallway with a waitress kissing up a storm. After I stood back and critiqued his skill in foreplay (rated average and unimaginative) I quietly exitied to my car. Now I do have to confess that this did hurt my feelings a bit, and made me angry at myself for feeling the hurt,and even though I was not attracted I made the effort to at least try to make the meet as pleasant as possible.But since that incident so long ago, I now know that I would rather have the feelings I experienced (even if he wasnt worth the feeling of hurt he engendered)simply because it helped me to realize that I must be careful not to unknowingly create this pain within another/Tempting

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I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to Wisenlilminx)

Post #: 35

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 12:32:08 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Geez Tempting.... that sounds like the shittiest date ever!

You should have flattend his tires.

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 36

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 12:39:05 PM

cajingrl

Posts: 52
Joined: 11/3/2005
Status: offline

I have been stood up many times, but this time I didn't really get stood up, but I wish that I had been. I met this "dom" for dinner after talking for a long while. We met at a resturant that had a buffet. When he got there, I couldn't believe that it was him. He came in in holey, dirty sweats and we went through the line and went to sit down. He did most of the talking, cause I was trying to just eat and get out of there. When dinner was over he asked if I wanted dessert and I politely declined and said that I had to leave. He stated that he as going to stay and go back for more food. I was never so glad to get out of there. At least the resturant wasn't very far from my house. That is one that I have always regretted meeting.

< Message edited by cajingrl -- 1/2/2010 12:42:18 PM >

_____________________________

"That which does not kill me makes me stronger" by Fredrick Neitzsche.

(in reply to hardbodysub)

Post #: 37

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 12:41:44 PM

ElectraGlide

Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline

Getting stood happens when you are single, but it is a blessing. It is better to get stood up at the start, then to get involved awhile and then get dumped. It shows their true character.

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(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 38

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 2:12:49 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Ok....well if we're sharing stories about meetings where being stood up would have been preferable I have a few. In fact when I was dating people would come to the gym that I attended and work out with me just to hear the latest.

There was Yertle the Turtle...the international banker that had no picture in his profile and was a wonderful and articulate man who resembled Yertle just a bit too much. I couldn't get past the neck folds, the lack of a chin, and the bald head with a wispy comeover...my loss. He was very sweet and ernest. I've never met anyone who carried around a printed copy of the Constitution, the Declaration of Independence, and the Bill of Rights with them. He proceeded to pull it out during our lunch and read to me from it.

There was the Latin man who was about 4" shorter than he stated in the profile (which would have been ok but lying about it wasn't) and he was built like a scrawny chicken. He didn't have much cash and spent most of the date in fear that I was going to order another drink- I didn't. He spent hours talking about his ex and that drama. He revealed that he had an illegitimate child with a one night stand and was being sued for child support and had gone to jail for non payment. Then after that he proceeded to tell me what I should do to improve my physical appearance because he wanted me to glorify his presence when we were together. He wanted other men to envy him

- well, they wouldn't have done it on his own attributes so I can see why he needed mine. The improvments included me spending more time at the gym amongst other things. I informed him that i went to the gym every single damn day except for Sunday (still do) and that I could snap his little poultry ass in half like a twig. In fact I suggested we have an arm wrestling contest right then and when he turned me down I huffed out. He raced after me calling out to me in the street did that mean I wouldn't go to a hotel with him? I'm sure I'd have had to pay if I had wanted that priviledge. The win in this particular situation was that the bartender who had seen me roll up my shirt sleeve and offer to arm wrestle raced after me trying to get my number. It assuaged my ego a bit.

There was the guy who came in a shirt that had holes in it and took me to Taco Bell for a delicious gourmet lunch...which he didn't eat right away. Then he told me that he couldn't eat with his false teeth in so he took them out and put them on the table while he finally ate his lunch. There was the man who was so nice and gallant on the phone and when I got out of my car to say hello on our date he smiled...all his teeth were black. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. They were also worn away on the sides until they looked like peninsulas or islands. I occupied myself by trying to see state shapes in his teeth. That was the only time I used the calling a friend from the bathroom ruse. I had her call me 15 min later with an 'emergency'. I just couldn't face the thought that he'd try to kiss me goodbye. Nicest guy...we stayed friends and I told him at some point gently that he needed to get his teeth fixed if he wanted to get a woman. He took the news gracefully.

These are not the only stories I have, there are more. I don't regret being out of the dating scene for now

- it's not for the faint of heart.

(in reply to ElectraGlide)

Post #: 39

RE: Getting Stood Up - 1/2/2010 2:14:41 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Never been stood up or have stood anyone else up....Was once late when meeting Jefff, I felt horrible.

Who in their right mind would stand up all of dis?

_____________________________

(in reply to Psychonaut23)

Post #: 40

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