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RE: I was talking ! - 1/3/2010 10:13:33 PM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I have always seen you as a smart guy with a good heart. But I always figured you are a flaming alcoholic that has his beer with breakfast. I know you said you are getting better and will be working out soon. If you are drinking yourself into a stupor. Cant stop drinking once you start, I think you arent going to get better but will lead to an early grave. I hope you take care of your issues as we really do care about you here.

Term is not an alcoholic.

It is true he parties alot- but he is not an alcoholic.

...maybe he over does it at times- but we all do with some type of habit.

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/3/2010 10:43:12 PM

Termyn8or

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"I wish he were here to still ignore...lol "

I and quite a few people I know resemble that remark :-)

I completely understand what you sat and I am careful in that reard. In that of course I must allow interruptions. You may have seen "With that I yield the floor" in some of my posts and I have said that quite a few times at my kitchen table.

Between introspection and discussion is has come clear to me that I am among the most dominant Men on this planet. So much so that I like to hide it, and spring it on people. But I am not mean. I could make Gengis Kahn look like a sissy, but I choose not to. It is not conducive to a good conversation.

I really don't want to blow my own horn here, but I try to be fair in such matter, even if the responses are not the most intelligent in the world. I have the power, I have the money, I have the heater and I have the wheels. Basically I have a job, and plenty of other assets for which I am very grateful. I value conversations, and those who participate, so much so that I do not use any of my power to quell a dissenting opinion or other crap like that. I might think you are full of shit, but I will hear you out at least once. I will hold my tongue, and let you speak your piece, and if everybody else agrees that you are off your rocker so be it. I have plenty of rope, and two spare nooses. One is a twelve loop, which I heard is illegal to posses. Please advise, because if they are illegal I should get a few more. The ones I got hang across the frame around my bedroom door, which I think is a very appropriate place. But their use is reserved for people who really deserve it, not for just interrupting me.

Nobody has any idea the things of which I am capable. I don't think anyone ever will really know it all. I could kill you with a roll of toilet paper, or save your life with a gun. My pen/keyboard/typewriter can make or break careers, even lives. I'm sure I could talk some into killing themselves. However I won't do that. It is wrong and I simply won't. I think I did once inadvertently, do you have any idea how that feels ?

I can't fuck around too much anymore, what I have become can be just too dangerous. As much as I dislike the description, I am like a snake in the grass. While I won't go against anyone for frivolous reasons, if you give me a good reason, you are doomed. However these things are reserved for those who hurt my family or chosen family. Do that and you will be in deeper shit than you ever imagined possible, but if you don't I will do as much as I can to help you, I will share all of my information with you. I am not afraid.

I am signing off this thread for now because it is becoming a ramble. All in all though, power has become a learning experience. One wants to influence me, to skew my judgement in favor if their view. Another wants the same. It is now my charge to stand straight and tall, and not let this happen. To remain fair and just. I had no idea how hard that could be, but I am doing OK, to say the least. Learning how to bend as well as being rigid is another skill I am presently learning.

Life is not that easy. I have a significant debt load and two sets of bills to pay. I have problems. The car leaks coolant despite all the repairs, the furnace in this house is inadequate in these climactic conditions, the snow is coming and I finally bought a new snow brush the other day. All the snowblowers don't run, and my only hope of remaining mobile is by virtue of the fact that I have a 4WD. My record is shit, I am in serious jeopardy if ant shit happens, but I must get to work, the bank, grocery, all that.

I am still rcovering in a way from my tumultuous education, and I think I know where my head is at, but the fact is that none of us can ever be sure. I could be making mistakes right now that won't come to fruition until it is too late, like when I am seventy.

I have the power. But I don't oft use it and I never abuse it. Maybe I should, get it now while the getting is good. But that goes against my grain, against eveery value that I hold. I could do it. I could probably become a millionaire in months. But I won't. So in a way, my morality, no matter how much of a strength it may be as a component of me, is still something that could be categorized as a weakness. I have the opportunity to get over, to get ahead, tio fuck the world and get away with it quite easily, but I don't. Why ?

Because I am not for sale.

T

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 12:52:00 AM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

I really don't want to blow my own horn here

Oh go on. Be a Devil. Do something kinky. You know you can upload photos on postings, don't you? *wink* *wink*

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 1:09:56 AM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b

quote:

ORIGINAL: Termyn8or

I really don't want to blow my own horn here

Oh go on. Be a Devil. Do something kinky. You know you can upload photos on postings, don't you? *wink* *wink*

we all gots to blow something!!!

hehe

Hey Term- can you explain more on sugar rotting the teeth on the inside pls?

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 2:45:27 AM

Termyn8or

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AHA, now we have a circus. OK.

You all thought I was crazy, hold on a sec, I'll pull my foot out of my mouth so I can see the keyboard better.

OK, now I can prove it !

I refer to CM as my wierdo website. I do say that people are intelligent and worth talking to, but sometimes more questions arise. Now just try to be totally nucking futs and maintain honesty. I tell them straight out, we got fags and dykes, Women born Men and vice versa. People like to tie each other up and do all sorts of wierd things to one another. But everyone is having a good time, even the one chained down to the coffee table with candle wax dripping all over him/her. I have even stated that tear gas and flame throwers have been mentioned.

I am almost totally upfront with everyone, and I fear not. There are very few people in this world to whom I would not acknowledge my association with CM, because of their beliefs. But everyone else can take a bite. I am coming out a little bit every day, more and more. Of course I have my trepidations, but so far so good. Eventually I will push the envelope and see who my real friends are. Time comes when it comes.

I'm nuts ? Yes, absolutley. I have alot of self control but I will relate a story of my past now, it is of no consequence really but you might like it.

Before the fire of Jan 03, 1995 the upstairs of this house, in which I lived, had no lights on the cielings. That meant I needed a lamp in every room. OK fine, no problem, except for one thing. The lamp in the livingroom would just quit working whenever it damnwell pleased. Well one time it pleased I was carrying a bunch of shit, and when it went out I tripped over something and it was not pretty. This was not a bag of pork roasts.

So I took the offending lamp in my left hand, ran it back to the back bedroom and threw it out the window. The lamp being larger than the windowpane of course broke the frame. It was wintertime. So I found a bunch of nails and screws, a piece of plywood and the back to a TV set and nailed them up. My buddy Medley said that I was one hell of a carpenter.

This was all stupid shit but I had my satisfaction. I watched the lamp hit the ground and become the base of a pile of debris. I smiled at that, even though I had a leaky window. The gas bill was about $700 that month but I really didn't cvare at all. We had money. We couldn't spend it all and our credit ratings were going up by about fifty points a month in my estimation. But that lamp suffered the wrath of the Terminator and I hope it didn't have to breathe much, because that was not the last thing thrown out the window.

I stopped that practice though a short time after I threw my turntable out the window. After being on the shelf for a time, I discovered it to be missing the main counterweight for the arm. It was useless. This time I opened the window because it is one of those thermal whatever tyopes and you don't just get it fixed for $12.

The next day I found the counterweight.

So I have adjusted my behavior. I haven't thrown anything out the window in years. This has nothing to do with morality or any other bullshit, do you realize how expensive turntables are getting now ? Back before the fire, I bought a Dual 1229 for $89. When I went to replace it I almost fell over because of the prices. You see they are not making any more. Yup, $89 and I could sell it easily for triple that amount now. But that's not the one I threw out the window. That one was only a Marantz MT6120. A piece of shit in comparison.

So, if you thought I was nuts, just eliminate all doubt right now. I git it, I admit it and I am not suffering from it, I am enjoying every minute. One of my fav songs is Hank Williams Jr. - Long Haired Country Boy.

I ain't askin' nobody for nothing,
If I can('t ?) git it on my own,
If you don't like the way I'm living,
You just leave this long haired country boy alone.

Funny though, I was not born a country boy. However Grampa was from Jaslow, which means I am descendant from hill people. So as a Polak hillbilly, I do fit in. In fact I am quite accepted into their little group.

Yup, one good long talk with a shrink and you will never hear from me again. I have been down south this year. Oh yeah. My buddy's family down thar. Momma is 400 pounds but she doesn't even come close to outweighing the speakers. The porch is falling off the house but the pickup truck is nearby. The door is falling off the hinges but it doesn't matter, come looking for trouble the dogs will git you. And the electric was even on the day I went down there. Phones didn't mean shit, they had maybe twenty of them laying around.

Hell of a way, but if I don't like the way they're living I can jus leave .......... get the drift ? But all in all I had a good time down there.

Yes I was crazy to go down there. With 20-30 warrants, no license, a beer between my legs and other substance, not to mention that I'm in a car owned by a dead guy, we proceeded down I 71 and had a blast.

I am crazy, but the way I see it the only way to avoid getting locked up is to have someone lock me up. So what's the point ?

Time for bed. I will find somewhere to make trouble to........day ? ,,,,,,,,night? Whatver. I am confused now. Thanks.

T

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 2:59:42 AM

pahunkboy

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I tend to not mix web venues - and vary my names.

The silver crowd would never understand the CM crowd- and many in CM think precious metals- are a distant or outdated mode.

Frankly- I am not per se into the lifestyle- but the CM crowd can have fun with out getting all lecturing to me.

We had one hell of a blow up over my jokes and off color humor over there. But since we all post intriguing info we chose to let it go- ... well to a point.

One thing to consider during such a spat....if he who has the gold makes the rules, and I am truly a stacker- and I also am freer with sex-- then that means that conservative stackers- the bible thumper type- wont automatically call all the shots later. meaning to have a wild man stacking (silver) means the future will have to include room for someone who has 'sex.... just so ironic. It is a delicate truce- and maybe I did push my luck.... oh well.

If someone happens to bump into me- knock yourself out.

This is a fun crowd that often has really good advice/ideas So that is why I stayed.

In short- You Guys ROCK!

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 11:52:42 AM

lusciouslips19

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

I have always seen you as a smart guy with a good heart. But I always figured you are a flaming alcoholic that has his beer with breakfast. I know you said you are getting better and will be working out soon. If you are drinking yourself into a stupor. Cant stop drinking once you start, I think you arent going to get better but will lead to an early grave. I hope you take care of your issues as we really do care about you here.

Term is not an alcoholic.

It is true he parties alot- but he is not an alcoholic.

...maybe he over does it at times- but we all do with some type of habit.

Maybe your idea of what is an alcoholic or not is not the clinical one. Especially if you over do it too. No, we dont all "over do it" at times.

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 12:36:45 PM

pahunkboy

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Could you explain that?

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 2:49:41 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

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PA an alcoholic is not only someone that simply drinks everyday. It is also someone who cannot control their drinking when they drink. IE a binge drinker. For example they could go for any period of time without a drink and yet when they do they don't have the ability to control themselves regarding limits and disregarding the negative affects that consumption has on ones life . Both are still considered alcoholics.

It is quite simply the inability to control your consumption regardless of how often you drink.

Perhaps this definition can help. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism

see the diagnosis area in particular.

Sorry to interrupt.

_____________________________

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She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 5:49:08 PM

littlewonder

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To be honest I've tried many times to get through your dialogues but they seem to take on a life of their own and they are waaaay too long.

You start off with one thing but by the time you get to the end you have to ask yourself "what did he say?" because to be honest, after getting halfway through you've lost your train of thought and you've started just rambling on like a crazy person.

I can see why people interrupt you. It's the only way to ever get in a word edgewise with you.

My advice to you is to shorten what you have to say and get straight to the point with a lot fewer words and stay on topic.

People want to be able to contribute without having to wait an hour later to do so and to be able to follow along.

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 11:30:59 PM

pahunkboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: pahunkboy

Could you explain that?

OK. I had some time to think on it.

At his his- people are very resistant to change.    But to add a surface to this argument- Term, if I say can you stop for a week a month- then he is stubborn SOB- and would say to fuck off.   And that would make sense because he is a renegade left of right... you could even call it oppositional disorder.   If I cover for him any further then that would color me co-dependent.   Something that I do not seek to do.

So then I could say- Term show us you can stop.

And most would reply to fuck off.

The kid is not dumb.    And I know intelligence has little to do with the disease.

One day- in the space of his mind- he might say- "I want to clean up some".   Ok- but we all know that can never be forced to do things.

to be cont-

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/4/2010 11:45:10 PM

pahunkboy

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Part 2. So I risk be an enabler- if I further cover for him.

I view the man as having extraordinary talent. I wonder if it was channeled in a good way what could happen.

For the record- I am not a drinker.    However from pill use I can personally tell you there is a very fine line between- "likes to party" and an addict.

So then the question becomes can you be all you can be with substances or with out.

Many do fool them self and quite possibly our 'boy here is powerless to stop it.

I love Term either way. Of course I want the best for him, and everyone here.

Your comment thru me in the regard that Term is an abstract and complicated man. That is not the booze it is HIM.

So term- if some lady on our online hang out here- detects a problem- that is something to ponder.

-->      My comment to Term- is "we all build our own prisons".

"Only YOU can know if your prison needs to be redecorated- a makeover- ..... or     a ... re-hab."

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/5/2010 5:12:11 PM

Termyn8or

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OK, throw me in rehab then. I had three beers yesterday. These beers are about 3% alcohol. Want to see me stop fine, but I'll need a water cooler and to order bottled water. I do not drink soda, coffee, milk, anything with sweetener. I will not drink tap water, and might take a liking to tea instead, but I won't use tap water in it.

Once that issue is settled, I'll stop for a month. I know of a place I can go to for daily alcohol testing, used by the BMV here and law enforcement for some other purposes. They are licensed and the results are sworn to. I can release the records to anyone I choose. Any takers ? Also, I will be accepting donations to cover the costs of this. Really I would take bets as well.

Now to address my longwindedness. In oral communication if I can get a good piece of the concept across I accept that there will be interjections as well as interruptions. Actually I do it myself, but it is a bit different. First of all I do it politely. In my own house I will actually raise my hand sometimes and have done so more than a few times.

However, what irks me is when I can't get the first three words out, especially when it is in response to a question put to me. Three words, think of your own composure under those circumstances. Picture yourself in conference with the owner of the company discussing an issue with thousands of dollars in the balance and counter personel coming in "There's a guy out front who wants to buy a fuse". But then I have no problem with that, I just look at a clock and figure out how much money I am making remaining silent and restarting the whole thing later. In due time I will reveal that, but right now I am not paid to reveal that. Let the boss continue to make mistakes which cost thousands, that because he doesn't seem to have the time or be interested enough to gain the information to make what was termed an "informed decision". Seems to be an obsolete concept these days.

I am starting to think that at least ½ of the population not only has at least mild ADD or ADHD or whatever the alphabet soupsters want to call it this week, I think many many are at least mildly manic depressive. They changed the name of that to bipolar a while ago to make it sound better, or something.

The long posts, I'll work on that. I didn't type just to have my words discarded so it seems I just have to make adjustments for those without the attention span. The disjointed tangents at times may be because I got distracted. Not by my own thoughts though, I mean someone at the door, or on the phone, or supper's ready, things like that. It could be a half hour before I get back to the keyboad so the idea did not flow properly. Being the body of my own thought of course it looks alright to me. I'll see what I can do about it.

T

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/6/2010 12:07:52 AM

pahunkboy

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I can see it now.

We send Term to rehab.

And experience a 80% rate of return.

80% of the staff will then be effected- and on booze..... lol

==============================================
I think I better mind my own business now. We all make or mess are own bed and have to live with it.

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/9/2010 7:39:37 AM

MasterJeff11

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SDFemDom4cuck

PA an alcoholic is not only someone that simply drinks everyday. It is also someone who cannot control their drinking when they drink. IE a binge drinker. For example they could go for any period of time without a drink and yet when they do they don't have the ability to control themselves regarding limits and disregarding the negative affects that consumption has on ones life . Both are still considered alcoholics.

It is quite simply the inability to control your consumption regardless of how often you drink.

Perhaps this definition can help. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcoholism

see the diagnosis area in particular.

Sorry to interrupt.

Interesting little article about Alcoholism. though much of that data shown is coming from the DSM-IV. And the DSM-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-IV - used to medically define so there definitions for diagnosis are the same across the board) uses the amount of consumption of 4 + alcoholic beverages in a month as diagnosis for an individual with an alcoholic problem.
So not just for Termyn8or but anyone I do hope that at some point in your life if you do have this problem that you do realize it and get help.

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RE: I was talking ! - 1/9/2010 9:59:22 AM

Termyn8or

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Hmm, my thread gets hijacked and I am helping. Is this like the Stockholm syndrome ?

Their definition is all fine and good but I have my own and it is based on personal experience. I used to drink to get drunk. I wanted to escape from reality and nothing stopped me, to the popint of invoking real fear into anyone who tried. I have to say I did have a problem but I got through it. I have done what most say is impossible, but the facts are extant.

Back then I wanted to get as drunk as possible, to hide from reality, to live in a world of my own making and desire. The drugs were about the same thing. Eventually with enough pillaging, plundering and blundering I, MYSELF, in my own mind decided I no longer wanted this. Out went the booze, the hard drugs and those wanton ways. The major difference is I think that now I do not want to be intoxicated. A slight buzz yes, but I have realized that a state of intoxication makes one vulnerable. This is vehement to my ilk, if any.

Now I think the overuse of an intoxicant is a childish, or immature thing, and I see it in my former self. I simply do not want to get "wasted" on anything. I also think that immaturity is the cause of alot of problems in the world. Every once in a while I remember those days, wielding a lighter and a can of gasoline, or a shotgun or large knife and I think just how easily I could've literally destroyed my life. And that doesn't even count the car wrecks. How quickly someone could've been killed scares me, and I don't scare easily. Even then I never had any desire to hurt others, but was wreckless in that regard. No more.

I had no need for a twelve step program, in fact I hate programs of any kind almost. It only took a few steps. Regretting what I had done, realizing how lucky I was that things did not go worse and not wanting any more of it. Bullet holes in the walls can be covered with plaster and paint, but what if they weren't in the walls ?

It was simple logic to quit getting fucked up. I have already half destroyed my life, and really, most people would not be able to pick up the pieces, but I did somehow.

The lines between an addictable personality and deep rooted psychological problems is quite blurred. I think addiction is actually a symptom. I treated the root cause. I came to grips with my gripes, insecurities, inadequacies and so forth. I got past that by embracing my advantages and worth. If you can get your mind to that point, all addiction is gone, and I mean all of it.

You learn to cherish what small advantages you might have in fighting the future, and reralize that those stupid things done in the past weakens a person. Once you connect the past to the present and future, you would have to be a fool to fuck up any more.

As far as my demeanor here, many do not realize that I am extremely radical. It is Saturdat morning now and really I haven't had a chance to even drink really, but I still advocate the death penalty, no mercy for the insane, harsh punishment for real crimes but near anarchy when it comes to most other things.

A very large part of it was realizing my shortcomings. I don't want a stocked liquor cabinet in my house, it is too easy to fall into that trap. But isn't the awareness and avoidance of a trap a skill of sorts ? To deal with one's own weaknesses starts with acknowledging them.

Once you get past the smell you got it licked.

T

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