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Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 8:23:41 AM

MTCell

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/23/2009
Status: offline

When playing, at an open play party, for the first time with a new girl, do you discuss what toys you're going to use? her limits? a safeword? Do you review the safeword from the Dungeon Master and use them as well as recognize that if a safeword is used all play stops, if that is the rule of the DM? Do you hold back and find a comfort zone for you and watch her body language or bring her up to going all out?

Are you comfortable with another D or s playing with your partner, if they inform you they'd like to play with that person?

Post #: 1

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 8:28:14 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

When playing, at an open play party, for the first time with a new girl

Yes

quote:

do you discuss what toys you're going to use?

no

quote:

her limits?/quote] yes

quote:

a safeword?
yes

quote:

Do you review the safeword from the Dungeon Master and use them as well as recognize that if a safeword is used all play stops, if that is the rule of the DM?
yes

quote:

Do you hold back and find a comfort zone for you and watch her body language or bring her up to going all out?
depends on the bottom

Are you comfortable with another D or s playing with your partner, if they inform you they'd like to play with that person?

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 2

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 8:46:32 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

My question in return would be why in the hell wouldn't you discuss these kinds of things? How else am I going to know anything about somebody that I'm playing with for the first time?

Yes, that includes the toys, too. Some of the things in My bag are a bit on the extreme side.

I've never seen any need for safeword other than red. That along with yellow and blue are recognized pretty much everywhere.

I play with others casually on a fairly regular basis. I allow My boy to play with other tops that I approve of.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 3

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 8:47:54 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

When playing, at an open play party, for the first time with a new girl, do you discuss what toys you're going to use?

Sometimes they do. Sometimes I usually try to make a point of telling them what toys I hate.

quote:

her limits?

Usually. Sometimes we don't. It's not the wisest thing I know but I play in public, I play a lot and... meh. I take the risk. I am more careful when Valyraen isn't around.

quote:

a safeword? Do you review the safeword from the Dungeon Master and use them as well as recognize that if a safeword is used all play stops, if that is the rule of the DM?

Most times we don't talk about a safeword. Everywhere I go has a house safeword or uses the traffic system. When I play with others, I usually don't need a safeword because I'm not going to be doing force play - I just let them know when something hurts too much or in a bad way.

I don't like using the traffic system except for red (seriously, I'm not thinking about saying "green" when I'm going into my happy place) but the dominant/top usually reminds me that they respect that system or tell me what they want me to do if I want them to stop. At which point I let them know of what I'm inclined to say, since I'm not inclined to attempt to retrain myself while in subspace with a play partner and we work from there and meet in the middle. It's never really been a problem.

quote:

Do you hold back and find a comfort zone for you and watch her body language or bring her up to going all out?

Usually they warm me up and see what I can take, asking me how I'm doing before they start to go all out on me.

quote:

Are you comfortable with another D or s playing with your partner, if they inform you they'd like to play with that person?

I am more than comfortable with Valyraen playing with someone else as I scene quite frequently with others. I'd probably ask to help.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 11/16/2009 8:49:13 AM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 4

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 8:49:51 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I've never seen any need for safeword other than red. That along with yellow and blue are recognized pretty much everywhere.

Blue is new to me...

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 8:59:13 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I've never seen any need for safeword other than red. That along with yellow and blue are recognized pretty much everywhere.

Blue is new to me...

Blue - Bottom is bored to tears. The type of play isn't doing anything for them and they'd probably rather be watching paint dry.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 6

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 9:02:53 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Blue - Bottom is bored to tears. The type of play isn't doing anything for them and they'd probably rather be watching paint dry.

Ahh... see, knowing me, that's when I'd fake having to go to the bathroom really bad.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 7

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 9:14:27 AM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

I have so got to forget that when He's here next weekend

The colour blue does not exist if i wish to sit down next week

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 8

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 9:16:55 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I'm tellin' ya. The patented "I gotta go" dance is much safer.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 9

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 9:25:44 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

LMAO... I love that someone added in blue! Generally if I am bored to tears I can take it fora bit, then I slip my cuffs or rope getting myself free.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 10

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 9:36:40 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

as a slave when playing with a new Top/Dom i will discuss the sefty aspects before play begins. theres only one kind of toy i dont do and thats bull whips due to my ptsd.

_____________________________

proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 11

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 9:45:04 AM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

I cannot imagine why anyone wouldn't have at least some kind of presession discussion with a new person. If my idea of hard play is canes and he can't bring himself to use anything above rabbit fur, we may run into trouble. That's a silly example, but really if there isn't some kind of similarity and understanding, then things are set up for failure. One might get lucky, but really why chance it when some basic communication can improve things significantly? I haven't messed with people who don't have a firm handle on general body language and had some significant experience with the toys they intend to use. I am too new to handle guinea pigging for anyone. I am sure there are people out there that can just look at each other and just get right down to it, but I would personally need some basic information before going into a session, regardless of my position. It is how I play responsibly. Others may find other means to be responsible, but this is what gives me peace of mind.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 12

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 10:22:31 AM

rockspider

Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

Well Loving. Nothing silly in that comparison. I recognise myself as the guy with the rabbitfur (ok my uncle was a minkfarmer so i don't use rabbit). I also happen to be the guy who fades out the backdoor when someone starts making marks. It just isn't my scene. It is called BDSM and i see it as free choice all the way. It was many years since i choose just the BD and no more. Pity as i would love to get my hands on that hair of yours

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 13

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 12:55:13 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Well, in all fairness, sensory overload comes in many packages and I tend to enjoy them all.

As for this hair of mine...It is so very pullable, isn't it? I think that just may be my evil genius's ulterior motive for wanting it nice and long. LOL Yeah, I admit I already knew that.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to rockspider)

Post #: 14

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 1:02:56 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

MTCell, absolutely yes to all of the above. To be honest, it kind of alarms me that you needed to ask these questions. Does the "s" type you are playing with know you are this inexperienced? Perhaps talking FIRST and playing at least once alone the two of you, before playing in public.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 15

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 1:49:58 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

When I do play casually I only bring the toys that I would allow someone to use upon me. It takes the guesswork out, after discussing what is allowable in terms of touch.

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

Post #: 16

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 2:40:55 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I'm tellin' ya. The patented "I gotta go" dance is much safer.

Doesn't it get confused with "yellow"?

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 17

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 3:02:30 PM

rockspider

Posts: 633
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

Well pullable is not what i see as the ideal. My opinion is more that it would look lovely spread like a glory on a black satin sheet. With you wearing cuffs on vrists and ankles spreading you like a cross and totally helpless.
I am sure that that situation is not out yuor of wishes.
But what follows i think is. My kink really lays in using any kind of caressing, stimulation at my disposal to drive a woman in to a state best described as temporary insanity. My satisfaction comes from the total control i have over that situation and of course the invariably penetration. The longer i can make it last and the more out of her own control i can make her the better i feel.
Reading your postings and journals seems you only do go that what by using pain as a tool, do seperate our kinks as i find no pleasure in neither striking a woman in any way, causing her pain, nor humiliating her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Well, in all fairness, sensory overload comes in many packages and I tend to enjoy them all.

As for this hair of mine...It is so very pullable, isn't it? I think that just may be my evil genius's ulterior motive for wanting it nice and long. LOL Yeah, I admit I already knew that.

lovingpet

< Message edited by rockspider -- 11/16/2009 3:04:15 PM >

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 18

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 6:14:07 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

I don't play in public with my established partner or with new acquaintances but if I did I think all of your questions are good points to follow. I would be okay with another female playing with my submissive.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to MTCell)

Post #: 19

RE: Setting the limits! - 11/16/2009 7:14:54 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

Okay, so I'm a little shy to say something about me is glorious. I do have that whole self image issue. I do believe things are on their way to mending in that department, however.

I am curious how it is that if one enjoys a hard edge, that he/she cannot be equally entranced by quite the opposite. Like I said, there are a great many paths to that helpless, totally overloaded, delicious place. Pain is but one. I discuss it here a lot because there are a lot of quesitons about it and it is somewhat difficult for many to understand. It is not by any means the only keys to my subly heart. My partner may be quite capable of being the sadistic monster, but he does have other scrumptious tools at his disposal.

lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

Well pullable is not what i see as the ideal. My opinion is more that it would look lovely spread like a glory on a black satin sheet. With you wearing cuffs on vrists and ankles spreading you like a cross and totally helpless.
I am sure that that situation is not out yuor of wishes.
But what follows i think is. My kink really lays in using any kind of caressing, stimulation at my disposal to drive a woman in to a state best described as temporary insanity. My satisfaction comes from the total control i have over that situation and of course the invariably penetration. The longer i can make it last and the more out of her own control i can make her the better i feel.
Reading your postings and journals seems you only do go that what by using pain as a tool, do seperate our kinks as i find no pleasure in neither striking a woman in any way, causing her pain, nor humiliating her.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Well, in all fairness, sensory overload comes in many packages and I tend to enjoy them all.

As for this hair of mine...It is so very pullable, isn't it? I think that just may be my evil genius's ulterior motive for wanting it nice and long. LOL Yeah, I admit I already knew that.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.

(in reply to rockspider)

Post #: 20

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