Setting the limits! (Full Version)

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MTCell -> Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 8:23:41 AM)

When playing, at an open play party, for the first time with a new girl, do you discuss what toys you're going to use? her limits? a safeword? Do you review the safeword from the Dungeon Master and use them as well as recognize that if a safeword is used all play stops, if that is the rule of the DM? Do you hold back and find a comfort zone for you and watch her body language or bring her up to going all out?

Are you comfortable with another D or s playing with your partner, if they inform you they'd like to play with that person?



GreedyTop -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 8:28:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

When playing, at an open play party, for the first time with a new girl
Yes
quote:

do you discuss what toys you're going to use?
no
quote:

her limits?/quote] yes
quote:

a safeword?
yes
quote:

Do you review the safeword from the Dungeon Master and use them as well as recognize that if a safeword is used all play stops, if that is the rule of the DM?
yes
quote:

Do you hold back and find a comfort zone for you and watch her body language or bring her up to going all out?
depends on the bottom

Are you comfortable with another D or s playing with your partner, if they inform you they'd like to play with that person?



LadyPact -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 8:46:32 AM)

My question in return would be why in the hell wouldn't you discuss these kinds of things?  How else am I going to know anything about somebody that I'm playing with for the first time?

Yes, that includes the toys, too.  Some of the things in My bag are a bit on the extreme side.

I've never seen any need for safeword other than red.  That along with yellow and blue are recognized pretty much everywhere.

I play with others casually on a fairly regular basis.  I allow My boy to play with other tops that I approve of. 



AquaticSub -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 8:47:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MTCell

When playing, at an open play party, for the first time with a new girl, do you discuss what toys you're going to use?

Sometimes they do. Sometimes I usually try to make a point of telling them what toys I hate.
quote:


her limits?

Usually. Sometimes we don't. It's not the wisest thing I know but I play in public, I play a lot and... meh. I take the risk. I am more careful when Valyraen isn't around.
quote:


a safeword? Do you review the safeword from the Dungeon Master and use them as well as recognize that if a safeword is used all play stops, if that is the rule of the DM?

Most times we don't talk about a safeword. Everywhere I go has a house safeword or uses the traffic system. When I play with others, I usually don't need a safeword because I'm not going to be doing force play - I just let them know when something hurts too much or in a bad way.

I don't like using the traffic system except for red (seriously, I'm not thinking about saying "green" when I'm going into my happy place) but the dominant/top usually reminds me that they respect that system or tell me what they want me to do if I want them to stop. At which point I let them know of what I'm inclined to say, since I'm not inclined to attempt to retrain myself while in subspace with a play partner and we work from there and meet in the middle. It's never really been a problem.
quote:


Do you hold back and find a comfort zone for you and watch her body language or bring her up to going all out?

Usually they warm me up and see what I can take, asking me how I'm doing before they start to go all out on me.
quote:


Are you comfortable with another D or s playing with your partner, if they inform you they'd like to play with that person?

I am more than comfortable with Valyraen playing with someone else as I scene quite frequently with others. I'd probably ask to help. [:D]



AquaticSub -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 8:49:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I've never seen any need for safeword other than red.  That along with yellow and blue are recognized pretty much everywhere.


Blue is new to me...



LadyPact -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 8:59:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I've never seen any need for safeword other than red.  That along with yellow and blue are recognized pretty much everywhere.


Blue is new to me...


Blue - Bottom is bored to tears.  The type of play isn't doing anything for them and they'd probably rather be watching paint dry.



AquaticSub -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 9:02:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Blue - Bottom is bored to tears.  The type of play isn't doing anything for them and they'd probably rather be watching paint dry.



Ahh... see, knowing me, that's when I'd fake having to go to the bathroom really bad. [:D]



frazzle -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 9:14:27 AM)

I have so got to forget that when He's here next weekend[>:]

The colour blue does not exist if i wish to sit down next week[:D]



AquaticSub -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 9:16:55 AM)

I'm tellin' ya. The patented "I gotta go" dance is much safer.



Missokyst -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 9:25:44 AM)

LMAO... I love that someone added in blue! Generally if I am bored to tears I can take it fora bit, then I slip my cuffs or rope getting myself free.



LPslittleclip -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 9:36:40 AM)

as a slave when playing with a new Top/Dom i will discuss the sefty aspects before play begins. theres only one kind of toy i dont do and thats bull whips due to my ptsd.



lovingpet -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 9:45:04 AM)

I cannot imagine why anyone wouldn't have at least some kind of presession discussion with a new person. If my idea of hard play is canes and he can't bring himself to use anything above rabbit fur, we may run into trouble. That's a silly example, but really if there isn't some kind of similarity and understanding, then things are set up for failure. One might get lucky, but really why chance it when some basic communication can improve things significantly? I haven't messed with people who don't have a firm handle on general body language and had some significant experience with the toys they intend to use. I am too new to handle guinea pigging for anyone. I am sure there are people out there that can just look at each other and just get right down to it, but I would personally need some basic information before going into a session, regardless of my position. It is how I play responsibly. Others may find other means to be responsible, but this is what gives me peace of mind.

lovingpet



rockspider -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 10:22:31 AM)

Well Loving. Nothing silly in that comparison. I recognise myself as the guy with the rabbitfur (ok my uncle was a minkfarmer so i don't use rabbit). I also happen to be the guy who fades out the backdoor when someone starts making marks. It just isn't my scene. It is called BDSM and i see it as free choice all the way. It was many years since i choose just the BD and no more. Pity as i would love to get my hands on that hair of yours[:D]



lovingpet -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 12:55:13 PM)

Well, in all fairness, sensory overload comes in many packages and I tend to enjoy them all.[;)]

As for this hair of mine...It is so very pullable, isn't it? I think that just may be my evil genius's ulterior motive for wanting it nice and long. LOL Yeah, I admit I already knew that.

lovingpet



breatheasone -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 1:02:56 PM)

MTCell, absolutely yes to all of the above. To be honest, it kind of alarms me that you needed to ask these questions. Does the "s" type you are playing with know you are this inexperienced? Perhaps talking FIRST and playing at least once alone the two of you, before playing in public.



Missokyst -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 1:49:58 PM)

When I do play casually I only bring the toys that I would allow someone to use upon me. It takes the guesswork out, after discussing what is allowable in terms of touch.



windchymes -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 2:40:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I'm tellin' ya. The patented "I gotta go" dance is much safer.


Doesn't it get confused with "yellow"?  [8|]     [;)]



rockspider -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 3:02:30 PM)

Well pullable is not what i see as the ideal. My opinion is more that it would look lovely spread like a glory on a black satin sheet. With you wearing cuffs on vrists and ankles spreading you like a cross and totally helpless.
I am sure that that situation is not out yuor of wishes.
But what follows i think is. My kink really lays in using any kind of caressing, stimulation at my disposal to drive a woman in to a state best described as temporary insanity. My satisfaction comes from the total control i have over that situation and of course the invariably penetration. The longer i can make it last and the more out of her own control i can make her the better i feel.
Reading your postings and journals seems you only do go that what by using pain as a tool, do seperate our kinks as i find no pleasure in neither striking a woman in any way, causing her pain, nor humiliating her.
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Well, in all fairness, sensory overload comes in many packages and I tend to enjoy them all.[;)]

As for this hair of mine...It is so very pullable, isn't it? I think that just may be my evil genius's ulterior motive for wanting it nice and long. LOL Yeah, I admit I already knew that.

lovingpet




DomImus -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 6:14:07 PM)

I don't play in public with my established partner or with new acquaintances but if I did I think all of your questions are good points to follow. I would be okay with another female playing with my submissive.



lovingpet -> RE: Setting the limits! (11/16/2009 7:14:54 PM)

Okay, so I'm a little shy to say something about me is glorious. I do have that whole self image issue. I do believe things are on their way to mending in that department, however.

I am curious how it is that if one enjoys a hard edge, that he/she cannot be equally entranced by quite the opposite. Like I said, there are a great many paths to that helpless, totally overloaded, delicious place. Pain is but one. I discuss it here a lot because there are a lot of quesitons about it and it is somewhat difficult for many to understand. It is not by any means the only keys to my subly heart. My partner may be quite capable of being the sadistic monster, but he does have other scrumptious tools at his disposal. [:)]

lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: rockspider

Well pullable is not what i see as the ideal. My opinion is more that it would look lovely spread like a glory on a black satin sheet. With you wearing cuffs on vrists and ankles spreading you like a cross and totally helpless.
I am sure that that situation is not out yuor of wishes.
But what follows i think is. My kink really lays in using any kind of caressing, stimulation at my disposal to drive a woman in to a state best described as temporary insanity. My satisfaction comes from the total control i have over that situation and of course the invariably penetration. The longer i can make it last and the more out of her own control i can make her the better i feel.
Reading your postings and journals seems you only do go that what by using pain as a tool, do seperate our kinks as i find no pleasure in neither striking a woman in any way, causing her pain, nor humiliating her.
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Well, in all fairness, sensory overload comes in many packages and I tend to enjoy them all.[;)]

As for this hair of mine...It is so very pullable, isn't it? I think that just may be my evil genius's ulterior motive for wanting it nice and long. LOL Yeah, I admit I already knew that.

lovingpet






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