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WinsomeDefiance -> RE: I Admit It I........ (3/21/2015 5:48:52 AM)
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I admit that I'm wishing I had someone to talk to, and I'm feeling adrift with no idea how to make things right.
I admit that I took in a homeless woman with kids, that it was supposed to be temporary but almost 2 months later they are still here.
I admit that she told me she had 2 kids that lived with her and 4 that lived with their dad.
I admit that she didn't divulge that the other 4 live with their dad 1 week and her the next week.
I admit that her two oldest are great kids but her 4 youngest are extremely undisciplined.
I admit I had to keep asking her to supervise her children.
I admit I kept coming home to her being in the basement on the phone and her 15 mo baby wandering the house unsupervised, her 3 y/o running out the street and off down the street.
I admit that I woke up and opened my door to a 15 mo baby crawling up the stairs alone and freaked out.
I admit my shock and hearing the baby does this all the time and no one thinks it is a big deal or dangerous for the child or a liability issue for the home owner.
I admit the kids break and trash things and run amok all day and late into the night and no one cleans up after them
I admit I sat down with her a couple times and told her that I didn't agree to the 4 kids beiing here, just her older two and that if she can't be responsible for her children and keep them supervised then she was going to put me in the position of having to tell her that her kids weren't able to return to my home.
I admit that I went on a bike ride, get a call from my mom that the lady was rude to her, my mom is crying and saying she feels trapped and feels like she's having a nervous breakdown with how rowdy the kids are behaving.
I admit I cut my bike ride short and came home to find the 3 y/o and 6 y/o riding my grandsons trikes/big wheels down the street. I went inside and the 15 m/o baby is wandering the main floor alone again and mom or big sister no where to be seen - they are downstairs in the basement faces in their phones oblivious to the dangers surrounding the children.
I admit it. I blew a gasket. I admit I told her that this was the last week her kids can come here and that she has to make arrangements for them. I admit I told her I was fed up and didn't want to hear her excuses or deal with the mess or tolerate the neglect I was witnessing.
I admit I feel like I'm being held hostage in a hostile territory that was once my home. I admit I need someone to send in the troops and oust the people now occupying my territory.
I admit it, I've taken in over 26 people in the last 4 years and I always promise myself I won't EVER do it again.
I admit it, I need motherfucking boundaries and probably therapy....lots and lots of therapy to figure out why I keep tasking in strays and putting myself through the inevitable problems that come with taking on other people problems.
I admit it, what I hate most is having to be put in the position of being the bad guy and treated like I'm the bitch from hell when they wouldn't even be in myhome if I wasn't trying to help them.
I admit it, I hate feeling guilty, like I'm beating a woman down when she's already going through a tough time.
I admit I wish I could help her, but I can't. I didn't contribute to her situation...I didn't orchestrate it...I'd like to help her but her kids are terrorizing my mother (who is ill and I care for her) and trashing my house but worse than that - they are going to get themselves harmed and I can't sit back and allow that to happen.
I admit I don't want to raise or be the disciplinarian for someone elses children. I admit I'm willing to help out if I can but the job of raising them isn't mine. I raised my 4 boys and I'm looking forward to not having the responsiblity of anymore young children.
I admit I'm already wanting to tryand fix things and say its ok, they can stay here their week if you'll just do your freaking job and monitor their actions.
I admit it, I don't want to. I want them gone. I want my peaceful home back. I want her to stop bringing strange men into my house and having to wake up in the middle of the night to find some strange guy lurking in the darkness.
I admit this is long, and I apologize but I'm stressing out and figure why not vent here.
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