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RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 6:54:33 AM   
MasterMatmid


Posts: 8
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		This question was bought up at a Munch.  What does "Respect" really mean within a bdsm context?  We think we know know what is it, but do we or does it change within contexts.
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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 7:21:35 AM   
sirsholly


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quote:

What does "Respect" really mean within a bdsm context?



the same thing it means outside of the BDSM context.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 7:28:39 AM   
GreedyTop


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Status: offline 		What Holly said.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 7:42:57 AM   
kccuckoldmist


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Status: offline 		I agree with the other replies, respect should not be different in context of someone regardless of role, dynamic, situation and location.

In fact my belief those who try to define respect in a context like in a local community/role are only trying to judge themselves better then others which potentially promotes cliques, separation or raise a red flag about ones self esteem which is something to disrespect at least for me personally.



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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 7:47:10 AM   
PuzzleMaster


Posts: 13
Joined: 11/5/2009
From: Southern Oregon
Status: offline 		In  my opinion, no real trusting relationship can ever exist without respect at the core.  It is foundational.  Is trust required for a BDSM relationship?  The answer is obvious, at least for me.  YES.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 7:49:55 AM   
DesFIP


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Status: offline 		It isn't something you get just because you like to spell your name with an upper case letter.
It isn't something you can demand.
It must be freely given as a result of your actions showing that you merit it.

Just like in the real world, it's something you earn.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 11:52:56 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		respect..
soem people say they respect you..and then stab you in the back.
it is more to make themself look special..then the one they "respect"
i think I know what they mean with the word...I am not sure if it excists though.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 12:02:09 PM   
cpK69


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Respect: responding to someone/thing in a manner that recognizes and is accepting of its abilities/inabilities to act.

Respect does not change; that which is being responded to does.

First and foremost, learn to respect one’s self.

Kim

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 12:03:52 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline 		I don't work to earn anyone's respect. You either respect me or you don't based on who I am and what I do or what I mean to you. If I see you don't then you have to leave. It goes both ways in life. I see many who would love to place it squarely on a Master's shoulders as if we bare the burden of respect. I respect those who I think deserve it...based on nothing more than personal preference not because I feel they have to earn it. This stands for all relationships in and out of the lifestyle. Not sure why people think it's somehow different in vanilla-land .

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 12:39:05 PM   
sunshinemiss


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Status: offline 		I don't work to earn anyone's respect. You either respect me or you don't based on who I am and what I do or what I mean to you. If I see you don't then you have to leave. It goes both ways in life. I see many who would love to place it squarely on a Master's shoulders as if we bare the burden of respect. I respect those who I think deserve it...based on nothing more than personal preference not because I feel they have to earn it. This stands for all relationships in and out of the lifestyle. Not sure why people think it's somehow different in vanilla-land .

Hello Icarys,
This is an interesting response.  You say you respect those who you think deserve it... How do you make that determination?  What does it mean to "deserve" respect?

As for respecting you, my experience with people is that we do respect based on who the person is, but we know that by assessing the person's behavior, how they interact with others, how they handle joy and crises, how they live their lives, the way they ARE in the world, behaviorally.  In my mind that assessment is based on what I would consider EARNING respect.

I'm curious about how you are defining it.  (I'm not trying to be difficult, I truly don't understand the process and HOW you make the determination.)

Have a good day,
sunshine


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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 12:57:46 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
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Status: offline 		R.E.S.P.E.C.T find out what it means to me R.E.S.P.E.C.T...

I’m sorry I didn’t read any of this thread but I saw the name and I couldn’t help myself... I feel so ashamed... Ill mitigate this useless post and say...

Respect is respect. It isn’t any different in BDSM then anyplace else. I choose to respect everyone I come in contact with even those that dont deserve it simply because I refuse to stoop to their level and act like a low class Neanderthal(yes I do realize that name calling is low class and neanderthalish but the hypocrisy discussion is in another thread :P.) I feel it is better revenge to continue to show respect and make them look even worse for their behavior. Though I do have to admit, though it is rare, because I dont get mad very easily or often, when I do get mad that I may do or say something disrespectful. I do try not to and it doesn’t happen often. But that’s just me.

Magik

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 1:08:00 PM   
justagirlinzh


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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

What does "Respect" really mean within a bdsm context?



the same thing it means outside of the BDSM context.

This.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 4:22:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It means the same thing in bdsm as anywhere else for me. Then again I don't separate my lives into compartments. It is what it is.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 4:25:45 PM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
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From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

What does "Respect" really mean within a bdsm context?



the same thing it means outside of the BDSM context.


Holly get the fuck outta my head!!!

OP I'm wondering why and in what way you think it should be/is different.


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RE: RESPECT? - 11/7/2009 6:02:30 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think respect and having it for one's partner changes in a bdsm context. I do think that how it is expressed probably looks a little strange to the vanilla world, especially in terms of respecting a submissive person. Only in bdsm context could it happen that taking control away from another, inflicting pain, and humiliating another person would be ways of showing the utmost respect for someone. It is true, however. Meeting my needs and fulfilling desires of this nature without judgement or actual contempt for me, but out of a spirit of affection and concern for my well being is honoring me for who and what I am and means a great deal to me. It causes distance in my relationships when there seems to be some kind of repulsion or dodging of these matters. It tells me that I am not fully accepted and that the person doesn't truly respect me. It is a bit less obvious, but on the flip side those that find my need to take control, inflict pain, and humiliate others as sick or weird also find themselves affronting what it is to deeply respect me. Context doesn't change whether or not respect exists, but it does impact how it is manifest.

lovingpet

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/8/2009 3:02:25 AM   
MasterMatmid


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Status: offline 		Makes perfect sense within the community as flogging a co-worker just might get me fired.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/8/2009 3:30:51 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

What does "Respect" really mean within a bdsm context?



the same thing it means outside of the BDSM context.


This. And unlike many people, I do NOT confuse courtesy with respect. In my mind they are two entirely different things.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/8/2009 4:06:34 AM   
MasterMatmid


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Joined: 3/2/2008
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quote:

As for respecting you, my experience with people is that we do respect based on who the person is, but we know that by assessing the person's behavior, how they interact with others, how they handle joy and crises, how they live their lives, the way they ARE in the world, behaviorally. In my mind that assessment is based on what I would consider EARNING respect.

I'm curious about how you are defining it. (I'm not trying to be difficult, I truly don't understand the process and HOW you make the determination.)

Have a good day,
sunshine
Matmid writes, so it seems that there is an individual processing of observable behaviors which when individually assessed  defines the earning or not earning of respect.

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/8/2009 4:24:27 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
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Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterMatmid

This question was bought up at a Munch.  What does "Respect" really mean within a bdsm context?  We think we know know what is it, but do we or does it change within contexts.


I agree with the others that the meaning of the word respect is the same in any context. However, I do believe the use of the word is often erroneously emphasized within the various BDSM venues such as munches and on line sites.

< Message edited by catize -- 11/8/2009 4:26:39 AM >

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RE: RESPECT? - 11/8/2009 7:16:53 AM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
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Status: offline 		define foundational.
TM

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