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maugseros -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/16/2009 8:30:01 PM)
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There has always been a "problem" I have with any type of "kink/fetish" checklist. And I think the problem I've had with them is that I believe they kind of "miss the point".
Let me start by saying that this is just the way I feel, which isn't right or wrong, and I'm not meaning to imply that I'm "right" and if someone feels differently they are "wrong".
But let me try to explain. Some checklists I have seen are a long list with a simple "yes/no" that you check if you are into it or not. Others may also ask that if you are into it, how much experience do you have with it, and other may have a checklist of "would you ever consider".
I do see these type of checklists as maybe a temperature guage to take a snapshot of things that turn you on at that moment in time. But beyond that.. I think they miss the point.
Take a list that has 1000 fetishes on it. There are only going to be a small handful of things (like latex, bondage, d/s, etc.) that I would check that I simply can't live without. There might be 200 more things that I think are currently a "turn on".. but that in no means discounts the other 800 items. It's just that right now.. I'm neatral on them.
I see a sexual D/S or M/S dynamic as giving one's soul to another... and a big part of that is learning and needing to know what turns the other on in a never ending quest to give pleasure... stretching and expanding boundaries if necissary, simply because you need to.
I do understand that everyone has at least a small handful of internal moral circuit breakers. As a dominate male, I can pretty much discuss ANYTHING if we are talking purely in the realm of fantasy. I don't know if there's anything that's "too dark". But in real life.. I do have a small handful of moral circuit breakers. As a couple of examples.. as much as I could feel that I could litteraly fuck my sub/slave to death, just from something as simple as forgeting to eat. LOL.. who's got time to eat when I could be using her instead? ;) Ok, I'm joking... partially.. ;) But I don't ACTUALLY want to fuck my sub to death of course. Or anything that involved a person underage. In real life.. I can say I won't go there under ANY circumstance. So there are a couple of my "moral circuit breakers". And I know everyone has their own.
But that's it.. beyond those few things, I simply can't say that there is no way, under any circumstance, that I couldn't try, enjoy, and possibly learn to love (very quickly) any of the 800 other things that I'm currently neatral on... and maybe even invent 1000 other things that aren't even on any fetish list. For example.. watersports is something I'm neatral on, and scat play isn't a moral cirucut breaker, but is one of the few things I would label as more of a "turn off". However, in my NEED to know my slave's soul, if I were to discover that peeing on her drives her insanly wild with lust. Not only would it become an instant major turn on for me, I would immediatly start drinking GALLONS of water a day. I would probalby have a glass of water in my hand from the moment I get up in the morning till I finally go to sleep. Hey.. I may demand a LOT from my slave.. but I've always been willing to give back 10,000 times over (just in different ways, I'm not a switch).
So to me, if someone fills out one of these checklist.. and there are X number of things that they consider a turn on, I don't understand why any of the remaining items wouldn't automatically be, at a minimum, "would consider under the right circumstance", with maybe just a small handful of things that conflict with one's internal moral circuit breakers that one might say absolutly "no" to.
This all touches the question: What is the definition of "kinky"? Everyone thinks they are "kinky", but the problem is, one person's kink is another person's bore. Recently a female co-worker was going on and on about how her new boyfriend is so kinky and into "rough" sex. When pressed for an example, she says he likes to "nibble on her nipples". Really? That's your definition of "rough" sex? I wouldn't even put "nibble on nipples" and "rough sex" in the same paragraph. What a sec, I just did?!?! :) lol But I think you know what I'm meaning.
But I guess that's what these checklists are trying to accomplish.. to guage HOW kinky someone is. But in the realm of sexual D/S and M/S relationships, I see it as there is this sort of threashold along the kink scale. Anyone, irregardless of how "kinky" they are, can cross that threashold and play for a while. But does one LIVE on the other side of that threashold? So filling out these checklist is akin to standing below that threashold.. and looking accross it and picking and choosing and saying "These things turn me on... and I will NEVER do those things". As if to say, "I'm in control of what I like and don't like, what I will try and not try, what I will do or not do" But if you LIVE on the other side of that threashold as a dominate or submissive do you really have any limits? And maybe why picking and choosing a few things you like and a huge list of things that you would never do, doesn't make sense.
I guess, to me, I seem to have endless lust, passion, and need, mixed with a hyper imagination and creativity... and I simply don't like having too many "limits"... and no that too many limits would not touch my soul, therefore I couldn't truely love.
Doesn't mean that I will ever get to HALF the things that are on those lists.. and doesn't mean that half of what I do try I would end up enjoying. There's always the "well, it looked good on paper" situation and you let it go and move onto other things, maybe revisiting it at a future point. I like to explore and discover.. and learn... what turns me on and gives me pleasure.. and what turns on and gives pleasure to my sub/slave. And a checklist that takes too many things "off the table".. I just don't understand. This might be because seeing my sub/slave in unbearable universe shattering uncontrollable exctacy, litteraly redefining what it means to "beg", where she litterly begs with all her soul for me to STOP, simply because she can't hardly bear the pleasure.. is what I need the most above ALL else, and there's not going to be much that I won't do/try to achive that. Also doesn't mean I'm going to "stop".. ;)
I have my handful of fetish "must haves".. and I would expect my sub/slave to have hers. I have my small amount of internal moral circuits, and I respect that she has a few of her own. Beyond that though.. the other 800+ things.. are simply to be determined. Any number of them could be "doesn't do it for us", if we go there neither of us enjoyed it. And any of them could become the next "must have". However.. it doesn't require that BOTH of us enjoyed it (from a purely physical standpoint). All it takes is for just one to enjoy it. If I loved it.. then her "will" will have to be bent and learn to enjoy it also, as I do. Simply because I know if physically it didn't do anything to me.. but drove her WILD.. then I would love it simply from that alone. Again.. I demand a lot, but I don't demand anything beyond what I am willing to give myself.
Yes.. anyone may actually learn to love something that they have actually tried before and initially hated, but it's just the mindset that right from the start that there is a huge list of things that are "out of play" from the get go that I don't understand.
Again.. it's just me, not that if anyone feels any different that there is a right or wrong in any of this.
Hope this rambling made sense to someone. :) lol
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