RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (Full Version)

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Aileen1968 -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/8/2009 12:33:40 PM)

I would immediately know that someone was not for me if they handed me a questionnaire to fill out instead of learning all of those things on it through conversation. Relationships are not job interviews. Something like this would be so sterile to me.
The only time I ever filled one of these out was when I was at a party with a big group of friends and we all filled one out. We were drunk and it was fun in that context. I discovered way back then (I was probably 25 at the time) that I was a very dirty girl.



SoquilisGirl -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/8/2009 4:00:57 PM)

I actually love questionnaires. One that I use is here:

http://rh.greydawn.net/index.php

I found it through someone I met in Second Life. It doesn't include ageplay or incest (and I e-mailed the owner who said he won't be adding those two in particular), but it does cover everything else, including lots of vanilla things and many kinky things I'd never heard of. It does have definitions of everything though.

For those who think a list would scare off a vanilla partner, just remember - we were all vanilla once and something opened our eyes...

Soquili's Girl



AnimusRex -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/8/2009 9:34:31 PM)

To the OP-
Neither support nor condemnation: more like a puzzlement.

I have seen and filled out the kink questionaires at other sites, but your comment about avoiding the embarrassment stumped me- at some point don't you have to show your cards?

I mean, if one of you filled in that you like [insert extremely gross and perverse kink], eventually you have to show it to the object of your desire?

And isn't the point of the questionaire to allow potentially incompatible partners to -er- judge - the other? To evaluate, and potentially reject those who are incompatible? Doing it by speaking openly, or by reading each others lists doesn't seem to have much difference in its level of embarrassment.

I'm not sure there is any way to avoid the discomfort and awkwardness of dating, and its potential for rejection.



Lucienne -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/9/2009 5:23:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SoquilisGirl

I actually love questionnaires. One that I use is here:

http://rh.greydawn.net/index.php



Warning, furry content.



RCdc -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/9/2009 5:45:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne
I don't want to press you for details about your sex life, but if your "vanilla" partner is someone who considers doggy-style or doing it with the lights on to be "kinky," I think it would be spectacularly unproductive to present her with the checklist you imagine. Instead of making her feel comfortable, it could make her feel defensive and inadequate.



But there is no harm to include them.  For some people, on all fours is kinky.  Kinky doesn't have to be elabourate swingfromthelights kind of thing.  It's just something that isn't 'normal' for a person.  I find it very productive to include everything in a checklist if you are creating one - because if you don't, you do risk isolating people.

the.dark.



ranja -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/9/2009 6:09:13 AM)

i read 'screw the roses sent me the thorns' i think there is a long list in that

i think it is a brilliant and quite non-pressure funny type of thing to go through a check list and see if you are into ropes or blindfolds or ass play or what have you.

I totally don't appreciate people suffering from some bad pmt or something taking it out here on these boards slating people who like to improve their sexlife a bit
I also think it is very naive to believe that vanilla people (oh the term just makes me cringe) only have sex in missionary position in the dark and are ill equipped to cope with heavy bdsm stuff like.... cloths pegs or scarfs or a meatfork, i mean eeeeeks.



Lucienne -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/9/2009 7:05:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

i think it is a brilliant and quite non-pressure funny type of thing to go through a check list and see if you are into ropes or blindfolds or ass play or what have you.


For the OP's sake, let's hope his vanilla girlfriend is exactly like you.

quote:

I totally don't appreciate people suffering from some bad pmt or something taking it out here on these boards slating people who like to improve their sexlife a bit


I don't appreciate people suffering from poor reading comprehension skills or people who do demeaning shit like attributing pms (I assume that's what you meant) to strangers on the internet.

quote:

I also think it is very naive to believe that vanilla people (oh the term just makes me cringe) only have sex in missionary position in the dark and are ill equipped to cope with heavy bdsm stuff like.... cloths pegs or scarfs or a meatfork, i mean eeeeeks.


I don't think anyone on this thread has expressed that belief.



ranja -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/9/2009 8:56:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucienne

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

i think it is a brilliant and quite non-pressure funny type of thing to go through a check list and see if you are into ropes or blindfolds or ass play or what have you.


For the OP's sake, let's hope his vanilla girlfriend is exactly like you.
what nonsense... she only has to be a bit like me

quote:

I totally don't appreciate people suffering from some bad pmt or something taking it out here on these boards slating people who like to improve their sexlife a bit


I don't appreciate people suffering from poor reading comprehension skills or people who do demeaning shit like attributing pms (I assume that's what you meant) to strangers on the internet.
Ha, are you on of these strangers who felt spoken to by any chance?
i have seen you in other threads and i know your command of English is far superior to mine, but PMS and PMT are interchangable (for your information)

quote:

I also think it is very naive to believe that vanilla people (oh the term just makes me cringe) only have sex in missionary position in the dark and are ill equipped to cope with heavy bdsm stuff like.... cloths pegs or scarfs or a meatfork, i mean eeeeeks.


I don't think anyone on this thread has expressed that belief.
I know there are a lot of people who think BDSM is very kinky and vanilla is very boring... the truth is that there are a lot of very boring kinky people (just look at the profiles on here) and also there are many adventurous vanilla people... going through a check list should just be a bit of fun, nothing heavy...
Now if you will excuse me: I do suffer pmt right at this moment and have no time for negative slating people, if you felt spoken to, than that is your problem stranger.






LookieNoNookie -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/9/2009 5:36:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PuzzleMaster

Hi Everyone,

Forgive me if this is not the correct place to post this question, but I am wondering if there is an extensive "sexual interest questionnaire" available anywhere?

Being the analytical type, and also one who loves "communication tools," I was thinking this morning of creating such a beast.  When I registered here, there's a nice section on BDSM areas of interest, and this spurred me on to think of doing one that is broader.

My ideal questionnaire would include BDSM elements, sex positions, common fantasies, even where or how you prefer your lover to cum.

The idea is to provide an easier, less embarrassing way to broach the subject of the taboo.

In my case, in a LTR with a delightful but vanilla lady, I think a questionnaire filled with all kinds of behaviors, asking her to rate as "turn on" or "turn off" or "curious" or "willing to explore" or some such rating system might allow her to admit to politically incorrect desires or secret interests she was too embarrassed to raise as a possibility.  Fear of judgment I think is why so many couples go for years with unfulfilled needs.

If a tool exists already that is good, I'd love to hear about it.  If none really exists that is robust enough, I'd be willing to create one and share it with anyone who would have an interest.  I'd like feedback on what should be included if a tool does not exist.

Love the forum so far and am learning a lot!

PM



Red flag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bud...you need to talk to her!

Leaving Celine Dion CD's around to explain why you love your wife so much doesn't cut it. 

Talk to her.



slavekal -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/9/2009 6:40:43 PM)

Actually, first dates are a lot like job interviews. Especially if one is looking to become a slave. You have to be the right man for the job if you want to get the position.



Lucienne -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/9/2009 7:17:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja
Ha, are you on of these strangers who felt spoken to by any chance?
i have seen you in other threads and i know your command of English is far superior to mine, but PMS and PMT are interchangable (for your information)
For my purposes, it really doesn't matter who you are talking to. It's just a stupid shitty thing to do.

quote:

I also think it is very naive to believe that vanilla people (oh the term just makes me cringe) only have sex in missionary position in the dark and are ill equipped to cope with heavy bdsm stuff like.... cloths pegs or scarfs or a meatfork, i mean eeeeeks.


quote:

I don't think anyone on this thread has expressed that belief.
I know there are a lot of people who think BDSM is very kinky and vanilla is very boring... the truth is that there are a lot of very boring kinky people (just look at the profiles on here) and also there are many adventurous vanilla people... going through a check list should just be a bit of fun, nothing heavy...


Again, no one here has said anything along those lines. So you're just constructing strawmen. I find that time is a less relative concept than vanilla/kinky. Which is why I pointed out to the OP that just how "vanilla" (and I used quotation marks in my original comment) his lady is effects the analysis. I've had enough partners to know that things I consider normal and uncontroversial strike others as a bit too much. It's entirely possible for someone to have a fully satisfying sex life that is limited to acts I consider prudish. Respecting that possibility is what I urged the OP to do. I know, last thing you expect to hear on a bdsm forum. What can I say, I'm more likely to speak up if I think it's a minority viewpoint.
quote:


Now if you will excuse me: I do suffer pmt right at this moment and have no time for negative slating people, if you felt spoken to, than that is your problem stranger.



Thanks for sharing.




ranja -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/10/2009 1:37:30 AM)

ORIGINAL: Lucienne
For my purposes, it really doesn't matter who you are talking to. It's just a stupid shitty thing to do.

I have no clue why you take this personal and it is way more stupid and shitty to slate someone who just ask a question
Did you even give him an answer to his question? 
Do you think that the opinion you gave him equates to slating him?

I'm more likely to speak up if I think it's a minority viewpoint.

oh wow, how special and brave


Thanks for sharing.

you are very welcome and the same to you eventhough you seem to have your knickers in a twist.





Acer49 -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/10/2009 5:01:04 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: PuzzleMaster

Hi Everyone,

Forgive me if this is not the correct place to post this question, but I am wondering if there is an extensive "sexual interest questionnaire" available anywhere?

Being the analytical type, and also one who loves "communication tools," I was thinking this morning of creating such a beast.  When I registered here, there's a nice section on BDSM areas of interest, and this spurred me on to think of doing one that is broader.

My ideal questionnaire would include BDSM elements, sex positions, common fantasies, even where or how you prefer your lover to cum.

The idea is to provide an easier, less embarrassing way to broach the subject of the taboo.

In my case, in a LTR with a delightful but vanilla lady, I think a questionnaire filled with all kinds of behaviors, asking her to rate as "turn on" or "turn off" or "curious" or "willing to explore" or some such rating system might allow her to admit to politically incorrect desires or secret interests she was too embarrassed to raise as a possibility.  Fear of judgment I think is why so many couples go for years with unfulfilled needs.

If a tool exists already that is good, I'd love to hear about it.  If none really exists that is robust enough, I'd be willing to create one and share it with anyone who would have an interest.  I'd like feedback on what should be included if a tool does not exist.

Love the forum so far and am learning a lot!

PM



Here is a thought for you, Learn about the person first and then if you reach a level of intimacy that warrants such questions, then ask her or him



Lucienne -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/10/2009 5:54:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

ORIGINAL: Lucienne
For my purposes, it really doesn't matter who you are talking to. It's just a stupid shitty thing to do.

I have no clue why you take this personal and it is way more stupid and shitty to slate someone who just ask a question
Did you even give him an answer to his question? 
Do you think that the opinion you gave him equates to slating him?

I'm not taking this personally. I have an equally low opinion of all variations of "looks like someone's getting a visit from Aunt Flo," regardless of who they are targeted at.

Did you even read all my comments, or did you just start from the excerpt quoted in another post and let your imagination run from there? Do my suggestions not count because I didn't provide a link to a checklist? I offered sincere advice to a guy trying to expand his sex life with his "vanilla" girlfriend. Just because my advice doesn't include "checklists are an awesome idea!" doesn't mean I'm insulting or attacking the guy. So, no, I don't think my opinion was equal to "slating" him.

It's a discussion forum, not an All Validation All the Time forum.



ranja -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/10/2009 6:59:11 AM)

I think your low opinion might be dragging you down... cheer up woman!!!



Lucienne -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/10/2009 8:21:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

I think your low opinion might be dragging you down... cheer up woman!!!


I think a person who can barely comprehend my words is unlikely to be good at determining my current mood.



ranja -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/10/2009 9:32:19 AM)

and i think you're suffering pmt worse than i am nah nah nananah



mnottertail -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/10/2009 9:33:37 AM)

ranja, are you saying that Lucienne doesn't pay her bills either?


and i think you're suffering pmt worse than i am nah nah nananah




Lucienne -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/10/2009 9:33:54 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

and i think you're suffering pmt worse than i am nah nah nananah


Lol. ok.



ranja -> RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire (11/10/2009 9:36:46 AM)

Thank you so much for that... i think my Husband might be spared this time lol



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