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Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 6:36:39 AM

PuzzleMaster

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/5/2009
From: Southern Oregon
Status: offline

Hi Everyone,

Forgive me if this is not the correct place to post this question, but I am wondering if there is an extensive "sexual interest questionnaire" available anywhere?

Being the analytical type, and also one who loves "communication tools," I was thinking this morning of creating such a beast. When I registered here, there's a nice section on BDSM areas of interest, and this spurred me on to think of doing one that is broader.

My ideal questionnaire would include BDSM elements, sex positions, common fantasies, even where or how you prefer your lover to cum.

The idea is to provide an easier, less embarrassing way to broach the subject of the taboo.

In my case, in a LTR with a delightful but vanilla lady, I think a questionnaire filled with all kinds of behaviors, asking her to rate as "turn on" or "turn off" or "curious" or "willing to explore" or some such rating system might allow her to admit to politically incorrect desires or secret interests she was too embarrassed to raise as a possibility. Fear of judgment I think is why so many couples go for years with unfulfilled needs.

If a tool exists already that is good, I'd love to hear about it. If none really exists that is robust enough, I'd be willing to create one and share it with anyone who would have an interest. I'd like feedback on what should be included if a tool does not exist.

Love the forum so far and am learning a lot!

PM

Post #: 1

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 6:41:18 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

You may want to use the search function with the key words "BDSM checklist". It may or may not be what you're looking for since you are specifying sexual, rather than kink interests, but any of them should be easy to modify to your needs.

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(in reply to PuzzleMaster)

Post #: 2

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 6:46:31 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

the checklists ones I have seen are primarily kink specific - these are just a few from googling. Also there have been a lot of discussions about checklists on ehre if you use the search function

BRC checklist
more checklists

Could you maybe use one of those and add a few sections for the things you are interested in. Rather than making it too prescriptive ie. listing fantasies and having a tick box could you have some open ended questions and then use the questionnaire as a starting point for some fantastic discussions?

glad to hear you are enjoying your time on here

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Post #: 3

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 7:43:27 AM

PuzzleMaster

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/5/2009
From: Southern Oregon
Status: offline

Great suggestions, thanks!

I have googled but come up empty for something more broad. My vision would be to have something basically Kink focused, including BDSM but other things as well.

I'll search here more thoroughly, read the suggested links, and then build something if I can't find what I need elsewhere. I'll probably take pieces from a lot of checklists.

I like the idea of open-ended questions, and I'll probably use some. The idea is to allow someone to express interest in a safe emotional way, one where they feel they will not be judged. Sometimes asking for essay answers can cause more reluctance to be honest. I figure this would be a conversation starter, and the deeper communication will happen after it's done.

I'm curious about how to overcome the natural obstacle of "Will he hate me or judge me if he knows I am secretly drawn to THAT?"

Thank you both for the replies. Very informative. I hope after some time here I'll be in better position to give back to this community. :-)

PM

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 4

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 7:55:15 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

How and where do you prefer to cum? I don't have an answer for that except not standing up, I'm afraid I'm fall down. I don't have a preference in these things.

In fact a lot of the stuff you've mentioned would get a blank stare out of me. And if someone whipped out a piece of paper with these questions, that would be the end of my interest in him. It seems to indicate that you want a short cut, just cut to the chase and be fuck buddies. Focusing on sex instead of whether you are compatible as people, laugh at the same things, similar moral and ethical values, same likes in music, etc. All these are more important to me.

I'd much rather that if I say I love Hitchhikers Guide, that he responds with 42! Focusing on sex with a checklist no less is not how you establish a relationship.

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(in reply to PuzzleMaster)

Post #: 5

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 8:05:00 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PuzzleMaster

Hi Everyone,

Forgive me if this is not the correct place to post this question, but I am wondering if there is an extensive "sexual interest questionnaire" available anywhere?

Being the analytical type, and also one who loves "communication tools," I was thinking this morning of creating such a beast. When I registered here, there's a nice section on BDSM areas of interest, and this spurred me on to think of doing one that is broader.

My ideal questionnaire would include BDSM elements, sex positions, common fantasies, even where or how you prefer your lover to cum.

The idea is to provide an easier, less embarrassing way to broach the subject of the taboo.

In my case, in a LTR with a delightful but vanilla lady, I think a questionnaire filled with all kinds of behaviors, asking her to rate as "turn on" or "turn off" or "curious" or "willing to explore" or some such rating system might allow her to admit to politically incorrect desires or secret interests she was too embarrassed to raise as a possibility. Fear of judgment I think is why so many couples go for years with unfulfilled needs.

If a tool exists already that is good, I'd love to hear about it. If none really exists that is robust enough, I'd be willing to create one and share it with anyone who would have an interest. I'd like feedback on what should be included if a tool does not exist.

Love the forum so far and am learning a lot!

PM

At some point in my travels I found these:

http://www.asubmissivesjourney.com/bdsm_checklist.html
(pretty standard checklist)

http://community.livejournal.com/sextips/7832294.html
(less BDSM focused)

http://www.askdanandjennifer.com/sex-intimacy/bondage-fetishes-fantasies/the-beautiful-kinds-ultimate-bdsm-fetish-kink-checklist/
(there are 3 pages)

I think they can be useful tools but they don't replace honest conversation.

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Post #: 6

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 8:22:53 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PuzzleMaster

In my case, in a LTR with a delightful but vanilla lady, I think a questionnaire filled with all kinds of behaviors, asking her to rate as "turn on" or "turn off" or "curious" or "willing to explore" or some such rating system might allow her to admit to politically incorrect desires or secret interests she was too embarrassed to raise as a possibility. Fear of judgment I think is why so many couples go for years with unfulfilled needs.

Here's a crazy idea, why don't you fight off your fear of judgment and share with her some of your secret interests you've been too embarrassed to raise as a possibility.

Instead of looking for checklists, look for articles on sex surveys. Pick some nominally kinky act that you enjoy that a significant number of people (say.. more than 20% surveyed?) aren't embarrassed to admit liking when answering a sex survey. Tell your lady friend you'd like to try that and see how she responds.

(in reply to PuzzleMaster)

Post #: 7

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 12:00:36 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PuzzleMaster

Hi Everyone,

Forgive me if this is not the correct place to post this question, but I am wondering if there is an extensive "sexual interest questionnaire" available anywhere?

Being the analytical type, and also one who loves "communication tools," I was thinking this morning of creating such a beast. When I registered here, there's a nice section on BDSM areas of interest, and this spurred me on to think of doing one that is broader.

My ideal questionnaire would include BDSM elements, sex positions, common fantasies, even where or how you prefer your lover to cum.

The idea is to provide an easier, less embarrassing way to broach the subject of the taboo.

In my case, in a LTR with a delightful but vanilla lady, I think a questionnaire filled with all kinds of behaviors, asking her to rate as "turn on" or "turn off" or "curious" or "willing to explore" or some such rating system might allow her to admit to politically incorrect desires or secret interests she was too embarrassed to raise as a possibility. Fear of judgment I think is why so many couples go for years with unfulfilled needs.

If a tool exists already that is good, I'd love to hear about it. If none really exists that is robust enough, I'd be willing to create one and share it with anyone who would have an interest. I'd like feedback on what should be included if a tool does not exist.

Love the forum so far and am learning a lot!

Ahh yes, a "sexual interest questionnaire" - what a great way to insult and alienate others while simultaneously painting yourself as a cock driven wanker....

Perhaps (as an analytical type) you might wanna consider why you can't find such a template already in existance. Of course, I'm only assuming you wanna do the deed with living, breathing human beings existing in the real world; yes?

Focus.

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(in reply to PuzzleMaster)

Post #: 8

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 1:59:03 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I wrote a quiz for that purpose. Well...since I already have a Mistress, it was mainly just for fun. But still, if I am ever on the market again, I can use it for the purpose of guaging compatibility. Check it out. I like a quiz better than a check list for a few reasons.
http://www.helloquizzy.com/tests/are-you-the-dominatrix-of-my-dreams-test

< Message edited by slavekal -- 11/7/2009 2:00:30 PM >

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Post #: 9

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 7:40:17 PM

AcademyForSlaves

Posts: 712
Joined: 2/24/2006
Status: offline

Personal contact websites usually have very detailed interests checklists for members to fill out to improve their ability to find a suitable partner. Some profiles can be completed by only filling out the basics so one can join faster and then you can go back and add more further details at a later date when you have more time to define your search results. I believe Collar has a good checklist.

What I seek in a slave is actually quite basic; complete submission and obedience.

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Post #: 10

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 7:49:17 PM

DevotionalSex

Posts: 13
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

I can't think of anything more likely to turn away a vanilla person that showing them a BDSM checklist.

You will find yourself having to explain what most of the kinks mean, and she will not understand that you have no interest in many of them.

Much better to just mention a few things that you like, and ask her if she has any fantasies.

Another thing you might do is offer "You pick something different that you would like to try, and I'll give it a go with you."

And if you are lucky, she might make the same offer to you.

_____________________________

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Post #: 11

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 9:29:49 PM

icouldbeyoursub

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/22/2009
Status: offline

if you do find what you were looking for or make one I would love a copy of It Sir

(in reply to PuzzleMaster)

Post #: 12

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/7/2009 10:23:18 PM

PuzzleMaster

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/5/2009
From: Southern Oregon
Status: offline

So far an interesting diversity of support and condemnation in this thread. ;-)

Thanks to those who offered suggestions. I'll even take the criticisms constructively, but rudeness is not a very productive persuader.

I agree I have my own fears of judgment to confront, and this is a way for me to get past that and hopefully ease the conversation for my partner as well. This is part of the problem in trying to cross from vanilla to something more.

Sometimes it is much easier to discuss such things with new acquaintances than in relationships with long and complicated histories.

DevotionalSex, that is an excellent suggestion, and I will consider and probably try. Thanks! If I pursue the survey, then it will be much broader than a BDSM checklist. Will include the whole spectrum of sexual interest that I can think of. Kink is far wider than BDSM, IMO. I expect she will have interest in some things but not others, and that is OK. I will define terms in the survey (just like they are defined when you build your profile on this site) so they will not be confusing for her. I will also complete the survey (if I decide to use one), and we will share our thoughts and responses together.

icouldbeyoursub, I would be happy to share this with anyone who has an interest.

Thanks again to all providing constructive ideas. I do appreciate.

PM

(in reply to icouldbeyoursub)

Post #: 13

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/8/2009 12:48:43 AM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline

According to Wikipedia (not the best or worst source for info) the questions developed and used by Alfred Kinsey are still available at the institute... and the Kinsey Institute is part of Indiana University... That's convenient for you.

(in reply to PuzzleMaster)

Post #: 14

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/8/2009 1:17:18 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

the other thing to think about is what do you do when you have the questionnaire?

You said that you are in a long term relationship with a vanilla partner. will you out of the blue one day say something like .... hey guess what dear, I was surfing the net and stumbled across something called bdsm.... and give her the checklist? I imagine that would raise a whole heap of questions and concerns from her.

Make it a safe environment for her to disclose things, start of with self-disclosure rather than asking her to immediately share her darkest secrets. Take baby steps, maybe focus on vanilla things first, discuss, include some of them into your relationship and over time explore the more kinkier things

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to PuzzleMaster)

Post #: 15

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/8/2009 5:29:26 AM

PuzzleMaster

Posts: 13
Joined: 11/5/2009
From: Southern Oregon
Status: offline

Thanks for the advice, wandersalone. Gratefully accepted. The baby steps are well under way and have been for a while. She is aware that I'd like to take our sex life in a more adventurous direction, so I think she is prepared for a good discussion, but I will be careful to provide a very safe place for us both to share more intimately than we have been able to before. The questionnaire will be only a tool to facilitate a deep conversation, not something to replace it.

PainfullyCurious, Kinsey would be an interesting resource for me! Thanks for the idea!

(in reply to wandersalone)

Post #: 16

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/8/2009 6:58:30 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PuzzleMaster

So far an interesting diversity of support and condemnation in this thread. ;-)

I think it's important to note that the use of a questionnaire has been criticized, but this is the last place on earth where people will condemn your goal of expanding your sex life.

quote:

I agree I have my own fears of judgment to confront, and this is a way for me to get past that and hopefully ease the conversation for my partner as well. This is part of the problem in trying to cross from vanilla to something more.

Ok, part of the problem I'm sensing from your posts is I think you're getting way ahead of yourself. You talk about kink being broader than bdsm, and a survey that includes different sex positions. Which makes me wonder, just how narrow is your definition of vanilla? I don't want to press you for details about your sex life, but if your "vanilla" partner is someone who considers doggy-style or doing it with the lights on to be "kinky," I think it would be spectacularly unproductive to present her with the checklist you imagine. Instead of making her feel comfortable, it could make her feel defensive and inadequate.

Your posts also seem to assume that your partner has secret kinky desires she's ashamed to admit, that all you need to do is create the safe space for her to admit them. What if she really doesn't have those secrets? Then the space you're creating may not feel safe at all to her, it may feel like pressure and, again, create a sense of inadequacy for not having any secret kinky fantasies to share.

If your partner doesn't have any existing secret kinks, that doesn't mean you can't nurture some. But the way to do that is to be honest with her about your own. You create the safe space for this discussion not with a survey, but by exposing your own vulnerabilities first.

quote:

Sometimes it is much easier to discuss such things with new acquaintances than in relationships with long and complicated histories.

Exactly. It's difficult to run a sex survey and get honest answers when the professionals do it in a clinical setting. Your questionnaire would come loaded with unclear expectations. Assuming your partner has some hidden submissive urges, will she see the survey as an opportunity to be honest about what she wants, or as a huge guessing game about what you want?

quote:

DevotionalSex, that is an excellent suggestion, and I will consider and probably try.

Yes, it is. And you should try it.

(in reply to PuzzleMaster)

Post #: 17

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/8/2009 7:14:38 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

now now now focus, some people are positively anal retentive and overanalytical.
Accountants, for example.

TexasMaam

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Post #: 18

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/8/2009 7:21:06 AM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

quote:

is an extensive "sexual interest questionnaire" available anywhere?

I've been using one for years.... try Google, there are millions out there, this is not the kind of thing that is hard to find.

(in reply to PuzzleMaster)

Post #: 19

RE: Sexual Interest Questionnaire - 11/8/2009 7:47:30 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

A quiz or checklist is not the way to go with a "vanilla" parnter. There are a lot of other tactics one can use to determine kink potential. But if you meet someone on a kink personals site or at a fetish party, you can be mor upfront early on.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
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Post #: 20

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