RE: Need advice on how to help little kids handle death.

RE: Need advice on how to help little kids handle death. (Full Version)

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MagiksSlave -> RE: Need advice on how to help little kids handle death. (11/9/2009 8:59:47 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gehennasfury My wife and I received bad news tonight. Our cat has liver cancer which is untreatable. We chose to do the right thing and euthanize her to end her suffering. We have a 6 year old son and a 5 year old daughter. Both kids expressed to us that they want to go say goodbye to their beloved pet. Should we allow them to stay in the room as the catis put to sleep, or should we have the kids wait outside? They know she will get a needle poke, her pain will stop, and that she'll go to sleep. We don't think they fully understand what death truly is. I wouldnt have them in the room, far to traumatic. Id leave out the needle prick part as well, gettings shots is a scary enough thing but putting it into their minds that a shot can make you never wake up... They are two young not to generalise this information. So good luck ever getting them vaccinated again... Explain it the best you can, but chances are at that age they wont completley grasp the idea of death no matter how it is presented and really is that such a bad thing?? Magik

maybemaybenot -> RE: Need advice on how to help little kids handle death. (11/9/2009 9:23:23 AM)
Actually Magik, children at that age are what is called " magical thinkers". They often believe that death is a direct result of something they did or something they didn't do to make it better. The way to deal with a person dying or an animal with this age group os to have conversations with them, explaining that whatever the ailment/cause of death is not related to them. You use the truthful facts such as the OP did and that kitty's got very sick and her body just can't get better, the vets have tried to help her but her little body just is too frail. If you don't address the facts, children will internalize it and come up with a reason they are responsible. Such as... if I hadn't lied to Mummy or if I had gotten an A on my math quiz. At those ages the children believe that they have control of the universe and that they are responsible for good or bad outcomes. mbmbn

MagiksSlave -> RE: Need advice on how to help little kids handle death. (11/9/2009 11:11:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: maybemaybenot Actually Magik, children at that age are what is called " magical thinkers". They often believe that death is a direct result of something they did or something they didn't do to make it better. The way to deal with a person dying or an animal with this age group os to have conversations with them, explaining that whatever the ailment/cause of death is not related to them. You use the truthful facts such as the OP did and that kitty's got very sick and her body just can't get better, the vets have tried to help her but her little body just is too frail. If you don't address the facts, children will internalize it and come up with a reason they are responsible. Such as... if I hadn't lied to Mummy or if I had gotten an A on my math quiz. At those ages the children believe that they have control of the universe and that they are responsible for good or bad outcomes. mbmbn I am well aware of what you have said but that doesnt discredit what I have said either, there is a large chance they wont fully understand death, in fact taking responsability for it (because I lied kitty died) just shows that they dont understand death. And I stand by what I said about the needle prick... children will generalise and in this case it can cause problems. Magik

maybemaybenot -> RE: Need advice on how to help little kids handle death. (11/9/2009 11:41:37 AM)
No, of course they don't fully understand death. That was my point, magical thinkers and all. I wasn't trying to discredit you at all. Just expaining how a child percieves death at that particular age. If I had children and they wanted to be present, they would be, after a long conversation. If they didn't, they wouldn't be, but there would still be a long conversation. My post about magical thinking children was not to discredit you, but to explain how they think. They still have these thoughts if the attend a death or not. So there still needs to be a conversation with the child that it is not their fault. mbmbn

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