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Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:08:47 AM

PainfullyCurious

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If there was an Ask a Sadist or Ask a Masochist area, I would post this there.

Does having a lot of stress bring on this need for pain, and is the pain itself a release for you?

I ask because while I have never been involved in a scene, I'm going through a pretty rough time and my desire, my curiosity, about about all of this has never been stronger.

When you're having a bad day (or week or month) do you think that it's a bad time to look for some pain? Or is it the perfect time? Are you more likely to come apart at the seams in a way that isn't helpful? Should you be in a very happy, stable place before you get started? Or is it a good way to start feeling better about what's weighing on your mind?

I'm leaving for a few hours. I'm looking forward to seeing your responses when I get back.

Post #: 1

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:14:45 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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Depends on the person. And I'm not sure if it's a desire for pain per se, or for the cathartic release through sobbing, screaming, cursing etc that goes along with it.

I will say that those few times when I've asked for it, he's always decided I'm past the point of being able to tolerate it and sends me to bed instead. He's done this to me at an earlier stage, but by the time I ask for it, I'm a total mess.

In the meantime, try heavy exercise. Endorphin release, gets rid of excess cortisol, etc.

Damn typo

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 11/5/2009 8:28:35 AM >

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RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:17:27 AM

RCdc

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Pain is sometimes helpful, but like celeste said, for me it's more the cathartic release that rocks from the energy, emotion, tears, etc... sometimes that is via pain. Sometimes via something else.

the.dark.

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RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:19:13 AM

lucylucy

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Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

Does having a lot of stress bring on this need for pain, and is the pain itself a release for you?

Oh, yes, the pain is a huge release for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

When you're having a bad day (or week or month) do you think that it's a bad time to look for some pain? Or is it the perfect time?

For me, it's the perfect time. It allows me to focus and see whatever is stressing me out more clearly. I don't know if the head-clearing effect is due to increased blood flow or what . . . all I know is it works.

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RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:25:48 AM

onlyfreelycaged

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
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for me, the answer is yes but it has to:
enough to make me cry, and sob, and continue until it's alll out.
be about how "good" I am and how I'm a "good girl" or "good little slut" or whatever. No bad, not that I did anything wrong.
the after care has to be soft and carrying.

If all three of them are there, then I'm one happy pain slut.

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Post #: 5

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:39:25 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

If there was an Ask a Sadist or Ask a Masochist area, I would post this there.

Does having a lot of stress bring on this need for pain, and is the pain itself a release for you?

I ask because while I have never been involved in a scene, I'm going through a pretty rough time and my desire, my curiosity, about about all of this has never been stronger.

When you're having a bad day (or week or month) do you think that it's a bad time to look for some pain? Or is it the perfect time? Are you more likely to come apart at the seams in a way that isn't helpful? Should you be in a very happy, stable place before you get started? Or is it a good way to start feeling better about what's weighing on your mind?

I'm leaving for a few hours. I'm looking forward to seeing your responses when I get back.

Its been so long i have honestly forgot how it makes me feel.

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Post #: 6

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:46:56 AM

agirl

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It would depend on what *type* of pain. I'm not a masochist but even I can get completely lost in being flogged or *hurt*....it forces me to concentrate totally on the *moment* and in a way , that can be welcome *holiday* from general worries.

I would repeat that it really DOES depend on what's being applied and how...... a cold caning wouldn't do it ....so *any old pain* wouldn't do it ........lol

agirl

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Post #: 7

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:54:45 AM

Hierodule

Posts: 597
Joined: 9/22/2009
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I'm not a masochist. I don't ever want pain. But I love feeling powerless. I like being taken, tied and vulnerable. If Master thinks pain is necessary (or he feels like giving it for some reason) when I am in that vulnerable state he gives it. If he wants to give me pleasure when I am vulnerable he gives me that. If I am stressed out or feeling sad I don't think he would want to hurt me. I wouldn't want to be hurt. So far, when I am in a bad mood, we talk about whats going on. We may end up just cuddling or kissing or making love in a relatively vanilla style. When I do something that he feels needs correcting he always puts the punishment off a day or two after my misbehavior. So we can look at it with some perspective and neither of us are angry or too emotional.

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Post #: 8

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:57:28 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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I would say pain is a release for me. A good session has had the quality of leaving me sated, quiet, and at peace, much like sex or any other form of release.

As Des pointed out exercise is also great for stress release and I believe it is more beneficial to me than a pain session. I go to the gym 6 days a week rain or shine and have actually weaned myself off of the anti-depressants that I took for 15 years. I've been doing the exercise for 3 years and have never felt better on a continual basis. It's a great tool to use.

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Post #: 9

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:57:47 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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pain on a scale to 10...starting low and slow at say 2 or 3 will make me hot... and make me want more
and then... when i am hot i can and want to take quite bit more like 7 or 8

starting at 7 or 8 will turn me off completely and i won't enjoy it at all

I like a bit of pain anytime but i like it best with sex

the reason it makes me cry is because i love to be known... when i feel He sees me for what i am and understands me so and loves me so that He will do this to me...

good sex is obviously a release, with or without pain
and a good release makes a person less stressful and/or more equipped to deal with stress

my take on things

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Post #: 10

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 8:58:26 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

If there was an Ask a Sadist or Ask a Masochist area, I would post this there.

Does having a lot of stress bring on this need for pain, and is the pain itself a release for you?

I ask because while I have never been involved in a scene, I'm going through a pretty rough time and my desire, my curiosity, about about all of this has never been stronger.

Nothing wrong with you asking the question right here. It's more than an appropriate place for it, as you'll get views from both tops and bottoms.

I do want to say one thing. While you have a great curiosity about this, please keep in mind that you don't have a standard to compare it to. The giving or receiving of pain with another flesh and blood person involved can often be very different than we imagine it to be.

quote:

When you're having a bad day (or week or month) do you think that it's a bad time to look for some pain? Or is it the perfect time? Are you more likely to come apart at the seams in a way that isn't helpful? Should you be in a very happy, stable place before you get started? Or is it a good way to start feeling better about what's weighing on your mind?

I am a sadist, not a masochist. I can tell you that, for Me, S/m play can be a perfect stress reliever. At My last job, if I was having a bad week, they would tell Me that I needed to go beat somebody. (The didn't understand the whole thing, but they knew Me.) It can certainly adjust My attitude, remove My stress, get Me back to a more positive outlook, and have Me more evenly balanced overall. Very much like regular exercise, as someone else mentioned.

I own a masochist. It works the very same way for him. Yes, he prefers regular play and will request it if there is a lot on his mind or he is going through a period of stress. While I don't want to say that taking him to subspace helps him deal with the world, I can say that it males him happier in doing so.

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Post #: 11

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 9:04:20 AM

CollaredLisa

Posts: 135
Joined: 3/28/2009
From: Germany
Status: offline

Pain can be a way to get rid of stress or just deal with problems for me. It sort of depends on the kind of trouble though. There are times when it really helps me to be hurt, it makes me relax somehow and just get everything off my mind for a while (I tend to let things bother me by thinking about them all the time). But there are also times when being hurt would just make the whole situation worse.
Also, as agirl already said, it depends on the kind of pain, the intensity of it and such things.
But, to be honest, most of the time pain does help me when I'm having a rough time - it's sort of annoying actually, now that my Master and I are living in a long-distance relationship I am much more stressed than I was when we were living together because I can't just ask for some pain or something like that but have to deal on my own.

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Post #: 12

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 9:20:57 AM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
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Cant say i have ever analysed my need for pain.

i do know i start climbing the walls and beome unreasonable. (think PMT, not that ive ever had that).

As we dont live together and it can sometimes be a couple of weeks between visits, he will ask if i need a pain fix. If i say yes, he tends to get it out of the way, so i can then focus.

After that he does as he pleases which may or may not include pain.

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Post #: 13

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 9:44:44 AM

vixenkneels

Posts: 94
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From: LAKE OF THE OZARKS, MISSOURI
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I am a pain slut...not as extreme as some, I’m sure, but definitely more in to pain than most. I do believe my need for pain increases in accordance with the level of stress I’m feeling, but do I think pain relieves my stress...no. It’s not the pain that relieves my stress, it’s the delivery method of the pain...via pure, unadulterated DOMINANCE.

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RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 4:10:08 PM

seany

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Joined: 10/23/2009
Status: offline

Anything to take your mind off reality and your predicament..adventure hobbies such as rock climbing is great for stress levels.As is a corporal scene im sure.I've still to try the later as a newbie myself.Bring on the pain

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Post #: 15

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 4:55:22 PM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline

Thank you to everyone for sharing on such a personal subject. Each and every post gave me something to think about.
Yes- Spin classes at the gym a proving very helpful.
Yes- I'm concerned about what I'm imagining the pain will do for me and what it will actually do. As my parents didn't hit, and I've never been in a fight, I have no clue what it feels like to get past a light spanking or the 4th smack with a paddle... but I can't stop thinking about it.

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Post #: 16

RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/5/2009 5:05:37 PM

NyDaddysGirl

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

If there was an Ask a Sadist or Ask a Masochist area, I would post this there.

Does having a lot of stress bring on this need for pain, and is the pain itself a release for you?

I ask because while I have never been involved in a scene, I'm going through a pretty rough time and my desire, my curiosity, about about all of this has never been stronger.

When you're having a bad day (or week or month) do you think that it's a bad time to look for some pain? Or is it the perfect time? Are you more likely to come apart at the seams in a way that isn't helpful? Should you be in a very happy, stable place before you get started? Or is it a good way to start feeling better about what's weighing on your mind?

I'm leaving for a few hours. I'm looking forward to seeing your responses when I get back.

Yes, my need for pain tends to increase with stress.

Oddly I first noticed this during a vanilla marriage. My ex had tattoo equipment and was skilled. One day, all of a sudden, I realized that I would request a new tattoo when my stress levels were off the charts. The more stressed I was, the more I wanted to sit there and have him work on me. It has a very calming effect on me.

Now, in the lifestyle for numerous years, I find the more stressed I am, the more prepared I am to receive pain. I think I've just recently noticed that my stress levels also dictate the type of pain I am craving (sharp and searing, or dull, heavy, thuds, etc.)

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RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/6/2009 2:36:32 AM

ranja

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Joined: 11/1/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PainfullyCurious

I have no clue what it feels like to get past a light spanking or the 4th smack with a paddle... but I can't stop thinking about it.

there is a very good chance that your ass will start shaking

oh i love having a shaking ass

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RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/6/2009 5:04:34 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
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I like pain play. It can, indeed, relieve stress. In general, however, it is simply a joyous experience. I feel it, I relish it, I absorb it. It makes me feel strong and proud and happy.
Most times I get very aroused. R. once said, “If you get wet when I whip you, you are a masochist.”

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RE: Pain - Does it help you? - 11/6/2009 5:28:37 AM

TwistedHeart74

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Joined: 9/17/2009
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Does having a lot of stress bring on this need for pain, and is the pain itself a release for you? Yes, stress increases the need for pain. Yes the pain is a release for me, I can kick and scream and fight and throw a fit or I can just sob my way through it.

When you're having a bad day (or week or month) do you think that it's a bad time to look for some pain? I have to be in the right frame of mind, but if I'm asking for pain, it is definately the right time to give it to me.

Or is it the perfect time? Are you more likely to come apart at the seams in a way that isn't helpful? Should you be in a very happy, stable place before you get started? Or is it a good way to start feeling better about what's weighing on your mind?

I'd say, as with anything, communication is key. Let your partner know what's going on in your head before you start, that way if it goes sour they'll have an idea as to why.

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