dreamerdreaming
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Oceanwynds, due to time constraints I will answer you bits at a time, so keep checking back here periodically.
*disclaimer*
Remember that these are my opinions, and you may think differently- and your thoughts are valid too, and of course you know yourself much better than anyone else on these boards, so you are the best judge of your own truths, by far... (-If you were a damn fool, that statement wouldn't hold water- but fortunately you are very wise.)*end of disclaimer*
I very much agree with those who say: quit worrying about fitting into some kind of "box o' submissive" and just BE YOU. If that is not "submissive", then fuck everyone else's definition because you don't need to fit it.
You need to fit your own needs/desires first, or you won't fit his, IMHO. Unless he's a selfish dom who cares about his own self-realization, over yours. If he's that kind, then he's not the right kind for you anyway, right? See what I'm saying?  Ideally, your needs/desires match up very nicely, so that mutual self-actualization is a natural result- IF you both are able to love and trust one another. Fear is fine, and its natural too. After all, you WILL lose one another in the end. (I mean we all die eventually, of course.)
But whether YOU die first, or he does: you won't want to have wasted time you could have spent drawing him near, with your worries and your fear. You won't want to have been keeping him at an emotional distance (which is tantamount to pushing him away) with what is left of the time you have together. I know that's why you've posted this thread.
How do I handle fear? There's a great book "Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway"- and that's what most of us try to do, I think. One thing I do is try to limit the amount of worry, or fearful thoughts. By time spent, for example: "Oops! There's my (5, 10, 15- how much time do you want to spend?) minute limit of worries and fearfulness, for today. Now no more, until tomorrow..."
No matter what you do, if you want to change your thoughts- thoughts that have become habit to you- you'll need to be proactive, and do thought control. YOU are the controller of your own thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking those same old thoughts, past your limit of how much/many you want to, you'll need to have positive affirmations to put in their place, at the ready.
RIGHT NOW you can stop, turn away from my post, and write yourself a quartet of these affirmations, that you can arm yourself with. For example:
" I am not ruled by fear."
"I am the controller of my own thoughts and feelings."
" I deserve to relax and be happy with what I have right now."
" I choose to feel confident and hopeful about the future."
"I am wise, strong and brave..."
"I trust my own good judgement."
Make ones that work for you, and then use them whenever your worry/fear quota for the (hour? morning?) day is filled. You'll just simply use one sentence of affirmation as an axis to turn on: from the fearful thought, into a positive thought. Into a hopeful peace, and relaxation. Breath deeply while you change thoughts- breath out of the fearful, into the peaceful, and then let it out slowly while you feel the relaxation and peace settle in. Then another positive thought. Maybe something as simple as "I'm feeling calm and grateful", or "I'm feeling relaxed and hopeful". Then keep breathing slowly and deeply in and out, while you stay in your hopeful, confident, relaxed, positive state of mind... Until it cradles you, and envelopes you in its comfort... Deeper and deeper... (You can visualize the fear as a vision, fading into the distance if you like.... Feel the strength and power welling up inside you, as you yourself cause and allow your fear to recede... See how small and insignificant it looks... a tiny speck on the horizon, that you don't even hafta feel tomorrow, unless you want to... OR: you can just entirely forget about your worrisome thoughts from the first sentence of affirmation, if that works better for you...)
Thought control. Redirection. It gets easier, with practice. Its a whole yoga, zen thing...
Okay are you ready? Turn away now, write four sentences to use- four seperate affirmations, and I'll wait here... take as much time as you need.
Okay now- got em?
If not, its okay. I really meant it- you can take as much time as you need, to think about it. But if you think you have a tendency to over-think things, it might be a good exercise for you to give yourself a time limit (5 minutes, maybe?) just to see what simple truths you can arm yourself with, right now.
Maybe you already know all this stuff and maybe someone else will benefit more from hearing it. But I do hope it helps you think things through, right now. I think too many subs have self-esteem issues, maybe don't think they deserve to give and receive deep love and trust, and so that's the other thing I hope you take from this post. My affirmations above say "I deserve", "I trust", "I choose".... Those are the kind of empowering thoughts that I hope you will give to yourself, because you deserve to let yourself to feel how wonderful, wise, and powerful you truly are.
Closing thoughts:
Being in control of your own thoughts, feelings, and destiny, is GREAT! It is NOT un-submissive AT ALL.
Living alone is GREAT! Its NOT un-submissive AT ALL.
See the beginning of this post: Don't try to be a "sub-in-the-box." ENJOY being YOU!
And lastly, for those who don't know me here: I identified as slave, for the great majority of my life. So I speak with plenty of authority on the subject of submission, even though I've been a domme for the last few years.
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RE: Managing your fears - 
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