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RE: Others and comfort - 10/27/2009 9:44:03 PM

lucylucy

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Joined: 3/1/2009
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I’m assuming you trust him and believe him when he says you are his “primary,” whatever that means to the two of you. It seems to me that just because you can do something, like “exercise turf law,” which I assume has a particular meaning to you and him that you have discussed at length, doesn’t mean you should do something.

Why should he be happy? He wanted her to come over and play, you said no to the playing. What you did was within your rights, according to what it sounds like you and he agreed upon, but that doesn’t necessitate that he will be happy about it.

If you had said yes to her coming over and playing, he’d be happy, she’d be happy, and you’d be miserable. As it is, all three of you are probably miserable. You can’t change his loving her by not allowing them to play. If he loves her, he loves her—simple as that. You cannot control that, no way, no how.

It sounds like a confusing situation that needs to be discussed with him (and possibly her) at length.

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RE: Others and comfort - 10/28/2009 1:53:47 AM

DesFIP

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Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Cali, why is it necessary for them to have a power relationship? They're kinky switches. The problem is that he didn't tell her when they started that he was still in love with the ex. He didn't tell her he was still banging the ex whenever the ex allowed. It came out after they agreed to be in a relationship.

OP, it's all up to you to decide what you want. If you need a relationship in which you are the one who is loved, then this isn't the right relationship for you. If you're fine not being loved, if you're fine knowing that if his ex changes her mind and wants him back, he will dump you in a New York minute, then this is a good relationship for you.

You can't change anything. You just get to decide what you need and if this relationship gives you that.

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RE: Others and comfort - 10/28/2009 9:25:02 AM

CalifChick

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Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
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Des, that's what I'm trying to understand. If they're switches, doesn't that involve power exchange? Otherwise aren't they tops and bottoms? See? I did SAY I didn't understand! LOL!

Cali

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Post #: 43