How do you juggle D/s and children??

How do you juggle D/s and children?? (Full Version)

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jimsgirl -> How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 10:18:31 AM)
Sir and I have an almost two year old son and we are having the roughest time finding time for ourselves. How do you juggle a D/s relationship when you've got kids? I am a stay at home mom and He works 60 hours a week. Any suggestions on how we give ourselves a little "fun time"? We don't want to involve our son at all. We don't want him to grow up knowing our lifestyle as some others prefer to do. We would love some suggestions!

RCdc -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 10:20:57 AM)
Get a child minder? Ask you parents to watch them? Arrange sleepovers with their friends at nursery? Find other people so you can swap doing baby sitting? You do exactly what parents do when they want a night out, or want to have sex. the.dark.

jimsgirl -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 10:32:07 AM)
I ought to clarify a little. I live in a town where I have literally no family or friends. Our son doesn't go to daycare or anything like that. I definitely appreciate your input though!

Aileen1968 -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 10:39:53 AM)
Play when he naps or is down for the night. Give him some white noise in his room and find space away from his. Some of my best experiences with Shorebound have been when we only had half an hour. Sometimes that small window of opportunity really bumps up the intensity level.

RCdc -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 10:43:26 AM)
Mother and toddler group? Baby massage groups? Yoga or exercise groups? Any groups in the area where you meet up with other mums? If not - why not start one? That way you can start getting to know people and swap sleepovers? the.dark.

porcelaine -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 10:49:08 AM)
with all due respect he's two. not a ten year old. he won't understand anything he sees or hears at that age. i suggest you take into account the advice that has been provided thus far and start building a support network around you. especially since you live in a place with very little family. by the time he's of age where this is really a concern he'll be attending school and the network should be firmly established by then. my daughter is an adult now and aware of my lifestyle. i never lied though. i think it takes a lot of energy to keep it going and i always hated having my intelligence insulted as a child. but i didn't give her graphic details either. she was ware of my bisexuality when that occurred too. i believe my honesty is one of the reasons we have the unique bond we possess to this day. however, i would not engage in a relationship that was 24/7 and Owner/property oriented if she lived with me. i don't think she needs to be privy to that nor would she ever belong to Him. if anything it would complicate matters immensely. visits from university are one thing, but living there all the time would be a definite no go. porcelaine

mmsprecious -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 10:55:54 AM)
It is no different at that age than a vanilla couple looking for time. You take it when you can...nap and sleep times. It gets trickier to hide as they get older. There is a difference between them knowing mommy always says yes Sir or no Sir to daddy (no real problem there) and them knowing daddy spanks or flogs mommy (more of a problem). I think maybe people who don't mind the little ones knowing some things aren't talking about the kinky sex stuff. And unless you can make friends, you will have to rely on sleep time to play. His precious

leadership527 -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 10:55:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jimsgirl I ought to clarify a little. I live in a town where I have literally no family or friends. Our son doesn't go to daycare or anything like that. I definitely appreciate your input though! OK, it's been a while since mine were that age, but to me at least, a part of being a parent is getting a support network of some sort or another. That might be paid (as in some sort of child care service) or not (as in friends, families, and neighbors). But to be healthy, us adults need to be able to be adults. Doesn't your 2 year old sleep? How about then?

AquaticSub -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 11:19:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jimsgirl I ought to clarify a little. I live in a town where I have literally no family or friends. Our son doesn't go to daycare or anything like that. I definitely appreciate your input though! Look into a baby-sitting service?

jimsgirl -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 11:24:49 AM)
Porcelaine, Thanks for the advice. While you are right, he is just two, he is a very smart two year old. He is picking things up like a Hoover these days. There is almost nothing I can say that he doesn't repeat. As far as him knowing about our roles, that is not my concern, it is Sir's. He doesn't want our son to be involved in the lifestyle. I will take the advice from above and begin looking for groups in my area, possibly even groups other other couples with children in my situation.

LadyPact -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 11:32:52 AM)
It's been a while since Mine were that age, but the second generation of Mine lived with Me when she was that old. I do understand your concerns. I agree with you that kink and play shouldn't be around someone of that age, but I was never one to hide the D/s part. There are a lot of ways that can be incorporated to everyday life that aren't an intrusion into a little person's world. Still, I do agree with the comments you've received above. Making that little person's world the best it can be does involve making your world a happy and content one. All parents need time for themselves. Whether that time is focused on kink or quilting bees doesn't matter. If you want your relationship to be healthy, you have to put time into it.

leadership527 -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 12:01:48 PM)
Yeah.. what LP said :) I might go a step further. I'm not sure why it would be an issue to see the D/s side at all.. no need to hide it. Daddy takes good care of Mommy and Mommy tries hard to support him in his decisions and directions. I'm not seeing any inappropriate part of that at all. If mine were younger, I would be careful to balance that with other ways to arrange a marriage also. But I don't see anything inherent in the D/s dynamic as being damaging to kids.

RCdc -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 12:01:57 PM)
Thats what I did, joined groups and shared the whole sleep over thing. It's great for you to socialize also. When they get to school ages you just do the same. Hope you find something that you can work with! the.dark.

Acer49 -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 12:18:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jimsgirl Sir and I have an almost two year old son and we are having the roughest time finding time for ourselves. How do you juggle a D/s relationship when you've got kids? I am a stay at home mom and He works 60 hours a week. Any suggestions on how we give ourselves a little "fun time"? We don't want to involve our son at all. We don't want him to grow up knowing our lifestyle as some others prefer to do. We would love some suggestions! Find outher parents who are willing to babysit and you take theres on occasion and they take yours

AnimusRex -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 12:33:54 PM)
A lot of good replies here. My thoughts- Whether you are kinky or vanilla, children consume vast portions of our time and energy. As parents we need to accept the fact that the proportion of time we used to have for our own needs- things like hobbies, liesure, sex, alone time- is greatly reduced. What you are going through is the norm- I don't think I saw a serious grown up movie or ate at any place that didn't have a happy meal for the first 6 years of my son's life. The good news as I have discovered, is that it isn't permanent; as children grow, they become steadily more independent and autonomous, and your free time returns. But for now, don't fret that you don't have as much time for kinky play as you used to; find and embrace the little slices of together time, and enjoy the times you spend with the wee one; those are the times you won't ever regret, trust me.

OrionAndi -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 1:11:34 PM)
My lil un is nearly 3. Though I am lucky to have my mum who takes my lil un every so often for a night to give me a brake. When I recently went to visit orion at his home for 2 weeks I took her with me. We had OUR time when she went for a nap and also when she went to bed. I put her down between 7 and 8pm which gave Orion and I time together. Though it was difficult, we couldnt really play any "intense" games as we where worried we would wake her or she would wake up and i would have to be quickly untied or whatever senario we would be in. And also I do like my rest when she goes to bed. But even so we still did get our "play" time. Maybe think about putting him down earlier for bed? If he goes down for a nap during the day causing him to be more awake at night.. maybe alter his nap time during the day, put him down earlier or try and keep him active all day.. helping him sleep better that night? I can understand your difficulty as you are in a small town. Ive been where i live now for a year and a half and im still struggling to meet people where I am. It does take time! Good luck x Andi.

kiwisub12 -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 4:31:54 PM)
One thing you might look for is a "parents day out" at the local churches. Most of them take kids not in their congregations to make a bit of money. That way your um gets socialisation and you get sensation![:D]

MasterJack53 -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/23/2009 4:45:41 PM)
veryyyy carefully.

devilishpixie -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/24/2009 1:19:19 PM)
I have 2 UMs 11 and 15 and my owner has a 5 yr old. We have found subtle ways of showing our dynamics even when the children are around. As far as play we have had to get creative. He takes lunch at home these days while the kids are in school and that is our "play time". Its a covetted time. We also tease each other when the children are not in the room. (lol) And lord knows once they are asleep weather later at night or a 4 am wake up call we, a gag has become my friend so the UM are not woke up. (lmfao) Edited to add: At times we have talked about getting a sitter and renting a room for the night so we could play without worrying about being quiet or havin to be a parent.

kallisto -> RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? (10/24/2009 3:52:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: devilishpixie Edited to add: At times we have talked about getting a sitter and renting a room for the night so we could play without worrying about being quiet or havin to be a parent. I have 3 that are grown now, but the above quote is one of the best things we ever did when the kids were growing up. I'm also a big believer in kids needing socialization beginning at an early age. The advice of the finding other stay at home moms to trade off babysitting or the "parents" days out at a local church are inexpensive ways of giving the kids socialization as well as giving the parents time to be adults. "Parents" need to be adults and away from the kids at times, just as much as the kids need to be away from the parents. Otherwise, very definitely take advantage of nap times and when his is down for the night.

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