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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/24/2009 3:58:00 PM

KinkyCplMD

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I agree, grown up time weather sexual or simply a quiet dinner alone is something far to many parents / couples give up when they have children. Our stolen moments are wonderful and I would hate not having them.

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/24/2009 4:47:09 PM

AndySTL

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Hello jimsgirl,

I have a 16 month old son myself. His mother and I never had time to ourselves while we were together. Apparently, it looks like you have another 16 years to go...lol

My advice is to get a baby sitter every couple of weeks and go to a hotel or drop him off with a family member for a night. If your famly is anything like mine, they will jump at the opportunity to babysit.

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/25/2009 8:02:27 AM

DesFIP

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We don;t use honorifics, he doesn't call me humiliating names. I certainly don't meet him naked and kneeling at the door.

When he comes in, I run to meet him and kiss him unless dinner will burn. In that case I call out to him I'm stuck at the stove.

Beyond that, he makes the decisions. So if he says he feels like grilling, I put the chicken pot pie ingredients back in the fridge and pull out burgers and fixings.
I buy ice cream with chocolate, not strawberry because he doesn't like fruit ice creams. If I really want the strawberry, then I buy chocolate also.

If there's a circus coming nearby, don't just buy tickets for Saturday, ask him if he would like to go, and if so which performance.

Play time takes place at night. Lock your door, and if you would feel more comfortable get a white noise machine, and turn on a stereo. By layering noises no one sound will come through clearly enough to disturb your son. Wear a gag if necessary.

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/25/2009 10:45:50 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jimsgirl

Sir and I have an almost two year old son and we are having the roughest time finding time for ourselves. How do you juggle a D/s relationship when you've got kids? I am a stay at home mom and He works 60 hours a week. Any suggestions on how we give ourselves a little "fun time"? We don't want to involve our son at all. We don't want him to grow up knowing our lifestyle as some others prefer to do. We would love some suggestions!

Ask your Sir if you two can get up 30 mins earlier in the morning a few times a week and put you in rope bondage (flat rope works well and is very easy to find online) to wear under your clothes during the day. Maybe he can call you during the day and instruct you to wear a plug or put a gag on during nap time or start a protocol where you put something on or in at a precise time during the day. You can try a hobble while you are folding laundry or ironing or other things your Sir will embrace for your dynamic. If your Sir is into corsets, that's something easy enough to wear during the day while he's gone and can look very sharp outside of clothes in a Ren Faire sort of way. It shouldn't raise too many eyebrows even in a small town or you can try some sexy fishnets or matching, silky underclothes that he wants you to wear and if the mom sweats are what the world sees, you still get that little smile knowing what's underneath and so does your Sir. Clothespins on your nipples while you brush your teeth or anytime you use the bathroom - locking the bathroom door and teaching even a two year old the meaning of privacy is not a bad thing. "_

Your fun time doesn't have to be limited to *just* your together time. You are really only limited by your own creativity and imagination and that of your Sir. Good luck!

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/25/2009 6:59:24 PM

jimsgirl

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AnimusRex,

What you bring up-this being the norm- is a very good point. I am a first time mom after all and although one of my two older sister does have children, she didn't have them until she moved 150 miles away from home. I have never been around small children 24/7 like this. Don't get me wrong, of course this is exactly what I expected! I do appreciate the thoughts!

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/25/2009 7:03:55 PM

jimsgirl

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devilishpixie,

The idea of getting an overnight sitter and renting a room is a great one. We actually may have arranged this soon!!! Yay for us!! :) My mother lives 250 miles from us so we are thinking of taking off on a Friday evening, for example, and crashing at her place (to save a little bit of money), then renting a room for Saturday night and returning back home on Sunday. That gives Nana time to visit and gives Sir and I time for ourselves. Two birds with one stone!

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/25/2009 7:04:22 PM

LilKittenSub

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I have a two year old of my own, and my Dom lives with me. We don't let him be involved in any way with our lifestyle, but we find little ways to bring it into our every day dealings. When I get home or he gets home, there's the typical hug and kiss, but what the little one doesn't see is that his hand isn't just in my hair, he's giving very subtle little tugs with it. Sometimes he instructs me to write up something private for just him to have ready when he gets home, or I'm given the task of coming up with something interesting and fun to role play when we have our alone time after the lil one is asleep.

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/25/2009 7:11:01 PM

jimsgirl

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Des,

You've given me some good ways to be able to "stay in the game", for lack of a better phrase, even while my son is around. Thanks. One of the things that concerns Sir is that our son will begin to be submissive. Of course, he agrees that our son can/will be whatever he wants to be and that is okay with us. If he's completely vanilla, that's perfectly fine too. He just doesn't want to be overly influential. I'm going to post this as a follow up type question but I'll post here as well: What are some subtle ideas for maintaining a D/s "sense" with children present? Nothing of a sexual nature please.

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/25/2009 7:20:51 PM

LilKittenSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jimsgirl

Des,

You've given me some good ways to be able to "stay in the game", for lack of a better phrase, even while my son is around. Thanks. One of the things that concerns Sir is that our son will begin to be submissive. Of course, he agrees that our son can/will be whatever he wants to be and that is okay with us. If he's completely vanilla, that's perfectly fine too. He just doesn't want to be overly influential. I'm going to post this as a follow up type question but I'll post here as well: What are some subtle ideas for maintaining a D/s "sense" with children present? Nothing of a sexual nature please.

Do you have any kind of substitute for your collar? Like a necklace he gave you that you wear when not sceneing, out in public, etc? I tend to sit on the floor at his feet a lot when watching TV and the like. Not with my head bowed or anything, but just sit there and lean against the chair he's in, where he can play with my hair and such. There's of course wearing outfits, undies, etc that he chooses ahead of time. It doesn't happen too often, but when the urge really hits, I call him Sir, which can easily be explained as leading by example. Manners don't necissarily mean submission, afterall. My friends are vanilla and they're raising their kids to use Sir and Ma'am with EVERYONE, to the point where she(the stay at home mom) calls people Sir and Ma'am so the children will see it as the natural thing to do.

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/25/2009 7:43:04 PM

DesFIP

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I think that your son's personality will be what it will be, no matter your orientation. It probably is already. Is he willing to share toys easily or does he like to reserve some so friends can't play with them? That shows people pleasing vs pleasing self.

I wear a necklace, not a play collar. Frequently he picks bras and panties for the day so I know I'm dressed as he likes. And that he'll be thinking of me wearing nothing but them during his day.

My kids are teens and I still get them pounding on the bathroom door when they want me so doing stuff in there wouldn't work for me. But ben wa balls if you can find ones heavy enough to make themselves felt would work.

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/25/2009 7:59:02 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jimsgirl

Des,

You've given me some good ways to be able to "stay in the game", for lack of a better phrase, even while my son is around. Thanks. One of the things that concerns Sir is that our son will begin to be submissive. Of course, he agrees that our son can/will be whatever he wants to be and that is okay with us. If he's completely vanilla, that's perfectly fine too. He just doesn't want to be overly influential. I'm going to post this as a follow up type question but I'll post here as well: What are some subtle ideas for maintaining a D/s "sense" with children present? Nothing of a sexual nature please.

What's subtle*? I mean how subtle IS subtle if you know the person you're with? A nod, a look, a narrowing of the eyes....a pause, as he take a mouthful of supper?

How subtle does ownership have to be? If the offspring notice that you pay attention to your *other 'alf* don't you think they'll decide for themselves whether it's *worth it* or not? Eventually they'll have some opinion of it, however *subtle* it is.

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/29/2009 1:25:34 PM

MistressMeltz

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I have two teenagers. They dont need a babysitter but like anyhting else adult it must be kept private and separate.

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RE: How do you juggle D/s and children?? - 10/29/2009 9:51:48 PM

Rhodes85

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I have to agree with DesFIP, she makes alot of good points. Really i'd be careful around kids. You never know how much they really understand at that age. They might suprise you later on.

'We don;t use honorifics, he doesn't call me humiliating names. I certainly don't meet him naked and kneeling at the door. '

Good. Its best to avoid that kind of thing around children.

and porcelaine, when you said that kids don't normally realize what any of that means the first thing that came to mind was that scene in forrest gump where the principle asks forrest what he heard and the kid starts making all those grunting sounds.

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