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slaveluci -> RE: need help explaining myself to my boyfriend (10/20/2009 4:51:09 PM)
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ORIGINAL: lucylucy
My boyfriend wanted to play with someone else and asked me if I was ok with that. I said I was as long as he told me about it afterwards and answered my questions. He agreed to this. He played with the other person and then told me he didn’t actually want to tell me about it or answer my questions.
Well then, in my eyes, he lied. He agreed and then he reneged. Yep, he lied.
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I told him that I had problems with him changing the terms after the fact and his response was that there wasn’t much to tell. He refused to say much beyond that.
I would have had the same problem if he broke our agreement. If there wasn't "much to tell," why not tell it then? I would not have been pleased with this at all.
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A week later, he said he wanted to play with this other person again, and I reiterated that I was ok with that but that it was very important to me that he tell me about it. His response this time was more along the lines of “I don’t want to tell you and you’re not the boss of me” (rough paraphrase).
I would have said, "That's correct. If 'playing' with this person and refusing to do as I ask means that much to you, please have at it. Permanently, cuz ya won't be 'playing' with me again until you man up and do what you agreed to do."
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I asked him if he wanted a relationship with this other person or if it was just playing and he said it was just playing and that he just didn’t feel comfortable sharing all the details with me.
He should've thought of that before he promised to do so. If for some reason she didn't want the details shared, he shouldn't have played to start with if he'd promised you he would share. Sounds like he may have told you both what you wanted to hear just to get everyone to agree.
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Today he told me he was “ending things” with the other person because he thought it was hurting me. I was surprised that there was anything “to end.” To me, just playing with someone doesn’t need to be ended, you just don’t make another playdate.
Yep, that's what I would have thought too. Sounds like it may have been more serious than he let on to you.
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Now I’m confused (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?). He doesn’t understand why I’m upset about this.
Wow, dense. He "can't understand why" you're "upset" that he lied to you. Hmmm.
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He thinks that since he’s no longer with this other person, I have nothing to be upset about. I’ve tried to tell him that his being with someone else never was a problem for me, it was the lack of communication about it, which I told him from the outset was important to me.
Seems simple enough. Don't know why he can't grasp it.
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Does anyone else understand my point here? How can I communicate it to him so that he understands I’m not being a jealous girlfriend who can’t share?
I totally understand. I would break it down for him in very simple terms. The "playing" isn't what upset you. The lying and promising to do something he then did not do is. How hard is that to get?
All that said, I just want to add that I am the total opposite as far as wanting to know. Once I got open to the idea of Master being with others without me, my one stipulation is that I would rather NOT know. I'm cool with it but I just don't want to know all the gory details of everything. I've loosened up about that now but I still kinda feel that way. Not about the sexual part of things, but about the relationship parts of it. Regardless, if I had asked to know and He had promised, I'd feel deeply betrayed if He then changed His mind and simply decided to renege.
Good luck..............luci
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