quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

I agree which is why I started a thread on a topic similar to this question in the Ask a Mistress forum.  Interestingly, I've gotten a rather mixed bag of responses.  Maybe there are just as many "White Knights" out there as there are those who need saving/fixing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

I agree which is why I started a thread on a topic similar to this question in the Ask a Mistress forum.  Interestingly, I've gotten a rather mixed bag of responses.  Maybe there are just as many "White Knights" out there as there are those who need saving/fixing.

being a white night has its merits and i don't mean gallantry or donning tights and becoming a modern day robin hood either. but if you look at it rationally, when someone rushes in to save the day, they're fixing an existing problem. more than likely this issue consumes the other party or has them so bloody distracted they can't see the forest for the trees. mister galloping do gooder appears to have done the miraculous and alleviated some issue that the poor girl probably could have fixed on her own if she wasn't too saddled with inertia, fear, or waiting on someone to do the job for her.

but here comes the downside to our happy ending. her distraction is both the calling card and her inevitable downfall. white knights can be just as addicted to saving damsels in distress as the latter are in having predicaments they need rescuing from. the outcome usually goes a few ways. on the upside they go on to lead normal lives and live happily ever after. but since we're talking reality it generally falls this way instead. the tragedy is over and now she's able to see him as he is. i'm willing to bet she missed a thing or two during her crisis that is walloping her aside the head. where did that come from she says? the chorus chimes in with a duh, it was always there! she forgot to check him out thoroughly before he came charging ahead.

the other option isn't any better. one or both are grossly dysfunctional and need to maintain high levels of drama to keep themselves engaged. he's happiest when he's saving someone or she's happiest being rescued. heaven forbid both are operating this way in tandem. can you say pandemonium! in the end these situations rarely work out.

relationships built upon premises of rescue, fixing, and all that other stuff are an uphill climb. this isn't to say that the mountain is insurmountable. but that princess had better have more hiding under that gown than a garter and a crap load of problems he hasn't anticipated. on his side he has to seriously question why he finds it necessary to go chasing after damaged goods or people incapable of cleaning up their own messes. i think it is a well intentioned effort to be willing to help a person, but there must be boundaries in place and a willingness on the injured parties part to help themselves.

porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: i3ear

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

On a side note, why does it seem that so many people want a master to sort out their issues. I'm not trying to pick on you personally, OP, it just seems to be a recurring theme here.

For the same reason that I use a personal trainer in they gym, and a mentor for my writing... I know what my goal is, but I'm not entirely sure how to get from where I am to where I intend to be when all is said and done.

For people who are drawn to authority-exchange, the process of having an organized and smoothly functioning life is facilitated by having an authority-holder who takes them through at least the first steps, shows them what the next steps are, and provides a feedback resource for both successes and challenges along the way. The ONLY difference between my personal trainer and the dominant party in an authority-exchange relationship is that my personal trainer only guides ONE aspect of my life -- which is why I, personally, use both a trainer and a writing mentor... two key areas of my life that I want to work well, but feel that I was not making sufficient progress on my own to justify going it alone. The authority-holder in an authority-exchange relationship can provide that kind of direction over a much more broad scope of day-to-day existence, for those who are comfortable under that kind of structure (of course, take it from me, it can chafe like heck for those who need a much looser rein!)

Hope that makes sense,
Dame Calla

This is a good description of why I chose this type of relationship style. In many ways it could be said that M has been a life-coach to me. It can sound like an onerous task, but for a person that enjoys seeing someone flourish and achieve, it brings it's own pleasure.

It would be a lie to say that it hasn't its downsides, because it has. You mentioned chafing and for me , it does chafe at times. There have been plenty of instances over the years where I have been metaphorically kicking against the fact that I HAVE to do certain things and the rein doesn't loosen. Once he's decided something is the best for me........then along that path I go, whether I like it or not at the time. And from his side, it can be like plate-spinning at times.

Sometimes people confuse it with micro-management and *fixing* someone but that isn't at all the way it works here. It's being given the tools and motivation to fix yourself and to get where you want to go. There's nothing more satsifying than being dragged along until you find your feet and then breaking out into a run, feeling like a gazelle.

agirl

Thank you, this is exactly what I was talking about :D

quote:

ORIGINAL: CarrieO

This is what I meant by white knight/saving/fixing...there is a difference between a healthy D/s relationship that offers growth and positive change in each person verses enabling a person to not take responsibility for their choices and actions or lack thereof.

quote:

ORIGINAL: i3ear

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
I don't quite get the giving up control is learning control, unless you are refering to self control, and yes, you have to have some of that. It just doesn't do to say " You want me to do WHAT???? Dom types get a little ticked - even if they laugh at first.

It is like, a good dom forcing me to do things that I wouldn't normally do for my own enjoyment. To be exposed to all these different things. The idea is that I can conquer my fear as well as it kinda trains me to immediately obey my dom.
Indeed it is both the sexual and the way of life I am interested in.

quote:

ORIGINAL: aldompdx

One who has mastered external control has also mastered inner surrender.
Mastery is not over another person, but over one's self.
Surrender is inspired in another not through oppression, but by the example of self control which evokes confidence.

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

Many do not look at it from both sides, but this is why they are called inter-personal relationships, there is something that flows both ways, and if the flow is not correct on one side of the other, then problems arise.

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

there's also the fact that if your services are necessary for her repair, what is she supposed to do in the meantime before you arrive? that problem still exists. sorry, i'll take self sufficiency any day. it makes for a healthier product which inevitably attracts a better Owner.

porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

In the main I agree, but there is a large segment of slaves that are not good at managing their lives, and a good Master makes for a good match. Kind of like people saying co-dependency is always a bad thing, but I know a couple that will soon celebrate their 20th year together, and they are both co-dependent. There flaws augment each other so that they became one of those couples that are also best friends, and inseperable.

Whatever the effects are on a slave, they should be a positive one, even if from the outside it may appear negative.