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dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HELP ME - 10/13/2009 2:50:09 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		hello everyone

i have not been on is such a long time but when i came to my mail i saw something written on 9/14 it hit me like a ton of bricks . am a domme and i enjoy when i have a person who knows the way i enjoy things . when i saw that post it may have been move i am not sure?

what happen to me  was 20 and my brother was abusing me since i was a child . i had a memory that i could not catch i could not remember anything , i do remember my mother had passed away . i have been and still  am frighten of the dark, so somehow my brother was in the room with me i remember i was rap in gold blanket! i was so scared frighten i remember my eyes were so wide open and he said i will take care of you . and i do not remember a thing after that. i am in therpay. ifound that i am dominant becasue of my father and brother both were soicopaths. i enjoy being domianat it helps me feel safe and more then that i love the power i have. my abuse is no worse then others so i do not want anyone thinking of on a pity party. but i had something happen that made me remember what happen! i am scare to death of pelvic exams have been for years this time i was given the choice to be put in a sleep awake thing . i would be able to relax and have it done. i saw rhe leg stirrups i became frighten but first i had a nurse ask me why i was here , when i told her she laugh and laugh. i felt ashamed and hurt . so i went under and i woke screaming my brother name and telling him no no i called my mom mommy help me . i heard them ask if this man was still around i had told them before he die three years ago, i do not know still what i said i remember it but in pieces . it is so hard to have to remember . but i do feel free. i do not date black men i am black i know their are so many who are wonderful and kind , worth their weight in gold , but i can not and will not be with one in a scene or a date they terrific me . i am now in the stages of post trauma stress and it is so bad . i am a miniature painter and it is hard work this has kept me sane! i am sick with grief sick with pain that my brother rape me i said out loud he raped me. has anyone of the domianit people experncie this . i know i was domianit even when i was a child. but this is so hard so very hard to handle . i must relieve it to get over it but i am not that 20 year old i am not that person who could not fight back. . but it still is like how could he . how could anyone hurt someone who weight 90 lb . someone tell me how to deal with this pain . i am not sleeping well i remember at the strangest times . i am so lost and  i have a niece who enjoy telling me and she laughed as she told me " he was in love with you. i never let him near my kids but i could not remember but something made me protect them . i feel so sick it hit me just now a help please

mons
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/13/2009 5:57:24 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		see a counselor

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/13/2009 6:03:37 AM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

hello everyone

i have not been on is such a long time but when i came to my mail i saw something written on 9/14 it hit me like a ton of bricks . am a domme and i enjoy when i have a person who knows the way i enjoy things . when i saw that post it may have been move i am not sure?

what happen to me  was 20 and my brother was abusing me since i was a child . i had a memory that i could not catch i could not remember anything , i do remember my mother had passed away . i have been and still  am frighten of the dark, so somehow my brother was in the room with me i remember i was rap in gold blanket! i was so scared frighten i remember my eyes were so wide open and he said i will take care of you . and i do not remember a thing after that. i am in therpay. ifound that i am dominant becasue of my father and brother both were soicopaths. i enjoy being domianat it helps me feel safe and more then that i love the power i have. my abuse is no worse then others so i do not want anyone thinking of on a pity party. but i had something happen that made me remember what happen! i am scare to death of pelvic exams have been for years this time i was given the choice to be put in a sleep awake thing . i would be able to relax and have it done. i saw rhe leg stirrups i became frighten but first i had a nurse ask me why i was here , when i told her she laugh and laugh. i felt ashamed and hurt . so i went under and i woke screaming my brother name and telling him no no i called my mom mommy help me . i heard them ask if this man was still around i had told them before he die three years ago, i do not know still what i said i remember it but in pieces . it is so hard to have to remember . but i do feel free. i do not date black men i am black i know their are so many who are wonderful and kind , worth their weight in gold , but i can not and will not be with one in a scene or a date they terrific me . i am now in the stages of post trauma stress and it is so bad . i am a miniature painter and it is hard work this has kept me sane! i am sick with grief sick with pain that my brother rape me i said out loud he raped me. has anyone of the domianit people experncie this . i know i was domianit even when i was a child. but this is so hard so very hard to handle . i must relieve it to get over it but i am not that 20 year old i am not that person who could not fight back. . but it still is like how could he . how could anyone hurt someone who weight 90 lb . someone tell me how to deal with this pain . i am not sleeping well i remember at the strangest times . i am so lost and  i have a niece who enjoy telling me and she laughed as she told me " he was in love with you. i never let him near my kids but i could not remember but something made me protect them . i feel so sick it hit me just now a help please

mons


You need to see a professional, while you will receive sympathy from people here, they are not able to give you the help you need



_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
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(in reply to mons)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/13/2009 6:14:02 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		I agree with antipode, but you may also want to look into a hypnotist who deals with trauma.

I haven't heard of anyone who became a D type in response to abuse, but know of several subs who were abused previously.  There must be D types who were abused as well.

Good luck.


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(in reply to Acer49)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/13/2009 6:15:11 AM   
fragilepieces


Posts: 416
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		mons,

I am not dominant but I understand what you are going through. Please remember that the memories of the past can not hurt you. It took me a very long time to take the memories of my past out of hiding, look at them, deal with them and finally leave them in the past. The journey from a past filled with abuse to a place where the past no longer haunts you is long and for me it seemed to torture me more than the abuse itself, but if you keep going and remember the memories are only memories, you can get through it.

Hugs and well wishes on your journey.

Edited to add---she did mention she was in therapy. At times, a vent simply aids in the healing process.

< Message edited by fragilepieces -- 10/13/2009 6:17:58 AM >

(in reply to mons)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/13/2009 10:14:33 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		I have a few suggestions:

pandys.org is a good place to get support.

Also RAINN.
RAINN has an on-line hotline.

The process of healing can be difficult but there is hope and peace after healing.

A lot of people have found that EMDR is helpful for trauma.

Best wishes.


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(in reply to mons)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/13/2009 12:51:44 PM   
Muttling


Posts: 1612
Joined: 9/30/2007
Status: offline 		My greatest sympathies and care are with you.

While I have not dealt with this trauma, I will second the suggestion of a good therapist from personal experience.  Mine knew me far better than I knew myself, so much so that I affectionately nicknamed her "Hannibal Lector with Boobs".  (I don't think she ever knew how to take that.)

Seek the support and care of others, but also talk to a good counselor.

(in reply to angelikaJ)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/13/2009 12:53:56 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		mons has been doing this and other stuff for years.
Ron

< Message edited by mnottertail -- 10/13/2009 12:54:45 PM >

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to Muttling)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/13/2009 7:41:19 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		You have never dealt with it completely. I know they do not understand. I don't pretend to understand but I try, and I avoid getting this I know best attitude. What works for one might not work for the next. It depends on the individual. Some might need a good professional, others may not.

You are never going to get enough detail into a post to deal with it exclusively here, but good intelligent family and friends can go a long way and be very effective in the long run. And counselling does not alway mean a pro, sometimes it is a volunteer ex-rape victim who generally donates some of their time to help others newly going through the experience. I would suggest them ahead of the pros.

You were violated simultateously on two fronts. You were physcically assaulted, but that heals on it's own. The problem is the trust factor. The physical, as you seem to know now, no matter how bad it was, was trifling compared to what it can do to you psychologically. Physically they could've bashed your head in, and this discussion would never exist. But you did get out alive, some don't. As hard as it is at least you have a CHANCE of dealing with it. Of course that is easier said than done.

Try it with family or chosen family first, then one of those centers like I said, where ex victims donate their time. Remember what I said EX-VICTIM. When you have this all really dealt with, you will not feel like a victim. And this dream made you feel like a victim. The change is within you, and in the end, you come out stronger. When you have a dream like that, it will no longer bother you so. You will most likely go get a midnight snack, take a pee and go back to sleep. That is what I mean. Then and only then are you no longer a victim.

It's a long road.

Now how many hands up for executing rapists today ? I've been shot in the face, absolutely attemped murder. Would I trade that in for a rape ? I don't think so.

One last thing, if you wind up really needing a pro, try a psycholigist before a psychiatrist. The former does not prescribe drugs, and drugs are the last thing you need. This was real, so search for the real cure.

T

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/14/2009 11:25:43 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline 		Have peace. Feel your inner strength and let it grow.

Best wishes.

(in reply to mons)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/14/2009 11:02:51 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline 		Professional psychiatric help, and lots of spiritual books is what I would recommend.
Good luck,   M

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(in reply to mons)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/16/2009 2:44:31 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		hello to all :

thank you all for giving me real things i can do , i do have a therapist and a psy, i have been haunting for years and i did not remember anything. but i had something that held me back i know something was wrong , mnottrial why did you say i done this for years ? i suffer and my brother laugh and looked at me like i was his hit love it made me sick but i could not remember the rape until just reasonly. i getting bits and pieces i have a twin we sleep together or share a room and bed i fought her at night . screaming bloody murdered this scare her so bad and i do not remember this at all no your so wrong , i will take then wonderful strong advice given to me here . i would not wish this on anyone i hate my brother i was 20 with the mind of a 5 year emotional i am now at the age of  10 i play with dolls and i have three doll houses this helps me my twin and i play time and we use voice and have other selves who speak my therapy said i am almost a second person . i do thank you all for your help , i am me , and then i am the girl who players with my toys , it has helped me through hard times now i play even more nmmottrial please explain i deserve an answer , i never told anyone this i do not play games . i hurt so much i want him to time travel back and take back what he did , i am thinking like a child but this is where i am at now ,  our play therapy is good they said i am on med's  i can not handle this now. but all of you helped me . i will seek out other places to get help but i will come back to here for talk and fun times .

thank you so much
mons

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/16/2009 2:49:27 AM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		dear ron

i can not spell you name so i hope you do not mind me suing you sir name. why did you say that about me ? my email is mons3600@aol answer this with an email you must have ground to dislike so tell me .

i am jane

(in reply to mnottertail)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/16/2009 4:09:50 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		i hope you are sharing what you wrote with your therapist.

My guess is the therapy is allowing you to open the door to the memories you have suppressed all these years. You are a classic example of why therapy is said to be a painful process.

You will not believe me, but you are in the process of healing right now, and it hurts, it is frightening, and you may want to run and bury your head in the sand. Please do not do it. Bringing the past to the surface is the first step in recovery and i commend you with the highest praise for having the courage to do so!!

Continue with the therapy. You will get through this!!!!!!!


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(in reply to mons)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/16/2009 4:46:23 AM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mons
i have a twin we sleep together or share a room and bed i fought her at night . screaming bloody murdered this scare her so bad and i do not remember this at all

Umm, perhaps I misunderstand: Is your twin a real person external to yourself, or is she a part of your mind?

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons
i was 20 with the mind of a 5 year emotional i am now at the age of  10 i play with dolls and i have three doll houses this helps me my twin and i play time and we use voice and have other selves who speak my therapy said i am almost a second person.

Your twin also has other selves? I am interested in the configuration of your mind; you may, if so inclined, cmail me on the other side.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons
i am me, and then i am the girl who players with my toys

Is this girl your twin or is your twin someone else?

(in reply to mons)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/16/2009 4:53:04 AM   
twistedreality


Posts: 64
Joined: 5/22/2008
Status: offline 		My wife suffered from similar repressed memories. Please continue to see your therapist and accept that these things are not any reflection on the person that you are.

(in reply to Rule)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/16/2009 11:33:08 AM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		mons

There is a technique called EMDR that is supposed to be very helpful for trauma; however, it does sound like you may have other issues that might not help with.





_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to mons)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/16/2009 11:36:12 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		mons et al;

search for threads by mons and there you have it.

rons

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/16/2009 1:13:02 PM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		rule

yes  i would like to talk , i do have a twin she is real . i left my email which i think i was not to do but please write me .

jane

(in reply to Rule)
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RE: dome in fear just had memory of rape by brother HEL... - 10/16/2009 3:51:29 PM   
mons


Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline 		ron

at this point in time i have not the strenght or time to go over years of things point out one or write me . you have a dislike for me why? i never done anything to warrant this action from you, no we can not all be liked but i am no used to other disliking me ! explain again it would be nice .

mons

(in reply to mnottertail)
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