Poly without love?? (Full Version)

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softsilkandlace -> Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 9:09:49 AM)

Is it possible to be in a poly relationship and not be in love? Could you be in a poly relationship and just be really good friends with the others? Or is it possible to be in a poly relationship and only love the Dominant and be only good friends with the other submissives/slaves involved?

I found a defination on the net of what Polyamorous means"

Polyamorous:
Polyamory, translated, means "many loves." Briefly, a polyamorous person is one who feels it is natural to romantically love more than just one person at a time. A polyamorous person may have more than one person that s/he considers to be a "spouse," for example. Polyamory is about love, without constraint by the dictates of society, defined only by the parameters that we, as individuals, impose upon it. (I like the last part)

There is a song that goings like this: "If loving you is wrong I don't want to be right"

Being right is only what society deems it to be and if we accept those definations ---but living a life happily is living it MY WAY no matter what society deems is right about it?

Could a poly relationship only be sexual, not fulfilling in other needs?

My my I am full of questions this morning? Please give me your thoughts and opinions on the above. I would be interested in hearing them.



NaturesTreasure -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 9:24:25 AM)

poly is also where there are more than 1 slave in serivice to one Dom/Domme.These slaves do have quit an attachment to thier owner. It does include sex between the slaves.The Domme forms a special bond with her slaves.One that is possible to last a life time.Marrage is not always apart of the whole family.Subs/slaves become like sisters and brothers...or best friends and protect one another.



SweetDommes -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 10:16:29 AM)

In our house, Holly, rob and I all love each other - it's true polyamoury (or as "true" as it gets). The corporal, on the other hand, only loves me. He lives in the house with us, so he is a part of the poly arrangement ... but he has no real attachment to Holly or rob. If there were ever a breakup between Holly and me, rob would be devistated - unable to choose between us (we've talked about this, briefly), but the corporal would have no such dilema - he loves me and not her, so he would go with me. The corporal likes Holly and rob both, he's friends with them, but he lives in this house because of me.

This is working, so far at least, and while it isn't what we had hoped for we are ok with that. We would like for them both to have an equal attachment to both of us, but if it never happens with the corporal, then such is life.



smilezz -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 10:29:48 AM)

I lived in a poly household for some time. I am not poly though. I was and am very deeply in love with Thorns. He did have another girl living here, we got along...things ended up not working out between the two of them.

Happy Saturday!

~smilezz~



Lordandmaster -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 10:42:27 AM)

I've never liked the term "polyamorous," but people (usually) understand what it means, so it serves a function. But you're right--there's no reason why a poly relationship, despite the implications of the name, can't work without love. I suppose all this depends on how you define "love," but if you mean romantic, I-want-to-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-this-person love, then I don't believe it's essential to a satisfying poly relationship.



JohnWarren -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 10:45:00 AM)

First you gotta define love!




TMaster2 -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 11:01:45 AM)

We are seeking a 3rd for a poly household, but we both had to make sure we agreed our "definitions" of poly and love and relationships were the same. We are a Dom/sub husband/wife couple, and would like to add a slave to the mix. I could not have anyone here I did not care for, did not love in some fashion. I love my son, my dog, my cat, too - but obviously not in the same manner as I love my wife. This would also be true of a slave... the definition "many loves" is quite apt for this. At the same time, the slave's love for her master/mistress would have to be different, but the love (in some fashion) would need to be there for it all to work.

So, poly without love? I don't think so - it would have to be there for a successful relationship, but not "equal" loves, eh?



kisshou -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 1:00:49 PM)

sure you can have poly without love, it is called polysexual, and it rocks! :)



MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 1:42:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

sure you can have poly without love, it is called polysexual, and it rocks! :)

Sounds like a girl who knows.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 4:36:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: softsilkandlace
Could a poly relationship only be sexual, not fulfilling in other needs?

That would be known as polysexual, or multiple simultaneous monogamous relationships. For example, my boyfriend is still not sure if he is poly. I'm his girlfiend, I encourage him to date others, but so far he hasn't really had any desire or attraction. He's very happy with just me and him. I, on the other hand, have active other polyamorous relationships. My being poly doesn't automatically make my partners poly.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 6:37:37 PM)

OK, I'm confused.

If you're having multiple simultaneous relationships...how are they monogamous? Sounds like we have different definitions of monogamy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

That would be known as polysexual, or multiple simultaneous monogamous relationships.




nonuts4thshoney -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 6:48:35 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

sure you can have poly without love, it is called polysexual, and it rocks! :)


i can see this happening with play partners that you see once in a while. But what about people who you are involved with on a regular basis? Wouldn't some type of love form? i would think you'd end up loving them in some way even if only to an extent. If you see someone on a regular basis then there has to be something special about that person thats has you going back for more. No? i've never been poly or been involved in a poly relationship so i'm trying to understand this.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 7:50:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster
If you're having multiple simultaneous relationships...how are they monogamous? Sounds like we have different definitions of monogamy.

I'm not sure what to call them- my boyfriend and my local partner have only one sexual and intimate partner in their lives right now, me. However, they have a relationship with eachother that, due to their mutual attachment to me, goes beyond friendship, play partner, casual acquaintance. They are inextricably bound to eachother in a familial way through me, but they are not having sex or in love with anyone but me.

If we were "leather" I suppose I'd just call us a leather family. But we're not "a family" in any sort of formalized way and none of us are leatherfolk.



Sensualips -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 8:10:04 PM)

quote:

Is it possible to be in a poly relationship and not be in love? Could you be in a poly relationship and just be really good friends with the others? Or is it possible to be in a poly relationship and only love the Dominant and be only good friends with the other submissives/slaves involved?

Could a poly relationship only be sexual, not fulfilling in other needs?


I am going to go with yes to all of the above. For me, the hard part is not forming these type of relationships -- that happens naturally. The tricky part for me seems to be the need to label and define it in a way others can understand. I am getting better about not needing a nice compartment and tidy label for everything for myself, but I still get tripped up when a situation arises where I need to explain to another person. The most frequent problem is when I meet someone new and he asks if I am involved with anyone. I think it is because I want to be very clear so he can figure out right away if it is an issue or problem.

Ummm well, let's see here. I don't have a boyfriend or a primary partner or a girlfriend or a Dominant or a submissive. But I do have someone I am casually dating. And I do have a semi regular play partner. Then there is this couple I am involved with - as indivudals and as a couple - as friends, sometimes sexually, sometimes not..and there is a s/D dynamic with the male, but I am not his submissive. Oh yeah, and I do believe in sometimes having sexual relationships that are merely sexual.

By the time I get done, I am confused. I should explain less and live more. :)



MsPurrmeow -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/4/2006 9:13:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: softsilkandlace
Is it possible to be in a poly relationship and not be in love?


Can you be poly without love? Yes? Think of the word "poly" as meaning many, meaning various. There are many types of love: nurturing, emotional, agape, fraternal, even some terms which are a purely physical form of love. So, yes polyamory could mean any one of those multiple types of the term "love" as well as the use of Poly to mean MANY.

quote:

ORIGINAL: softsilkandlace
I found a defination on the net of what Polyamorous means"


You found one definition. There are many. Polyamory is still a very new term. The guy that started it all is still living, and what he means by it has very little resemblance to it's current and common usages.

quote:

ORIGINAL: softsilkandlace
Could you be in a poly relationship and just be really good friends with the others? Or is it possible to be in a poly relationship and only love the Dominant and be only good friends with the other submissives/slaves involved?


The question you ask above is as much about the relationship as is it about polyamory. Yes, you can have relationships where you love one person sexually, another fraternally, and have made a conscious choice to share your life with others for whom you have feelings of care, but are not "in love with". Can you form a "family" of people you may not be in love with? Well, yes, of course. We can make these choices. Can we call it a poly family?? Why yes, we have that freedom. Family of choice can be for any reason you want.

I call mine a poly family not because everyone is screwing each other, because that's not true, but because we're all committed as a family for a lifetime. There has to be some sort of love there to do that with a person whether it gives us goosebumps and erections or not.

quote:

ORIGINAL: softsilkandlace
Could a poly relationship only be sexual, not fulfilling in other needs?


I wouldn't, but that's because of my own usage and definitions. For me love has to be more than just Tab-A-Slot-B/grunt/pant action... but that's for me. You can make your own call on how you choose to use the term.

Purr



ScooterTrash -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/5/2006 5:09:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: softsilkandlace

Is it possible to be in a poly relationship and not be in love? Could you be in a poly relationship and just be really good friends with the others? Or is it possible to be in a poly relationship and only love the Dominant and be only good friends with the other submissives/slaves involved?

As has been noted, it depends a lot on your own personal definitions. I would have to say, depending on your definitions, yes to all of the above. For us however, NO, we have to have that deep emotional bonding to make it all work. I won't profess to say which, if any, work better...all I know is we share love between each other and it works for us. Each day is fulfilling and we have that warm, fuzzy feeling about it, mutual love is a critical ingedient to our relationship. I would suggest determining what type of dynamic "feels" right to you, and pursue something that most resembles your own personal interpretation of poly. Good luck in finding what you decide is best for you.



Ares1 -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/5/2006 12:28:15 PM)

Some people use poly as an excuse to be selfish and malitious. No amount of explaining changes that.



LindaLashes -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/5/2006 5:31:27 PM)

Define love... I love my Mistress but not in that conventional way, more like a platonic love for a teacher,, or pet´s love for his owner. [:D]



kisshou -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/6/2006 1:04:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: nonuts4thshoney


quote:

ORIGINAL: kisshou

sure you can have poly without love, it is called polysexual, and it rocks! :)


i can see this happening with play partners that you see once in a while. But what about people who you are involved with on a regular basis? Wouldn't some type of love form? i would think you'd end up loving them in some way even if only to an extent. If you see someone on a regular basis then there has to be something special about that person thats has you going back for more. No? i've never been poly or been involved in a poly relationship so i'm trying to understand this.


if you are wired for polysexuality like I am you can have sex with someone multiple times on a regular basis without it evolving into romantic love. The thing that has you going back for more is the sexual chemistry and sometimes also the freedom of knowing there are no strings attached. You could check out some swinger websites for a different perspective.



LadiesBladewing -> RE: Poly without love?? (3/6/2006 4:23:38 PM)

You can have multiple "fuck buddies" without love

You can have a polyamorous household without sex

HOWEVER, you cannot have polyamory (which, by definition is "many loves") without love.

In some permutations, certain members of a polyamorous group may not meet or interact, in which case it would be hard for them to love one another. ("V" style poly relationships or "fan" style poly relationships with one person with multiple partners, but the partners not involved with one another, for example).

My idea of a poly household wouldn't even fit into that picture though -- for me, poly requires a loving union between all the parties -- one that transcends time, space, and even life and death. Then again, I want it all. Why settle for less than ideal when sharing the energy of love is on the line.

Lady Zephyr



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