Message content when messaging a mistress? (Full Version)

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newbie91 -> Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 12:59:18 PM)

I am sure this has been asked many times but the search did not help me.

I have been looking for a mistress for some time now and I am not having much luck at all... I have read through topics here about creating a good descriptive profile and I have written my profile based on what other people have suggested on here.

Trouble I have is what to write in messages the first time I am contacting a mistress... I always read through profiles fully and I always include a little detail about who I am, what I do with my life, experience... etc. yet I hardly get any replies at all, even the ones that I do get a reply from ask me what I already added in the first message or can be found on my profile...

So what should I be putting in these first messages? I have also noticed that most of the messages I have sent are read but have been ignored.



IBused -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 1:34:49 PM)

Dear Mistress





That's as far as I have gotten.



RedMagic1 -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 1:41:21 PM)

I read your journal entry of xx/xx/xxxx.  I thought it was interesting, (and I agree)/(but I disagree a bit), because of my experience with ______.  You sound like a very interesting person, and I'd like to get to know you better.  Please do write me back when you can.

---

Attach a facepic.
Tell the truth. If you think her journal entry is dopey, don't say you agree completely mistress.  Say, diplomatically, that you think it's wrong, and tell her why.  Then tell her why you are intrigued by her anyway.

Cut and paste this and you will get nowhere.  Use it as a guide to start a conversation, and women will write you back saying, "OMG thank you for being the oasis of intelligence in this desert of sexfiend idiots."



VampiresLair -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 2:39:43 PM)

When you get replies back asking things that are easily found in your profile, then consider answering those things, since the information is readily accessible anyway. As I am sure you have read in several places, many of us get inundated with messages. Rather than complaining about the content of your reply, why not be happy she found your initial message interesting enough to reply to and simply continue the conversation?

What information did I look for in a first email?  Interest. An obvious show that they had made some effort to read my information. Not only making mention of some little point in it, since anyone can selectively read to find something that might make a good drop in a message. But more a comparison of yourself to what I would be looking for. And more to the point making yourself sound interesting, and compatible, on more than one single topic. Something she is interested in you have experience with? Or you are curious to try? Ask her questions as well, give somethign to start the exchange with.

There is nothing harder than replying to an email that was filled with statements. You need to ask something worth answering, as well as offering all your information. If you want to start a conversation, then make the opening to it in that email.

Hopefully some of what I said helps

DV



kccuckoldmist -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 2:43:01 PM)

1) Be more discerning. Write women that put effort into their profiles and look like they are sincerely looking for someone and not on here to lure suckers and for interactive entertainment. It takes two people equal effort for a relationship to happen.

2) From your comments are you basically going through the motions even if they are personal messages? What I mean by that is if you are throwing out information in your message that are common questions then I am guessing your messages are still coming off cold and impersonal even if they are personal.

3) I can only speak for myself when I was looking the men that got me to write back in an I am interested way wrote a message that conveyed the had read my profile and gave some thought of compatibility and could express things in their own words. Men that basically found something on my interest list or a comment that could have been deleted and not changed my profile at all and wrote a sentence on it along with canned standard words were just as bad as the ones who just copied and pasted form messages.

4) A woman if she has enough in her profile will probably have some important things or themes flowing through it. Try to figure those out and when writing her make sure you address them.

5) Last but not least be patient and do not put your whole life on hold to find a woman from a personal site. It will only frustrate you more and cause you to write to anyone and not one you have gave thought to being a potential actual match and you will have created a vicious cycle.




blackpearl81 -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 3:48:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: newbie91

I am sure this has been asked many times but the search did not help me.

I have been looking for a mistress for some time now and I am not having much luck at all... I have read through topics here about creating a good descriptive profile and I have written my profile based on what other people have suggested on here.

Trouble I have is what to write in messages the first time I am contacting a mistress... I always read through profiles fully and I always include a little detail about who I am, what I do with my life, experience... etc. yet I hardly get any replies at all, even the ones that I do get a reply from ask me what I already added in the first message or can be found on my profile...

So what should I be putting in these first messages? I have also noticed that most of the messages I have sent are read but have been ignored.



I can't say this is a "sure fire" way of getting a reply, but, you can always message them about something you saw them post in the forums. Profiles usually have a feature that says "view forum posts". You can always shoot them a CMail pertaining to the discussion. Keep in mind though, this may not always be welcomed, unless they've been replied to in the forum publicly.

I've had that happen once. However, She was polite, and it's now something I keep in mind when shooting someone an email - I usually try to reply to them once or twice in the forum before shooting off an email to them. That way, they're at least a little familar with who you are.

Also, one thing I've noticed (particularly with specific complaints on opening emails), is NOT to use honorifics (ie: "Mistress"/"Goddess" etc) unless explicitely stated.

Some people, prefer general addressing: Miss, Ma'am.  To be honest, you may get better results using a somewhat generic opening:

"Good morning/afternoon/evening" 

[body of email]

It's generic, but the risk of offending/pissing off/getting sent to the dreaded block list is reduced.
Also, keep in mind, your email may be getting sent to the recipients bulk folder, based on profile criteria. There's not a whole lot that can be done about that, to be honest.

Best of luck.

BP



zephyroftheNorth -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 3:53:40 PM)

I know this may sound obvious but......make sure she is Dominant. I got a message from a submissive male this afternoon stating how much he would love to serve me. The trouble is.........I'm a submissive female [8|]



Drifa -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 3:59:49 PM)

Remember that there are about ten million male submissives for every one female dominant, for starters. The dommes can afford to be extremely choosy.

You will do much better attending local munches in your area to meet people and make connections, in general. Take a look at places such as http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/orgs/ukorgs.html or http://ukmunch.co.uk/munch_TtoZ.htm



mnottertail -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 4:06:33 PM)

Thanks Drifa,

thats one, drkdesyre.....lost that bitch and was spelling it with an a, does anyone know the other big one the like Munch USA and Munch World something like that addy?

Ron



SomethingCatchy -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 4:35:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: newbie91

I am sure this has been asked many times but the search did not help me.

I have been looking for a mistress for some time now and I am not having much luck at all... I have read through topics here about creating a good descriptive profile and I have written my profile based on what other people have suggested on here.


I actually found your profile very dry and lacking anything interesting (for me). A bunch of 'me's and 'I's and a few things about your life and how that may limit your playtime, but nothing like 'I have X to offer and I really enjoy doing X for a woman that I adore' or something like that.

If I were going just based off of your profile, I'd have to pass, since it looks like a majority of all the other profiles from men in your age bracket.



DarkSteven -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/8/2009 4:57:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I read your journal entry of xx/xx/xxxx.  I thought it was interesting, (and I agree)/(but I disagree a bit), because of my experience with ______.  You sound like a very interesting person, and I'd like to get to know you better.  Please do write me back when you can.

---

Attach a facepic.
Tell the truth. If you think her journal entry is dopey, don't say you agree completely mistress.  Say, diplomatically, that you think it's wrong, and tell her why.  Then tell her why you are intrigued by her anyway.

Cut and paste this and you will get nowhere.  Use it as a guide to start a conversation, and women will write you back saying, "OMG thank you for being the oasis of intelligence in this desert of sexfiend idiots."



I agree with almost all of this, except for the part about asking for a reply.

Also, a sense of humor goes a long way in my experience.



LadyPact -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/9/2009 8:32:15 AM)

OP, you might want to do a bit of a better job typing in your search criteria.  All it took to get old threads on this topic to come up was typing "Mistress to reply" in the search box.  Three hundred records were returned, which is the maximum any search will give you.  So did the terms "introductory email" and "how to get a Mistress to respond".  Here's one of My own quotes from, literally, one of the thousands of threads on the subject:

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

When you say an introduction letter, I'm going to go with the thought that you are wanting to contact folks you are interested in for reasons other than friendship.  I'm stating that because, in My view, that actually does make a difference.

  • The common courtesy of addressing Me by using My screen name.  Don't call Me Goddess, Your Highness, or any other silly thing that you chose to place on Me. 
  • Make some mention that shows Me that you really have read My profile, preferably something that is not kink or sexually related.  
  • Talk to Me like I'm a person, and not life support for a whip.
  • Tell Me why you are contacting Me, rather than a thousand other Dominants on this site.
  • Good spelling and grammar.  I don't expect you to be perfect, but use spell check.
  • Keep the length within reason.  There's no need for your life story in an introductory email.

Not that difficult, really.  There are quite a few submissives that can tell you that the above works well.





dreamerdreaming -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/9/2009 1:38:35 PM)

1. Make sure when you are seeking, that you are messaging people who are actually seeking as well- and that they're seeking someone like you. If they're not seeking, or you're not a good match for them, don't waste both of your time. I suspect this is what is happening to you, based the fact that you're not getting replies.

2. If they are not actively seeking, its fine to want to make friends- but don't bother them. Just say you'd like to exchange ideas with them, and begin the discourse with what interests you about them or their profile. Don't spam people. (If they don't reply, leave them alone.) 

3. Send a short, polite note saying what specifically about them interests you. make it clear from the details of your note, that you have read their entire profile and given it some thought. Include specific details about your way of thinking, and why you think it would interest them to speak with you as a person- not (just) as a sub/slave/switch/dom/top/bottom/etc. 

Edited after reading your profile: I loved your pic, except I would have like to see your eyes! Your profile is a good start. If I were you I would just add something about why a Domme should contact you personally, as opposed to the bazzillions of other boys like you. What makes you special, and desireable to a Domme? You've got to sell yourself, a bit more. Maybe a few more specifics about you, would be nice. What distinguishes you from all the other subs? 



IBused -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/9/2009 3:16:39 PM)

Ahhhh, throw in the towel and try to beome a Dom. This obviously is not working for you. Damn Mistresses, so hard to fuckin pleeeeeze.



angeldmort -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/26/2009 1:36:06 AM)

"Don't spam people. (If they don't reply, leave them alone.) "
OMG yes. Last week I recived the 4th email from someone  - and I do mean that he'd sent me the same email 4 times. It was all about how much he longs to serve a beautiful woman and be used by her, etc etc. He wants, he wants it from anyone who fits this faceless fantacy he's always had, and he while he is pouring out his heart about how much he wants to please me and exactly how he wants to go about doing so, (good thing all Dommes want the same thing so he never needs to ask what I want, eh?)  he can't spare the time or energy to keep track of who he's copied and pasted this same email?
Lazy, lazy lazy... Oh yes... I absolutely belive he'll devote himself to working hard... towards fullfilling his own needs. I could be a crackwhore serial killer from a demonic realm, just so long as he gets to pretend I'm his fantacy woman.

"life support for a whip"
Exactly. A spanking machine with a pretty face and no individuality. Anyone will do.
Ew.



devilishpixie -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/26/2009 3:07:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

I know this may sound obvious but......make sure she is Dominant. I got a message from a submissive male this afternoon stating how much he would love to serve me. The trouble is.........I'm a submissive female [8|]



zephy I get those alot too, that is when i ask if they are illiterate or simply stupid. lol



UmbraDomina -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/26/2009 9:22:22 AM)

First and formost, read her profile...... is she seeking?

Is she she seeking a male submissive? ( this is one of my own personal pet peeves, as my profile states very clearly I am not seeking another male, and I get about 12 emails a day from guys asking to be my sub.)

Are you local to her? if she is seeking a male submissive chances are she doesn't want to wait a year to met you, till you can find time and money to visit. Also many dominants have zero interest in anyone not in their area.

Do your interests and her's in any way mesh? ( if you are into cross dressing and her profile clearly lists crossdressing as a limit, it probably will not work)

If you have read her profile, she is seeking what you offer, and your interests match a bit, then write her, a personal note, NOT a a copy and paste of what you have sent to 101 other ladies.

Do not make the note all about you..... ie.... I saw your profile your picture is hot, I would like to be your slave, and have you dress me like a slut, pimp me out to all your friends, beat me, bla bla bla. ( I can tell you from personal experince this will be ignored by 95% or more of the ladies)

If she has vanilla interests listed on her profile, talk to her about them....... ie...... I noticed on your profile you enjoy sailing, so do I, do you enjoy sailing on the lake or on the ocean? or I noticed you enjoy shopping for antiques, I rather enjoy that myself, just the other day I was in XYZ antiques, and found a lovely reproduction tiffany lamp... bla bla bla..... you get the idea..... kink is actually a small part of most of our lives, and to connect with someon who shares like interests beyound kink is always a plus.

Avoid listing all your kink interests, and what you have done in a introduction letter. Think of it as in the nilla world, if you met a lady in a store or a bar or where ever, you would not go up to them and tell them how you would like to have sex with them, and how.

Ask her questions about her interests, and things in her profile to let her know you are interested in her, not just her pictures.

Attend munches or local events, so if you attract the interest of a lady, you could then invite her to a event, or munch.


This is cut and paste from my journal.....

How not to impress a female dominant-


Female dominants are people, not dress up bondage barbies just sitting around waiting for you to allow them to play with you.
Do not send cock pictures, or urggggg the ever popular butt plug up the ass picture.
Do not send mass emails to every female dominant in your area.... we do talk to each other, and we can recognize a mass email faster then you can say deleate.
Don't start off any communication with "I want" "I am looking for" "I want you to do to me" "I have a ___ inch dick" " "I want to orally satisfy you" " I want you to invite over 10 other female dominants so I can serve as their sex slave too" or my personal fav, the challenge. "your not dom enough to top me, bla bla bla" pretty much all these will get your emails placed in a very special warm place called the trash can.
Do not type out your fantasy and send it to us as a intro, here's a clue..... we don't care.....we will read it, laugh at it.... maybe forward it to a couple friends so they can laugh at it too..... then yes, it ends up with the rest in the trash.
Do not say your have read our profiles if you have not, we do have brains we can figure it out. If we are not important enough for you to spend 1.1 mins reading our profiles then there really is no reason for you to write. Do not type things in text speak.. if you are too lazy to type out you, instead of U then your probably too lazy to carry out tasks




SnowRanger -> RE: Message content when messaging a mistress? (10/26/2009 8:35:37 PM)

Hi Newbie!  About two or three pages further along in this forum is a thread called "Opening a Conversation With a Mistress."  My first posting to that thread was brilliant if I do say so!  I got a bit of grief from GypsyMambo for it but managed to save myself.  My subsequent posting hade some charm to them also.  Seriously, this topic does come up alot so browsing a few pages into the previous posting may be woth the effort.  Good Luck!  Mike, SnowRanger



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