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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/27/2009 1:20:12 PM

zephyrkajira

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~FR~

Greetings Kali.... From what you say in this thread it appears that you have a very specific block in that when you approach orgasm you have to make it stop or <snip>...if it doesn't then i'm unable to come back from a place that i don't even know how to describe or access really <snip>. As someone who has also experienced sexual abuse (no not the abuse she mentioned in her thread) it sounds like you have a block to abuse you haven't dealt with yet. zephyr knows from experience that forcing memories you aren't ready to deal with will do much more harm than good.

zephyr does agree that we tend to place much more importance on having an orgasm than necessary. It could very well be that part of the reason you are unable to orgasm is (apart from the specific block mentioned above) that you are so focused on it that you are tensing up and are therefore unable to orgasm. zephyr wishes you well and sends you hugs and much love.

Master NZ... *stands up and applauds* Bravo! Just..... bravo! You should know that you have (potentially) helped more than one person here....so thank you for posting this.

she wishes you both well,

zephyr

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/27/2009 1:56:31 PM

NormalOutside

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I just wanted to second the notion that yes, sometimes victims of sexual abuse do orgasm. This can be a cause of guilt and shame, but shouldn't. Even children who are abused (generally non-violently) orgasm during the abuse. Sexual acts are meant to lead to orgasm, our bodies are made that way. If something like that happened to you and you enjoyed it, you're not a bad person, not dirty, not wrong. I'm sure this is common sense to most, but victims of abuse will probably either know what I'm talking about, or find it quite a novel concept.

Also, nice post NihilusZero.

One last thing, I don't think it has been mentioned yet. I don't know if this is "right" for the OP, but some victims of abuse have found relief via "sexual therapy" with a trustworthy, understanding partner. Age play, rape play, and so on. I suggest these things with the standard warning - not for everybody. But I do know submissives (and others) who have benefited greatly from this. Just a thought.

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/27/2009 2:09:31 PM

Amaros

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPSYMAMBO

K..

wow thankyou for all the honesty here..
ok me too

I was raped from age 9-15...details not important anymore and what occured for me is this..
When I was with a good partner... healthy.... I would get to a place
and then have to stop as well..becuz i
f I came I wanted to ISTANTLY KILL MYSELF>.
and twice I tried to right after..
NOW what I found out was this...

As I was raped( that means without consent) but not violent etc...at some point I msut have been eroticized and have cum
and it FELT good..imagine the confusion??

..you know it is "wrong" but it feels good too..
I can remember early on at 9..going out of body and even crawling in a hole in the light socket to look out..at me over on the bed..

so then now I am there in my body having an O and cant get ot my SAFE PLACE
total terror...
THE O keeps you from the safe place..

now wheather you came during abuse or not...the O still could mean LOSS OF CONTROL,,and you need to control your environmet in some way due to the chaos from before

I have some suggestions and you are welcome to write to me on the other side.
I will tell you about the healing power of TANTRA for one thing..
A lot can be done when O is NOT the goal..
and there is also healing thru G-spot stimulation( where body memory is stored) with a trusted partner to name 2 thngs..

ALL WILL BE WELL love..

GM

Good post, this would have been my guess.

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/27/2009 3:37:17 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

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I want to add to this...a wonderful MOVIE..to me anyway..it helped US a lot..

BLISS..with Terence STAMP..damn he is sensual..

A young wife of 6 months cannot reach O's with her husband..
she begins dissappearing for a time each day and he follows her...

She is visitng the mysterious DR Baltazar...(Stamp)
.............who shows women how to achieve sexual ectasy.

plot plot plot then

THe DR shows and tells the young groom a couple secrets.

Now to some it may be a boring movie..to me it came at a needed time in my life.

My 2 husbands(poly) and I watched it together and after the movve they
employed the technique shown and it was profound FOR ME..

in healing...letting go...trust...

I talked about this on another thread to a DOM and he used this to help his girl..
and said it was fabulous...adn htey bonded more deeply.

GM

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/27/2009 3:41:00 PM

Kalista07

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i would like to sincerely thank everyone for their responses......
i am both amazed and touched by all the thoughtful and insightful responses, especially from the men.
You have all given me a great deal to think about..........and maybe even have a possibility of a hope of having this experience.
Kali

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/27/2009 7:18:44 PM

geomease

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I had no idea there were so many victims of rape on this site, or that so many of the women couldn't achieve an orgasm. I wish I could offer anything other than my condolences to you and hope that you can overcome whatever is preventing you from achieving it, but sadly I have no real advice I could give you. In any case I wish you the best of luck and will pray that you can overcome your personal issues.

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/27/2009 10:29:16 PM

NihilusZero

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As a pedant, I would like to publicly apologize for not being attentive to editing the typos of my previous post before I ran off for work.

And, if any of my thoughts (when translated into a more understandable English) have been of potential use to anyone, I'm humbly flattered.

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/27/2009 10:31:34 PM

NihilusZero

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quote:

ORIGINAL: geomease

I had no idea there were so many victims of rape on this site, or that so many of the women couldn't achieve an orgasm.

I would hazard a guess that the sensitivity of such topics is what makes the instances seem rarer than they actually are and I doubt the number is substantially more overwhelming amongst the WIITWD crowd than any other

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/27/2009 10:42:59 PM

DavanKael

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I've not read all of the replies but was wondering if perhaps hypnosis may be of help here.
Best wishes,
Davan

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/28/2009 4:48:25 AM

sweetsub1957

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Kalista, you have cmail.

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/28/2009 6:44:37 PM

Kalista07

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Again, i just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughtful responses. Everyone has given me lots of things to think about...

i wish someone just had the magic answer for me...Sadly, i knew somewhere this would not be reality...but apparently it was not beyond me to hope like that.

Thanks again,
Kali

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/29/2009 5:26:12 AM

abuddingdom

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A sad story, one heard too often, & one which makes me angry as well as sad.

I just read through the posts and had a couple questions which I don't think were asked about or addressed and I really hope they don't come off as insensitive, especially coming from a guy : before getting out of that awful and dysfunctional situation did you have any normal / healthy sexual relations with other people? And, this is really really touchy but did you ever have orgasms during those dysfunctional experiences? If so, it's likely that it adds to the baggage and trauma but also likely at least possible that there's hope - if you've ever experienced it under any circumstances then at least you're capable of it. I'd compare it to the anology of men who think they're impotent - one of the first things a doctor or therapist will ask is if they ever have nocturnal erections or have them when awakening in the morning. If so, then that rules out physical problems and they can hopefully get to work on the psychological issues. One more thing which comes to mind : I've personally known a number of women who damaged themselves with heavy duty overuse of vibrators, all of them when they were very young and simply didn't know better. They loved orgasms so much that they wanted to have them a lot, and later either couldn't experience them or had great difficulty experiencing them. Some, as adults, can only have orgasms with manual stimulation.

At any rate, I'm certain that with the amount of therapy that you've had those questions were addressed.

I hate publicly admitting it but it took me well over half my life to learn and respect the fact that women & men are different. The plumbing is obviously different, & I couldn't deny that, but I didn't want to face that emotionally we're 2 very different animals with different needs and wants and ways of doing things. I don't want to jack the thread and go off on my issues, past or present, but I've learned that women have issues which can't just be wished away. Hell, everyone does but guys, women ARE different. This isn't an uncommon story and there's so damn much damage done (and it usually goes unpunished, which is also another topic), but you seem to have a healthy attitude, op, and are lucky to have found a good partner.

I've been know to insert that old clumsy foot in my clumsy mouth a time or two. I hope I haven't here, addrssing female issues, and apologise if I did.

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RE: Orgasm Possible? - 9/29/2009 7:26:29 AM

abuddingdom

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ok - I re-read the op and see thatshe's "never" been able to have an orgasm, so my stuff isn't all that relevent to this discussion. Another one, maybe, but not this one.......

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