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Just wondering - 9/20/2009 9:27:14 AM

monaslave

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I just wonder, why most Doms are around 40 something and up, why so few under it?
And why do so many-not all,but many- seek under 40 or under 35, and preferably under 28? Now I dont believe-and have seen good examples- of ppl over those ages or under those ages(in the first case) that are "good enough" in all areas. So why ?

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 9:41:23 AM

porcelaine

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personal preferences are just that and everyone is entitled to theirs. i can attest there are a number under forty because i've spoken to them. if you're seeking someone within a definitive range you may wish to indicate this. your observation is correct in the sense that the older parties do outnumber the younger. best of luck.

porcelaine

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 9:58:47 AM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

I just wonder, why most Doms are around 40 something and up, why so few under it?
And why do so many-not all,but many- seek under 40 or under 35, and preferably under 28? Now I dont believe-and have seen good examples- of ppl over those ages or under those ages(in the first case) that are "good enough" in all areas. So why ?

Firstly I would say that men over 40 will pick someone under 30 because they can. Older men often like younger women and younger women often like older Doms..... Its personal choice.
I do think we are starting to see large numbers of younger Doms coming through and the more the younger ones come through, the more the older (especially single) Doms will try to run those younger ones down as inexperienced wanabes. Simply they are a threat.
I also believe that a lot of young female subs want the nurturing/daddy side of the Dom and so its understandable they will more likely choose someone there farther age.
In the world away from D/s and BDSM its more unusual to see a young woman with a much older man. Of course there are exceptions but its normally because the much older man is wealthy.
We are staying on a marina at the moment and its the older millionaires with the super yachts that have the young partners.

I do know some fantastic older Dom/Dommes that I would highly recommend to a naive younger submissive.
I also know some fantastic young Dom/Dommes that are equally as good.

I personally would hate a much younger partner or a much older one. When I was in my 20's I would never of picked a long term partner in his 40s.

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 10:45:37 AM

DesFIP

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There's also the plain safety level of it. A 40 year old will hopefully have more experience and know what is and isn't safe. I've read more than enough posts by young men saying they're going to suspend their girlfriend with a screw in hook to know I wouldn't get near them. Because that's a recipe for disaster, since you aren't hanging a static plant but something moving and jumping with a dynamic load above five times the standing weight.

You only need to meet one person like this to rule all of them out. Not fair? Okay, but it happens.

I also think there are plenty of males of all ages here and females of all ages. I think we tend to skip the profiles of people who aren't in our range. So I don't look at doms my kid's age, nor closer to my father's. But men are hard wired to seek women in prime reproductive shape with a certain bust/waist ratio and that's likely to be a younger woman.

But mostly Mona, you're 35 so you pay more attention to the 40 y. o. men and you ignore the 20 y. o. ones.

< Message edited by DesFIP -- 9/20/2009 10:47:26 AM >

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 11:12:55 AM

OrionAndi

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While I am 22 and Orion my Dom is 40+... We did not meet in a D/s situation.. it was purely by chance and we "clicked" within minutes. Him being older gives me a sense of feeling safe. In all honesty having been with men around my age in a nilla sense, I couldnt even bring myself to let them tie me to the bed, because I didnt have that "safe" trust within them because they where boy's not men. Orion know's I am a human being not a toy.

The way I view this with the tables turned, Orion was not in it for the fun and games... I would have caught his eye whether I was 20, or 30+. he couldnt acually believe it when he found out how old I was and to be honest it nearly sent him walking

Its difficult to say here as it would be generalising. I think young subs will be more trusting of the older Dom's because of the life experience they have had. I would have thought that Older Dom's would go for older sub's because of their life experience and it would take less "training". On the other hand much like my Dom he enjoys the "training".. They may get more excitment out of knowing they have been the first to "train" this sub.

Its a difficult one...

My post is covering both threads you have posted regarding this btw

Andi x

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 11:32:16 AM

Joseff

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Well, in my experiance, men seem to mature a little later than women. On average, I'd consider most women to be adults around the age of 20, but men seem to be late, not really growing up untill 30 or 35. Now this is really a generalization, and not meant to offend anyone, it actually serves a purpose in society. Generally speaking, young men are the adventurers, explorers, and warriors. It takes a kind of youthfull recklessness do go out and risk your life discovering new things, but without it, no progress.

Now, for the purposes of this thread, I will note that I have expanded the scope of my search on the other side to include younger ages. I began looking at potential others within a twenty year window of my age, 35-55, but upon extending it downwards, I did find a lot more submissive women. Mind you, I am 45, and my wife will be 51 in December.

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 11:50:11 AM

AlexandraLynch

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Sometimes it takes time to grow into a full understanding and comfort and competence with your domination. I know this was true for me, and would never have taken on a sub in my twenties because I was not in a personal place where I could have given a sub what they desire.

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 12:55:43 PM

subtlebutterfly

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FR:
The young hot dom's are all taken.

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 1:11:02 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

I just wonder, why most Doms are around 40 something and up, why so few under it?

Ya know, this is weird, but I'm 51 & as recently as a few months ago I had Doms between their early 20s and early 30s writing to me. I wouldn't be with Someone my kids' age and was looking for & am now with Someone around my own age. Go figure. lol

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 1:16:52 PM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtlebutterfly

FR:
The young hot dom's are all taken.

Actually thats pretty accurate.
There is a noticeable amount of younger people coming into the BDSM scene and that's very apparent when you go to BDSM clubs.
Young Doms that get themselves noticed by going out soon get snapped up.

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Post #: 10

RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 1:20:41 PM

allthatjaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

I just wonder, why most Doms are around 40 something and up, why so few under it?

Ya know, this is weird, but I'm 51 & as recently as a few months ago I had Doms between their early 20s and early 30s writing to me. I wouldn't be with Someone my kids' age and was looking for & am now with Someone around my own age. Go figure. lol

Neither would I. Even if I was to feel comfortable now with a much younger guy, I wonder how I would feel 10 years from now when a younger and fresher looking young thing walked in the room. I would hate to spend a life feeling threatened and I would be forever wondering what the hell he saw in me.

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 2:05:43 PM

sigh4u08

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It IS frustrating to be relatively new to all of this, and find oneself in her late 50's, wondering if a Dom would have to be in His 80's to consider me 'young enough.' i know, in time, when Jupiter aligns with Mars and the stars are all where they should be, the right Dom for me will come along. Of course, at this rate, He'll already be in a nursing home, but i PROMISE i will visit every day!

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 12

RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 2:20:11 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

I also believe that a lot of young female subs want the nurturing/daddy side of the Dom and so its understandable they will more likely choose someone there farther age.
In the world away from D/s and BDSM its more unusual to see a young woman with a much older man. Of course there are exceptions but its normally because the much older man is wealthy.
We are staying on a marina at the moment and its the older millionaires with the super yachts that have the young partners.

one of the reasons i removed age play from my profile was the proliferation of 50+ men that assumed i wanted a father. i have one. why i'd need a second is a mystery. i also think there's the belief that age is of no consideration to most women and moderate to large gaps aren't an issue if he's an adequate fit. perhaps for some this is true, but not everyone feels this way.

i believe it is merely a numbers game and bdsm provides an avenue for some to date younger who would otherwise be unable to. as you've candidly stated, you don't see the same thing in other circles unless he has some coins. i have quite a few non bdsm acquaintances that find themselves up in age (mid 40's) who wish to start a family. none have been able to find a younger woman thus far and it is for the very reasons you mentioned.

porcelaine

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His will; my fate.

(in reply to allthatjaz)

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 5:10:42 PM

blmtrsne

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When I look around me, I see a lot of young girls insisting om being treated as a queen. Of course they don't call it Femdom or BDSM, but they take the lead and are not afraid to hit a guy who doesn't comply. And sexually they insist on equal rights: a blowjob is possible if the guy does the same favor back. And he can forget about it if he doesn't shave.

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 5:51:30 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

I just wonder, why most Doms are around 40 something and up, why so few under it?
And why do so many-not all,but many- seek under 40 or under 35, and preferably under 28? Now I dont believe-and have seen good examples- of ppl over those ages or under those ages(in the first case) that are "good enough" in all areas. So why ?

I'll answer each question seperately for you:

why so many over 40 and so few under? Because you have to master yourself before you can master someone else. The younger a guy is trying to convince me he's mastered anything more than his fly, the harder a job he's going to have.

Why do the 40 something's want 20 somethings? It's called mid life crisis...it's when a man that formerly was wired for 1-40yr old now believes he is wired for 2-20 yr olds. It usually turns out shocking.

Has nothing to do with good enough, pretty enough, smart enough...it's what turns them on and sometimes those preferences make sense and other times they don't. "The right dom" will be a fit with you...and best with you so what makes the why's of the rejects matter?

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Post #: 15

RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 8:18:05 PM

pompeii

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From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
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I'm assuming older Dom (man) seeks younger submissive (woman) ...

In this case, I defer to biology and value. Putting it together the Dom (man) when he was young may have had no money and a wonderful body ... and, well, that plus a few bucks would get him a cup of coffee. The women (younger or older) didn't value him for his biology. And, he didn't have anything but, say, a college degree, which, at that stage in his life, so did everyone else he knew (depending on his circle of friends of course). Nonetheless, the point is his biology didn't help him all that much.

Switch over to the woman, and, well, guess what. She starts with the same demographics but she has BIOLOGY on her side. Yup. Everyone wants her. Both the younger men (who can't have her) and the older men (who can ... I'll get to why in a sec.). So, she has value. Without any effort (well, assuming she was naturally pretty but do realize women spend a hellovalot of effort to look pretty). Nonetheless, she's young, she's beautiful, and, well, she has value just because of that. People practically follow her in the streets to get to know her, to talk to her, to do her a favor, to be friends with her.

Now, take that poor schmuck of a guy whose biology did nothing for him. He has drive. He has ambition. He wants to have others look up to him, to admire him, to obey him, to follow him. So what does he do? So, he works toward something. He makes a career out of it. He works his fingers to the bone at whatever it is he can do better than anyone else. He travels the world. He starts a business. He earns another degree. He takes risks. He invests. Whatever he does, it's to get ahead in the world, but, also to get attention. He has to BUILD VALUE (it's not there just by biology alone). So, what does he do? He builds value.

Let's cut to the quick and fast forward to the question. You have four people. Older guy. Younger guy. Older woman. Younger woman. Where are they after all these years?

Younger guy: He has no value. He's the loser here (until thirty or forty years from now)
Younger woman: She STILL has it made (only she's a new 20-something fresh out of school and looking for a rich guy)
Older guy: Finally, after many decades, he's earned his house on the hill, the powerful friends, the money to make it happen.
Older woman: Pity the older woman. She still has residual biology on her side, and she will forever - but pit her against a 28-year-old and she's gonna have a challenge to keep up.

Now, mind you, this is just one scenario and any one person can take their life in the direction they want to ... but, if you really wanna know why you find older Dom (guy) and younger sub (woman) ... look at the paragraphs above to begin forming your hypothesis.

As always, YMMV,
Pompeii

(in reply to theRose4U)

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 8:43:54 PM

Acer49

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quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

I just wonder, why most Doms are around 40 something and up, why so few under it?
And why do so many-not all,but many- seek under 40 or under 35, and preferably under 28? Now I dont believe-and have seen good examples- of ppl over those ages or under those ages(in the first case) that are "good enough" in all areas. So why ?

Well I would not go after a 28 year old regardless of how perfect they appear to be. I can see family gatherings, I would be always viewed as the "cradle robber" and my slave would no doubt be subjected to one of my daughter's famous well camouflaged, but clearly understood "Don't even think about hurting my father or I will rip your throat out" speeches

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RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 8:52:50 PM

monaslave

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It is a shame for the younger Doms that are beeing outdated by elder Doms. Thats not a right thing to do.
I think its okay with your preferences and what you chose, but lets say I was a 20 something and concidered some Dom BECAUSE OF age. Then I would seriously ask myself, is it because I have a problem with my age or growing up, or is it for healthy reasons. If last okay if first I would say,fix your own problems first. AND oppsite,for the Doms,as well for me and others.
As long as it is healthy reasons. And not only because I can thing or should be thing. I dont think thats cool either.
I know if it had been myself in that age and I should do the same I wouldve screamed I wanted to grow my own.
Now some have said I feel more safe and can trust more,thats good,if it works for you. But if you have a safety issue or trust issue just because of it,then its not that healthy. I know alot of men -or women-that age-elder ages that are screwed up also in bdsm areas,so I dont really think its a logical answer. you have only been lucky,thats all.
I repeat, I have nothing against what other chose and if it works for you Im only happy. But me myself in that age 20 I would had thrown up if beeing with someone 40 or so. Even if I apparently couldnt see a difference. Just knowing, that I lacked some lifeexperience was enough. I know alot of ppl that age(we dont socialize but you know) that also throw up for same reasons and said to me,what would I with someone that old?
But again, if it works for you.
Yes I also think that men in general see the female BODY and think thats ENOUGH. Not all of course,again. And not all with negative intentions. Dont misunderstand. But I think,or have seen,way too many do that without even thinking, staring themself on youth itself. Think you described it well in the rich man case. for love,for compability yes but I think it screws the psyche and or soul up if for the wrong reasons,for superficial reasons,in the end. Some might not agree,and if it works for you,Im happy and hope all is fine.
Its just like those marriages where the wives been bought from foreign countries,if its true,real,happy come togethers fine, but in the long run,whats the price?
and how fun is it to take your husband to the sanitary age 30 or 40?
Do you lose some of your youth,forever? are you forced into pregnancy too early? are you conditioned something that you couldnt develop yourself? as I said,Im ONLY happy if it works for you.

OrionAndy youre a good example,Im happy you work well.

Sweetsub1957 thats also strange to me,that the young Doms go after some much elder, makes me think,do they have issues with growing up or is it really something they WANT for HEALTHY reasons? well at least I think it would be good to ask yourself that before at least so no probs coming later. To be clear what you are going in to. if it works,good for you. But how many does it not work for?
Myself usually go ten year up or down. I wont feel that its my son or my dad. that is too far out for me. Or daughter,for that sake.
Only the thought makes me sick, if it was me doing it.
I guess I wouldnt feel that comfortable and be turned off if I went to a place with too many younger or too many elder. I prefer a mix and not just one.
well take that fx Anna Nicole Smith and her oooold husband, how many havent wondered about that.

I have seen men in their 20 something and over that are very mature and more men than their older ones. And I have seen elder than that beeing mature but also many,too many of them actually behave like hell,and have stagnated ideas they deny to rock with,even though its proven wrong. and that wont grow,and have become stagnant. note I said some also were the opposite,but I said my experience are too many. But I meet everybody open,not that. So in that circumstances I can understand elder women going for young men. But in the girls case.. even though I aknowledge many are not I think far too many men go for them because of the youth,basically and looks, not all-note. thats just what I think. and the girls? well you mentioned the imagined stability and secure,not again in all cases,but some. well are they tricked by the elder men then? some might be. some might not but if it was me,I would wanna be sure before. to be taken only for looks or youths not funny for no part. it shouldnt be the overall shadowing,thats what Im saying then its not healthy. if you dont wanna live superficial,peace to that of course.

(in reply to theRose4U)

Post #: 18

RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 8:57:30 PM

monaslave

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Joined: 4/10/2009
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Pompeii, but that is superficial reasons,not all but many of them. Do you REALLY wanna be taken JUST because of that? Dont you want to be chosen because of your personality,your true you,your essence? what is it worth, in the long run, if you base it on outer values??

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 19

RE: Just wondering - 9/20/2009 8:58:37 PM

monaslave

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Joined: 4/10/2009
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I dont say it is wrong ,only that it will become negative,sooner or later,if its the all over shadowing.

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Post #: 20

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