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Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 6:22:17 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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i've been wondering something about the cm profiles i encounter and i'm curious to see if i'm alone in this vain. i recognize our details don't auto update and we're responsible for maintaining them. but the mind boggles how some never get around to adjusting the information when changes take place. i'm not referencing dormant profiles but persons that are active on the site. how do you forget that you're a few years older, look different, etc? i wonder how much is truly absentmindedness versus a desire to seem more appealing to a wider audience.

what are your thoughts?

porcelaine

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His will; my fate.

Post #: 1

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 6:33:55 AM

subtlebutterfly

Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline

Some people just don't care.
I forget to update my age sometimes, but heck I'm always changing my profile n looking at others so eventually it dawns upon me that I forgot to change the age. Everytime it's my bday I don't really think of all the websites where I have to change my age..most of them update the age automatically anyway, also even though I change my haircolor or cut my hair short or grow it out long or get a tattoo or change the way I look..I don't feel the need to tell the whole world about it so I don't think updating photos is a biggy unless it's a friggin 5-10 year old picture, you don't change that much in 2 years or so.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 9/14/2009 6:35:08 AM >

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RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 6:38:38 AM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

My pictures only change when NZ got creative the night before with his camera. My age only changes when I ACTUALLY remember to change it. MY profile only changed because I moved cross country.

o.0

Anyone who gives half a shit about me on here follows my random updates on the off topic forums anyway.

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RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 6:50:39 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

Interesting. Being a guy, being logical, reasonable, and looking for a "real" person (not a spambot or chat buddy or pic collector, etc.) ... my experience dictates that the profiles become one-shot rather-useless initiation rites - yet not much more (YMMV).

In fact, regarding the information in my profile itself, I never even look at my profile, written looong ago, and just left there, almost as simply as an initiation requirement for admission into the club. I don't even know what my profile says anymore - nor what age it's listing me.

I've even almost given up on believing anything in anyone else's profile, mostly because 90-something percent of the "best" profiles are spam (probably closer to 100%), which certainly leaves a few profiles worth perusing who are local and "real". I'd wager, even though I'm in a kink-aware location of the planet, still perhaps, at most, there are from a dozen to a few score "real" profiles of people who would be interested in me and whom I'd be interested in.

Of that few score, if you sort by "last on", fewer than a dozen typically will have logged in within the last year (according to my saved search criteria which is pretty general and broad, e.g., "female", "submissive or switch", looking for "dominant men", "under 150 pounds", etc.,.

Notice that leaves me with always the same local hits (generally, unless someone newly logs in from the wild blue yonder) over and over and over and over again. Well, it doesn't take too long to respond to a dozen profiles at most, and, well, I've carried on just about that many conversations, so, at this point, who needs to read "their" profile either. (Albeit once in a while folks do post new intriguing pictures or comments which catch my eye - and I try to applaud them for that effort.)

Mostly what I do for the dozen or so "profile hits" that have a reasonable chance of success, is I read the ladies' forum posts and journal entries. The good news there is that if they've recently logged in, then there's a better chanced they have forum posts and journal entries - so I base my assessment of them on three items:
- Forum Posts
- Journal Entries
- Personal Email Responses

Notice the profile information is the least meaningful of what I use. Of course, I'm not all that successful in finding someone to please and be pleased by (finding Craigslist vastly more useful for real-life meetings by a longshot) - but that doesn't stop me from learning from and contributing to the message boards! :)

On the other hand, I do realize there are many men who, in the worst case, log into Collarme and view all the thousands of "available women" in the picture sort that pops up in the beginning and then, notwithstanding what the profile says or whether they lady has logged in within the past century or posted forum articles or journal entries, reads just the profile (if that), and then sends off a "wanna fuck" letter to her, and every single other possible profile (this could keep the guy busy for a week or more, given the hundreds, nay, maybe thousands of "available women" that Collarme offers). After, say, a hundred or two hundred emails, guess what? The troll will get a hit or three. He'll work those three ... but again, notice that the profile was the least of the criteria (just being female and having an address on CM was all that really mattered).

Oh, but I digress (as I am wont to do, my brain firing in all directions, as usual) ... In summary, the profile, for me, isn't all that important in that I don't even know what's on mine and I read forum posts and journal entries and use don't ever respond to anyone who hasn't been active - and well - that leaves only a handful of profiles whom I've already contacted and gotten to know. Of course, your mileage may vary.

Ciao,
Pompeii
PS: No wonder women complain that some men don't read their profile and respond specifically to it.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 4

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 6:53:55 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline

Greetings

For me it is just that I am a member of many forums and I often forget to make such updates. Also I am involved with Transhumanism and several spiritual paths for life extension, and one of the things in that path is not considering age to be important. I do not see that updating the age of my profile is so important that it is something which I give priority to. I do not care how pepole see me. I am an dedicated occultist. I am intelligent, a Chaote, rather strange and I am proud of being wierd, and if pepole do not like me for that if they find out I am 27 and not 26 then they are probably not the kind of pepole I would want to be involved with anyway.

I wish you well

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Post #: 5

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 7:45:24 AM

Aanakaris

Posts: 310
Joined: 4/8/2008
Status: offline

That reminds me, I need to update my age. And all of you need to wish me a happy birthday!

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Post #: 6

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 7:57:06 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

If every time I logged on, my profile came up, then yes I would notice the age on it and when it changed, I would change it in my profile. But it doesn't. I haven't looked at my profile in a long time, so unless I think about it, I probibly won't change it. It's just not something that I think about that often. Of course now that you have mentioned it, I will have to go check and see how old I am today.

edited to add.....good thing you brought it up, I was a year younger in my profile than I am in real life. I fixed it and now I am a year older than I am in real life. I was going to put my real age, but my birthday is next month and I am not sure I can count on another thread to remind me to change it then.

< Message edited by thishereboi -- 9/14/2009 8:00:20 AM >

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Post #: 7

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 7:57:49 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I occasionally check my profile to read through what I've written. In doing so, I sometimes find things that could be put a better way and I do so. I also add things through journal entries. My pix are, at the most, 2 years old. My biggest problem is updating my age since I only have a birthday once a year. But I can assure you that the age it shows...54...is the age I am now.

(in reply to Aanakaris)

Post #: 8

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 8:03:30 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

Happy Birthday

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

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Post #: 9

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 8:09:19 AM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

FR, after read thru

I tend to forget the 'changing my age' thing around my birthday (which is more towards the middle of the year) so I pre-emptively change it around the new year, cuz that's when I tend to think about the issue . . . . . .

As for my profile, I look at it a lot (compared with others, apparently), & I've changed it / updated it / edited it hundreds of times in the few years I've been hanging out on CM . . . . .

For me, the profile features here on FL & Alt & so on have all been useful tools for self-exploration . . . . . Introspection prompts, as it were . . . .

Also, I tend to see this mate-finding thing as being analogous to looking for a job, deserving of as much effort. As such, my profile is the equivalent of my resume / curriculum vitae . . . . .

My pics are only a coupla years old, but I wanna add some new ones to display the fabulous hair-do I've been sporting since last summer . . . . .

But then, I'm a little on the OCD side . . . . . .

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Post #: 10

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 8:14:02 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

Also, I tend to see this mate-finding thing as being analogous to looking for a job, deserving of as much effort. As such, my profile is the equivalent of my resume / curriculum vitae . . . . .

interesting spin on this, but i can't say i disagree. i have this nuance about allowing people to make informed decisions. i think it is possible information can be outdated and we're oblivious or simply unwilling to maintain it. if this is never conveyed that's something different. at least in my book.

porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to DemonKia)

Post #: 11

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 8:30:30 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I haven't read through my profile in ages. Not sure what all it says and I have to say I don't worry about it. I am one of the least OCD, anal type people you will ever meet (if indeed you ever met me....)

If my current hair colour, weight, age, whatever, is that terribly important to a person.........it's safe to say they are probably not someone I am going to be interested in anyway.

It's all good.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 12

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 8:35:34 AM

DemonKia

Posts: 5521
Joined: 10/13/2007
From: Chico, Nor-Cali
Status: offline

Frankly, if the other doesn't take this whole thing as seriously / arduously as I, we're probably a poor fit due to the lack of sympatico OCD-ness . . . . . .

So, while others might treat their profiles lightly, negelecting them, etc, I notice . . . . . I look at profiles all the time, & I do judge how important they take this whole process in part by their profile. It's generally front & center to their CM existence . . . . . Postings on the message boards are great, but the profile is central, & easiest to access / evaluate . . . .

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

Also, I tend to see this mate-finding thing as being analogous to looking for a job, deserving of as much effort. As such, my profile is the equivalent of my resume / curriculum vitae . . . . .

interesting spin on this, but i can't say i disagree. i have this nuance about allowing people to make informed decisions. i think it is possible information can be outdated and we're oblivious or simply unwilling to maintain it. if this is never conveyed that's something different. at least in my book.

porcelaine

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 13

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 8:36:04 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I hadn't realised that age didn't update automatically here until I discussed it with someone I met here, who has the same birthday I do. He'd been around for 2 or 3 years, and hadn't updated that field in his profile. The other two kinky sites I'm (much less) active on recalculate age dynamically.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 14

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 8:46:38 AM

sweetsub1957

Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline

I check my profile & update it every few weeks if it needs it, and I frequently put a different picture up. As a matter of fact, I just did that last night. I also make frequent journal entries. My age, appearance, and information is all current. The only thing I don't put on there is my weight, as the actual pounds can be misleading as it would look different on someone depending how tall they are. Plus I have tons of pictures to show what I look like anyway.

~edited to add~ OMG, I just checked my picture and it's all messed up now.

< Message edited by sweetsub1957 -- 9/14/2009 9:00:27 AM >

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 15

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 8:48:52 AM

thishereboi

Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline

That's very interesting. I might have to start paying more attention to what I put on my profile. Thanks

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi

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Post #: 16

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 9:49:48 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957

I check my profile & update it every few weeks if it needs it, and I frequently put a different picture up. As a matter of fact, I just did that last night. I also make frequent journal entries. My age, appearance, and information is all current. The only thing I don't put on there is my weight, as the actual pounds can be misleading as it would look different on someone depending how tall they are. Plus I have tons of pictures to show what I look like anyway.

~edited to add~ OMG, I just checked my picture and it's all messed up now.

Like you I regularly update my profile and I am always adding new pictures. I don't have any pictures more than a year old, though if I wanted to put some older pictures on I don't really see the problem because I am one of a couple and so not looking. The reason for changing pictures recently is because CM are allowing more risky ones and I have a whole bunch of them

I see what you mean about weight to height problems. I know when I first came here I put my lbs in kilos by mistake and inadvertently made myself huge!

I have a friend that met someone off here a couple of years back. The woman that turned up was nothing like the much younger woman portrayed in her profile and was at least 5 dress sizes bigger. He eventually, over a drink, plucked up the courage to ask her why she portrayed herself to be much younger and slimmer and she answered 'because if I had told the truth you would never of met me'.
At least she was brave enough to turn up for a meet but I suspect many that don't turn up or the ones that make last minute excuses are people who are trying to kid others about age and looks.

I do notice if the same picture has been up year after year.

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Post #: 17

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 9:53:14 AM

shadowowl

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/31/2004
Status: offline

I think it's more of an indication of why the profile is there as to how often it gets updated. If you are activily seeking (and not finding) what you are looking for then I suspect the profile changes frequently. If however you are either finding what you seek or not really seeking anything then the profile really doesn't mean much.

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Post #: 18

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 10:09:02 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DemonKia

Frankly, if the other doesn't take this whole thing as seriously / arduously as I, we're probably a poor fit due to the lack of sympatico OCD-ness . . . . . .

So, while others might treat their profiles lightly, negelecting them, etc, I notice . . . . . I look at profiles all the time, & I do judge how important they take this whole process in part by their profile. It's generally front & center to their CM existence . . . . . Postings on the message boards are great, but the profile is central, & easiest to access / evaluate . . . .

I would have to agree with this 100%. I update my profile usually every month or two, add photos when appropriate (my current group of pics are just a month old) and I do post my weight (give or take the 5lbs that seems to come and go). I see no reason to be dishonest about my appearance...take it or leave it but at least you have something current to go on. Maybe it's because I am looking to meet people and not just post here in the forums. I'm not in a relationship but if I was, that would be added to my profile.

I've met with and spoken to men who claim one age and actually are at least 5 or more years older. Makes no sense to me why they do this.
Like porcelaine said...

quote:

i wonder how much is truly absentmindedness versus a desire to seem more appealing to a wider audience.

I wonder myself about the truth of this statement.

_____________________________

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(in reply to DemonKia)

Post #: 19

RE: Keeping It Real - 9/14/2009 10:19:07 AM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

I update my profile when I feel like it. Wading through the dormant profiles one can usually tell when they are no longer active.

I update my journal more often, though....

SunnyFey, you need to eat more. I want to feed you. Don't worry... I have the same effect on people. They want to stuff my face 'til I 'splode.
LaTigresse and DemonKia... hotties. Don't worry you'll find people. ;)

I find Craigslist a terrible place to meet people. Most of them are robots.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to shadowowl)

Post #: 20

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