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Following In Your Footsteps - 8/26/2009 5:33:14 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		most of us found and participate in the lifestyle for a myriad of reasons. however, what happens when bdsm lands on your doorstep instead?

how comfortable are you with the idea that your children are interested in or actively doing this?
are they permitted to bring a partner into your home and engage in play?
would participation in online communities such as collarme warrant concerns?
do you feel you'd be as open and tolerant of their practices as you are of other non related persons?

i look forward to your responses. thanks in advance.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/26/2009 6:01:35 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

how comfortable are you with the idea that your children are interested in or actively doing this?


I would prefer if they didn't. It's not the easiest sort of life to live. I'm hopeful that people into BDSM or D/s in the future won't be seen as sick and won't have to worry about losing jobs or children but whatever floats your boat and makes you happy. I'm all for that especially for my chiildren but for right now, there's still a great deal of stigma attached and, unlike me, my children have a lot to lose.

quote:

are they permitted to bring a partner into your home and engage in play?


Sure, if they stay in their bedroom. Hell, I'd even lend them some toys if they wanted. I just don't care to see it although would be fine talking with them on any subject.

quote:

would participation in online communities such as collarme warrant concerns?


Only in that they're still my children and it can get pretty hostile sometimes. I'm still a bit protective even though they are adults. My 'head' knows that developing a thick skin is okay, but it would be nice if that weren't necessary and when it comes to my children, my heart reigns supreme.

quote:

do you feel you'd be as open and tolerant of their practices as you are of other non related persons?


Oh, yes. My beliefs don't change just because of the cast of characters involved, related or not.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/26/2009 6:08:57 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I probably wouldn't be thrilled with the idea of mine being into it and would probably tell her being that she's young, to get out and enjoy a myriad of experiences and people, to experiment and learn about life and love. I would also try to delve a little deeper into why she has such an interest. Not everyone into this is into it for healthy reasons.

As for in my home? Hell no...let me reiterate...absolutely hell no!

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/26/2009 6:14:42 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		This will probably catch me a lot of hell from many here, but what the hell

quote:

how comfortable are you with the idea that your children are interested in or actively doing this?

All my kids; the older ones and the teenager who still lives at home are very aware of the kind of relationship I had with their father; in addition to this; the teenager who is still at home knows very well what I am interested in and actively asks me questions on a regular basis.
She's not so much interested in things for herself; but more because she is curious about me and what makes me tick.
Her questions are always answered honestly.

quote:

are they permitted to bring a partner into your home and engage in play?

No. She's not allowed to bring boys home now 'to play', why would I allow men? If she's old enough to make that kind of a decision about her own life, she's old enough to take those same men to her own place.

quote:

would participation in online communities such as collarme warrant concerns?

No. She frequently reads some of the posts her; with my permission and only if I mention them to her first.

quote:

do you feel you'd be as open and tolerant of their practices as you are of other non related persons?

Yes.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/26/2009 7:30:56 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		This has already come up for Me with My 20 year old.  She's had a submissive personality all of her life. 

One of her past boyfriends was interested in 'doing this'.  She even approached Me about teaching the boyfriend some topping skills.  I wasn't comfortable teaching him directly and told her that I would be happy to point him in the right direction of people that I thought were competent to teach, but I wasn't ready to be a direct part of that. Long story short, that boyfriend didn't last long for other reasons, so I dodged a bullet there.

In My home?  Hell no.  I kept play out of My home both before and after she was an adult.  I would have had issues.

As open and tolerant, yes.  As ready to witness play in person, no. 

Participation in an online community wouldn't have bothered Me.  There is a huge difference between being on a message board and what I constitute as play.






_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/26/2009 7:48:15 PM   
GraciousLady


Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		When your children are adults they do as they please. My children were raised to be free thinkers and to do all things with sense. What I, or they as adults, do in private is our personal business. Play in this lifestyle is a personal thing equal to sex. Neiter child was allowed to have casual sex in the home and I did not have casual sex, or play in my home, when my children were living at home. My oldest is very traditional but my youngest is very much like me and I suspect he has followed in my footsteps. With all due respect to the OP I assume you have no children or very young children and do not realize the concept of raising a responsiable child into adulthood. They have to be taught by example and counsel to do all things properly and with morals. I can't imagine what we would be teaching children if the family home was a free for all of whatever whim an adolescent or young adult conjured up!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/26/2009 8:02:37 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Excellent thread, OP, and some excellent answers.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to GraciousLady)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/26/2009 8:26:56 PM   
ShoreBound149


Posts: 622
Joined: 7/2/2009
Status: offline 		I hope she finds what I have...regardless of what form it takes...

But there are definitely many things where I hope she doesn't follow my footsteps

_____________________________

"People don't think it be like it is, but it do."

Oscar Gamble

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 4:15:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		In my home? No. But they aren't allowed to have sex in my home either. After college, in her own apartment, why not? But if she's going to do this, I would much prefer it be inside a strong, loving relationship. I don't do casual and would prefer they not either.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ShoreBound149)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 4:22:58 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		At the right time ... in the right place ... in the right way ... it's all OK.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 4:24:04 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GraciousLady

When your children are adults they do as they please. My children were raised to be free thinkers and to do all things with sense. What I, or they as adults, do in private is our personal business. Play in this lifestyle is a personal thing equal to sex. Neiter child was allowed to have casual sex in the home and I did not have casual sex, or play in my home, when my children were living at home. My oldest is very traditional but my youngest is very much like me and I suspect he has followed in my footsteps. With all due respect to the OP I assume you have no children or very young children and do not realize the concept of raising a responsiable child into adulthood. They have to be taught by example and counsel to do all things properly and with morals. I can't imagine what we would be teaching children if the family home was a free for all of whatever whim an adolescent or young adult conjured up!


Well stated. I agree.


_____________________________

Some soften by the forced reflection that comes from loss; others harden. Which are you?




(in reply to GraciousLady)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 4:27:40 AM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		I am lucky

My father has always had the attitude that it is better I do things in a safe comfortable environment than have to sneak out and put myself at more risk.

My dad was amazingly cool with it all, as I have said before, he has nicked a few of my books and asked my advice on toys.

Honestly I love my family.

_____________________________

'My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.'

Nah I am not happy to see you either

(in reply to daintydimples)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 5:38:18 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine


how comfortable are you with the idea that your children are interested in or actively doing this?

So far, it's not perfectly aware of what D/s is and can entail, and what bdsm is and can entail.

are they permitted to bring a partner into your home and engage in play?

I don't know what my children do behind their closed doors. I respect their privacy as they respect mine. It's none of my business what they are doing as long as I see happy, productive , responsible young people emerging.

would participation in online communities such as collarme warrant concerns?

Not in the least.

do you feel you'd be as open and tolerant of their practices as you are of other non related persons?

Yes, without a doubt. I'm happy to voice my concerns and discuss anything at all with them just as I would if it was drugs, sex or drink or anything else. My job is to give them information and guidance as and when.



All of this is dependant on your individual children and the level at which you know them. I've always relinquished my responsibility to be privy to their private lives in a natural way, as they've demonstrated their ability to to be fairly sensible and take care of themselves AND the people they spend time with. There are plenty of indicators.

agirl


(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 6:04:49 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		My middle child (almost 30 now) is most interested in wiitwd. She has, in fact, asked for and gotten floggers and restraints as well as lessons on how to use them. She's even brought things over for me to fix for her because she knows I sew leather. My son is also involved and we talk about it openly and honestly. Both have lifetime relationships, so yes, they bring their partners over all the time. As far as "play" is concerned, only in a playful manner.

Jewel

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 8:42:33 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

most of us found and participate in the lifestyle for a myriad of reasons. however, what happens when bdsm lands on your doorstep instead?

how comfortable are you with the idea that your children are interested in or actively doing this?


Of all of my grown offspring, each of the 4 has drifted into a different area of my interests with gusto, and it has really given me a new perspective on what I may have looked like at the same age -- but not all in one package. I wonder how it is that I ever survived to adulthood with as much of a whirlwind as I was in my youth.

I have one offspring who is into M/s, one who is poly and Steampunk (including Victorian lifestyle reclaimation), one who is fetish, and one who is into esoteric energy work -- I don't think there is a way to -be- completely who we are and -not- have the option wear off on our offspring... but different people are inclined in different ways. The one who is M/s has virtually -no- interest in fetish... the one into fetish has no real interest in authority-exchange, and the ones into poly and esoterics aren't interested in the authority-exchange aspects or fetish aspects at all...

quote:

are they permitted to bring a partner into your home and engage in play?


As long as they don't disturb the rest of the household, are discrete in their activities, and don't wake the downstairs neighbors, within the confines of their space they can enjoy whatever their relationship brings. Our one offspring is -very- bossy with hir companion -- and as long as xhe doesn't pull that behavior on SR or myself... more power to hir... and sometimes xhe forgets, and gets a -swift- reminder of how the authority flows in our household. *LOL*

quote:

would participation in online communities such as collarme warrant concerns?


No, I encouraged our offspring, as soon as they were old enough, to use every resource at their disposal to understand their interests. I might recommend that my offspring restrict their participation in the Politics/Religion section, though... Posting there has been as strain on my own capacity to retain civil manners, and of course, I would prefer that my offspring not develop tendencies to become rude or callous.

quote:

do you feel you'd be as open and tolerant of their practices as you are of other non related persons?
I absolutely expect myself to be as tolerant of their choices as I would be of anyone else -- of course, they also have to listen to more of my input, as I have experience in the area -and- a vested interest in their well-being, so I may tend to nag more and be more aware of areas where they're a bit more rambunctious than I feel comfortable with -- but parenting is a life-long experience, and I'm not that experienced with parenting adults, so check with me in 10 years. *grins*

Dame Calla


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 8:42:53 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I try not to do things I'm embarassed about whenever possible. The way I run my marriage is notembarassing to m, my children know all about it, and I'd have no concerns whatsoever if either decided to do something alternate themselves so long as that alternate thing seemed sensible.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 8:43:12 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I want for my adult children, whatever is best for them and makes them happy. What happens in their bedroom, they usually do not tell me about.

We sorta operate on a "need to know" basis.

They don't want to know what I do, virgin mother mary dontcha know, and I don't need to know what they are doing.

Besides, they are WAYYYYYYYYYYY more conservative than I am! Especially my son. Poor guy.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 8:59:38 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...how comfortable are you with the idea that your children are interested in or actively doing this?...


this slave has encouraged them to participate in what they, personally are interested in since they were very small---why would this be any different?

quote:

...are they permitted to bring a partner into your home and engage in play?...


what they do in their rooms is their business...as long as it isn't a bonfire in the middle of the room. 
 
to date, none of the biological offspring have asked to use the dungeon room or any of Master's implements.  last weekend, our "adopted" transgendered daughter did and was granted permission.  this slave can't tell you if Master would give the biologicals permission or not, because it has never come up.

quote:

...would participation in online communities such as collarme warrant concerns?...


they are all adults, and pretty bright...this slave believes that they have all the tools they need to navigate this or any other online community safely.
 
quote:

...do you feel you'd be as open and tolerant of their practices as you are of other non related persons?...


yes.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 9:37:22 AM   
UKEvolutionary


Posts: 60
Joined: 11/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

most of us found and participate in the lifestyle for a myriad of reasons. however, what happens when bdsm lands on your doorstep instead?

how comfortable are you with the idea that your children are interested in or actively doing this?

Obviously, dependant on age, so I will assume that they are of consenting age.
I would do ALL I could to educate them to the best of My ability, reason being, I'm PROUD of Who and WHAT I am, and I want to impress this on My offspring be they sub OR Dom/me to be "comfortable" in what they are regardless of what "society" tells them !!

are they permitted to bring a partner into your home and engage in play?

Providing that I have made BOTH fully aware of contraception, then better "at Home" than somewhere where it could cause problems .... Legal or otherwise !! Let's face it ...... If they're gonna do it, they'll find somewhere !! and better to be safe than "in danger" !!!

would participation in online communities such as collarme warrant concerns?
do you feel you'd be as open and tolerant of their practices as you are of other non related persons?

Think I would encourage such sites as I feel they have a LOT to offer in information and dangers BUT ..... I'd like to "supervise" such contact to sift out the "wannabee" posts !!

I HAVE to say that My reply is "purely Hyperthetical" as I don't have kids, nor is it likely that I will have any, But I like to think that this WOULD be My response in ALL Honesty, IF I had children.

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Following In Your Footsteps - 8/27/2009 9:40:14 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GraciousLady

With all due respect to the OP I assume you have no children or very young children and do not realize the concept of raising a responsiable child into adulthood. They have to be taught by example and counsel to do all things properly and with morals. I can't imagine what we would be teaching children if the family home was a free for all of whatever whim an adolescent or young adult conjured up!


actually i do have a daughter and she's eighteen. for the record she neither dates nor participates in the lifestyle or online communities. i've been forthright about myself and she has no problem with my practices, though she's never witnessed them at home. it appears you read far more into the question than was actually there. i merely sought to gauge how others felt.

porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to GraciousLady)
Profile   Post #: 20
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