RE: Imposing your kink on others (Full Version)

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antipode -> RE: Imposing your kink on others (8/25/2009 7:59:47 AM)

quote:

We talk about the issue of consent frequently


Who is this "we"? Do you mean "you"? Do you use "we" to intimate the existence of an imaginary group of like minded people?



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Imposing your kink on others (8/25/2009 8:09:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

We talk about the issue of consent frequently


Who is this "we"? Do you mean "you"? Do you use "we" to intimate the existence of an imaginary group of like minded people?



Come now snookie, you know by we I mean you and me baby.



Apocalypso -> RE: Imposing your kink on others (8/25/2009 8:10:48 AM)

quote:

Search >> Search for records that match all words in [ consent ] by author "Anyone"

300 Records Returned



eyesopened -> RE: Imposing your kink on others (8/25/2009 8:38:43 AM)

It has always been my nature to want to be useful, helpful and nuturing.  I don't know if that is submissive or not.  Some would say yes, others, not so much.  I have always yielded to authority easily and naturally.  It's never been "acting" submissive or doing "submissive things".

I have been in groups of "lifestyle" people where I busied myself with emptying ashtrays and refilling drinks just for something to do.  I hate just sitting like a mold spore, so I try to do something useful.  Of course, I was totally invisible to the other people so it wasn't like I was imposing anything on anyone.  I didn't pick up after people I thought were Dominant.  Their orientations mean nothing to me in that regard.  I like everybody to be happy, and comfortable, reagdless of orientation.



DesFIP -> RE: Imposing your kink on others (8/25/2009 8:57:24 AM)

Sometimes it is simply built into the relationships. Such as doctor/patient - pretty hard to dominate the doctor when you're wearing a piece of paper that doesn't cover your rear end. Not to mention when he knows what's wrong with you and what the usual treatment is.

Or management to employees. The higher up tells you what to do, you don't get much of an option there.

But if you mean going in somewhere and  being a swaggering ass, that isn't being dominant and it will backfire in the long run.



Eivarden -> RE: Imposing your kink on others (8/25/2009 9:48:08 AM)

There was something similar to this before, not related BDSM, that was an issue.

IMO it's a bit over the top for anyone to worry about it too much. But it's a simple fix.
If you call me a dom, and I say, hey I'm a sub! It's easy to say, oops, ok, gotcha!



SteelofUtah -> RE: Imposing your kink on others (8/25/2009 9:53:41 AM)

Love this Topic, The Brain Damage from the last time is in remission so lets start it over again.

I believe that being me is a matter of integrity. I am Me all the time. Me happens to be a Dominant and at times a Snarky and Boisterious Ass. They are part of me. If you expect me to Hinder what I think it is that makes me Me for your happiness you need serious help.

The problem I have with this question is the use of the work KINK. I do not see D/s as a KINK I see it as a deleniation of chosen direction.

In as much do you ask a Priest not to wear his collar? Do you ask a Painter not to notice and be intersted in paint. Do you tell an Artist not to see and express themselves artictically? \

I sometimes feel like some of us in this lifestyle have a SERIOUS Self Loathing about what it is that we do, we are so worried about being ourselves in public. If you cannot be yourself in Public then I would say you aren't being yourself ever.

I know the above what not the intended notion of this thread but this is where I tie it in.

When someone brings me something I have asked for or instructed I need I say "Thank You" and when someone Thanks me I tell them they are welcome acknowledging that I appreciated being thanked. I do the same thing in my own home with my own slaves. In Public I do lots of things that some people here think is unacceptable. Because somehow someone being offended by me being myself is my responsibility. I say this is not the case, If you are offended by something it is your responsibility to deal with it as you see necessary. Personally I leave, see I am more interested in getting away from what is offending me then I am trying to stop it from happeneing.

There will be people who will now ask me ... What about when this happens and when this happens or what if you witness this happeneing.

I still want to get away from it, most of the time it isn't that something illegal is happeneing but rather that I don't like what is happeneing and I put myself in the situation I should be the one to remove myself from it.

Treating someone as a Dominant or submissive without consent is one of those double edged swords we hear som much about. How do one treat someone like a Dominant  how does one treat one like a submsive? How can anyone possibly do that? I can treat someone poorly and dismissively I can be trite and condesending but that does not mean I am treating them like a submissive it means I am being a Douche Bag. Someone can treat someone like they are a god and iss the ground that they walk on but is this treating them like a Dominant? Or is it putting someone on a Pedastal?

Imposing your Dominance or submission on someone is at times just being yourself and nothing more. Imposing your Kink on someone is asking them to PARTISIPATE it it be a part of it, in that you would have to get off knowing that they were there, however if you are simply witness to someone putting a love tap on their subs bottom, or watching someone enjoy their partner in a powerful way then I think you just need to remove yousrelf from the situation or stop looking.

I do not feel who I am should be hampered because someone else doesn't think what I do is okay.

Steel



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Imposing your kink on others (8/25/2009 9:58:49 AM)

Thanks steel, I think your paragraph regarding the double edge sword of the question is an interesting one. I also agree with your separating the notion of dominance and kink.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Imposing your kink on others (8/25/2009 10:44:47 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

*chuckles*

Sorry beth. It's an occupational hazard of us engineer types to explore the boundary conditions.


it's all good, Jeff.  it's an occupational hazard of us genetic mutants to point out that we all don't necessarily mean harm and offense, just because we are different than the rest of the population.[:D]
 
this slave believes that there are at least two trains of thought barrelling down the tracks here...and even though the words dominant and submissive might indicate a purely sexual-kink preference, it isn't the only way that it manifests.
 
the same type of discussion seems to pop up when folks go about discussing "Does your family know about your involvement in D/s"...two camps set up.
 
camp #1 folks:
*have the inclination and/or experience of dominance or submission in the bedroom/dungeon.
*dominate or submit as part of a kinky sexual turn-on, only.
*perceive D/s as an activity to engage in only with those that they have previously negotiated with.
so OMG, there's no way they are going to talk to the family about THAT, yadda yadda, that would be just rude to impose their kinky sex life on family, for crying out loud, etc.
 
camp #2 folks:
*have the inclination and/or experience of dominance or submission as they go about their day.
*dominate or submit naturally, it is not a role-play for the bedroom/dungeon or a highly situational state.
*perceive D/s as an expression of personality, to everyone.
families & friends already KNOW that they have a dominant or submissive personality and have either expressed their disgust and tried to change them, or embraced the way they are and so there is nothing salacious to reveal.
 
 



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