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RE: My Weekly Letter - 8/23/2009 10:08:50 AM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

The honesty in some cases is brutal. Sometimes it is a matter of me having to stare my own inclinations in the face. Other times, I have had to come clean about things going on that troubled me. I am sure more than a few times it was less than pleasant for him to read what I had to say, but at least he could count on it being the truth. That's the key to me, it is a safe place for all this stuff. He has yet to take me to task over something I said in them. We have certainly talked about things, but never was it an accusatory or hurtful thing.

his reactions are very important, particularly when difficult issues are raised and behaviors mentioned that might be interpreted negatively. i have found when the response remains positive despite these things, i'm encouraged to become more transparent as my level of comfort increases. however, if the opposite occurs it truly negates the point of writing. i lose my ability to vent when necessary and have to temper my speech. i have a few alternatives i can utilize if this occurs, but honestly lose something in the process when that element is removed from my writings. i wish you luck on your journey.

porcelaine

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RE: My Weekly Letter - 8/23/2009 10:14:46 AM

lovingpet

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Absolutely agreed! I think a harsh negative reaction would make me recoil. I don't think I would be able to go back either. If someone doesn't want the whole truth, then don't ask for it. I am a pretty gentle person anyway, so I doubt I have ever come off as disrespectful or harsh. It is a shown of concern over a person and relationship I value deeply. His response to those things reflects the same. I am, as you, encouraged by how he has handled the negatives as much as I am how he embraces the positives.

lovingpet

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Post #: 22

RE: My Weekly Letter - 8/23/2009 10:18:29 AM

GoddessImaginos

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

I agree with both of you: OP and catize.
Writing to a significant other is one medium for growing closer in the early stages or when separated. Writing has become common place since emails and I think for that reason the use of words, vocabulary, forms of expression and even the weight and meaning of words has diminished considerably over the past very few years.
(Students have a far more limited vocabulary, don't 'do' punctuation and cannot access the subtleties of tenses. But I digress.)
I find writing my main means of catharsis, insight and emotional release. When I was first published it was for a publisher who believed inthe power of words to heal mental health and alleviated depression.
If I didn't write, both fiction and academically, I know I would get sick.
However: there is no substitute for real time communication face to face. It ellicits different content. There isn't time to revise and reword. There isn't time to censor. Thee isn't time to plan or rehearse in real time as there is with words. Sometimes writing can be a poor substitute for communication. Smetimes it can take on a dangerous illusionary quality all of its own.
However: where I am at now? I personally would find it impossible to have a relationship with someone who did not understand and value my writing first and foremost.

AMEN, Sister..

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RE: My Weekly Letter - 8/23/2009 10:58:58 AM

DesFIP

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I can't remember the last time I felt it necessary to write him when he was home. But in the early years together, this was very common. It wasn't as though the entire conversation was carried on through email, but by telling him it without being there to see an immediate reaction I didn't fear a response of anger, harsh rejection, etc. And having opened the conversation through email, I was then able to discuss it with him on the phone and in person.

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RE: My Weekly Letter - 8/23/2009 1:59:16 PM

lovingpet

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Not with us either. It is a jumping off point, a confirmation, or just plain speculation. I think that when the territory is new and talking about it is difficult for a number of reasons writing seems to help a lot. I need the chance to write and rewrite and rewrite again to get it to the point where there is enough clarity to talk. He gets a chance to take a deep breath before diving into the deep end of a conversation with me. I like it for myself. I am wondering who out there might like to do this a different way. Perhaps some do better face to face or in some other format for these harder to start issues. Just my curiosity and all.

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RE: My Weekly Letter - 8/23/2009 2:54:46 PM

catize

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quote:

It just happens to be helping for now. I'd be willing to bet if he thought I was hiding behind this in order to not have to talk about things face to face, it would end immediately.

I didn’t mean to imply it is a bad strategy at all. Just that sometimes, if the next step isn’t taken, it can stagnate communication. I agree that writing it first helps clarify my thoughts, puts them in an order which, in turn, helps me communicate those thoughts better when we do talk. And sometimes I can, by writing it out, settle it for myself and tell him “got it now!” and we can move on!

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RE: My Weekly Letter - 8/23/2009 3:56:41 PM

MaamJay

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I'm equally a fan of writing things down to clarify them in my own mind first! Then that writing can be shared or sometimes, the issue can then be raised face to face in a more productive way than would have happened if we'd just leapt into it. As a Domme I have prospective subs journal, as a sub, i write a daily journal. Every now and then real life crashes in and i have to catch up a few days at once, but that's not in itself a huge issue. In the early days it was an essential communication tool and i still like to read over those from time to time. Now it can be more of a daily log of our lives but that's still useful on its own level. If there is something more introspective to write about, i still do. Master has this large collection of little purple notebooks *smile*.

When He and i have been separated, there have been times when He has journalled too! They were wonderful to read, just wish He'd be moved to write them more often. But i can't enforce that

.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: My Weekly Letter - 8/23/2009 5:59:40 PM

lovingpet

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I know you didn't darlin! I agree. I think sometimes dominants go on fishing expeditions for information, but then it is just that. Information. Nothing else ever comes of it. I don't think I would do well with that. Sometimes, though, I don't really need any follow through because, like you, I have talked my way through the problem and got it resolved on my own. He still checks up on things though. LOL

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RE: My Weekly Letter - 8/23/2009 6:03:45 PM

lovingpet

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He's getting quite a collection too. I am sure he has each on printed out and compiled into an evil demented trap! LOL But on 8/22 you said you wanted me to....... You weren't supposed to remember that! Well, sweetie, you're bad luck! LOL

It is a clarifying process for me as well as just a place to keep him on top of what is going on in my life since we are apart. There's a lot there with health and family and other things that help him have a full picture of me in a given time and space. I just love having a time carved out of my week just for him in such an almost ritualized manner. I don't need it, but it is something I enjoy greatly!

lovingpet

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Post #: 29