Master/slave just kink? (Full Version)

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silver1977 -> Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 3:09:06 PM)

I am in a Master/slave relationship. Is it normal or ok to want the vanilla side to it as well? Is it crazy to say I want a courtship in there as well? I don't feel right looking for a vanilla "boyfriend" but I think I need that in my life too. Am I being silly?



littlewonder -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 3:11:17 PM)

It's a requirement for me. I want it all. I don't want to have to separate my life.



lovingpet -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 3:12:15 PM)

Nope. Many people have a beautiful love affair with their Master or slave. Seek what you need, not what you think fits the "rules" because there are none.

lovingpet



KCalli -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 4:22:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: silver1977

I am in a Master/slave relationship. Is it normal or ok to want the vanilla side to it as well? Is it crazy to say I want a courtship in there as well? I don't feel right looking for a vanilla "boyfriend" but I think I need that in my life too. Am I being silly?


Um, ok, I may be stepping into it up to my knee, but here goes: In a Master/slave relationship, the slave has no rights other than pre-agreed upon when making the contract. What you need is NOT silly. When the Master/slave agreed upon time is finished then you are free to persue any manner of relationship that you desire. These things should have been considered before entering the agreement. I do not say this to be harsh. It is only my humble opinion. Everyone has the right to happiness, no matter where it might be.



WestBaySlave -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 4:26:36 PM)

You're really not alone - no need to worry. I'm the same way. I want love; I want a connection; I want to get know the whole man, not just one side.



DragonLadysFire -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 4:56:35 PM)

I am the same in I want to know the person as a whole.



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 4:59:49 PM)

"Is it normal or ok to want the vanilla side to it as well?"  I'm a submissive rather than a slave, so maybe I'm speaking out of turn, but for me it's a requirement.  I don't look at it as what's normal or ok, but what's normal or ok for me.  Yes, if that's what you want/need, it is okay.  I know it's possible, because I have it, and it's fantastic.   
[sm=hearts.gif]



shadowowl -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 6:05:00 PM)

I start with vanilla build from there for me it's the foundation to which everything else is built I do believe in 24/7 TPE but that doesn't mean we are kinky 24/7 it just means I'm a well trained boyfriend/lover/husband/ or what ever vanilla title I may be.     I'm subsmissive all the time it's not really something I can turn on/off,  though only to my Mistress ;)



antipode -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 6:25:36 PM)

quote:

Am I being silly?


Anything goes. If you spend some time reading profiles you'll see there is a lot of that. Having said that, I personally don't believe that one size fits all, I have different friends for different things much as I don't use the truck to commute.



Andalusite -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 6:29:03 PM)

My Master is also my boyfriend. We go on dates, have met/hung out with some of each others' friends, and all that. I certainly wouldn't have been interested in a M/s dynamic with someone who wasn't interested in me romantically/emotionally.



AnimusRex -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 6:33:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: silver1977

I am in a Master/slave relationship. Is it normal or ok to want the vanilla side to it as well? ... Am I being silly?


Yes.

Yes, you are being silly. You are thinking that somehow you should be bending your life to fit a prescribed code of BDSM conduct, rather than using BDSM to enhance your life.

While the above post from KCalli is correct, that as a slave you need to agree to these things ahead of time, I don't get the sense from your post that you are really thinking of a relationship in terms of absolute surrender and complete exchange of power; instead you seem to want to be the submissive partner in a relationship in which your decisions and choices are still available.

Which is a wonderful and beautiful thing- I hope you and your loved one can make such a D/s relationship work for you.

And please stop worrying about whether you are violating Submissive's Code, Article VII, Section 2.a).



dove967 -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 7:48:53 PM)

Before we are "Master" or "slave"  aren't we all human?  Although my Sir and I met and began getting to know each other as Dom/sub, once He and I found ourselves falling in love w/each other, Sir decided we should back off the kink a bit.  He wants to date me!  Develope the "man and woman" part of our relationship!  Now, he is still my Dom (as he will not hesitate to remind me if necessary), but, he has allowed a relaxation of some protocols to encourage some of our more "vanilla" interests and thoughts to come to the surface.  Once he feels we have become familiar enough w/each other as people, he will then start bringing back more of the lifestyle into our relationship.  I asked him today "so what should I call you?  By your name, or by Sir?"  His response was "do what your heart tells you to".  I told him it was in my heart to call him "Sir" and he nodded in approval.  He's a very wise man , my Sir.

dove



DavanKael -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 10:33:59 PM)

The only rules are the ones that you and he agree to.
And, personally, I very much agree with what Andalusite said: "I certainly wouldn't have been interested in a M/s dynamic with someone who wasn't interested in me romantically/emotionally".
  Davan



DesFIP -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/18/2009 11:07:49 PM)

KCalli is presuming you discussed this prior to settling on the relationship and agreed then. It is quite possible that prior to establishing the relationship he did date the op, treat her in a loving and caring manner and deliberately lead her to believe he would continue like this once she accepted the collar.

If so he lied, and by lying he broke the agreed relationship.

None of which is important. What is important is that you are unhappy in the relationship and will grow progressively more unhappy as it continues. Have you talked to him about your unhappiness and your lessening of affection toward him, lessening of desire to remain in the relationship? Because you need to tell him now instead of allowing him to discover it when he calls you up to confirm the weekend plans and gets told to get lost.



mixielicous -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/19/2009 12:24:00 AM)

I can only submit (as a slave) to a man I love, which will involve dating and getting to know me.
I can submit (submissively/sexually/mannerly/generally) to any man who will draw it out. And then some.

But to be what I consider a true slave, (in my instance only, thousands of definitions for "true slavery"), yes, I need the "whole" package, and that includes lots and lots of romance :)



sexisubi -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/19/2009 12:33:55 AM)

its importent to establish trust and friendship first, i mean you cant just give yourself over. youre on the right page more then you know.



MarcEsadrian -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/19/2009 1:35:23 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: silver1977

I am in a Master/slave relationship. Is it normal or ok to want the vanilla side to it as well? Is it crazy to say I want a courtship in there as well? I don't feel right looking for a vanilla "boyfriend" but I think I need that in my life too. Am I being silly?



M/s is something that involves the complete servitude of one to another. It can be expressed differently, of course, but the common element is that a person is being controlled wholly by another who is their Master, Mistress, Keeper, etc. It's not about kink. It's not about love. It's not about romance, fairness or respect, either. These things are strictly optional; they can be present or not—but they are not what slavery is really about once you get past the fetish / BDSM trappings and reflect upon the meaning of the word.

You are not crazy or silly for wanting what you want, but I will say that you may wish to make certain you are on the same page with your Master / lover in the exploration of your relationship. You have the right to pursue your own fulfillment and choose what suits you. Complete, unconditional servitude may not be for you, no matter how well you are courted. It's not for most people, actually. Consensual slavery—a concept that is a near contradiction in terms—is in no way an easy thing to live from day to day, year to year. It takes a tremendous amount of soul searching to begin walking down that narrow path, and those who are not realistic about slavery will inevitably fail.

Pursuing the need to be courted and have some rights in a D/s relationship where you are considered a "submissive" may be more suitable. It's possible you could progress to slavery over time when you are certain of your choice in your Master. Of course, you can use the word "slave" regardless if it sounds cooler. Plenty do.



aldompdx -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/19/2009 1:41:39 AM)

It is all about sharing intimacy, in the context of a control/surrrender dynamic.



SweetNika -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/19/2009 1:54:59 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: silver1977
I am in a Master/slave relationship. Is it normal or ok to want the vanilla side to it as well? Is it crazy to say I want a courtship in there as well? I don't feel right looking for a vanilla "boyfriend" but I think I need that in my life too. Am I being silly?


I dont think you're being silly, however; I do think you need to be sure to be open and honest with yourself and your Owner about your needs. I was in an M/s relationship for yrs with a man who started out as my best friend, we often struggled b/c we had to balance so many titles and dynamics. We were friends, parents, lovers, Master, slave , and fiance's. It's not always easy but it can be done.



LillyoftheVally -> RE: Master/slave just kink? (8/19/2009 2:27:39 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: silver1977

I am in a Master/slave relationship. Is it normal or ok to want the vanilla side to it as well? Is it crazy to say I want a courtship in there as well? I don't feel right looking for a vanilla "boyfriend" but I think I need that in my life too. Am I being silly?


I am a submissive and I have to go to the shops to get dinner, I have to pay my bills, I have to talk to my mum about her relationship problems, I sit and have a drink with my friends, I see my sisters daily, I go to work, I go buy clothes. To want a relationship with no 'vanilla' is rather fantasist imo.



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