Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (Full Version)

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ExtremeDaddy -> Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 3:13:53 AM)

Hi,
I am considering a wonderful young slave who has a strong need for structure in a long term 24/7 relationship.  What I would love is for both Doms and subs to let me know what rituals or daily tasks they have used or had used on them that they found most effective. All input is welcomed.

Thanks.




LillyoftheVally -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 3:49:36 AM)

I can't think of any specific rituals, I know this is a bit of a sucky answer but for me it is the person that they come from and the intent that makes them meaningful rather than the actual activity



Focus50 -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 3:50:55 AM)

And you'd like some tips to hoodwink her into believing you're an equally wonderful Master since you haven't actually got any idea about what rules, structure and acceptable standards of behaviour entails...? Or to phrase it another way, don't you even know how your very own slave can please *you*?

Lucky for me all input is welcomed, ay? Maybe if you'd got the ball rolling with what you do have in mind....

But welcome to the Forums.... [8D]

Focus.



TurboJugend -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 4:47:51 AM)

at OP

In a 24/7 relation you can guide her "on the fly". Rules and rituals will come by itself.
Simple things as saying good morning...good night....having breakfast ready and such can be a good start.
Don't think to complex..it is reallife..not a movie :P



thishereboi -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 6:17:14 AM)

That's not a lot to go on for me. Maybe if you told us some of the things you already do, then we can help you come up with new ideas.  Was your last slave 24/7 or is this new to you?



DarkSteven -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 6:36:59 AM)

How she dresses
What times she goes to bed and wakes up
What she eats and what meals she prepares
How she greets you



LadyPact -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 6:44:13 AM)

I have to admit.  I'm wondering a bit if Focus is right about your intentions, OP.  I'd have felt you were more sincere if your profile was found, rather than it being hidden.

Since this is a topic that I've talked about quite a bit on the boards, I'll just put up some links.

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2217059&key=ritual

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2747656&key=ritual

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2718213&key=ritual



NBCNCO -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 6:58:17 AM)

Is the OP gone? I have some thoughts anyway, perhaps he's reading.

My girl has a lot of trouble when there is a real or perceived lack of structure in the day's activities. I like to have my weekends unscripted and lazy. There really isn't a clean solution to this. I can impose disorder on her, or I can sacrifice my own leisurely morning ritual to make her more comfortable. However, I have a military background, and if any profession ever made an art of scheduling, that's the one.

Are the two of you fit? PT (physical training) is wonderful. It is extremely structured (the Army way anyway), it's good for you, and when you make it hard, it requires constant motivation. The downside is you have to be highly disciplined yourself unless you're just observing and making corrections.




leadership527 -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 7:14:17 AM)

If she has a strong need for structure, then give it to her. REAL structure, not made up things like "thou shalt walk widdershins 3 times every time the clock strikes noon". What exactly did you think you were going to do once you owned a human? Do that... for real... humans have jobs, love lives, friends, hobbies, relationships, sleeping, eating, laughing, and loving... all of which are excellent targets for real structure. Why not just do the job you signed up for?



NBCNCO -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 10:08:03 AM)

I have found that it's difficult to ask more experienced Doms, "how do I get better at doing ___," without it coming across as "how do I successfully fake doing ___," or, "instead of doing ___, which I find uncomfortable and unnatural, what else can I do?" Without going over the same ground of communication, ulterior motives, etc., I would suggest that OP consider what it is he wants to know, really. Is the question, "what are some of the rituals that have worked for you, that might serve as creative jumping-off points or to fill in some of the time I can't control due to my/our career(s)?" Or is it, "I'm considering taking my first slave, and I am not sure I'm prepared to step up the degree of control I have previously exerted on my numerous subs?" Or is it something else?

I tend to assume that people are inherently sincere in their intent, until they prove otherwise at least, because even if they're not, someone else may come along and read this in an archived form some day, and there is a tiny little possibility that what I say will be helpful.

It's really unfortunate that when you come in here and post for the first time, you're labeled "Vanilla" by the forum. I am certainly not. I was pretty twisted for years before I even knew about BDSM. It's prejudicial and the rest of us (well you guys I suppose) can't help but take your lack of forum experience as lack of RL experience. I don't think the tags should be named with anything suggestive of BDSM at all.

Another comment to Leadership: and I think you know this already about me: Not everyone "signed up" for the job. It sort of fell into my lap. I know you know better but I hear over and over from different Doms that simply because I didn't go out into the world and engineer the situation for myself, that I'm not suited for it or I'm just making the best of it. The world is full of "vanillas" who will astound you with their capabilities if you pay attention to them.



Acer49 -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 10:22:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeDaddy

Hi,
I am considering a wonderful young slave who has a strong need for structure in a long term 24/7 relationship.  What I would love is for both Doms and subs to let me know what rituals or daily tasks they have used or had used on them that they found most effective. All input is welcomed.

Thanks.




I will through this out there. What he does when he gets up?. Do you want coffee, breakfast made? Clothes laid out, a bath or shower run? Do you have certain chores that need to be done on a daily or weekly basis? Do you have him wear certain things? Does he address you in a certain way? Does he enter or leave a room in a certain way? Does he kneel and if so how? Does he greet you in the evening does he bathes or pamper you in a certain way? Does he have special play rituals or bedroom rituals? It all is truly what you want; mold, and teach him to do for you and makes you happy,



LadyPact -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 10:52:02 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NBCNCO

I have found that it's difficult to ask more experienced Doms, "how do I get better at doing ___," without it coming across as "how do I successfully fake doing ___," or, "instead of doing ___, which I find uncomfortable and unnatural, what else can I do?" Without going over the same ground of communication, ulterior motives, etc., I would suggest that OP consider what it is he wants to know, really. Is the question, "what are some of the rituals that have worked for you, that might serve as creative jumping-off points or to fill in some of the time I can't control due to my/our career(s)?" Or is it, "I'm considering taking my first slave, and I am not sure I'm prepared to step up the degree of control I have previously exerted on my numerous subs?" Or is it something else?

I tend to assume that people are inherently sincere in their intent, until they prove otherwise at least, because even if they're not, someone else may come along and read this in an archived form some day, and there is a tiny little possibility that what I say will be helpful.

It's really unfortunate that when you come in here and post for the first time, you're labeled "Vanilla" by the forum. I am certainly not. I was pretty twisted for years before I even knew about BDSM. It's prejudicial and the rest of us (well you guys I suppose) can't help but take your lack of forum experience as lack of RL experience. I don't think the tags should be named with anything suggestive of BDSM at all.

Another comment to Leadership: and I think you know this already about me: Not everyone "signed up" for the job. It sort of fell into my lap. I know you know better but I hear over and over from different Doms that simply because I didn't go out into the world and engineer the situation for myself, that I'm not suited for it or I'm just making the best of it. The world is full of "vanillas" who will astound you with their capabilities if you pay attention to them.


I won't speak for Jeff.  Ironically enough, he and I have discussed that very thing on the forums before, as it happens to be something that we have in common.  Just because what we do fell into our lap, doesn't mean we didn't engineer this situation once it did.





lovingpet -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 11:12:20 AM)

Let's see....*brandishes my silver platter* I will dish it out, but you have to order first, OP.

1. What kind of a dynamic are you planning to have?
2. What kind of structure does the girl need?
3. What areas do you desire complete, partial, or no control?
4. What is the temperment and values of each of you?
5. What are each of your sets of hard and soft limits, or do you use limits at all?
6. What are the activities and elements of a D/s relationship you each most enjoy?
7. What are each of your outside "vanilla" interests?
8. How do each of you communicate best?
9. What are your definitions for the role each will have within the relationship?
10. How are those definitions similar or different from one anothers's?
11. What do each of you do for work?
12. What restrictions are there for such things as communicating, break time, etc on the job for each of you?
13. Do you have or do you plan to have children?
14. If so, then how have you both determined to work the dynamic around them?
15. How out or how private do you each need to be?
16. With whom?
17. For what reasons?
18. How do you plan to maintain the privacy you each need or mitigate the consequences of the privacy you give up?
19. Are you a leader?
20. Does she trust you?

In other words, this is YOUR relationship and what will work for you or won't is really down to the two of you. See my thread in this forum titled The How Tos of Kinkily AND Happily Ever After. I would provide a link, but I haven't a clue how.

lovingpet





leadership527 -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 12:08:01 PM)

quote:

Another comment to Leadership: and I think you know this already about me: Not everyone "signed up" for the job. It sort of fell into my lap. I know you know better but I hear over and over from different Doms that simply because I didn't go out into the world and engineer the situation for myself, that I'm not suited for it or I'm just making the best of it. The world is full of "vanillas" who will astound you with their capabilities if you pay attention to them.

Heh, yeah... I didn't sign up for it either, exactly. Carol came to me and said, "soooo......" and it blew my hair back.

But one of my thoughts remains no matter what. You cannot lead someone if you yourself are standing still. If someone isn't feeling "owned enough", the best way to handle that is to actually take control of their life and lead. Rituals have their place for some people, but they are not a substitute for substantive control.



ExtremeDaddy -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 8:48:21 PM)

Thank you for all the helpful ideas. For those of  you who were wondering, I have been in the lifestyle for over 15 years. I have had a few wonderful long term subs. I have instituted rules, training and structure for them.

My inquiry on this site was to see what interesting ideas and techniques others have instituted to reinforce position and behavior in a long term relations. The key being long term. You can have a sub naked waiting kneeling at the door for you when you get home in short term, but often over time and I am talking years, rules or techniques get stall or outdated.

So for short term or long term, what I was interested is in techniques that people have used with a positive reinforcement result. Sure I can come up with all kinds of things on my own, but I thought some clever masters or amused subs would enjoy sharing some of their ideas

.








LadyPact -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 8:57:49 PM)

In fifteen years, you haven't accumulated a good deal of that already?  I have to say, I doubt I'd acquire better information on a message board than that number of years interacting with other lifestyle folks in meatlife, attending discussion munches, and hitting classes on protocols and rituals at events.  Just My personal opinion,.



ExtremeDaddy -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 11:36:21 PM)

I find is kind of sad how cynical everyone is on here. If I do not give much of my own experience or past it is with purpose and not out of a lack of experience.

Think about it. Say you have a business. It has been successful for years. You enjoy your work but you have the desire to bring some new ways into your enterprise.

You go to your fellow business people for fresh ideas. If you tell them what you are already doing or tell them what you are thinking of doing  you focus their thoughts in a particular direction. If you leave the table open, then you are much more likely to get an idea that is surprising or out of the box.

What I was looking for was new or innovative ideas.

Thank you all for your ideas. Anything else?




antipode -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/15/2009 11:46:19 PM)

quote:

but I thought some clever masters or amused subs would enjoy sharing some of their ideas


I sometimes do, but that's restricted to people who introduce themselves appropriately, say hi, establish some communication.



SweetNika -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/16/2009 7:43:17 AM)

Fast reply:
I would sit down with your sub/slave and discuss what you both NEED from the relationship. I know for me I needed ALOT of structure. I needed ALOT of ritual. My former owner and I did this periodically in our relationship.

Some of our daily rituals included:
My daily schedule.
How we adressed each other.
What I wore.
What I cooked / ate.
Excersice.
How I wore my hair or make-up.



leadership527 -> RE: Help with Rituals, daily task and training ideas (8/16/2009 8:53:42 AM)

quote:

So for short term or long term, what I was interested is in techniques that people have used with a positive reinforcement result. Sure I can come up with all kinds of things on my own, but I thought some clever masters or amused subs would enjoy sharing some of their ideas

As I tried to say, perhaps not clearly, my own opinion is that the only thing that reinforces a sub's submission in the long-term is actual, tangible, benefit to the sub. The rest is just fantasy and ephemeral in nature. I could make her chant mantras in a mirror, kneel when I enter a room or god knows what else. But all of that is make believe. Such things can help set a mood, but they are not ever, at least for us, going to be a substitute for real, solid leadership.

I know what Carol wants out of a relationship. I make sure that her needs and desires are incorporated into my overall vision. Therefor, the leadership I exert in our marriage benefits her. Because it really benefits her in the real world she really submits further. For Carol & I, what drives it all is pretty straight-forward.



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