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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/9/2009 8:25:30 AM

krikket

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Oh how it makes my heart smile to hear so many talk about AA and all the help y'all received. I'm aware that there are other programs that "might" help others (although some seemed a little angry about it), but AA has my heart, my thanks, and my eternal gratitude. When my mother died back in 97 she did so 21 years sober with the help of AA. She became a rather well known speaker (in AA circles in the mid-south), and i was always so proud of her. Someone once asked her why she was so un-anonymously a member of AA. Her reply was, well, i wasn't exactly a secret drunk because anyone who knew me know i was an alcoholic, so why should i be anonymous now? my Dad and I were both active in Al-Anon until the day she died. Al-Anon is a great group for the families and friends of an alcoholic, supporting me when there was a problem, teaching me how not to be an enabler, and all of us became good friends, simply due to similar life's experiences. Yes, there are other ways an alcoholic can go, i only know that my mother tried 2 other programs, but AA was the one that "stuck".

Now i think i'll have a good cry...i still miss her

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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/9/2009 8:53:54 AM

Jeptha

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To answer a question several people asked, it is a long term behavior, not one precipitated by a recent event, or by any particular event in the past, that I'm aware of (tho this could be a good question to ask).

It is also a little tricky because my friend is pretty high functioning; doesn't miss work, doesn't drive drunk, waits until the evening to consume, etc.

It was only about a year ago that I realized that it wasn't just social drinking , it was an every night thing.

The one ramification I can think of is that some of her friends have set stricter boundaries and limited contact because they don't want to hang out with someone who is fairly reliably drunk by 10pm.

I appreciate everyone's replies.

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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/9/2009 9:16:26 AM

anthrosub

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I used to have a boss who was a sober alcoholic. One of my sisters was an abuser and we talked about it. He said, "Nothing changes until you get sick and tired of being sick and tired."

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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/9/2009 9:57:36 AM

TheHeretic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha
my friend is pretty high functioning; doesn't miss work, doesn't drive drunk, waits until the evening to consume, etc.

Then I have to ask, what is the problem? There isn't any law I'm aware of that makes it a crime to be a chronic drinker. If you wish to back away from such behavior, you have every right to do that. If you want to express the reason for your decision to your friend, you have every right to do that. She will have every right to tell you to pound sand.

I have had much exposure to alcoholics in my family. There was a glass of gin at her side when the paramedics picked up my grandmother for her last trip to the hospital (good riddance). I've dealt with my own demons on a different set of chemical receptors in my brain.

If someone is not ready to change, no amount of rehab or variety of program is going to accomplish anything. If they are ready, rehab and meetings are optional.

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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/9/2009 10:03:15 AM

Daddysredhead

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I was married to an alcoholic. We're divorced now, and he still drinks, to what extent, I'm not sure. I found that Al-Anon was helpful at making me aware of what I could and should do, and what was not mine to deal with. I haven't read the whole thread, but I wanted to offer that small piece of what helped me deal with the alcoholic in my life.

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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/9/2009 10:58:16 PM

Jeptha

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

...Then I have to ask, what is the problem? ...

It's more a question of "where is this heading?" and "is there anything I should do now?"
Those are the kinds of things that I'm wondering.

When I was a kid, several family members, friend's parents, etc. , drank themselves into oblivion, permanently.

And slamming back that much alcohol can't be good for a person, can it?
So it's more a question out of concern, trying to get some perspective on the situation and what possibilities there may (or may not) be.

_____________________________

...YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE MY PORK CHOPS!
- - - - - - -
"....(somewhere) therein lies the truthiness..."
~*~*~*~*
http://www.myspace.com/crocusofiron

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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/9/2009 11:21:40 PM

Termyn8or

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I have to take back part of what I said. I did a little math and that is VERY conspicuous consuption. Good luck.

T

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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/10/2009 7:09:31 AM

LaTigresse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

quote:

ORIGINAL: TheHeretic

...Then I have to ask, what is the problem? ...

It's more a question of "where is this heading?" and "is there anything I should do now?"
Those are the kinds of things that I'm wondering.

When I was a kid, several family members, friend's parents, etc. , drank themselves into oblivion, permanently.

And slamming back that much alcohol can't be good for a person, can it?
So it's more a question out of concern, trying to get some perspective on the situation and what possibilities there may (or may not) be.

It isn't good for a person but neither is an awful lot of things we do to ourselves. But just imagine something that you do that is not good for you, you know it, yet continue to do it and someone expresses concern. Would it make you stop? Likely not. Instead it might make you withdraw from that person, or maybe even hide the activity from you.

My sister is bulimic. She is a smart woman and knows all the facts. I could preach to her and criticize her but it certainly wouldn't make her stop. Instead I love her and let her know my concern for her in all things. We do talk about it, but mostly I listen and ask questions. I let her know that I am here for her, regardless. The rest is up to her.

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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/10/2009 10:08:22 AM

pahunkboy

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You can not live his life for him.

State your point- then back off.

If his friendship becomes toxic to you- then you have to put some space between you.

He must live his own life.

Only he can recover- you can not do it for him.

Do you enable him?

When was his liver tested by blood work?

How involved are you willing to get?

Look up the AA number for your town. Talk to a counselor.

The thing is YOU cant do it for him. He has to do it for him.

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RE: Options with alcoholic friend... - 8/10/2009 7:12:47 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeptha

I have a friend who's knocking back a bottle and a half or so of red wine every night.

Anybody have any tips or advice for a situation like this?

Is it Oregon Pinot Red?

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Post #: 30