CallaFirestormBW
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Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:
Have you had your view of 24/7 change over time?
No, not really. To me, 24/7 has -always- pretty much meant what it still means... each and every day, round the clock, this -is- what it -is-... everything... vacations, sickness, parties, crises... all of those are -incorporate- of that existence.
quote:
Have you an ideal of what you would like 24/7 to be which is not borne out in reality as yet?
I think because of the way I see 24/7, there is no 'ideal'. It just -is- what it -is-. Either there is a full commitment, or there isn't. Either we're full-time, or we're part-time. Presence, absence, circumstance... 24/7 puts the relationship as one of the key priorities regardless of situational state. Non-24/7 may put situational states ahead of the relationship. Simple, comprehensive, and functional.
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Have you an ideal of 24/7 which has been shattered by an experience in reality?
No. We've had people who thought they could make a full-on commitment to our household and later discovered that they -couldn't-, but it wasn't a shattering experience for any of us. We always -knew- that, in any venture, there is the possibility that it won't work spot-on. We enjoyed taking the chance. It wasn't devastating because we understood that, though the -goal- was an absolute, the journey was more of an -immersion-... so if one found that one couldn't get one's head wet after all, it was perfectly fine to stop at the neck (or at the ankles, if that was as far as one could reasonably go).
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Is 24/7 a fantasy lifestyle for you?
No, it's just one possible option for us, on a continuum. Of course, it is -desirable-, but if we don't happen, at the moment, to have a person who is situationally capable of putting the Household in that all-encompassing space in hir life, having people in up to their ankles, knees, waist, chest, or neck works, too -- it just requires a little more coordination to make sure that all the proper bases are covered. (for those who wonder and who have been following my thoughts on the TPE thread, we don't do 'comprehensive authority dynamics with people who -aren't- set up for full-on involvement, as we believe it is an exercise in futility when they've already said that their priorities will be divided).
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Has 24/7 submission been an expectation of you that you were unable to carry out?
As some of you know, I came up through the ranks to earn my crop. One of the requirements was that I make a full-on commitment to the House. Honestly, I can't imagine -not- having gone that direction, so I'm glad that I did.
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Has 24/7 domination been an assumption toy have made that was a possibility which was never or difficult to obtain?
I'm not sure what you're asking here, exactly. Over the years we've had some individuals who claimed to want to have that full-on involvement with us, but who clearly had other areas of their lives that couldn't be incorporated or that they clearly didn't -want- to incorporate, but they didn't tell us until -after- we began the consideration process, so that was a little messy, but, like I said earlier, the proof really -is- in the pudding for me... and it is really individualized, so if someone finds that incorporating hirself into a situation where the House becomes hir key priority around which everything else in hir life is organized is too much, then xhe doesn't have to go that far -- it is possible to serve without full immersion, if that's where you need to be, and I'd rather have someone fully engaged 10% of the time without access to that other 90% of hir time, than someone who is always around, but -never- fully engaged.
quote:
Are the reality and fantasy of 24/7 congruent and one and the same thing?
I think that what your asking is "are there times when what we -expect- from a relationship just isn't -feasible- under the circumstances?" And yes... there are those times. I think it's problematic, though, at least for me, to think about 24/7 in terms of 'fantasy' and 'reality'. I think it is -very- possible for hopes and reality to incline together, but I also think that everyone involved has to be vested in the process. In this, it really isn't any different than any other kind of relationship, mainstream or otherwise, whether it be a marriage or a job. There is always the "I hope it's going to be like -this-." and the "Gee, so -this- is really what they were talking about."... and the more people are vested in making it work, and the better they communicate, the closer those two ends of the spectrum become.
Dame Calla
< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 8/1/2009 9:17:31 AM >
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Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"
"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer
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RE: Fantasy 24/7 - 
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