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I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 3:21:03 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
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I just got word a few minutes ago that a long time friend of mine in the SCA - someone I'd known and loved as a close aquaintance for 25 years - died last night. He was struck by a truck while out bicycling, one of his passtimes to keep in shape.

At various times in my past, he has been friend both friend and lover. He was one of the first people to befriend me when I joined my medieval group. He was one of the ones who helped originally teach me to do SCA style fighting. He had a smile and a joke for everyone. Slow to anger, and even then only over things that were seriously deep issues of honor - he was always quick to forgive and forget, always ready to help a friend (or even just a passing aquaintance) in need, always ready to lift his hand to whatever project happened to be put in front of him.

He was a man of honor, of integrity, of truth, and of kindness. And the world is a somehow a lesser place - not quite as bright, not nearly as warm - for his loss. M'lord Arthur FitzRichard (no, not his real name - but the one he went by within the SCA)....... my friend.... Artie, ya old rogue.... Sleep well, and may both angels and sidhe guard your rest.

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Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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Post #: 1

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 3:24:29 AM

sirsholly

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Rhi...i am sorry for your loss. You have a new angel to watch over you...

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Post #: 2

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 3:42:47 AM

purepleasure

Posts: 6941
Joined: 4/9/2004
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
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{{{Rhi}}}

Sometimes sudden deaths are the hardest to deal with. May your grief be short and happy memories be long.

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Post #: 3

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 4:03:09 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
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Right now, I think I'm just.... stunned. To stunned for it to have completely set in.

Artie and I knew each other for 25 years. He was one of the first people to become my friend when I joined the local SCA barony so many years ago. One of the hottest swords this barony (strictly local group), or kingdom (oklahoma/texas larger group), knew - one of the quickest on the field, and absolutely stunning to watch when he was working Florentine (dual swords - one in each hand - rather than sword and shield.) The only reason he never held the Crown, nor entered the Chivalric Circle (became a Knight by earned rank within the group), was because he was to busy having fun to bother with the Politics of it all.

He was also one of the hottest bods in the barony lol. My gods that man was HOT - and while he knew it (how could he Not know it, considering the sheer volumn of females who panted and lusted after him!) - he wasn't at all arrogant about it or stuck up. On any given night, at any event, he had easily a dozen to choose from all throwing themselves in his direction. Fortunately, that gave him plenty of practice - so he was also .. ehem... quite talented. (Or well trained, depending on how ya wanna look at it LMAO.) Kinky without being overt, extremely sensual, and omg wonderful scenery to brighten a place up.

He was a drummer for our belly dance circles, and one of the people who got me involved in belly dance. His was one of the 3 voices that convinced me that I Could do it - I could get out there and dance in front of others, unselfconsciously, with simply a joy of living, regardless of what sort of body image issues or weight issues I might have. He encouraged me when I would have walked away from belly dance. And he's the one who gave me the best piece of advice I ever got About belly dance that I recieved in the 22 years since I started dancing. That I don't dance for "him" (whoever "he" happens to be at that point in time).... I don't dance for the drummers, or the casual onlookers who form an audience.... but for Myself, to express the Joy of Living, and because when the drums start, there's no way NOT to dance, because my feet have a mind of their own and carry the rest of my body with it, reveling in the sheer exhultation of freedom of movement... of that next breath... of living life, rather than simply existing through it.

He was a drinking buddy. One of my favorite drummers for Haflas. One of the few that I enjoyed Loosing to on the fighting field, or Watching on the fighting field when he fought. I absolutely don't like to lose at Anything - but losing on the field to him was something he could actually make Enjoyable - and that's saying something. He was funny, he was kind to everyone unless they proved they didn't deserve it - and even then to a large extent. In a very big way, he embodied the spirit of Nobility and Chivalry, Honor and Graciousness, that I was taught to expect and to try and emulate. Both inside and out, he was a truely beautiful person, whether he was at an SCA event, or simply going about his mundane life.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

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Post #: 4

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 4:18:17 AM

fadedshadow

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Joined: 4/27/2009
From: a place
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i'm sorry for your loss

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Post #: 5

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 6:13:24 AM

angelikaJ

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I am sorry for the loss of your friend.

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RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 6:27:36 AM

cbaby

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Joined: 6/23/2005
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Rhi,
I'm truly sorry for your loss....when you need to, cry for your loss and the memories, when you are able, smile for the memories and the moments

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Post #: 7

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 6:57:30 AM

Marc2b

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He sounds like a guy I would have liked to known. My condolences on your loss.

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Post #: 8

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 7:08:55 AM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
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{{{{{{{{{HUGS Rhi}}}}}}}}}}}

I understand completely.
Just keep posting like you are, telling us all about him. He sounds like a great friend & I'm truly sorry he's time on Earth has ended but as Holly said, "You have a new angel to watch over you... ".

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RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 7:39:01 AM

GreedyTop

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From: Savannah, GA
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*hugs Rhi*

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Post #: 10

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 8:40:50 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

i am sorry for your loss...but you made him alive for me in your description of him, you really did.

i told fallcon about a week before he died that even when his body stopped, he would still be alive in my heart, and as long as i lived, he did. i'm sure your friend lives on in many hearts, also.

*hugs*
kitten

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Post #: 11

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 9:39:29 AM

ThatDamnedPanda

Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
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Peach, I'm very sorry to hear about this. You're dealing with some pretty bleak shit all around right now, aren't you? Hang in there. You've got a lot of people pulling for you out here.

You didn't ask for any suggestions, but may I offer one? Something that I've found really helps me deal with the loss of someone close... may work for you, may not. Maybe you already do it. I don't know. But I'll share it anyway, just in case you find some value in it.

I like to take a lot of time by myself to reflect upon who they were, what kind of person they were, what their best characteristics were. I spend a lot of time pondering what I learned from being around them, how I've incorporated their best characteristics into my own personality, how I've become a better person by watching them and learning better ways to live my own life and relate to the people around me. I consciously reflect upon all the ways that the best of who they were lives on in the way I live my life, and deliberately dedicate myself to carrying those behaviors forward so that I may influence others, and hopefully give them an example of how to live a better and more meaningful life and be a better human being.

And I take comfort and satisfaction in the awareness that by doing this, I'm ensuring that they really never died at all - not completely, anyway. That as long as the best of who they were lives on in the way i live my life, there's a part of them that's still alive. And that it will never really die, as long as I dedicate myself to keeping it alive and sharing it with the people I meet so that some of them can assimilate it and carry it forward. That no matter what happened to him along the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a boy and his bear will always be playing. And that has a way of making me feel... well, a lot better. In a lot of ways that feel very real.

Like I said, you didn't ask for any sermons. So maybe this doesn't mean anything to you at all, and maybe it isn't even welcome. But what the hell. It's worth a shot. Whether it's useful to you or not, I do really wish you and everyone who loved him comfort and peace.

< Message edited by ThatDamnedPanda -- 7/29/2009 9:40:16 AM >

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RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 9:44:43 AM

lusciouslips19

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I am so sorry for your loss. Friends like that come along once in a blue moon.

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Post #: 13

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 11:27:29 AM

Termyn8or

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Joined: 11/12/2005
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You have done well to immortaslize him here. We all have a little piece now. Sounds like a guy I would like to have at our ghertto deer shoot.

I have lost many people, and untimely like. I remember each of them vividly.

At my Dad's funeral we a good, non denominational eulogist. Two things stood out from her oration. One was the dash on the tonbstone, saying the birth and death dates are not what matters, it is what happened in between. The other thing was that death is merely shedding the body. Like taking off your clothes. She was quite good.

Apparently your friend impressed you enough to get a semi-public mention, so I see his passing as a loss. The one thing we need to get through our heads it that it is not we who decide what the full measure of another's life is.

I grieve with thee, in my own way. It may be different, but there I am. I have lost many, and at one time in my life I was sure I knew more dead people than alive, and I mean young. It didn't seem fair, but is reality.

But you're a tough one Rhi. The world keeps trying to put nails in your coffin but you keep kicking the lid open. Keep kicking it open, lest they get enough nails in to bury you.

T

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)

Post #: 14

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 2:58:53 PM

hizgeorgiapeach

Posts: 1672
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There's going to be both a public and a private (friends only from those of us who knew him for so many years in the SCA) memorial within the next couple of weeks. The private one - which is the one I'll be attending - will likely be closer to a Wake than a memorial/funeral. That part - the funeral/grieving part - will be at the public memorial with his actual family.

Instead, those of us who knew him, played with him, loved him as a brother beyond the ties of mere blood..... we're throwing a party in his memory, which, frankly, is what that old Rogue would have prefered. Lots of drinking, a bonfire, a drum circle and all his long time Belly Dancer friends there to celebrate what his life Was.

And then at Samhain in October, I'll do what I do every year, and this will be fed to the Fire along with the other (as Termy put it) coffin nails that life has tried to stick me with. I spent part of the afternoon today out at the lake, just sitting there watching the water, thinking about some of the various things that Artie taught me to appreciate that I might otherwise never have considered. If I grieve, it is not for his escape - and certainly not for his life, even cut off before *I felt like it was his time to go. No - if I grieve, it is for the fact that I will no longer get to have the good times with him that we've shared over the years... that one less drum will fill the night air with it's tones... that someone who earned my trust and respect years ago, and managed never to betray it in the slightest... is no longer here for me to lean on.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to Termyn8or)

Post #: 15

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 3:07:50 PM

playfulotter

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I am so sorry for your loss and want to offer my condolences also. It is hardest when it is so unexpected I think.

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Post #: 16

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 3:38:58 PM

beargonewild

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My deepest condolences on your loss Rhi. By the sounds of it, your long time honorable friend is sitting among the Gods and watching over you. Be Well my friend.

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RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 3:41:11 PM

snappykappy

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thoughts and prayers are with u and always remember what he brought to u

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RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 4:14:31 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

Rhi...i am sorry for your loss. You have a new angel to watch over you...

Nice.

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Post #: 19

RE: I lost a dear friend today - 7/29/2009 6:48:41 PM

Joseff

Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
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My condolences. I did not know him, but the name is familiar to me. I don't know where I heard it, but that is how it is in the SCA, we are all friends.

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This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

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