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Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/13/2009 12:48:44 PM   
Kyrawesome


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline 		First let me give just a little background information.
One day my boyfriend and I had a conversation about sex and I decided to bring up the fact that I am very submissive.  I've wanted to be in a D/s relationship before, but the one guy I finally talked into being a part of it ended up 1)being abusive rather than dominant and 2)somehow talked ME into being the Dom instead, which I hated.  Being a sub is something I long for, it's just what I feel is right for me.  I couldn't necessarily do a true 24/7, but that's because I have two small children.  Anyways so he ended up being completely into it.  He had already told me something to the effect of, "I've always wanted to be with a kinky girl...and now that I have you I don't ever want to let you go because you're just amazing."  I owe part of the "amazing" to the whole being naturally submissive thing because I aim to please :).  I've explained to him that, at least for me, a D/s relationship is much more than just sex.  I'm submissive in all aspects of a relationship...it's a very 1950s housewife-ish kind of thing I have going on.  I just thrive in this kind of situation.

All of that being said, he wants us to begin to really explore being in a D/s relationship as close to 24/7 as we can be.  It's nice because he is naturally very Dom-like.  He isn't afraid to tell me what he wants, but he also knows that it's his job to take care of me and my well being.  It's a great thing.

Tuesday night is the first night since we've been dating that we will actually be completely alone (read: no kids!) and that I'll get to spend the night at his house for the entire night.  Normally I have to leave at 3am or so because I was temporarily living with my mother and she said I had to be home before then.  We will be together starting around 12-1pm tomorrow and I won't be coming back to my place until sometime during the day Thursday (which is when my mom said I need to pick the kids up by).  We discussed it and want to really pursue trying the D/s thing during that time.  Here's the thing...

I've been a sub for as long as I can remember.  Even if I wasn't in a D/s situation, that's just who I am.  But he's new to all of this.  He wants to jump right in because he just naturally takes on the Dom role.  But since I know more about this I feel I should be giving him some ideas of things we could do...in and out of the bedroom.

Any good suggestions, especially since he's new to all of this?
Sorry for the rambling! :D
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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/13/2009 1:02:42 PM   
rayne221


Posts: 20
Joined: 1/27/2005
Status: offline 		Well, this may not be the popular opinion, and i'm sure you will have others which are far more helpful... but honestly; if He wants to be Dominant and you desire this .....then let him hold the reins on this. One of the most frustrating things, for both partners, is when one is granted the reins, the other has accepted.. only to find the one who has done the granting... stands up and says: Here... let me do this for you and show you.

I'm not saying you are grabbing the reins... but you maybe so pleasantly surprised with what He comes up with. Even if you are not, i think this is a period where he needs to be free to 'feel good in his skin" so to speak... to put it on ... in His way. I do understand the 'kid' thing.... but if you let this develop naturally in its own time, my own experience is that then you will naturally and genuinely fall into those roles and dynamic you both best relate to. The worst thing is to try to force something... or rush it against it's own natural speed. When we do this, things feel contrived.

I think this has the promise to be a beautiful beginning for you both to test out your roles without any limitations whatever or restrictions. I was btw.. in a strongly based D/s relationship and i did have kids.  I am very much like you. Our relationship was more along the lines really of the Taken In Hand, Domestic Discipline, 1950's Household. This dynamic does not need to fall away when the kids are around. It certainly didn't in the 1950's. It really comes down to how you both relate to one another. In my own relationship... while there were no specific daily rules i needed or was required to follow... there was certainly a general understanding of behavior towards Him. No disrespect or tempertantrums were tolerated. If there was a time where i stepped over the line... it was addressed. There are 'quiet' ways of 'punishment/discipline'. It doesn't have to always be the corproal punishment or 'bedroom' activities.

Those are my two cents anyway...for what it's worth.


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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/13/2009 1:28:42 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		I agree with the above for one,

And for two, if your going to be starting any sort of pain play? I suggest he starts with his hands, as opposed to floggers ect. Try having the whole day be about, physical touching, with the hands, or lack of, for BOTH of you.
You can rub his sholders,feet ect. He can spank, hold you down, ect.

I think it would be a sublimly fun time, the only "toy bag" you really need, is the one god gave ya :P

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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/13/2009 1:52:16 PM   
Kyrawesome


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline 		What if he asks for suggestions?  I'm not saying he will, I just prefer to be prepared lol.
I was planning to let him come up with his own stuff and only have suggestions if they were necessary.  Mostly because the last thing I want is for his first real D/s experience to be me topping from the bottom lol.

And can I say I'm so happy to see someone who has had kids and lived this way.  I figured it would be possible to do some aspects in front of the kids, but sometimes you get caught up in the sexual-ness of it all and forget about all the normal every day things that wouldn't look that weird to a kid who didn't know what goes on behind closed doors.

Thanks :D

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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/13/2009 2:01:32 PM   
TakeuBeyond


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		Give him a few sites to look at for ideas then leave him alone and let him look. Say like...."oh you have to have a look at this...some of the things here really excite me" or something to that effect. Then he can get a few ideas, it's all his idea and he'll feel nonthreatened, he wont feel like you're trying to run the show.
Just a suggestion.

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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/13/2009 2:08:03 PM   
Kyrawesome


Posts: 3
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakeuBeyond

Give him a few sites to look at for ideas then leave him alone and let him look. Say like...."oh you have to have a look at this...some of the things here really excite me" or something to that effect. Then he can get a few ideas, it's all his idea and he'll feel nonthreatened, he wont feel like you're trying to run the show.
Just a suggestion.

This sounds perfect actually.  That way he is coming up with his own ideas but I am at least giving him a resource...
I love him, but he's not very creative lol

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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/13/2009 2:13:37 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		Oh you can totally do some aspects of D/s infront of kids! Just watch your language for one, and no toys in view of the UMs. Little things like, serving him his drinks and dinner plate before you serve yourself (serve the kiddos first I think), taking his boots off for him, giving him a foot rub. You can sit next to him on the floor while he sits on the couch. Things like, always giving him a kiss when you enter a room he's in, or at least making a point to touch him, when you enter a room. Sometimes, a kiss EVERYtime you enter a room is a little much, but you can always touch his hand,sholder ect when you walk by or whatever. Having nicknames is always fun. "Sir" would be a little much around the UM's so maybe something that means something only to the two of you, like Akri (its the name for Master or Sir, from a set of books) for him, and simi (means small one, baby or young one, also from the same books as akri) for you. The kids wont have a clue what it means, but you will :)

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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/13/2009 2:29:25 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		Personally my advice would be rather than seek suggestions on a message board (which isn't wrong but not all suggestions might be practical or useful) to actually go out to munches and events and make friends with other people who can be friendly and supportive and who, getting to know you both much better face to face, might have more to offer in the way of advice and suggestions.

Welcome to the boards and our community.

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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/13/2009 2:35:31 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Might I suggest you read this, Kyra?

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2707848

It was a suggestion I gave someone else, but I don't have much confidence in her ability to take advice.  So I'd like to be sure it gets to you.


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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/14/2009 5:01:11 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		KRYA!!! I see you online!!

How did it go?!!!


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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/14/2009 5:07:42 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		oh wait....today is Tuesday....

Sorry lol I got excited


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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/14/2009 5:29:10 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kyrawesome

What if he asks for suggestions?  I'm not saying he will, I just prefer to be prepared lol.
I was planning to let him come up with his own stuff and only have suggestions if they were necessary.  Mostly because the last thing I want is for his first real D/s experience to be me topping from the bottom lol.

And can I say I'm so happy to see someone who has had kids and lived this way.  I figured it would be possible to do some aspects in front of the kids, but sometimes you get caught up in the sexual-ness of it all and forget about all the normal every day things that wouldn't look that weird to a kid who didn't know what goes on behind closed doors.

Thanks :D



If he asks you for suggestions you really picked a winner... try to answer as good as you can, he will use this info...Don't ever be scared of topping from the bottom... as long as you suggest or ask rather than expect and demand you do not have to worry about the topping from the bottom nonsense at all...
If you like certain clothes... like aprons or head scarfs and stuff tell him about it

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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/14/2009 8:14:35 AM   
Smartguyswin


Posts: 16
Joined: 7/14/2009
Status: offline 		I think he should really ask you what you DONT like- whats off limits. Then he should suggest a few basic things that you can simply say yes or no to.

But i agree that he should be driving this truck and maybe HE should be posting on the forums.

Honestly, for ideas and inspiration of what to do, I read stories. there's a gold mine of erotic stories on the internet. plus it gets me in the mood too. having a general idea of the things you are going to do helps with confidence too when it's actually time.

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/14/2009 10:09:35 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		KRYA!!!! TELL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/15/2009 5:16:46 AM   
Mistressbinature


Posts: 64
Joined: 7/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TakeuBeyond

Give him a few sites to look at for ideas then leave him alone and let him look. Say like...."oh you have to have a look at this...some of the things here really excite me" or something to that effect. Then he can get a few ideas, it's all his idea and he'll feel nonthreatened, he wont feel like you're trying to run the show.
Just a suggestion.


I sorry but I must disagree here. If he is a Don. you treat and respect him like a Dom, you don't go pussy footing around. If he passes great, If he fails, they go out get themself a trainer and they both can be trained as subs

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RE: Looking for some D/s ideas for Tuesday night - 7/15/2009 5:54:53 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		KRYA I see you!!!!

Im going to piss myself if you dont tell me!!!

*dies*

< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 7/15/2009 5:55:23 AM >

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